How Often Do You Say I Love You to Your SO?

a couple of times a day. sometimes more.
i don't think it should be a rote thing, or said out of duty not conviction. it certainly is never that for M.. but i'm a little taken aback to hear there are folks whom it IRRITATES.
really?
we're pretty profligate with it around here. and it's real, every time.
i like it that way.
khairete
S.

We tell each other throughout the day... when he leaves for work, when we're getting off the phone, and no matter how mad we are at each other, before bed. I also put love notes in his lunch every day, and if he has to go to work super early and I won't see him in the morning, I write it in lipstick on the bathroom mirror :)

The first time my guy said it to M. (sort of) scared M.. It was REALLY soon, and it's not a term I mess around with. We were having movie night at my apartment and he wrote it on my kids magnadoodle 'I think I'm falling in love with you'... I didn't even acknowledge it, LOL! I was a little freaked... but 2 nights later we had such a super time, and I told him I knew I loved him too, and admitted to seeing what he had written. 3 week later we moved in together, and the rest is history :)

It's different for everyone. If you don't feel comfortable saying it, don't. If you don't feel comfortable hearing someone tell you, let them know you're not ready. I also believe their are different kinds of 'love'... like we love siblings, children, SO, parents, neighbors, and friends all differently. I tell my best friend (a woman) that I love her all the time.

My husband and I say it to each other ALL THE TIME!! LOL ~ Anytime we get off the phone with each other - before we leave for work, before we go to bed. We have been together for so long now that I really don't remember how often we said it when we first started saying it to each other. Probably J. when one of us was leaving for the night?? You know, a kiss goodbye and the I Love You, see you tomorrow....type thing??? I don't know, I guess my thought is that you can never say it too much......LOL

We tell eachother (and our son) that we "love you" all day long... when we leave the house, end a phone call, randomly in the evening, before we go to sleep at night. I grew up in a house where my parents told us and eachother that they "love you" all the time. My husband didn't and it took a while for him to get used to my father ending phone conversations with him by saying "We love you", but now he says it back.

If you love someone, tell them and tell them often.

every chance I get.
On the phone , when he leaves for work , when he gets home, and out of the blue when I feel like it.
you never know when you will loose that most important person in your life and I never want the last words I say to him to be something stupid.
Um starting out we were in a situation that we couldn't say I love you everyday, so maybe I'm making up for it now.
together 11 yrs married 10 yrs.

Every day, every time we part ways (he leaves for work, says good bye on the phone, etc).
You never know if it may be the last thing they hear from you. Sad to think about that, but some people never have their last chance to say it.
Did you ever hear the expression 'live every day like it's your last'?

All the time!

When someone leaves, comes home, when we end a telephone conversation, when we text, whenever we feel like it. My family has always said it frequently... my parents always told M. they loved M., and we do it with our children as well. I have always felt like it is important for us. I have never heard my husbands family say it (and I know they love each other) but I think it is important to hear it often. My dad's family also hardly ever says it. Different strokes for different folks, but I know I never doubted whether or not my parents, husband, sister, etc. love M.. I want our kids and my husband to feel the same way.

I think you're WAAAAAY overthinking this, if you J. said it for the first time the other day! :)

DH and I say it several times a day. Usually at random times. But we've been together for 12yrs. I couldn't tell you how often we said it early on. No idea. But give it some ramp up time.
Otherwise I'd think you're going a little far over the top. It sounds like a newer relationship. J. let it happen organically and don't stress about it. It doens't mean that he stopped loving you if he doesn't say it for a week. Some people J. aren't wired that way.

We tell each other every time we have a chance. Sometimes my text messages are J. I love you. We feel that it is important to say I love you whenever we can. We also tell our children we love them all the time.

Every time we part ways on the phone or in person, and often multiple times in between. My husband has cancer, and I think that being reminded that someone "has your back" through thick and thin can really boost the spirits.

I know he loves M. even if he doesn't say it, but it's nice to hear anyway.

it's not always on a "daily" basis. We have the habit of definitely saying it if we are talking to each other on the phone before hanging up "love you, bye". And when either of us is leaving the house to get into the car to go somewhere... it's J. an automatic add on to "be right back or bye, I love you"... and does not require the other person to even say it back, however most of the time the other one does "automatically". If you get into the practice of giving at least one good hug to each other every day thats also a good time to say "I love you" while in the lingering squeeze.

My family was very openly affectionate and supportive of each other. We've always been very comfortable expressing our emotions with words as well as actions. My Mother had always taught us to make sure to show people what they mean to you in your actions as well as with your words. She also taught us not to say mean/hurtful things to anyone as it could very well be the last thing they hear on this earth. Sounds extreme to some but I'm so very grateful for learning that lesson as a young child. We lost my Mom when she was 48 and my Dad when he was 56. They were not only great parents but also our best friends as we became adults. I do not have any regrets when it comes to my parents. We never had knock down drag out fights....EVER. J. didn't happen. We were allowed to disagree with my parents as long as we did it respectfully. Sometimes they would change their minds, sometimes we'd see it there way. That taught us how to argue respectfully and effectively. I know my parents died knowing how much we loved them and we know how much they loved us. No regrets, no guilt, nothing went unspoken. My hubby did NOT have that kind of guidance and love in his own home as a child. However we met when we were 14 and my parents basically fell in love with him and considered him the son they never had. Luckily for M. hubby picked up our family traits and to this day (we're now 40 and have never been apart since 14) we still "fight fair" and respectfully if we disagree about something. We still tell each other "I love you" multiple times daily. More importantly we show each other daily how much we love the other with our actions. The little things can mean alot. I'm so very sorry that you didn't have that with your father and from the sounds of it your ex was J. a manipulator. Cut yourself some slack, how else are you to know what a healthy relationship looks like or how it is supposed to feel without proper examples. You are doing the right thing by looking inward and examining your own experiences. I will caution you not to allow those feelings to tarnish what you have in your new relationship. This guy is not your ex and shouldn't have to pay for his crimes. But from what I gather from your post you already know that and are doing your best to avoid that. Good Luck and God Bless!

Before one of us leaves home (for work, to run errands, to do whatever). Before we go to sleep/bed. When we end a telephone conversation. And any other time it pops out of our mouths... (standing in the kitchen making dinner and one of us says something ridiculous, lol...)

Often it is said when we are discussing someone else's problems and are acknowledging to each other how blessed we are not to be dealing with those same issues.

I know some people think that saying I love you upon parting becomes "rote"...but I agree with the poster who mentioned what you would want your last words to them to be, should anything happen while you are apart. My husband has a LONG commute, and I am very conscious of the fact that accidents happen and he might not make it to work or back home. I am not paralyzed by fear or worry over it, but it is a fact that accidents happen. If one happens to him, I don't want the last thing I said to him to be "pick up dog food on your way home". ;)

We've been together 11 years, married for almost 7, and we say it to each other every day - often more than once. Always when getting off the phone, when leaving the house, and at random moments.

Considering your background, I would be looking into counseling or some kind of therapy, so you can better learn how a healthy relationship works and how to be able to trust again. It sounds like you have issues there.

At least 5 times a day. That's how I was raised. My family was never shy with the "I love you". When I started dating my husband, he never said "I love you" to his family members. He didn't have a problem with saying it to M., but felt weird about saying it to his family. He believed that everyone in his family J. knew that they loved each other and didn't have to say "I love you". I agreed that the members of his family know they love each other but it is still nice to hear the words once in a while. He thought about it for months, then one day he called M. to tell M. he was talking on the phone with his sister and at the end told her he loved her. He hadn't said he loved her in 20 years and said it was the most wonderful experience. She opened up to him on how nice it was to hear that and they talked for another hour. After that his family makes more of an effort to say those three little words.

Even his parents giggle a little when we say we love them as we leave their house. So cute!!!

My family says it at every goodbye on the phone or in person, so I was raised with it being as natural as saying goodbye. My husband did not grow up this way. In the 9 years I've known him I have only heard his family say it a handful of times. So, it doesn't come natural for my husband. I say it to my kids all the time, but usually at physical goodbyes and bedtime with my husband

I say it every time I think it/feel it....been married 15 years - so that's a lot. It doesn't cheapen the emotion because you put words to it....I tell my friends that I love them almost every time we speak (usually when we are saying goodbye). It's the truth, why wouldn't I say it?

Your ex was cruel and/or emotionally bankrupt. I'm sure he did love you, but not in the way you deserve to be loved. I would say the same about your father. You haven't really lived until you have experienced heartbreak. In the meantime, I wish you many, many years of joy!!

All the time here. It's a normal thing to J. say throughout the day, when anyone leaves the house, gets off the phone, when we wake up, go to bed, etc... but...
It took M. a longer time than it did my husband when we first got together. I don't like to spout it off J. because I *should* say it - it has to be real. I also don't need to hear it a lot; for M. actions speak so much louder than words. You can say you love M. all day long but if your actions don't show it then it's J. a bunch of meaningless words. By the same token if you don't say it but are constantly looking for ways to make someone's life better, make them happy, do things that help them or show them that you appreciate them then to M. that says "I love you" more than the words.
It's great that you've recognized this in yourself and are aware that you may put too much pressure on someone because of it. Hope you find a way to say it & express it that works for you & your SO.

Ever since we started saying it (9 years ago - he said it first and we had only been together for a month and I told him that he couldn't possibly love M. that fast...I was scared after being hurt)...we have said it at least multiple times a day. 99% of the time when we get off the phone we say it. Before bed, we say it. In texts during work, we say it. In notes we leave for each other, we say it. Sometime's we'll J. call each only to say I love you (I did this yesterday while I was at work). Also randomly during the evening, while watching TV we'll J. grab each other's hand and say it. So I'd say at least a few times a day. Same with my kids. I tell them all the time!

I say it every day, often more than once. Sometimes, I say it in hurry (like I love you, see you after work, sort of perfunctorily), but I try to say it with feeling every day (often with a hug, or a smile or meeting the eyes directly for a few seconds). I've always been very verbally expressive about my feelings, as well as physically expressive. And if we fight/argue, then, once I've cooled down, I apologize and often say it then, too.

Some people need to hear it a lot, but there are lots of others ways to "hear" it--hugs, special things the person does for you, etc. You might read the 5 Love Languages book (it's pretty easy & quick), to see what sorts of affirmations you do best with. And do get yourself counseling--you deserve to heal from your emotional and psychological hurts!

I do say 'I love you' almost daily to my hubby. Before we were married, we did not live together so saw him 2-3 times a week so then it was about everyother day that we said 'I love you' to each other. The first time it was said I think we said it to each other for the first month weekly but then quicklt moved to 2-3 times a week.

Some people do not express it or say it as much. I also believe it depends on how you grew up hear it, not at all, all the time, sometimes. I say 'I love you' to my daughter daily and muliple times, I say 'I love you' to my parents at the end of every phone call and when leaving from a short visit with them. Some of my friends I say 'love ya' to them, I think it is an expression of how much I care for them and I have a lot of love to go around.

We say it all the time, throughout the day, and we mean it every single time.

I've been in relationships where we told each other "I love you" frequently and others where we mention it on special occasions. In the relationships where "I love you" was frequent - the actions did not fit the words. In relationships where "I love you's" were infrequent - well, the actions spoke louder. And I've been in relationships where they are about even. In my current relationship we say it very infrequent, but ever day, multiple times a day the actions speak for themselves =)

Now, for my LOs - I tell them I love them throughout the day and their Dad tells them more than he tells M. but I think for grown people it's J. easier to tell our children... we don't feel as vulnerable with our own children as we do with each other I think. I think we have a healthy relationship even with this dynamic =)

I don't think anybody is perfectly healthy emotionally. I learned years ago that everyone has issues... EVERYONE... mainly dealing with different insecurities. It is good to always try to better yourself but don't do it for someone else so that they will love you... do it for yourself =)

Well, M. & my SO say it multiple times a day, all the time. I can remember the first time he said it to M.- he said it first but I was feeling it. and I am pretty sure once it was out there we said it all the time..
I think you need to J. be honest with your SO. Tell him everything you posted here..
Good luck!

We always say "I love you" before we go to bed. Usually in e-mails/texts or on the phone if he's out of town. So daily.

my fiance and i said i love you about two weeks after we started dating. some people will say that's really fast, but we knew we loved each other, and pretty much knew we would be getting married then. next month we'll be together for a year. since we said it the first time, we've told each other a few times a day, ok probably several times a day. we don't say it J. to hear the words, but we honestly want to tell the other person that we're thinking of them and love them. We say it when one of us is leaving, when we get off the phone, and when we're J. sitting here too. I've had other relationships where we'd say i love you like this, but its never felt the same.

each person is different on how much they want to profess their love, and how they do it. i rarely heard my parents tell each other they loved each other, however i saw it in actions between them. other people i hear say it and its not backed up by actions.

if it concerns you, J. tell him about your past relationship, and tell him how you feel he should tell you, and ask him how he feels, and what he wants to do.

good luck. i hope everything works out for you :)

Every now and then when I feel the need to remind him that I do. We say so during touching moments, goodbyes, over the phone, intimate moments and when we are in a good mood.

Usually we "know" by our actions, but sometimes it's good to remind ourselves for the closeness of the relationship.

I don't believe in saying it every single moment because I think that feels like I am trying to validate my relationship or to M. it shows signs of insecurity.

It drives M. crazy when people say it on every phone call because I think if you are in a healthy relationship, the other person knows you love them. I do believe it needs to be sincere and you don't J. say it to say it. We say it when we leave for work in the morning and before we go to bed at night. Always before one of us gets on a flight and if one of us is having a bad day. We've been married 6.5 years and have 2 kids so life can get hectic but those are the times to M. that it is important to say.

It is different for everyone. I tell my husband I love him at least once a day.

Hi, Jen:

"Love is a feeling of warm personal attachment." From Values.com

As you already know, You have to love yourself first.!

Since your Dad was an alcoholic, do you attend any Al-Anon meetings in your area to help you learn to focus on yourself?

Find a meeting at : www.al-anon.alateen.org

When you love someone, the passion is within you to demonstrate it often in some form or another. Other people will reciprocate that demonstration. If not, you will need to ask for what you need.

Good luck.
D.