How to Get the Neighbors Out of Our Yard?

Try this. When they approach you (or sit on porch, talk thru screen) just say (hi, yeah, catch up with you later, we're eating dinner/busy/in the middle of something right now. Close the door. Or say, hey can you guys come back at 7:00? We're eating right now." Repeat. Repeat.
They'll get it eventually.

The best way is just to be honest and direct. But you know all that stuff you said about having nice and helpful neighbors? Expect all that to go away.

need a fence on that third side. It's been in the plans since you bought the house, but just now found room in the budget....

L.,
How about this weekend, you and hubby run to Home Depot and work on installing a locked gate for your backyard?
If that will not work, you could go the lighthearted route "Jim, you are a great neighbor and I really like your family however I about had a heart attack the other day when I came down to have coffee on the porch in my jammies and you were in my yard! I really value my privacy and would appreciate if you will go around front to visit the neighbors"

oooo, oooo, what a predicament!
if they were just jerks, it would be easier, wouldn't it?
i HATE the suggestion to just keep the blinds closed. i get very antsy without a lot of natural light. it's one of the reasons i live where i do, i NEVER have to close the curtains (although there has been the occasional awkward moment when a meter reader has had to avert his horrified eyes from me cheerfully doing the dishes in the buff. but that's another issue. :) )
it is NOT too much to expect a private backyard. these nice neighbors are way over-stepping the bounds of pleasant neighborly expectations. but their kindness and friendliness DO make it a bit harder to have that conversation, don't they?
i'd probably start off with something semi-lighthearted like 'oh my, fred, it's WAY too early for me to converse like a human being! i just need to be pottering around in my own little world here without anyone around for another hour or three before i'll be fit to talk to. why don't you drop back by this afternoon?'
i'm not one to hint when just being clear would fix the situation, but i might try a few strong hints in this case first.
if all else fails, good fences make good neighbors. fence that puppy off.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Tall fences make good neighbors.

I third it, finish the fence.

Also, you might say something about your insurance agent seeing them and pointing out your liability for anything happening on your property ;)

I was going to say the same thing as Doris Day, but take it a bit further. Stand at your screen door one morning completely naked, sipping your coffee. Hopefully when he comes into the yard it'll freak him out enough that he won't do it again. But yeah, you risk him actually liking it. And I guess you'd have to live with the fact that he saw you naked. Hmmmm, you are in a tough spot. Oh, I have a better idea. Make your husband be the naked guinea pig. Guaranteed the neighbor won't like that!! In all seriousness, I think you need to just sit down and have a heart to heart. Tell him you'd like the option of walking around your house in your underwear. Good luck!

I personally would just finish the fence and keep it locked. If you're feeling especially "neighborly" I would just let them know in advance. Something along the lines of "Hey, we love having you guys over and all, but I just wanted to let you know we're finishing up the fence so you won't be able to cut through here anymore."

We just moved into our house a few months ago, so we're still getting to know our neighbors. We're working on getting to know them better (on both sides) so we let them know that we were putting up a fence but that it didn't mean that we didn't want to hang out with them.

I love Galway Girl's answer. Be friendly and direct. "We really enjoy your company and your kids WHEN we are up for company. However, it feels like our patio and yard have become an extension of your house instead of ours. We'll finish the fence, and please talk to your kids about just respecting neighborly privacy."

And yep, fence all round and a gate.

Or, you could start sending your kids over to hang out on their porch with their sodas and conversations, and show up in their backyard while they are waking up. That might get their attention! (just being silly....)

You could try beating them to the punch line - going to their yard to hang out with them before they come to yours.

Or maybe you and Hubby could start breakfasting in the nude and see if that gets them to back off a bit (but it wouldn't work for all people).

You could plant a hedge of barbary bushes- natures barb wire (birds love it but pruning it is a bother).

Or maybe you could say "We're happy to see you but right now's not a good time for visiting. I sometimes need some mental zen moments in privacy else I'll snap and become a chain saw murderer and I just HATE it when that happens!". And then go on to establish some visiting hours - times when just coming over are alright.

We had to specifically say, "We are not comfortable with people in our yard." We have a fence but were being used as a cut through because we have a back gate. It got to the point where we locked the gate.

You need to talk to them. Be specific. They are not "nice" if they don't respect your property. Walking through a yard is one thing, or chasing a bunny, but to pick your flowers? To sit in your furniture uninvited? That's not nice. That's taking advantage of.

"We like you, but I need more privacy in my yard. Please do not use our furniture uninvited, pick our flowers or hang out when we are not available to socialize. Sometimes you are in the yard and want to talk when I'm in my bathrobe or getting ready for dinner and that is very awkward."

My DH specifically told the one neighbor, "That's my bathroom window. When I get out of the shower, though you can't see anything, it is startling to look out and see people right there in my yard."

You can also follow up with, "We're having dinner right now. Can you come back later?" Or "Is there something you need? You might not be aware but you woke me and I'd really just like to enjoy my cup of coffee alone."

Or whatever. I wouldn't just close the blinds. It's your house. Your property.

You know all those questions about the annoying neighbor kids? They grew up.

Is there such a thing as motion activated sprinklers? :)

I agree with Galwaygirl. What else can you do? Either you finish out the fence, or talk gently to him...

The third option is to walk around in your underwear to shock him into going through the front yard LOL, but what if he likes it!! Yikes!! (Just kidding!!)

Wow, a very tough one to answer. I think of our dear next-door neighbors whom we lost and were sad to see leave; it was wonderful to have neighbors with whom we could leave a spare key when we traveled and who would pick up our mail or those pesky "free" newspapers that litter the driveway if we were away. Those are the kinds of things that are both helpful and cheering to know your neighbors will do, and you don't want to burn bridges with what sounds like a nice, helpful but clueless family. (But..our neighbors never would have wandered into our yards!)

Someone mentioned putting away your outdoor furniture but that may be a hassle. I would get inexpensive weatherproof covers for the furniture and keep it covered; when you want to use it, you can just whisk off the covers and replace when you're done. Some of these covers include cloth ties you use to tie the covers around the furniture's legs (others have snaps to secure the covers to thelegs); I would hope that your friendly but boundary-free neighbors might at least balk at having to stop, stoop, and actually untie tied-on covers before they sit on your chairs! If you do this and look out to see that they've uncovered the chairs, then yes, I'd go out and say nicely, "Hey, Bob, I know those are comfy but we've started keeping them covered so they'll last longer. When we have a barbecue we'll let you know for sure, but meanwhile, we'd like them to stay covered." I would hope that would make anyone pop up and apologize.

I do agree that if it's possible you could finish the other two sides of the fence. That may or may not work with the line of trees, though. I would at least consider it and get some estimates. I would not lie and tell them it's because you're considering getting a dog; just say that you'd like to complete the fence.

If you see them picking flowers etc. -- that I would stop immediately by saying cheerily, "Hey, Bob, please don't pick any flowers. You'll be able to enjoy them a lot longer if they stay in the ground!"

If they're as nice as you think, they will respond better to a cheerful correction than to a grave talk. I know you said you have tried being lighthearted and it hasn't sunk in. I would try again but be sure you're saying "don't" clearly in any statement you make, such as "Please don't remove the covers to sit on them -- I promise you'll get to use them next time we cook out" and then..do have a cookout and invite them sometime soon so they know you do like them!

Walk around the house in your underwear. Shriek like a banshee when you see them walk up.

I'll bet they don't walk up unannounced again!

;-)

Lock the gate they are entering through. If there is no gate, install one. When/if they inquire why you are doing this, say you are preparing to possibly get a dog, and need to make the back yard inescapable.

Are they sitting on your furniture or are they bringing their own over? I'd remove the furniture temporarily if it's yours (say you're cleaning it), and I'd finish the fence with a lock as soon as possible. If they still come over then, it's time to have the discussion. They know no boundaries and that's an invasion of privacy.

Does your fence have a gate? If not, get one and keep it locked. Since you have a row of trees, can you maybe add some landscaping stones to sort of block that access off if the trees aren't close enough to discourage access?

As for trying to chat in the morning or other times when you are indoors, try something like this the next time he drops in..."Bob, we love chatting with you but can you wait until later in the day and knock on the front door unless we are outside? I am just not a morning person so I really would rather wait to have visitors until I am ready to face the day."

If they are picking the flowers in your yard..."Bob, aren't they lovely. I prefer that you don't pick those so we can all enjoy them. They are xyzs, would you like me to pick you us one the next time I am at the garden center" or buy him one of whatever they are and give them to him the next time you see him "I noticed you liked mine so I thought I would get this for you. Now we can both enjoy the flowers in our yards".

Casually mention in your next conversation that you are trying to get your lawn to look nice and are trying to avoid unnecessary tracks so you've started being careful about where everyone walks. Then post a "Keep Off The Grass" sign.

tell them that you enjoy their company but to please not hang out in your yard and not to enter your back yard with out an invitation. if that doesnt work hang out in their yard and make them uncomfortable lol

That is some of the craziest stuff that I've heard. Maybe you should let him/them overhear you pondering this: "Honey, they are such a great family, and I enjoy spending time with them, but I really wish that they wouldn't just show up in our yard. I know that some people are okay with that, but I really value my privacy. It's troubling me that I can't think of a way to mention this without hurting their feelings. Maybe next time I'll drink a full bottle of wine to drum up the courage." (Well, no, because that way makes your husband look like a chump.)

I am really curious to know exactly how you have brought it up before and they just laughed it off. And if you responded with "No, seriously...."

When you're all together again, casually pose this question to them, as a mere topic of discussion: "So, what kind of neighbors did you guys have when you were growing up? I've never had neighbors to just show up in my yard the way you do, nor have I heard of such, so I'm interested to know where people do that."

I feel for you, I have the neighbor who comes out to talk EVERY TIME we use our back yard. And he knocks on the door just to chat... get so mad when the doorbell rings because he knows I'm home if car is there and he just keeps ringing and kids are peeking out windows at him.......If I had known six years ago what I know now, I would have been stand-off-ish from the get go instead of nice..

I'll be watching your answers-it's REALLY hard to nicely tell someone to stop doing what they're doing when they're nice and all..seems like you shouldn't need physical barriers like curtains and locked fences, but the only option is to tell them not to set foot in your yard..nicely......eek..I dunno.

***Actually, if you can make a time frame, it helps. For example, I told my neighbor not to ring bell after lunch because it was nap time for a baby and not to ring in morning because I homeschool....so now he rarely comes because he works evenings... Can you say, "Hey, we need to keep people out of yard from x time to x time because ______?" Think up something?

I liked the idea of all blinds etc closed. If he were to knock open the door and ask in a hushed tone, 'what is It?' But don't open the door wide or look wide awake, close door up tight right after conversation. At dinner etc, if he comes, just ask ' hey there, is there something you need, we are having a family dinner. No? Oh ok, we will see you later!' Close door and get back to your life. Then make some cookies or something a couple weeks later to tell them how much you enjoy being neighbors. I don't have a problem with confrontation, but if you can avoid it, I would with neighbors, I have had good neighbors go bad, it's no fun....

had a neighbor do that..once.
long story short, i looked him dead in the eye( with a toddler on my hip, no less)and told him, "GET THE #$%% OFF MY PORCH!", he stood there starring at me because he had never heard a woman string those many four letter words together in his life.. but he got off the porch
K. h.

aww that stinks and im a little jealous. i miss living in the city where everyones front yards were connected and everyone stood on eachothers stoops and talked frequently.

the talking through the screen would be the only thing that would agiitate M. and i'd J. get a curtain to prevent it or something to the affect. i agee with others to finish your yard.

aside from a little over the top you describe the perfect neighbors and community. it seems they feel like family and treat you as it, good and the bad

It sounds like you have a neighborhood that feels like a family. Except you're not comfortable with that whereas your neighbors are.

How you deal with it would depend on how friendly your neighbors continue to be after you're "more forceful." I would actually be all right with this sort of relationship with certain neighbors. I have an open door policy with friends and family. Of course, it depends on the relationship.

Is the friendship strong enough to withstand "being forceful?" Do you care if you lose the friendship?

Close your curtains. Then maybe just make your excuses when they come in your yard. If you don't have a fence consider putting one in.

Hi, L.:

I suggest to have a neighborhood get together. I suggest that you call people together to discuss the expectations of the neighbors relationship with each other. You would like to know what each neighbor expects of each other to be neighborly.

You will need to have someone there to facilitate this dialogue. At this time you can say what you need to feel like a neighbor in the discussion.
Find solutions.

Good luck.
D.

I thought Aileene's idea was perfect. If the fence was enclosed you could also get that dog you always wanted!