How Much (If Anything) Should I Allow My Son for Mowing a Sick Friend's Lawn?

I would allow him to take the job at the rate they are offering. I would suggest to him that for this rate, he should do a fantastic job. He should ask them exactly how they want it done, clean up after himself, etc. He could also ask if there are any other tasks he could help with around the yard or house, no extra charge. If they couldn't afford to pay, they wouldn't have offered. Some people, I'm one of them, are not comfortable accepting "charity".

they are offering him 35 bucks because they want him to do a good job. I think he should do a good job for them and maybe more, and accept their offer.

I think it's a great way to teach your son about serving others! But, it would be best if you talked to him about it and he wanted to do it for free, rather than you telling him. Try to get him to think it's his idea! Help him understand how grateful your family is for your health and that someday if your family needed help, you would hope others might do the same, although he should not do it just for this reason...

No matter if it is paid or not, he is helping them.
They offered.
Accept graciously.
Your son, will learn something from it, paid or not.
It is beneficial all around, for everyone. And fair.

He can 'volunteer' for other things. Other things.
This would be his first experience with a 'job.'
That is good.

Do not insist, that he insist, on doing it for free.

Just accept, graciously.
Being gracious, also means, accepting and letting someone offer and decide on payment. That is what they decided and most probably talked about. So it is okay with them. They feel good about it and their decision.

Don't make it a big deal. It may then make it, uncomfortable... for them. And that is not... 'gracious.'

They offered your SON this. They could have hired a stranger or a professional yard man. Which would cost LOTS more. So... they have thought about this... and decided, to offer your SON, this Opportunity.
That is golden.
It will teach your son, about life.

He can also, write them a "thank you" card, for offering him this 'job'... and how he appreciates that.
THAT.. is also being thoughtful and "gracious" and very proper. It will bless them too... the couple that offered him this job.

And, please let your son, decide how to use his earnings.
Teach him about saving... and spending. Of course. But let him decide and learn.
My Mom, has a brother that as a child did handiwork and got paid for it. BUT... his parents took all his earnings. He was not allowed to keep it at all. And he could not, spend it or save it as he wished. He deeply... resented his parents for this. Because... he was not trusted nor allowed to, keep what he earned. And he had worked hard for it.

A friend of mine had a neighbor that was ill and her whole family made that person their summer service project. They just walked over after they mowed their own lawn, they trimmed their trees after they trimmed their own after a storm, the planted flowers in the beds, put up hummingbird feeders, they pulled weeds, the painted the trim around the windows, they basically just acted like it was their own yard.

If your family and maybe even a couple of other families made it their "job" to help this neighbor then it would be easier for everyone involved and the rewards of doing something kind is so...wonderful.

If this woman lives much longer then she will live to see the flourishing flowers that will draw butterflies and maybe even hummingbirds.

I'm so sorry to hear about the straits your neighbor is in. And it's wonderful that you feel an impulse to help.

My mom repeatedly "volunteered" me and my sisters to do favors for her friends; housework, yardwork, child care, pet care/dog walking on vacations. We always were thanked, or course, and even if the recipient offered us money, my mom would never allow me to accept it. I can't begin to describe how utterly unjust this situation felt. And it has made it very hard for me to put a fair price on my labor ever since. I've lived 'poor' all my life, partly because I can't get past the sense that my time really isn't worth much.

In some societies, a 13 year old is considered nearly an adult, and earns money alongside his parents to help support the family. Just because your son has more "free" time than you do doesn't mean he should necessarily give it away for free, unless HE WANTS TO. This is a value that you can and should teach through example, but really, you can't manipulate or force it on a child and expect them to "get" it. He may do your bidding, and it may leave him confused and resentful, especially if he's already heard the offer of $35.

What you might do is set up a savings plan for some part of the money, and request that your son use that money ONLY toward special needs of his own. But to change the terms of the offer (which your neighbors apparently can afford and find fair) after the fact may very possibly leave a bad taste in your son's mouth. And that's NOT the spirit in which we can work most fruitfully.

I suggest that you leave the terms of the deal between your son and the neighbors. They would probably pay a lawn service a lot more.

I just wanted to share that when I went through cancer last year, it was REALLY hard for me to accept help. But, with a 19 month old and almost 4 year old (at diagnosis), I needed all the help I could get as I went through 7 surgeries and 6 months of chemo in one year. I had people taking care of my kids, driving me to doctor appointments, bringing food, etc. I always felt horrible for people going to so much trouble, but also knew that there was NO way we could have done it alone. These people were a God send to me and my family.

That said, I like lots of the ideas that people have thrown out there. I would at least have your son offer to do it for free (and then you can either pay him yourself or take him out for some fun to make up for all of the hard work). If they won't accept, then let him take the money and donate it to a cancer organization in her name as someone else suggested. Win/win for everyone involved (including your son who will learn a wonderful life lesson from this!). Don't beat yourself up over not thinking about him offering sooner. When you've never been in that situation, it's hard to think about what someone might need help with. Now that they have reached out for help, take that opportunity to see what else you and your family might be able to do for them. Many blessings to you and I will keep your neighbors in my prayers.

Maybe he can donate some of his earnings to a cancer charity in her name? This way he still takes the money they are offering, but also learns about volunteering and charity. Win win for everyone.

Hello,

My husband was diagnosed with cancer in November 2010. He had brain surgery immediately after diagnosis. I have to work to keep the house and benefits going. My husband was really weak and unstable after surgery, so could not shovel the driveway. Our neighbors took turns helping. We offered money but they would not take it. Mowing the lawn is more frequent and regular. I would let your son take the money. You might let him save the $20, save the remaining money for a donation in your neighbor's name to Dana Farber or a local cancer cause. If they are offering $35, they likely got a much higher estimate from a landscaper.

Id let him do the mowing, and let him take the money. Have him save some, and use some for school clothes shopping or other things every teenager wants that us parents hate to pay for. You might make them a meal once a week to help out too. I wouldnt want to be a young teen doing the work and not getting anything. I asked my 16 yr old neighbor kid to mow for me and offered to pay $15. Small yard, not hard, my mower, my gas.. The going rate was probably that or more. A lawn service Im sure would have asked for $50 a month. His M. decided he didnt need that much money and refused to let me pay him more than $5. And he HAD to save $3 each time. He commented years later, when he was no longer mowing for me that his M. always made him feel like he wasnt worth much, and would even give him a bad time when he got a job at a store, for minimun wage, saying he shouldnt be paid that much as it wasnt a big deal to work in a store. I think that is one reason he ran off and basically turned his back on his M. later. So let him do the work, earn the money, and help the neighbor. Its a good lesson for him, but his time and effort are worth it even if they are sick.

Gas is expensive and that is a token amount for the job...accept it.
I pay $35 for my lawn to be mowed and my lawn is not that large! He can do little extras if he wants to be thoughtful, like some have suggested...planting flowers? It is one thing to be thoughtful...but there are many other ways you could be thoughtful.

Talk with him about how great he is for accepting it in the first place, since it is a big yard and he's helping them. Maybe encourage him to at least offer to do it for free, but not many people are comfortable accepting charity. Most likely, he has offered to do it free already and they said no. Don't overthink it. I bet they are happy he is willing to mow their yard and would feel like they're taking advantage of him if they weren't paying him. $35 sounds like a lot, but I used to get paid $20 for mowing pretty small yards so it's not that much more. If they do take him up for free, I would pay him yourself too since it is a laborful (made up word I know) job OR what I would probably do with my daughter if she did it for free, is take her out for a special day and do some stuff she likes and take her to dinner at some random point to say I'm proud of her. Maybe I'd give her a little cash for her savings or whatever too at some point.

I agree with Sue W about him offering to help with other stuff at no extra charge. We don't like accepting charity (my mom has cancer so people from the local church offer to do stuff all the time) but they sneak over and mow our front yard when we leave lol and bring us dinner every now and then. It's really sweet.

My 11 year old son mows the neighbors' lawn every 5 days with their riding mower. It might be 2 acres, takes ~1 1/2hours to mow, driving at a moderate rate. He is paid $20. (For comparison.)

Now that you realize that you would like to do something for them, ask them how you could help out. Cook a supper, help clean, stay with the ill person while the healthy spouse goes out do errands or have some relaxing time, buy a massage session for both of them, etc....

: )

I understand what you are going through. I went through this with a lesbian couple about 6 years ago.

That is a reasonable rate for mowing a lawn of that size. My son mowed lawns for years so I know the going rate, and it's definitely less than what a landscaper would charge. It's probably reassuring for this couple to have things taken care of. Perhaps your son could do some extras for them, like watering the plants/gardens, taking in their mail, putting out their trash. If they have a dog, he could volunteer to walk it. If there are children, perhaps he could take them out to play.

Another thing you might do is to contact a website called Lotsa Helping Hands - the couple can set up a list of things they need, and people can volunteer to help without the couple actually having to coordinate anything. This is a free website and the info can be sent out to all of their friends and neighbors. Examples would be delivering meals 3, 4, 5 days a week, maybe putting everything in a cooler at the side door so they can get it when they are ready. Other examples are sitting with the ill spouse so the other can get a break, going to the grocery store, doing laundry, taking the recycling to the redemption center, doing dishes, and a lot more. Perhaps someone who plays guitar could get a few people together to sing at the bedside? Maybe read some favorite novel or poetry to the sick woman? If she likes animals, maybe someone with a calm dog or cat can bring the animal by for some non-verbal contact - a lot of animals are used in hospice or respite care. Depends on how much pain and consciousness is involved - but you get the idea. Let them be your guides, and also find out what is already being provided by visiting nurses and hospice workers.

This would be a great thing for neighbors to do to reach out to a couple in need, particularly one which may have been marginalized or not felt entirely welcome. What you don't want to do is have everyone showing up unannounced and deciding what is needed. Another thing is to write up little notes about how much this person means to you and how they will be missed. Everyone misses their own eulogy so it's nice to be appreciated before you die. Again, let the healthy spouse be your guide on this.

In the springtime, my kids (17 and 18 yrs) cleaned up a neighbor's yard who just had back surgery and couldn't do his own lawn work for 3 weeks. They did all kinds of stuff for the lawn and the man offered to pay them, when he was well. My boys refused and said they "did it because they could and it was the right thing to do." They felt SO awesome about their good deeds, and I would recommend that approach. It was a GREAT life lesson.

If your son is totally swamped with other activities and work, you could surprise him with something nice later on. But if he is pretty much hanging out and chilling this summer, I would say allow him the satisfaction of serving others with some volunteer work.

That is big job and paying your son instead of company is beneficial to all. They are allowing your son to learn life skills, and really they could have hired someone else, so I am thiking they want to help him. I would discuss with him possibly taking some of it and donating it to a cancer fondation. Or maybe him not accepting payment ever fourth job or so.

I agree with what others have said. And donating some/all of the money to cancer research/charity in her name is totally awesome! Maybe, you could let him make the money and keep it, and at the end of the summer you can donate what you feel comfortable w/ to cancer research/charity in her name.

It's a win/win situation all around. Your son gets to help struggling people, he gets exercise, they get help and don't have to worry about another burden.

let him get paid, if he wants to help out with bushes or something else great but please don't Insist he does it without pay. Now if you were going to do the work then that would be different, you could choose not to get paid. I wouldn't insist he donates it but rather ask him what he thinks would be a good use of 5 or 10 dollars of the money each time. Give some ideas, fresh flowers for your friends, or someone else in need, or some other thing. .If you want to teach him about volunteering or helping other out graciously, then you and him should do something together for the neighbor( make a meal together or dessert,). REally the best way to teach your son is by example. It sounded like you wanted him to help but didn't want to take the time to help yourself(maybe I understand that wrong). good luck in whatever you decide.

What about let him do it and then he can give a portion to a cause that he feels strongly about. Cancer, ecofriendly causes, rainforest etc. Let him get passionate about a cause and get the feel of giving etc. Or have him offer to do it for free a few times---like every 4 mows, you get 1 free~ :) Or something like that. GL!!!

M

How about put in the money in a college savings fund or something like that?

It's a bummer about your neighbor's fight with cancer but it doesn't mean that your son should volunteer his time or donate the money he earned from doing an honest days work. They probably want to hire him so that it's taken care and they don't have to give the lawn another thought. But if he insists on doing it for free they will feel guilty about it and bend over backwards to thank him for his charity which will quickly become another burden for them. Think about it - haven't you asked someone to do something for you where you intended payment of some type and they do it and flat out insist that you don't pay them .... it adds a burden and you won't ask them for help again. If you ask most people with cancer want to be treated the same you have always treated them - it's the only normal they have left.

Look at it this way ... it's a win win. Your son gets a steady job and learns responsibility. Your neighbors get something taking off their plate by someone reliable that they can count on for a bargain really. Also, let your son do what he wants with the money - save some, spend it on something he really wants it will let him see the value of that work and the benefits of a steady income. I'm not sure why people think he should donate it.

Since you have limited time some suggestions where you can help would be to volunteer your time picking up groceries or running errands (you probably have to go anyway), cook a meal or do a home visit for the times that the wife has to go to work or run errands. I get that you want to help and be neighborly and humane but your son didn't give your neighbor cancer - why do you want to put all of the burden on him? That being said, it's great that you want to help.