How Many of You... - Old Monroe,MO

Every family is different. I don't hold other families or people to what I'm capable of. AND I do admire certain qualities in other people.

A while ago a neighbor said she admired me because I was always 'so mellow' when I was out with my one child and she has three. I reminded her that A. "ha! but you must be catching me at some very good times!" and B. "I think mellow and serene would be a long-distant memory if I had three. You're doing great!"

There is always someone who can do/manage something better than me and
there's always someone who can do/manage not as well as me.

it's all about perception. People don't see what goes on behind closed doors much of the time.

So people see me doing my thing - volunteering, helping friends who work during the day, recruiting/head hunting, helping the boys with homework, cleaning the house, taking care of the stuff and say WOW!! how do you do it all? I say - because I HAVE to!!!

There are skills that some people have that I would love to have. And I do try and emulate them (one of my girlfriends is kinda OCD about everything being put away...I TRY it!!)

I don't expect anyone to try and handle my plate. I don't expect anyone to be able to handle things that **I** do....that's just life. No one is the same. I like it like that...I can learn from other people - even if they are making mistakes - I can learn from it!! (how NOT to do it!)!

I don't tend to look at other people with awe because too many people look at me with awe and like you, the house still standing is a good day.

Sure there are a fair few people that if I laid out my life would say my god, how did you do that. But I was faced with sink or swim, who is to say that anyone faced with the same choices wouldn't have done the same, ya know?

I remember before I had Andy thinking how on earth do people stay sane raising special needs kids. I have a very hard time remembering he is special needs.

I guess I am saying no one knows what they are capable of until they are forced to sink or swim.

They say being a mom is like being a duck - you look all calm and collected on the surface, while underneath you are paddling like crazy just to stay afloat! LOL

In some ways, I do think I expect that if I can do something, others ought to be able to as well - however at the same time, I do recognize that others have talents and abilities that far overreach anything I can do. So I do see that while I am deficient in some areas, I excel in others - and so does everyone else. I try to keep an open mind and learn from other moms I admire; maybe I can pick up a few of their tricks and become better at what I do.

Yes. I usually figure that something I can do easily, then others should also be able to do, maybe not easily, but at least be able to do.

I had 8 kids and I would take all 8 of them with me when I went shopping. It wasn't hard at all. Its what the military called " Command and Control". I issued the commands and maintained control. I would send the kids to find things so they wouldn't be bored and cause mischief or whine and tease.

I did it easily and I'm amazed moms on here find it "impossible" with just two or three kids.

On the other hand, I can't get my hands and fingers to work together. I'd love to play the piano. I've done a lot of practice on the computer keyboard, but I can't seem to use all my fingers properly when typing or playing the paino.

Good luck to you and yours.

Aww-that is such a nice compliment from your mom. Who I admire most are those that are naturally nice...that is something I have to work at :-)

One thing I do that I am always suprised when people don't is prioritize time with the kids. I know a lot of people who make huge efforts for couple time, girls time or me time but not much 'kids' time. Hard for me to understand b/c the people I most prefer to be with in the world are my boys.

Honestly, I think we are all a bit of both. The things that come easily to us, we tend to expect others to be able to do just as well b/c well... they don't seem too difficult, right? And the things we struggle with, we admire those who seem to do them so easily, because FOR US, they are SOOOO HARD.
It's all perception.

Occasionally, we are able to see outside of our own view of the world and actually THINK and see that maybe it comes easily to that person, like "x" comes easily to us... and vice versa. But I think, generally, we tend to stay in our own little world and think "WOW" she's A-MAZING for being able to do "__", and "GOOD GRIEF, Why doesn't she ___?!" it isn't THAT hard!

Ya know?

Maybe I'm lazy but I'll always wonder how some moms handle a full-time job and then babies/toddlers when they get home. I get irritated when I come home from my part-time job and I have to go straight into mommy mode and don't get a minute to relax.
Another one is people who have kids so close in age. Like for example a 3 yr old, a 15 month old, and one on the way. I'm not sure if I'd say I admire these people because I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, but I sure wonder how they do it. I'm scared enough with my 11 yr old, 3 1/2 yr old, and one on the way! Lol

sure - both ways. I don't look so much at specific tasks ie: when someone can rewire the electricity in their house bc while I would definitely be very impressed, I probably could learn to do that if I spent the time and effort. We can't all be masters of every type of task. So I look more at how much some people juggle and do it well without much complaining - and also not much self satisfaction thinking they know it all, with all the time in the world to give advice on everything under the sun bc if they really were so smart, they'd be busy doing actually impt things - and I am impressed and inspired. I also am consistently in awe of doctors... That's one "task" that I do pretty much say I likely wouldn't have made it through the internship, residency etc. On the flip side, there are absolutely people who I think "geez, if I can do abc, they shoudl be able to also." Some people act like they have so much on their plates but on a legitimate comparison basis - ie, I do know the back story if anyone is sick etc - they really don't have much going on at all yet are constantly complaining and stressed. I dislike very much how I have to deal with mothers of my children's friends who are like this. I want to roll my eyes when a mother tells me for the 20th time they'll have to do take out for dinner bc she meant to cook but she was too busy. And she says this as I am literally cooking dinner for my larger family after working all day and she got to go to the gym to her personal trainer while her daughter was in school all day. I do think "geez, if I can cook dinner almost every night, why can't she??" I think in a way this is all valuable. Benchmarking keeps us striving to do more to be more like the people we admire while be annoyed enough by other people we get determined not to become lazy and incompetent.

J.,
I don't think any less of someone who doesn't have the same strengths or abilities I do, nor , would I want anyone to think less of me for my weaknesses. We all should compliment each other as a couple, family and a community. This is what makes us all different but, the same . (How contradictory is that, lol). If I thought about just being around those who do have the same strengths as me, my world would be a boring place, and I would feel a little cheated /denied for not being able to share my strenghts with those who need it and vice versa. Sometimes I think some of us take ourselves and our gifts for granted,while others don't even recognize theirs. The world can be an amazing place. C. S.

I am the first - the one that thinks because I am capable of doing xyz that others should be also. It often results in disappointment. I read something someplace that literally described me to a T -

"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them".

Yep, that's me.......

So, capable versus willing I guess...=)

I can think of many other women and families that I totally admire and even envy sometimes because of how "together" they seem to have life. When I express that to others, I am usually told that I am someone who they admire because they say they couldn't handle my life. Honestly, I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy...I'm happy and content with my life, because it's mine! But, I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through the struggles both physically and mentally that I go through. I know every family goes through struggles, sometimes they are better hidden than others, but we all have em'. I don't expect people to live up to my standard of doing things and hope they don't expect the same from me.

I think I used to do this more before my divorce. We were the family that looked perfect until we weren't - insert shock and awe...

I have my own personal definition of when I have it all together, which is generally short lived because life happens - like the washer going out (awesome). Today, everyone was on time to school and work. The animals were all fed before we left the house and the kids had breakfast (ok, I think they did). So basically, I think today has been a good day so far...

It sounds like you're doing great so go with that!

I'm glad there are people who can't do the same things as easily as I could, that way I can charge them for my efforts and make a living. ;) If everyone could do everything that I could, what value would I have to offer the world? Do I wish I could do things that other people think is very easy? Of course! That would save me money because then I wouldn't have to pay someone to do it for me! But, alas I am not that versatile.

I have to pay someone to change the oil in my car because I just can't seem to do it without making a horrible mess, or screwing something up. However, I can build a computer from the ground up and diagnose software issues if it starts to act up. Sometimes I think that everyone can do this, in this day and age, where computers are such a big part of our daily lives and feel down about myself for having such a useless skill set. But it only takes one frantic phone call from my mother, who doesn't know how the magic got into the box she flips on to "plug and play" with every day, to make me feel like I have something to contribute to society.

The world takes all kinds.

It would be best if we could love without evaluating other's productivity or achievement. The older and more useless I get, the more I wish it was true!

There are definitely things I'm great at that others aren't (talking to people in large groups, large speeches, etc).

However there are other things other people can do and I would be horrible at - sewing, gardening, etc. (okay maybe not HORRIBLE) at but it's not like I excel at it.

I have looked at other families and wish our lives were like theirs in X way but I've also had people tell me they want a relationship like hubby and I have. So I think there will always be people who can do what you can't and people who can't do what you do. Like you, I'm thankful on a daily basis for my hubby, kids, family and our home!

Interesting question.
I know exactly what you mean.
I tend to be very good at rolling with things as they crop up, motoring along.
I thrive on a veryveryfastpacedvschedule with very little time between events, appointments, etc.
But I know not everyone can function on that kind of schedule.
I'm more productive when I'm up against a deadline.
But, yeah...gotta admit...it bugs me when people are thrown for a loop by an unforeseen "extra" or something.
I can't imagine NOT living on the razor's edge I guess!

Both for me too, sometimes I look back on my life and wonder how I did do it. There is always someone, I feel, you think does it better than you, but as long as you are happy, your kids are healthy and safe, you should be proud of the work you are doing. There is no instruction manual to this life, so do the best you can and leave the rest up to God, well that is what I do.

I think everybody feels the way you do until its pointed out that we are spectacular in some way. I think we all chug along in our daily lives and do the best we can, hope to be an inspiration to our kids and it's really nice when we surprisingly end up being an inspiration in some unexpected place. Enjoy the worship : )

I cannot live with the thought that I cannot "do" something. I have never, ever ...in my entire life....said, "oh, no! That's not for me/not something I can do". I have never belittled myself by limiting my world.

Conversely, there are many things I have zero desire to do! I actively choose not to do them, out of my own preference .....& not a lack of ability to do so.

& yet so many people verbalize their own limitations. I was at a reunion this wkend, & my cousin actually said, "I'm not smart. I know that. So don't ask me a question that I can't answer". WTH? You've got to be kidding me! Good grief!

So one thing your post is telling us: you're not conceited. Kudos to you!

When I worked, I couldn't figure out why I could do something work related and others couldn't figure it out. But when it comes to parenting, I never think that because I can do it, other moms or dads can or should do it too. Everyone has their own way of parenting. I get told all the time "I don't know how you do it with a toddler and infant twins?" I don't either, but somehow it gets done (most days). I also look to single parents and wonder how they do it. I'd go crazy if I didn't have my husband around to help me out, even if it is just for an hour a night.