Help! How Do I Deal with the Neighbor Childs Lack of Hygiene

Give her a gift package of shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, etc. with a nice mesh bath sponge. Since it's the holiday season, it won't seem out of the ordinary.

Most girls odn't need deodorant, just good hygiene, unless she is developing early. I would be concerned about giving your own daughter deodorant at the age of 6, there are chemicals in there that you might not want to exposer her to ( aluminum). at the age of 9, she might be starting the signs of puberty, and you could talk to her mother based on that, by asking such things as' what books to you use to help her understand her changing body and the hygiene needs that go with it?' or 'what do you think of the american girl book about hygiene'?, as see where it goes from there. You are creating an opportunity to start talking about how her daughter is changing and how her needs are also. It could also bomb, take a cue from the mother. If the smell is that offensive, I wouldn't let her over, and gently tell her that she needs to bathe. I'm not sure what you meant by musty, does her whole house smell? And since she is wearing the same clothes 3 days in a row, is there neglect in the home? Tricky situation, tread carefully.

P., yeah hard one, i would have them over for spa day, have like a spa sleep over, buy them gift packs with like small shampoos and DEODORANT in them, maybe hair ribbons, etc, maybe set it up so they go and shower and use their new gifts, give them little robes to put on, and while they are doing that and receiving their little massages, gather their clothes and wash them, they can lounge around in their little robes, while they get their nails done and facials, meanwhile you have washed their clothes, and you freshened her up a bit, dont be fancy with stuff, just make it fun, and enjoy the time, maybe invite a few more over, to do this, i dont know, then if she comes over again, say wow you smelled so good on spa day , or when spa day is over , just say remmeber you can make ever day spa day, nails you can do once a month and massages are not needed that often, but spa day is fun and we can do some of the things all the time, just have fun with it, and if the smell continues, just be polite, and do what you can do, maybe get a freind, to help with spa day but they are old enough maybe they can help each other too, send the invitation, to the daughter through the mail, and just enjoy it, girls day, of pampering, any way , hope it helps, if not just maybe buy her a gift basket and your daughter one too, of the same, with body stuff in it, maybe shampoo conditioner, puff, ribbons, barretts , deodorant ,lotion, etc, nail polish, that could work too, D. s

It sounds like she needs more than deoderant. My kids didn't even begin to use deoderant until they reached puberty. But they bathed everyday. It sounds more like a bathing, clothes washing issue to me. Since you aren't comfortable talking to her Mother about it, and I don't think I would either, there isn't a lot you can do. When she is staying overnight at your house though you might try laying out fresh towels in your bathroom and say to her, "I have everything ready in the bathroom for your bath/shower" as if it is a normal thing that everyone does liking brushing their teeth. Give her that chance for a bath while she is there. You could even add bubble bath or a nice lotion just for her so that she might see the bath as a pleasant, pampering experience that she will adopt at home. Then the next day you can say something to her mother such as "emily had her bath at our house last night and I gave her the lotion and bubble bath as a gift". Hint, hint... The other option is to just keep to yourself and keep opening the window when she comes over. It sounds like she has been neglected a little in the area of hygiene and maybe a nice gesture on your part would make her see things differently now that she is getting older.

S.

Hi P.
I just wanted to say that your 6-year-old really shouldn't need to use deodorant - she's way too young. However, she should be bathing or showering every day to keep fresh. If you notice a smell despite the washing daily, you could use some talc under her armpits after washing - that should be enough. As for the nine-year-old, I would say something to a parent. Perhaps they're leaving it to her to decide when she wants to wash and chance clothes, which does seem crazy.I'd definitely want to know if my kid smelt! - good luck - Alison

You should think about the parenting style of this girls mom... Has she not noticed because of not being involved with the girl, doesn't believe in using deoderent herself, or maybe just an oversight?
This is one of those sensetive subjects... Since the best intentions can be taken the wrong way.
Maybe sitting down and talking over coffee one day about how grown up your girls are getting. Mentioning that you've even noticed that YOUR daughter gets musty... Some of her friends do also...Does YOUR (neighbor daughter) daughter?... How much your dreading the whole dateing thing... throw it in the middle of something :-)
Find out when her birthday is or give her a "self care" basket for christmas. Including shampoo, deoderant, fingernail polish, hair clippies, brush etc... Ask the mom first. Tell her that is what you are doing for your daughter and she thought her friend would like it too... Ask her if there are any allergies or preference for low alum deoderants...
Sit the girls down and tell them that youve noticed that they are both getting older and that one of the things about getting older is stinky pits... Hand them both a bottle of deoderant as a present... Better you tell her than the kid at school that will always call her "stinky- fill in her name"...
If she's at your house and you smell her, as her... just as you would your own daughter, did you use your deoderant today? Have one at your house for HER... How else will she learn.

Hope it works out for you. My older sister was one of those that someone other than mom (she worked 200 miles away 6 days a week so wasn't home and dad had 3 jobs...)had to clue her in about the smell... She did it gracefully and tried not to embarass sister about it. The rest of us girls then had an older sister to tell us bluntly, your reeky... :-)

If the mom does take offence, just apologize for "over stepping your bounds" and keep asking... in private... did you use deoderant today?

She's obviously used to the odor because it's with her 24/7. I'm familiar with it. for years my hubby didn't either. Why? He's European and it just is a different mind set. I'd get him deo now and then and where did he apply it? His FEET! Go figure that one out.

Well you could encourage your daughter to have a girly type invite over with the 'stinker'. Gonna do all that sort of girl stuff like make up, style up the hair, DEODORANT, try on clothes, etc.

Hello P.,
My name is J., I'm going the "Keep it Real" with my "advice" to you. My daughter uses to have very "musty" armpits when she was growing-up. I had her to "Wash her armpits with Baking Soda" everyday then put-on "Mitchum Deodorant". In the evening, she would put the Baking Soda in her bath water or wash in the shower with it. P. It Works!! This little girl has not been taught about her hygiene and doesn't know that she "smells". If you care, TEACH HER, like you taught your daughter. Buy her the deodorant, teach her "how to wash and use it", get your daughter to help by showing her what "you" taught her. This girl's "clothes" will have to be "washed in arm and hammer soap or baking soda put in with detergent to "get the odor" out. Tell her this is the way "young girls" are to smell. Tell her she "has to wear CLEAN CLOTHES" everyday like your daughter does. Buy Febreze plug-ins for her room and the house. This will Work!! Take Care, J.

The poor little girl. It is her parent's fault and if I my daughter was spending time with this girl, I would want to know more about how the parents are taking care of their own daughter. I would try to befriend the mom and see if she is stinky too. I really think the girl just needs to bath more often. Establishing personal cleanliness is important and trying to cover odors with deodorant won't teach her how to wash. I like the idea of expecting her to bathe when she stays at your house. Then you don't have to smell her and it will set an example of how other families approach hygiene.

Hello P., This is not the girls issue, but her parents. I was raised in a very discusting enviroment also, so I can speak from experience. Do not embarrase this girl, she is at an age where you can really harm her self image. Instead, buy some pretting smelly products and keep them at your house. When she comes over allow the girls to do girly things together, with the products. Make a play day out of it. Give them baby wipes to clean their armpits before using the deoderant. You could even reward the girl for playing so well with your daughter by giving her some of these products. If you see that she is using them give her more. Be thankful it is only a little musty smelling. My family was so bad that when we visited relatives, my brother and I were given cans of disinfectent to spray the hosts house with upon leaving(by the host family). We didn't even think this was unusual because we were young. Us children were only permited to shower once a month to save on the water bill and there were 6 of us. Needless to say we didn't have many friends. So please, don't take this out on this child, she doesn't deserve it. This girl may have more outfits, but that doesn't mean that the parents have cleaned them. We never had clean cloths either. Too much water to use the washers! My parents didn't think anything of it. Happy holidays.

Dear P.,
This is definitely a tough one.
I know that some people criticized the use of deodorant on your daughter, which of course made you feel defensive. I do want to let you know that there is some valid medical evidence to suggest that deodorants and many other personal care products may be related to the dramatic increase in breast cancer. Chemicals are absorbed into the body and stored in fat cells-which breasts are made of fat. Don't despair- there are safer types at a natural health food store- and they work, too. They are just safer and not filled with chemicals and artificial fragrances.
And I noticed a suggestion about plug ins. These are actually quite bad for your lungs, as they atomize oily chemical fragrances which gets deep down inside your lungs and never get out. Dr. Oz recommends using reeds in a bottle or a natural spritzer made from essential oils- it doesn't need to be chemicals. Also a huge home in my town burned down a few years ago, as the family was on vacation and the plug in went dry and overheated--true story!
Good luck on helping the neighbor girl.
M.

I just wanted to address the fact that people are saying you don't need to use deodorant until puberty. This is not always the case. I have a neice who started using deodorant at the age of 5 or so - which was 3 years ago. She is very tall and thin for her age and is no where near puberty. So it does happen. If you're worried about chemicals go to a whole foods store to buy your deodorant.

Hi P.---You know, when I hear the word musty, I think of damp, dark basements. If it is a musty smell, then it probably comes from her clothes and not her. Her whole house, and therefore everything in it, has picked up that smell. There is too much moisture and poor circulation in their house and therefore they might have a mold problem causing that smell. Your daughter's friend probably doesn't even recognize the smell any longer because she lives in it all of the time.

I like the idea of having a spa day for the girls, that way you are covering the personal hygiene possibility. But if it is the house, there's not much you can do about that. I would be potentially concerned if your daughter spends any amount of time over at her house with the potential for a mold problem. Long term, their health may be compromised because of it.

How well do you know these neighbors? If the opportunity arises, you may want to mention the possibility of a mold/health problem in their house, once you know that the smell comes from the house and not the little girl.

Good luck. In health, D.

no child needs deodarant until puberty. if they stink then they need a bath. i dont think you can do anything really.

6 years old is WAY too young to be wearing deoderant...that shouldn't happen until puberty...
but besides that...a musty smell is most likely coming from her clothes rather than her, you'd be surprised what can smell musty...they might be earthy people who use certain essential oils...some of those smell absolutely disgusting, but it doesn't mean they aren't clean. also...maybe they air dry their clothes, or have mold in the house, maybe they have a dog...or smoke...all of those things can cause odd smells that stick to her hair or clothing. She most likely doesn't notice it, since she's used to it. Maybe visit her house...you'll figure it out by that.

I love the spa day idea. It introduces her to cleanliness without stepping on her mothers toes. I also agree with some of the other moms on here that there are children that need deodorant earlier than others. It is not uncommon for a 9 year old girl to be starting to go through puberty. I had a friend in elementary school that actually started her period at age 9 so it is very possible.

I don't agree with the person that says not to let her in your house because she smells. She obviously needs some guidance that she is not getting at home in this matter and you can come up with a fun and subtle way to do it.

As for all of the negative responses about you having your own child use deodorant....that is really none of their business and it is your choice. You know your child. I find it offensive that some of the moms on here are telling you to bathe your own child. Grow up people and stick to the subject...she wouldn't have posted this question if she wasn't bathing her own child!!

Good luck!

T.

Deoderant at 6!!!! Just have them bathe! I don't have my almost 8 year old wear deoderant either. During the sleepover, just say 'ok, girls - shower time, who's first?!" and hand them a towel and soap. The aluminum in that stuff is bad enough for adults, let alone little kids. Changing the clothes would help too, maybe saying something like 'gee, I already saw that outfit, what else do you have sweetie?' Kids need that guidance sometimes, and obviously the other adult isn't doing it.