How to Deal with "Unhygienic" Babysitter?

Go to the drug store and buy those "bathing cloths." They are usually used for older people that can't shower everyday, but they are like large wipes. Just say to her "I noticed you don't have time to shower after practice so I got you some cleaning cloths you can use instead. Also, please make sure you wash your hands and change into a fresh clean set of clothes when you get here. thank you." You can even throw in some antiperspirant in the bag and maybe she will take the hint.

I havent read any of the responses, but I just wanted to respond from maybe "Ann's" perspective (or her parents). I personally would not want my daughter showering at your house. Especially because you have stated you dont know her parents very well, maybe they feel the same way about you, and your husband. I wouldnt want my 12 yr old girl showering at someones house that I dont really know. I think that is unfair (and a bit strange) to ask of her.

From reading your post it really sounds like you just want it your way or no way, and you havent really left many options for yourself. But the reality is, you cant force her to shower at your house, and you cant force her dad to drive her to his house and back to yours, so either you need to ask her to wash her hands and deal with the rest, or you need to let her go.

Yuck! My suggestion is to politely ask "Ann" to shower before she comes over. You could either leave it at that or you could tell her that your kids have commented a couple of times that they want to give her more hugs/ kisses but that they don't want to get too close. That while they love her dearly, she still smells sweaty from basketball.

Alternatively, you could talk to Ann's mom about it and let her know that your apartment is small and while you understand that it may be inconvenient for the Dad, could Ann shower before coming over and/or would it be okay if she showered at your place? IF it were me personally, I would approach it by simply asking Ann's Mom if it would be okay for Ann to shower at your place after her basketball. That she seemed hesistant and so you thought you would ask her Mom if it would be okay.

Give the family (Ann and her parents) to make it right before not using her anymore. Worst case scenario is that the outcome will be the same. Ann won't be babysitting anymore. Best case, your house smells better when Ann is over.

Good luck. That sucks.
N

I don't think there's any more you can do without acting like a jerk. I would bet the mom already knows the deal from your conversations....I'd just try to fond someone else. At the very least, I'd ask her to wash her hands when she gets there...if you keep her, at least you know what to get her for her birthday! J/K LOL

Since your sitter has little experience, you have the option of helping her succeed in her future employment by being clear about your needs and expectations as her employer. It's a delicate situation to address someone else's hygiene, but you could keep it somewhat neutral with statements like the following:

"I like the service you provide (be as specific as possible about what you appreciate)."

"AND, I have a problem with dirty hands and sweaty gym clothes in my small home. I'd like to keep hiring you, but I will need you to bring a change of clothes and a plastic bag for your game clothes. And I expect you to wash your hands thoroughly as soon as you get here; clean hands is a rule for my children, too."

There could be plenty of implied insult in language that minces around and drops hints. There is no implied insult in clear, straightforward, factual language. You are letting her know in an objective way what you expect from her, and as her employer, you have the right to do so, within reason. She won't pick it up through osmosis.

Maybe a change into fresh clothes will limit the amount of locker-room fragrance to a level you can deal with, considering the money you save with her. I would worry about germs on her hands, but as mentioned below, the bacteria in her sweat is not likely to carry disease.

Could you say something like: "Sweetie, my Mom used to tell me the same thing that I am about to tell you" "You need to shower & clean up after playing basketball" "There is no way that anyone can sweat as much as you do playing basketball & smell good when you are done". "I am not singling you out, but I now know what my Mom meant when she told me that." "Now you have a choice, you can shower at the gym before you leave, at your Dad's before you come, or when you get here, but you need to choose one of those 3 places".

I'd just say, "hey honey, would you mind washing your hands?" I ask most of my kids' friends to wash their hands when they come over, since they've just been at a 2000 kid germy high school all day. And if she's going to come over right after basketball, just say, "hey, could you bring a clean shirt to put on after your basketball game, you're kind of sweaty." And if the b.o. was really bad, I'd say, "hey honey, I think it's time for some deodorant." Or some such thing. It's normal to stink after you work out. Nothing personal.

I don't think you need to worry about damaging her. This is just fact and common sense. We all are dirty and sweaty after basketball games. I'd have no problem asking a 12 year old to clean up.

There's no need to have her stop babysitting.

Unfortunately a LOT of people don't get hints. You are going to have to be direct and gentle.

If you are not willing to do that, you can change the day she comes over to Sundays, when she doesnt have a game. Or, move the time she comes over two hours later- so that she has time to do her thing. If she still somes over unkept, it is time for a talk with someone.

For example, if the mother says "she is unwilling to shower at your house, she is too shy" , then you say- "ok- I will move the starting time forward an hour or two so that she has time for this necessity".

Instead of Saturday, maybe you can ask Ann to come over on a day where she isn't playing basketball and she has time to bathe beforehand?

Ok here is my take and it might be a little tough.....I would tell her either shower or you are out of a job. Period. Ball is in her court...no pun intended.

not sure how to approach this myself. but i would definitely not say anything to Ann because it is highly likely that she will be emotionally affected.

When I was in Junior high, 7th grade (actually summers school before 7th grade), there was a girl in our class that had really bad B.O. And everyone was gossiping about her and just complaining about how bad she stunk. It went on for about a month...until I decided to step in..

I felt really bad for her and didn't like that she was being made fun off when she probably didn't know she smelled. So I pulled her aside and told her privately what was going on and was trying to be very delicate and helpful as possible. Well, I never saw her again. She probably quit summer school and transferred to another school. Yikes. I hope at least that saved her from any future embarrassment at a new school.

But as you can see..that kind of honesty, no matter how well intended can damage a kid. It should only be discussed by HER parents. Not any stranger.

If i have to let Ann go...I would. Just make something up. Or change your schedule as someone has suggested. Rather than tell her she needs to bathe.

It's not that big of a deal to ask her mom or dad to pack a change of clothes for her after her game so that she can shower when she gets to your house because she's sweaty after her games.

You can also use it as a learning opportunity for "Ann" as well. You dont have to tell her "OMG YOU STINK!" We already have started training our 7yr old to shower after his basketball games even though he really isnt that stinky. I'm sure Ann would appreciate some "older woman" advice from you. Don't bring up the past, just explain that when kids get to be about 11 or 12, they start to need to shower after PE and games because they start to get body odor when they sweat. It's just what we all have to do when we grow up - I'm certain she notices that every professional athelete showers after a game.

Well.........all I can say is that sweaty kids who don't wear deodorant at age 12 smells awful!! And sweat can have bacteria in it. Its coming off your body and on to your furniture. If it was my house getting all stinky, I would kindly not have her back.

I think the answer is simple, find a new mothers helper.

If I would in your shoes...To get her to wash her hands...the minute she waks in the door just be like "Hey, Ann, can you wash your hands I need help preparing a snack for the kids." Something like that.... Also..Go to the Dollar store and make her like a gif basket with deoderant, body spray, lotion, nail polish, hand sanitizer, just put lil stuff like that in it and give it to her as a you are doing a good job present and maybe she will take a hint.... Or sometimes I spray my perfume around the house.. You could accidently spray her...ooops.. lol :) just kidding...Hope this helps

L., I work in middle school and this is a big problem. They are still young.Forgetful, and you know embarrassed. CALL the COACH and GYM teachers at the school and ask them if they could give the kids a talk, in the meantime, buy a cheap deodorant and some baby wipes and tell her the truth. Straight out, not attacking like ewwwe you smell, but say my apartment has no ventilation or something like that and in addition to my bathroom adding smells, I have to take extra care of my own hygiene. And adopt her as your friend, big sister confidante, whatever. Or wave the deodorant about and say oh need some? Good luck.

What a tough one! Ann is probably uncomfortable with the way she smells also and would like a resolution as much as you would. I would talk to whomever you have the best relationship with to find a solution. If you pose it delicately to Ann or her mother, I am sure that they would understand. Is there an option for Ann's dad to take her to the Mom's house near to you for a quick shower?

At 12 she might be needing support around this herself. Her body is changing and sometimes parents aren't on top of these issues as much as they should be. Does she wear deodorant yet? I would think of ways to frame it to support her and get the results you need that way to try to spare feelings...

Good luck!

I think the only thing you can really do is just not have her back anymore. Get the kids signed up for some sort of activity on Saturdays or maybe try and find a mom who you can swap childcare with every other Saturday and give each other a break. Then it won't cost you a thing including hurting the girl's feelings.

First, a kid this age should be taking daily showers and not just "rinsing off". I would bet that she is not bathing daily and if she is she just isn't doing a good job. Because to be honest, she should not be so punk after a basketball game even without a shower afterward. Also, I would wonder if her workout clothes/uniform are being washed after every game.

So what to do? All kids go thru the stinky phase as one poster pointed out. I myself have a niece in this situation that we have directly requested that she shower, shower better, and wear deodorant. Hasn't really helped.

I gave my niece a gift basket at christmas that included girly things like perfume and lotion and bubble bath but snuck it teenage-cool deodorant, baby powder and deodorant shower gel.

Edit: After reading your update I just wanted to say (tho I am sure you know this), educating your step daughter about hygiene did not damage her and/or cause her to alter herself surgically. Doing something so drastic could never be traced back to something so insignificant as requesting daily showers. If the babysitter is just too stinky and the parents are unwilling to address it and if requesting that she de-stink herself upon reaching your house aren't working, you will have to stop calling on her.

Aside from smell, sweat can be damaging to furniture (moisture and salt) so you could approach it that way.
You could tell her that she can keep a change of clothes and her own towel at your house if she would feel more comfortable that way.
Honestly, sometimes at that age kids just don't realize that they smell (ask any 6th or 7th grade teacher!) and it might be better to hear it from an adult than from a peer at school.
Have you tried talking to her parents? Maybe they might have some idea of how to handle this---they know her best.

You could just not need her for a couple of weekends because you have things to do that fall within the time the games are. Have your kids noticed the smell? Kids can be brutely honest. They could simply ask her why she smells bad. I had kids in child care ask me why I was fat, it was simple, way back when, that I was going to have a baby soon. I don't have an excuse now.

In the past when I have had preteens in my house I have simply handed them some deoderant and told them to go put it on. Not harshly but whispered in a kind way.

she may be stinky from sweating.. but that doesnt equal germy.

so she is not getting your kids or theri toys dirty or germy.

It might be reasonable to have her wash her hands if you think that would make you feel better. but your kids are older and out there in the germy school world every day anyway an dpicking up germs from all the other kids.

either ignore it or hire a new babysitter.