How Much Is Too Much When It Comes to Extended Family Input?

I've been through this and it is a tough spot. Finally I decided that while I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, that was my child not theirs. I would never say I was rude, but I firmly reminded them (during the worst times) that I was the mother and I would take care of things. It took time and lots of patience on my part, but finally it worked.

Let them know that you are so grateful to have such a loving family. Create situations where you're happy to let them fuss over her - like when you need to take a nap or would like to go to dinner. Then be firm (and consistent) during the other times - they will start to understand that there are boundaries.

Best of luck!

I really think that if you have a good bond with the mom then she will understand this fustration. You should never feel this way with your own baby. I really think that your husband should be more support to you and help you out with talking to her. Mabey she doesnt even know she is being that way or making you feel uncomfortable. Good Luck and stand up for yourself and baby!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mother-in-law was the same way with our daughter (18 months now). I felt comfortable enough with her to sit down with her and let her know how much I appreciated her input and how much she loves her granddaughter. I also told her that I needed her to let me be the mom sometimes. I am lucky that my husband supported me 100%--he gently reminded her when she giving too much advice. One thing I do for my mother-in-law is ask for her advice before she gives it. Then she can feel invloved and respected. I make sure Julia spends as much time with her as possible, too. Good luck to you--be as patient as you can be :)

I would try asking her advice on things that you really want advice on, before she has a chance to give you any. She'll feel like you respect her input.

Bottom line - this is your baby and if she crosses the line, it's your right to say, "I'll take it from here mom." I've often found that mildly chuckling while you say it helps! A smile never hurts either.

I'm in that situation myself & unfortunately I let it slide too long & now it's an even bigger issue (my daughter is now 2). I too kept reminding myself how much my mother-in-law loved her and that she had the best intentions.

On a lot of the issues, I would often use the excuse that my Dr. told me to handle it (whatever the issue was that my mother-in-law was giving advice on)this way (the way I wanted to handle it). That seemed to work pretty well.

It's defintely a fine line to walk. You need to be assertive, especially on the important issues, but delicate enough not to hurt any feelings. In the big picture, any hurt feelings will heal, so be sure you stand-up for yourself. Good luck!

This totally sounds like a question for Dr.Laura Schlesinger. She has a radio show on channel 840AM at noon every week day. You should call her, she gives honest advice.

I would sit her down and talk to her just as you've written this request. You are obviously scared this might make her upset and understand why she's doing it. Maybe you could start out by saying you are scared and need her help and let her respond then gingerly and honestly tell her what you're afraid of. I find that if I make myself vunerable and honest it takes any potential fire out of situations like this. Personal experience I wouldn't put it off so it has a chance to build inside you, I'm sure she has no clue how you're feeling. I hope especially with your husband's mother he supports you 100%. Your just a new mom building your own nest and grandmas get to spoil them with out all the work!
Good luck

I have found that you have to be firm in your beliefs.... and you have to establish clear boundaries. I struggled with this, with my own mother for quite some time. I finally just had to sit her down and tell her that while I appreciate her suggestions, my daughter was MY child and I was HER mother, and just like when she raised me, it was upsetting to have others override me.

It took lots of reminding and finally at one point I told her, if you can't accept my wishes, then you can't be around her. That is when she finally stopped.... and listened to me. I hated that it had to come to that point.

First off think to your self weather you were up front with her while the pregnancy our even before hand. And what I mean by up front is to let her know weather you liked or disliked something. If you were than you should have no problem talking to her with out hurting her feelings. If not I suggest you let grandmother watch you Daughter one day a week for only 1hr. while you have your nails, hair, or out side walk around the park time. This will allow you to speak your mind with out offending her as much but keeping it real. Plus a bond will happen between your mom and daughter that you might even be a bit envious of. As your little girl gets older you can count on this bond that her and her grandmother have for each other. When your daughter hits about six to nine months you will be thankful your mother is so help full. You need some leverage so as not to hurt your mother and I think this might do it. Your hormones from just having the baby will be intense so this hour will be a good time to rationalize your thoughts. Good Luck!

I have personally found that the best way to handle this type of thing is to kindly say "Thank you, but I'd like to handle this situation" or if it's in regards to something she's 'suggesting' to you you can say "I'm sure that does/would work very well, but with (this child) I like to do things this way". . . It still sounds kind of rude, I know, but it does get the point across, and re-emphasizes the fact that you are the mother, and you are the one who knows how the baby likes things done. With MY child, I want to raise him the way I think is best. If it hurts someones feelings, well, that's regrettable, but at least you know that you politely got your feelings across. Besides, mother's were made to be mother's. Don't let someone stiffle your instincts.

Having a first child is overwhelming and I think our moms pick up on that and forget that we aren't kids anymore. The best approach I had was, "Mom, I appreciate the suggestion but being home with 'baby' all day I've learned his/her routine, and I'd rather not interupt it." After I was more confident as a mom I noticed that my mom saw that and nestled into grandma mode more that "helpful" mom mode. Remember, this too shall pass. Good Luck!