How to Break the News to the Kids

Be honest with the girls. Let them know you and their father no longer love one another. It's amazing how children understand. If you don't tell them they will think it's their fault, which it isn't.

If they've notice the sleeping arrangements, they have also noticed the tension and awkwardness. This is your chance for you and their father to talk to them and explain how mom and dad are not getting along any more and you would rather live apart than be fighting all the time. Emphasize the fact that you both love them and that will never change. They will be sad, they will cry. Do give them a lot of support. Good luck.

The best way is for both you and their dad to sit down together and tell them honestly. You and your soon to be ex need to make the effort to keep things civil in front of the children. This is important to see you to "keep it together" and show a united front. It is best to just be honest and let them know that you can't live together anymore and that you both love them very much. You will probably have to reassure them for awhile. I have been divorced for a little over four years now and there are times when the kids will ask if their dad and I will ever get back together. I just kindly and with love tell them that will never happen. It is difficult, but your children will be fine. Just keep their welfare in mind whenever making decisions down the road. What is in the best interest of my children?

Just sit down with them and tell them. My three and five year old handled it really well when we got divorced. It might be a little harder for the seven year old. But it's best to just tell them the truth. That Mommy and Daddy can't get along anymore and that you will both still love them but you are no longer going to live together. I took my girls to their Uncle's house and let them spend the day there when their Dad moved out. Honestly, they never even asked for him one time after he left. We went shopping and they both got a gold fish to take care of. They we always involved with helping me with housework and yard work. Today they are preparing the Thanksgiving dinner while I set on here and play....Very beautiful, bright girls. Your girls will be fine if you handle it with a happy mood and a smile on your face.

I am currently separated but my kids are younger so I don't have personal experience to share about how to tell them. I do have some resources I've found and recommend. There are lots of helpful books and I really like "Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way" by M. Gary Neuman. Also, some local churches offer a series of courses for families going through divorce. Divorce Care and Divorce Care for Kids are really great. Divorce Care for Kids starts at Kindergarten age. Some churches also offer classes called Boundaries and Safe People. I've taken these at Covenant Life Presbyterian on McIntosh. They are Christian based classes and open to anyone. Only one parent can be in a class at a time (no couples because it changes the dynamic of the group).

If you Google "how to tell your kids you are getting a divorce" you will get lots of tips on how to handle it but I think some of the basics are to try to do it together with your spouse, keep their different ages in mind, make sure they understand they are not the reason in any way for the divorce and continue to remind them of that, give them opportunities to ask questions, vent their feelings, stay calm yourselves, and never talk badly about your spouse to your kids.

Divorce is not easy even under the best of circumstances but neither is a bad marriage. There are definitely things we can do to help our kids through difficult times. I wish you and your family the best.

Hi K. - I had flash backs of my life when I read your request. We have 3 children also, at the time (6 yrs ago) our children were 3, 4.5 & 6. We had done the counceling etc too. 1 night he didn't come home from "visiting" with his brother. The next morning he told me he didn't love me anymore and he was leaving. Just like that. He had taken off his wedding ring and made up his mind - no discussion.

I was left open mouthed and in shock, and left to explain what was going on to my children. I had no soft cushion to catch them when they fell. By that I mean their dad was gone and did not speak to them for weeks! I feel like the other posters below, sit down with them AND your husband and explain it in simple terms and let them ask, cry, scream etc so you can BOTH take responsibility for the outcome. My son (now 10) has NEVER gotten over his dad leaving, especially the WAY he did it. I live in GA and their dad is still in CA with his girlfriend. He hardly bothers with the children and I don't lie for him either, they have made up their minds about him by his actions.

I know you will get through this, and children will adapt, unfortunately single parent households are on the rise and you are not alone out there. Good luck honey, I will pray for you all.

Kind regards,
M. F

Hi K.! My heart is breaking for you & your babies! I went through this last Christmas. My husband told me he was leaving. (no explanation...no waring signs...just said he deserved to be happy) Made me cry for a few months then changed his mind and decided to stay. I think it would have been best if I just let him go. We can not make a "happy family" for our kids, which is what I have been trying to do for the past year! Kids know when one parent or both are unhappy. We get along well but there's no love there and it's not a healthy way to bring up kids. One thing I can say to you is to take care of yourself financially! I learned the hard way and that was my biggest concern after watching it happen to my friends and my own Mother! Most important thing is to realise this is a NEW START for you & your kids and you will look back on it and say your survived. Don't stay in it for the "family thing"! We deserve to be happy too! I know this doesn't help as far as your question that you asked us Mom's but just reaching out to comfort another Mom in pain! I know what that felt like and know I need to make my move also! Let me know how you make out with everything! We will be thinking about you:) Take Care!

How about going back to the counselor you used for counseling and having a family session? The counselor would be able to keep the conversation focused, less scary and make sure the girls got all of their fears and questions verbalized.

Be prepared to address questions about how this is going to change and impact their lives...custody/visitation? will mom work now? Will they still see grandparents? Etc. At their ages they are still very self focused and having a clear plan that explains what will change in their lives will help them feel less scared and overwhelmed.

Ultimately, remember that being sad and upset is normal and they have the right to feel that way. Even being angry is normal. Don't try to eliminate those feelings or smooth things over for them...allow them to express the feelings and work through them. You are changing their home, family, entire life! They absolutely have the right to be emotional for now.

HI K.!!!!! te escribo en español porque es mas facil para mi hacerlo. lamento mucho por lo que estas pasando se que es muy dificil, con todo mi amor hacia el ser humano te recomiendo que consigas hacer el curso llamado landmark education el curso se llama el forum landmark se que suena raro pero eso te va ayudar a rescatar tu matrimonio. cuando te enamorastes de el amabas todo de el con el tiempo empezastes a ver defectos a molestarte por cualquier cosa y te olvidates de porque te casastes con el y decidistes tener una familia con el nosotros como seres humanos sobrevivimos en esta vida y olvidamos entregarnos el 100% a todo recuerdate porque lo amastes recuerda que todos somos seres humanos recuerda el dia que prometistes amarlo y estar con el me encantaria decierte tantas cosas y no se si me entiendas pero yo por mi experiencia perdi un bello matrimonio por estar luchando por mis puntos de vista mi verdad cuando en reailidad cada ser humano tiene un punto de vista una historia y lo mejor es cuando se entregan 2 personas para compartir una vida es encontrar un punto de vista de los 2 ojala que se acuerden porque decidieron estar junto porque se casaron y eso es lo importante. traten de estar uno por el otro y espero que no tengas la necesidad de habalr con tus hijas sobre la separcion creo que ustedes tienen un futuro solo recuerden porque se casaron y decidieron estra juntos por que se amaron etc etc etc entrega tu 100% en todo el pasado es pasdo no lo lleves al futuro ni a tu presente.

siempre la verdad con tus hijas si llegase el caso de divorcio la verdad y hablarles mucho y darles mucho amor los dos ya que eso es un rompimiento a su seguridad mucho amor

que dios te bendiga y espero que recuerdes 100% de ti entregalo al mundo

Oh, K., if there is any hope at all in your marriage, please try to work it out with your husband. This will definitely change who your children are forever. :(

If you decide you absolutely must go through with this, my friend who is in the middle of an unpleasant divorce recommends you take the kids to a counseling session and have the counselor help explain it. You and your husband may need to set aside some funds for your girls to continue going to counseling through this.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Good luck.

Tell them honestly and gently. Also gather some kids books dealing with divorce and separation from the library. These will help the youngest digest the info. Also tell them it is Mom and Dad's fault, not the kid's fault in any way.
As a child of divorced parents I must tell you honestly this will hurt but they will be fine. Give them ways to express their emotions. Keep lots of playdough, paints, coloring supplies around because art helps them express subconscious emotions. I know you are going through a lot but try to be emotionally available even if it's hard for you. I was about 5 or 6 and barely had the words to express my hurt and my parents were so hurt they couldn't/wouldn't help me. Are there grandparents nearby who can help nurture them and hug them?
Oh, and try not to be negative about each other in front of the kids, and if there are grandparents or whomever make sure they also do not speak ill of either of you parents in front of the kids. Keep it as peaceful as possible.