Hi, Mamas!
I am an in-home daycare provider, and I just got two new kids. These kids (mostly the older one, they're brother and sister) don't get along with my older daughter. They bicker constantly, and I am always having to break up squabbles. I do try and let them work it out on their own as much as possible because I think kids need to do that without adults interfering all the time, but I am still constantly doing time outs and constantly redirecting and constantly whatever. I know that it's normal for kids to squabble over toys and whatnot, but this is ALL DAY. I am trying to teach them to share, take turns, all those things (which my daughter doesn't usually have trouble with), but it hasn't taken so far. They've only been here for a week, so I don't want to give up on them yet, but how long do I wait for it to settle down before I ask Mom to find a new provider? FYI, my daughter is 3.5, and the little boy has just turned 3. Thanks, Mamas!
Oh, and it doesn't seem to be either one of them instigating all the time. They're all good kids, but they just don't seem to be getting along. Sometimes kids just don't mesh with each other.
If the oldest child you're talking about is 3.5, "try and let them work it out on their own as much as possible " is not the best choice. They are far too young for that. They need you, the adult, to be Right There, all the time, helping them negotiate things.
I also provide daycare in my home. It is not fair to your child to be uncomfortable in her own home. She should feel safe and happy in her home. Your daughter is probably one of the main reasons you are doing home daycare! This is what I would do. I would explain the situation to the other mom. Tell her you are going to give it two more weeks to try to work things out. Maybe she even has some good suggestions, After two weeks, both of you should review how the last two weeks have gone. If things have not improved, I would ask her to look for new daycare. It would be nice if you offer to watch the kids until she finds new daycare. If you are nice about the whole thing, I think this can end on good terms! Maybe things will turn around in the mean time. Good luck, just remember that your daughter needs to come first. It is not really a good situation for the other child either. Some kids just do not get along!
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i really like that you aren't doing the blame game. i'd just be forthright with the mom and tell her you'll give a couple of weeks. she might have some suggestions to offer too. and i'm sure she'll be appreciative of your honesty and willingness to give this a good shot first.
khairete
S.
You said you try not to interfere and let them work it out, but maybe for now you need to interfere sooner and teach them how. I would hover as much as possible, really notice good behavior and back off little by little. They might really respond better than punishment for bad behavior.
I love that you aren't blaming anybody. They are just three, and you being a childcare provider, I know you know that three-year-olds are notorious for "MINE!" "MINE!" "MINE!". They don't want to share, plain and simple. Sometimes, it's even unreasonable to expect them to, depending on what it is, and if they are tired, etc.
I think that this is going to take a bit more guidance on your part though. I would definitely tell the other Mom, maybe she can work on her child's sharing skills from her end while you work on your daughter. Also I would maybe participate with them more in play as opposed to letting them work it out. Maybe some 'structured play' where they have to work together as a team, or some activities that will help the two of them get to know each other better.
Give it a few weeks, they will get better. They have to get used to each other. If there's one thing I know about three year olds, they sure are territorial!!
Take yourself out of the situation---- by that I mean- what would you do if none of the children involved were yours? If the conflict was between two of the daycare kids would you still being thinking of asking them to leave?
I know it is hard to see your child being hurt is some way (best wording I could find there) but I would try and give it a little more time. A month maybe. They are 3 and you are doing the right thing by not blaming any one in particular and trying to let them work it out on their own.
They probably don't know any better. Many people are so used to living in conflict that they don't know how to interact with someone unless they are bickering with someone. You know like the guys who will spend all day bickering about which car is better or football team. Like it really matters, it's an opinion but some people can't let it go. These kids are learning it somewhere, talk to the Mom.
Give it at least a few weeks. Make sure you address any issues with the Mom or Dad when they come to pick up the kids. Sometimes,kids dont mesh with each other. It sounds like you are very paitient and hopefully everything will work out.
