How to Get 4Yr Old Boy Out of Bedroom at Night????

I co-sleep with my two youngest children, ages 1 and 3.

It's a time where they can be close with their father, who's gone during the day. It eases any stress or argument we've had during the day. It means that if they have a nightmare, I'm right there, and if they need a diaper change or whatnot, I hardly have to wake up.

It's been a wonderful thing for me and my family.

When my husband and I need our alone time, we leave the room and go play elsewhere. It's fun. :)

The way I see it, the child and his father had a routine that brought them comfort and that they both enjoyed...then you came in and demanded that it stop. This is not the way to convince a four-year-old that you are on his side. In fact, placing your needs above his like this may cause problems--behavioural and other--in the long run.

If you must disrupt their routine, do it gently, over time. Be patient, and use rewards rather than punishments. Try to remember that when you have a child (and if you marry a man who has a child, you have a child), that the child's needs do come first...or at the very least, must be understood and handled with care.

Best of luck.

You must leave the situation to your partner to deal with...you can state your opinion, and support your partner through the transition. Possibly get some counseling from a parenting counselor who can give you both some tips on making the transition smoother. You knew your partner had a child, so you now must step up and behave in a loving, caring way toward the child; be the adult. The dynamic of blended families is a very fragile one, and it must be handled with great care by all the adults involved if it is to be sucessful in the long run. Best of luck to all--

Unfortunately, the 4 year old was there before you and it's really up to his father to decide what's best. Certainly, your opinion should be important, but it could well be that the nighttime with his dad is really helpful in easing the pain he must feel in living separate from his mother. A compromise might be to have the boy start out the evening in his room and if he wakes up and needs some comfort at nite then it's okay to then sleep on the bed on the floor in your room. That should give you some alone time with your partner, while still allowing the boys needs to be met. Also, you don't mention any bedtime routine for the boy. It might really be helpful for dad to spend 30-45 minutes in the boys room reading and cuddling to help him settle in. It's possible that the nighttime is the only time the boy gets any closeness with dad. Also, it's important to keep in mind that some kids just have a higher need than others to be close to someone at nite.

Children do not understand the loss of their parent and the entrance of a "new" parent. If you care about the child, his feelings and confusion, and want to prevent injury to his psyche, sleep in another bedroom. Have your intimacies when the boy isn't there. I know it sounds harsh, but that's what is wrong with so many kids today. Parents think of their own needs and wants and not how it is affecting the children. It makes for very angry kids, and we have a world full of them already.

I would let him sleep next to the bed as you are already doing. Otherwise, you will probably not get any sleep for awhile. You might also try letting him fall asleep in your room, and then when you know that he is completely knocked out, take him carefully back to his bed in his room.

After reading your situation I figured I would give my advise. Have you tried moving the blow up mattress into his room? Tell him that if he sleeps in his bed or on the blow up mattress, that you will praise him with something fun or something he likes. If he is just scared of his room try making his room fun at night. Buy him one of those lights that show figures on the walls. Or let him watch a favorite video before bed.(letting him know that he can only watch a movie if he stays in his bed.) If at all fells start first with talking to him, yes he is four but they do now how to listen. The main key is that you stay firm and dont break down and just let him sleep in the room if you get tired of him crying, remeber stay postive and keep it fun. It may take a while but it should work. Give all of these otions to your partner and see how things go. GOOD LUCK!

I am not following your message. You have a 10 yr old and who are they that have or do not have a relationship? Boy? This does not make since to me.G. W

Children need to have and sleep in their own rooms and people having sex should not be anywhere near those children.

I think you're absolutely correct. But from a 4 year old's perspective, this is going to be a very rough transition for him - making him go back to a room he doesn't even really ever remember sleeping in. If I understand your story correctly, he hasn't been made to sleep in his own room since he was just a year old. Couple that with the fact that there's a new person in his parent's life and this is a time of big change.

I don't agree with the decision to allow the child to sleep in the bed with the parent full time in the first place, but what's done is done and it has been years so it is going to take a long time to "fix" it. I think that by transitioning him to the floor beside the bed, you have taken an important step. Let me suggest that the next step be to take away the "blow up" bed and make it a pallet of blankets so it is not quite as comfortable there. You may also want to move him to his own room after he is sound asleep, so he gets used to waking up there.

I think you'll need extraordinary patience and understanding to get through this and hopefully your partner will recognize how lucky they are to have someone in their life who can be so patient.

Believe me, I understand and empathize with your frustration. I am currently going through something similar with my husband's 8 year old daughter, because her mother sleeps with her when she stays at her house, but we do not do that at our house so she has a very rough time at night. Luckily, you have an opportunity to work with your partner to change the situation (there is no way anything my husband or I can say that will change what our daughter's biological mother will do).

Just be patient, it will not happen as fast as you'd like for it to, but if you rush it your partner may think that you don't care about their son and that would cause problems for your relationship.

Our 4 year old boy began crawling in bed with us at night. We bribed him. If he stayed in his own bed all night for 5 nights in a row, he got a suprise. It worked great. He will occasionally come in our bed, but we quickly return him to his bed. Try a bedtime routine, bath, pj's, sip water, story, and then leave. Be firm and consistant. Talk to your partner about your concerns. If you are both on the same page, it will be easier to present a united front.
Good luck.