How Not to Have a Tramatic Experience Transfer from Parents Be to Own Bed.

Updated on September 20, 2009
K.G. asks from Eastaboga, AL
10 answers

I know I know should not have let my child sleep in the bed with us.This was basically my husband fault. My child is almost 4 and we have told her she had to start sleeping in her own bed when she turned 4. We have a toddler bed right beside our bed. Her main problem is there will be no one to "get her" this is her saying for mom & dad to touch & hold her in the bed for her to go to sleep. I told her I will still be able to touch her when she gets in her own bed. We are going to let her choose a stuffed animal or baby doll specifically for her to sleep with and told her if she can go a week sleeping in her bed she will get a special prize. We are going to start off just putting her in there after she falls asleep. I need suggestions on how to make this easier. I look forward to your suggestions.

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N.R.

answers from Huntsville on

First and foremost, I stopped reading your post right after the first sentence. You must stop feeling guilty for cosleeping!!!!! There is NOTHING WRONG with cosleeping! If you want it to end that is fine and a perfectly acceptable decision for your family. However, even if you wanted to continue doing it you shouldn't feel guilty about it. It can be done safely and can be beneficial for some. However you choose to handle your situation please remove the guilt you may be feeling and believe that you and your husband have the instincts required to have a strong and happy family!
We coslept for awhile with our oldest when she was a baby and then when she was older we would allow her (and still do) to come into our bed in the morning. Sometimes it is 1:30 is am and sometimes it isn't until 7 am. But we have decided as a family that we will continue to offer her that special time. If it does get to be too early, I have put her back in her bed and told her it isn't time yet. My sister did a similar routine and used a timer on a very dim lamp and told her son that he could come into mommy and daddy's bed only after the lamp shut off. When they first started the lamp thing she would set her alarm as well and would go get him about that time to demonstrate that they would keep their end of the plan. After a short while he didn't need that and would sleep in his own bed until after the sun came up.
So, I have given you my opinion and shared my personal story. All I have left to say is trust your instincts and good luck!!

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S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Does she take naps? It might be easier to start out taking a nap in the toddler bed for a week sleep there at night time. Having something special to sleep with is a great idea. You might even try a blanket, especially if there is one that you used together on your bed that she can use in her bed. As part of her bedtime routine, you could sit in her bed and read a couple books to her.

Good luck!

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J.F.

answers from Fayetteville on

K.,

Try putting a body pillow in bed with her. We had our last child who is 2 1/2 when my husband was 49 and he insist that he sleeps with him since he works the 10 pm to 7 am shift so when our son goes to bed with dad for dads nap at 7:30 pm he wants to sleep with me all night. I sleep with a breathing machine for sleep apena and my son likes to close up my breathing holes which I don't enjoy at 2 am. He loves the body pillow and snuggles up to it uses his daddies pillow and when he started the monster routine I filled a spray bottle with water and dads cologne and sprayed under his bed, around the windows and in the closet to keep the monsters away which has worked like a charm.

Good luck.

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N.S.

answers from Jonesboro on

We had the same problem with our first son.
We ended up getting him a small television set for his bedroom and we let him watch cartoons until he fell asleep. It works like a charm. Once he got used to that we slowly took the cartoons away- when he started school.
Good Luck!

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P.F.

answers from Lafayette on

I have 30 years experience with children and have become good at understanding childrens behaviors. Start by explaining the new rules: First you will explain we have new rules. This rule is once I say no it stays on no and it doesn't change back to yes.Also tell her when I say yes it won"t turn into no. In other words,never negogiate.Establish a routine of always being consistant(think before you answer and never change your mind,this will cause her not to have a need to whine and cry) Next after she understands you mean business, tell her we have a new rule NO MORE SLEEPING IN MOMS ROOM!!! Tell her when its on no it stays on no. Every time she cries or whines turn your back and show no reaction\\\ NO REACTION!!!!! Next at bed time tell her you will stay with her in her room but not in her bed, you will sit in a chair out of arms reach. Tell her if she cries in her new bed you will not stay in your chair. Explain it makes your head hurt when she cries.Explain when she gets in bed no more talking. If she talks in her bed you will walk out. Remember once its on no...... Stay untill she is asleep. After about one week move your chair next to the door. Next move your chair in the hallway.If at anytime she cries show no reaction and walk away. She will learn tears and talking in my bed gets me no where. When you scold or argue with a 4 year old it gives them power over you and it makes you both unhappy. Children find security in repetition.Good luck!!!

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L.N.

answers from New Orleans on

Yeah, mommy & daddy's bed is soooo much more cozy & warm. We had the same issue with ours - 2 & 4 year olds. We established a bedtime routine and stuck to it...we do our part by being consistent as possible. Our routine looks like this: bath time, get PJs on and play a little with mommy & daddy (not too exciting), read a story, say prayers & have milk. Then we set the stereo to play the same soothing music for 30 minutes every nite. If they want a book to take to bed, it is allowed. But no excessive talking, jumping in bed, or getting out of bed. Sometimes, we only have time for a prayer & music, but the rules are the same every night unless a kid is sick. NO other exceptions, because they will expect it every night and you have to start over. At first, I stayed in their room and enforced the rules. After a few nights, I was able to kiss them goodnight without them breaking the rules. This has worked for us and I am getting my rest again! Hopefully, you will find what works for your family as well.

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B.A.

answers from Huntsville on

First of all, there is noting wrong with a child sleeping in the bed with you! As long as you don't do anything?! Children would do better if more moms and dads would do this, children need the closenes. I still sleep in my moms bed with her when I get to see her, I don't get to see her very much, we live so far away. There is something comforting about being with her, besides we both are getting older and you are not promised another day. Yes, it is good for children to sleep in their own bed also, and she will in time, but at the same time let her ever once in a while sleep with you'll. Take care and may God Bless Always, Basrbara A.

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A.G.

answers from Jackson on

i am having the same problem. my son is 2 and has slept in his bed all his life until about 3 months ago. we started letting him watch T.V. in our bed until he fell asleep but then he got to where he didn't want to go to his bed at all. so i let him start sleeping with us and now i want my bed back. He still sleeps in a crib and will until he figures out how to climb out. (which thank goodness he has not done yet). i put a digital picture frame in his room. it also acts as a night light. it seems to help him fall asleep, but he still wakes up in the middle of the night and wants back in my bed. i have to be very strong and not get him out of his bed. it is very hard to do when he is SCREAMING for me. i guess the biggest thing for you would be to be strong and put her back in her bed if she finds her way to your room the the middle of the night. Good luck and let me know how it works out for you.

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

You've got to be strong and consistent. It's going to be hard on all of you, but if you stick with it, she will learn that she must sleep in her own bed.

Make sure you have a bedtime routine (bath, get her in bed to read a book, etc). This will help her learn when it's time to go to bed. Tuck her in bed, say goodnight, and walk out of her room. If she gets up, just put her back in, say goodnight & leave again. She will cry, but only go in to calm her back down every 10-15 mins. After several nights, she will get used to it.

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R.E.

answers from Tulsa on

John Rosemond is an excellent common-sense advice guy. He suggests in "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" that you invoke "the doctor" as an authority figure to make some transitions easier. As in, "The doctor says you need to sleep in your own bed now." Kids will often respond to the authority of a doctor when they won't respond to their parents. (If you're worried you're lying to your kids, remember Santa is invoked to encourage good behavior at Christmas.) You're not a bad mother for cosleeping, but as you've seen it can lead to separation problems later. Your daughter will have some difficulty adjusting to sleeping on her own, but it's important for her to learn that she can soothe herself, and that she can be alone and it's okay. :) (I also recommend "A Family of Value" by Rosemond.)

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