How to Explain Separation / Divorce to a 3.5 Year Old

I am sorry to read your going through this. I've been there.

But I do agree with Love R; file for legal separation to protect yourself, get copies of all financial records, cancel all joint accounts, etc.

Most importantly you and your husband should seek the assistance of a therapist as this may help to keep things amicable as well as provide you with the tools to help your daughter cope. You need only to explain that mommy and daddy will no longer be living together, but that see can see and call her daddy anytime she chooses (or whatever you two decide on) and that this does not change how each of you feel about her. When she has questions make sure you listen and keep your answers very simple.

Additionally, you'll want to keep things as normal as possible for your child so if you will be moving in with your parents and if there is room to do so her room there should be akin to her current room with all of her favorite things.

Here are a few age appropriate books for you and your daughter to read together:

1. Mama & Daddy Bear's Divorce
2. We're Having a Tuesday
3. It's Not Your Fault Koko Bear
4. Was it the Chocolate Pudding?
5. My Stick Family: Helping Children Cope with Divorce

I hope you find the information and reading list helpful.
Connie

Hi E.,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. My sister-in-law AND my best friend are both going through seperation/divorce at this moment. The first thing I suggest is getting your daughter into therapy. My best friend has put her 5 yr old daughter into therapy and she is handling thing well. The therapist suggested keeping explanations simple and letting their daughter ask for more info. Sit her down and tell her very simply that you are going to stay with your parents for a while, reassuring her that Mommy and Daddy L. her very much. Wait to see what questions she asks. Possibly meet with a family therapist with your husband before you sit your daughter down for the "talk" to get an idea how to answer her questions.

On a different note, may I suggest a few things you should do? First thing, file for legal seperation immediately. This protects you while you figure everything out. Cancel any joint credit cards and bank accounts. Another thing to consider is getting copies of ALL financial records, including retirement plans. I know you said things amicable at the moment but once you start talking about money that could change. Consulting a divorce lawyer isn't a bad idea. I am SO sorry you have to deal with this, if you need to talk to someone feel free to email me.
Sincerely,
L.

E.- divorce is never easy! Have you ever heard of the 2nd divorce? That is when you give it the 1st run around, get married, it fails becuase the two can't stand who did what and when, or whatever- then years or months later, you forgive and try to reconcile the marriage, and get re-married. Then something goes wrong again and you decide this is it, we gave it our all and we are threw- 2nd divorces are rare.. but they do happen. I'm a firm believer in Dr. Phil what he says is so true- is this really over? Is there no more love left? Is there something he can do or whatever the situation is- is it fixable? Can you forgive?
See, I'm a firm believer that you should never stay together just for the children, no matter how bonded they are with thier father. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone!! My sister once told me, it is hard being married, but it is even harder being single.. and think about this for a minute. I know things can get very difficult at times and it feels like this is it- all emotions are telling you it is over, but let me tell you- Divorce is final, and if you just separate yourself for a while, and think about the hurt and try to re-examine yourself and re-focus on why you were together in the 1st place.. the light will shine through.
Bottom line, not to sound like a sermon- but do you love him? Do you love him enough to work through this? That is what it comes down to- no one needs to know your business, but if you want to talk to someone who has been thru the 2nd divorce send me a quick reply.. we can talk about it! Until then, please do think about what I have said and please do not do something like finalizing your divorce until you are sure you have "turned every obstacle upside down" by Dr. Phil!!

Hi E.:
I am sorry for what you are going through, but its nice to meet you because I am going through exactly the same thing.
As for what others advised you, if your certain about divorce - file for divorce, not a legal separation. Filing for divorve protects you as a legal separation does, but a legal separation and then a divorce is just additional fees and time.
I am trying to find a way to tell my 4 and 7 year old. The best thing I have seemed to find so far - is that its important for both parents to be present (leaving their own emotions aside), it is best to tell kids sooner rather than later, use simple sentences that are easy to understand, and repeat over and over again that this is not their fault. I am honestly thinking about reading a childrens story about divorce, listening to their response, and then telling them. You really don't have to get into the details of stuff, but be honest and easy to understand.
Remember, you just have to follow your heart. There is going to be no right way.