She was 3 1/2 months along when she miscarried and her 6 year old son is extremely excited about being a big brother, She is at a loss on how to explain this to him. He has never experienced a death in the family, and to top it off, his great grandpa died 3 days before she miscarried so all this is a lot for her to handle. Any idea's on how to start this conversation with him?
Keep it simple "the baby didn't grow so we're not having a new baby after all." A six year old doesn't need a full medical definition or to even think about a baby's death.
Just tell him that sometimes babies don't get big enough to be born.
I'd just tell him that sometimes things don't work out and there will be no baby coming.
It's nobody s fault and Mom and Dad will be sad for awhile but they all love him very much and are very happy about what a wonderful son he is.
My 2 boys were a little older when I had my miscarriage. Mine was only at 8 weeks along though.
My husband and I just told them that we're not going to have a baby like we had hoped this time because something didn't happen right while the baby's body to be was trying to form and grow. It stopped forming and growing like it should and couldn't be born to be the baby we were hoping for. They had questions and we answered truthfully. We said that sometimes things can go wrong and that we can't always know what it was. We said that next time everything may go just fine, and it did. My third turned 6 earlier this year. We told them it is OK to be sad because they had been excited and now it wasn't happening. They handled it really well and were very helpful to me when I went through the several days it took to pass everything when the miscarriage started naturally.
I am sorry for your daughter's and your loss.
Kids have no concept of time for a pregnancy. I think if she's planning another pregnancy she could just tie them together in his mind. He won't know if the baby is coming or not nor when.
If she's not going to have another child or wants to wait a while she can just let him know that they aren't having a baby after all. No need to tell him any further details.
My daughter was 4 when I miscarried and I just told her that the baby died in a way she understood at that age. She has asked a few times about since then (she is 9) and at times she is sad (she would really like a younger sibling), but as she gets older she understands more.
I had to have an ablation after my miscarriage so no more children for us.
What a difficult experience for all, especially your daughter and her husband. This is one reason why people often don't tell young children right away, although once other adults are told then you kind of have to include the children so the info comes from the parents and not from casual conversation.
Usually, 6 year olds don't have a great sense of future events, so once everyone stops talking about it, he will likely move on. The idea is to keep it very VERY simple, as others have said. Do not go into details about what happened or where the pregnancy went, just that it's not happening now after all. You want to give him enough info so that he's not constantly asking his parents when another baby is coming. Make absolutely sure that he's not going to get any misconception that this is someone's fault - it's not because he was naughty or because Mom did something strenuous or because she ate a French fry.
Religious views sometimes come into it, either with your family or from outside. Be prepared that someone may say "God decided to take the baby to heaven" or "God needed another angel" If that's your family's belief, that's one thing, but if it's not, then be aware that this sort of statement from others can scare a young child to pieces. My opinion is that God doesn't take innocent lives - and I never wanted my child afraid that God might randomly come and take him.
It may well be that your grandson will move on from this very quickly - please don't ask him to bear sadness that he doesn't feel. The future is so far off for young kids and they tend to move on with their lives much more quickly than older kids and adults. That's okay - it doesn't mean he's not a sensitive kid.
I wish your family the best.
I agree with B - no need to make it a huge traumatic "death" conversation. Mommy and daddy found out that unfortunately, there won't be a baby this time, but they will try again, etc, etc. If he asks questions, tell him God decided that he needed the baby to do another job (if their faith lies that way). A 6 year old isn't going to understand a lot when it comes to death and pregnancy. I know she is probably a wreck (most of us would be), so it seems an insurmountable obstacle - but help her to help her son, by not making it a "huge deal", and I'm sure it will barely register on her son's radar.
