How Do You Remind Your Kids What This Season Is Really About?

A couple times a year we take the kids to make donations at the homeless shelter and local soup kitchen.

i dunno.

my 'reason for the season' is the rebirth of the light and the opportunity to spend time in the nurturing darkness before the return of busy-ness and activity.

that doesn't mean it's everyone else's.

my kids were super excited about the music, lights, decorations, cookies, family, parties and anticipation. and yeah, the presents.

i think 'giving and receiving' as the spirit of the season misses the point almost as much as the commercialism. why is giving and receiving restricted to the winter solstice? the boys and i volunteered a lot when they were little, but it wasn't just at christmas, it was year-round.

if presents are a part of anyone's seasonal celebrations i think it's a bit much to expect kids not to be pretty focused on it. what kids don't like presents?

khairete
S.

First, take a breath and remember that it is completely normal for kids to dream up Christmas wishlists and sometimes they are ridiculous. This is not necessarily a negative thing on it's own. You have to look at the big picture here. How are they during the rest of the year?

You wanted to know how to teach the spirit of the season, but this is really a life lesson that requires an all-year example.

Seasonal volunteering and participating in giving activities is always great. Definitely go find an angel tree, help a food pantry, etc. However, keeping that spirit year round to the best of your household's ability is better. There is always a glut of help at this time of year, then organizations struggle for volunteers and donations for the next 10 months.

If you and the kids are frequently active in philanthropy that is not tied to a holiday, they will learn that this trait is a simple matter of being rather than a special effort to make once per year.

We've done a couple of things.

1) My husband is in advertising but he has turned down assignments (and income) for things he found reprehensible. He's been able to explain the advertising business to our son, and we limited commercials when he was young and analyzed them when he was older.

2) We asked him WHY he needed all the toys. We also limited what he could ask for (the number of things) so that he had to make choices. I also think an allowance is a good thing for kids from a fairly young age (or the ability to make decisions about money they earn or get from Grandma) - they have to learn to prioritize, and they have to learn to separate impulse purchases from what they miss out on by giving in to instant gratification. We also had a 3-part bank that separated money for "spending" and "sving" and "charity."

3) Involve kids in charitable projects all year long. They don't have to give to everyone (I don't, and I explain why/why not to my kid), but we chose certain things that were important to us. Buying a jar of peanut butter and putting it in the Food Pantry bin at the supermarket is nice, but it's uninvolved. Taking a child to the food pantry (by pre-arrangement and not when recipient families are there) is more meaningful. Putting a bag together and personally giving it to the letter carrier for the postal workers' collection was halfway in between - at least he talked to the letter carrier and heard from someone besides me how important this is. A portion of weekly allowance went into that "charity" bank, and then we periodically opened it up to count (good lesson in math and coins, by the way!) and then donating it where he chose. One time he chose a desecrated cemetery, another time an AIDS project, another time he bought toiletries for domestic violence shelters.

4) Join with others. Our synagogue's Social Action Committee did a project every month - food drives, clothing drives, etc. Every year, we worked at hosting homeless families (with religious school classes doing age-appropriate help, from making lunches for little kids or prepping dinner or helping with homework) - so seeing other kids go to school with a bare-bones but nutritious lunches and without 7 choices of high-end snacks really made my kid appreciate necessities vs. luxuries. Our annual neighborhood block party always had a collection, either with every family bringing food or the kids doing a bake sale/lemonade stand for a charity. One neighborhood kid is diabetic so usually they give to the diabetes center, and they give through one of the dads whose company matches funds. At least once a year, he sent something out to neighbors (delivering flyers) asking for business travelers to bring home the little shampoo and lotion bottles or for people to ask their dentists for an extra toothbrush and toothpaste to donate to battered women's shelters. Those we couldn't take to the shelter because they location is, of course, secret, but meeting a volunteer in a neutral location and loading up her car really impressed upon him what it must feel like for women and kids to run with practically nothing.

When kids get thank you notes from charities themselves, it makes an impression. Kids also have to see parents doing things, not just giving money. I sing in a chorus that visits nursing homes and memory care units, for example, and I stay overnight once a year at the homeless families shelter (usually on Christmas Eve to Christmas Day so staff can have the night off).

Anyway, I'd take it easy for this year, but then start in January with a monthly project or something that means something to your kids. Make it fun and a family project, but have them do the work. They can choose the type of project but they can't choose whether or not to participate in something. That's how I'd phrase it. Don't solve it all in one month - just have it evolve. "Many hands make light work" helps kids deal with huge problems that seem insurmountable - so they can think globally but act locally.

Good luck!

It's pretty normal for kids to get excited about presents, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.
We did adopt-a-family when my kids were younger. Picking out and wrapping presents for specific people ("Jamie age 9, loves Legos" for example) was really fun and meaningful.
I was a Scout leader for many years and we ALWAYS did some kind of holiday giving. Over the years we baked and delivered cookies to senior citizens, and police and firefighters. We helped decorate the church where we had our meetings (and gave a cash donation.) We sang carols at a local convalescent hospital. And of course we had food drives and participated in One Warm Coat.
I think gratitude is ongoing, so keep talking about that with your kids year round. Volunteering can be tricky with kids because many organizations have age limits, but if you can find something hands on go for it!

We cut back. That made a huge difference for us. That whole 1 thing you want, 1 thing you need ... I think I read it on here actually.

It brought it back into scope/focus I guess. I do a modified version of that. We do more than the 4 gifts, but it's very reasonable. One big gift from Santa, and then each person gives a gift to each family member. The kids use their allowance (and we help out). That's how it was when I was growing up and it's just the right about of gifts (with stockings).

I wasn't sure the kids would be ok with it - but over the last couple of years the kids have asked for less. They've totally adapted, and my kids had been the kind to want the latest and greatest along with their friends.

I think the thing is - I found that my kids weren't enjoying what they got? And this saddened me. I loved Christmas when I was a kid. I wanted happier memories - so that's why we decided to scale back.

I don't think you have to change the focus drastically. My older kids volunteer throughout the year. There are toy drives, food drives, angel trees, adopt a family, etc. everywhere you look. My kids' favorite activities were singing carols and making crafts in retirement homes - and that sort of thing. One on one activities with people really struck a chord. They did that through the activities they were involved with.

We put great books about the season under the Christmas tree, instead of gifts. The gifts go under the tree on Christmas eve. But until then, there are funny books, serious books, seasonal books, books that inspire, books that teach, books that are just pleasant to read. We set pillows nearby so it's a comfy spot to read (electronics-free zone).

And we celebrate St. Nicholas Day (which is today). We read about St. Nicholas (you can find resources online) and how he used his personal wealth to assist the people where he was a bishop, who were suffering from a great famine.

We shop for a person/child/family in need. It can be a specific person, or just the city toy drive or Toys for Tots. Nothing for ourselves. And we remind each other how many people have nothing and are hungry. Some years we've brought donations to a shelter, some years we've driven around handing out small bags to homeless people (with small treats, sandwiches, and essentials like gloves, scarves, toiletries, etc).

Mostly, it's all about talking. For example, when a commercial comes on tv about buying pre-made meals or meal kits so you can "spend quality time with your family". I bring up the idea that the quality time doesn't have to only be time spent eating. Instead of popping those biscuits out of the tube so you can share time with your family while you're eating them, how about spending quality time actually learning how to make homemade biscuits together? And the commercials that air every year with the luxury car with the huge bow, shiny and gorgeous in front of the equally gorgeous home. Ask your kid what the advertisers are trying to say? Have we ever actually seen a $100,000 car with a bow presented as a gift? Then, when the nice commercials come on (a grandma receives a family photo, or a neighborhood does something nice for the old gentleman who lives on the corner who is alone), talk about those commercials. Don't just watch the commercials - evaluate them. Make your kid think instead of just being bombarded with "you need this thing in order to make Christmas happy".

Another idea is to structure Christmas morning so it's full of thought. No screaming down the stairs and ripping into presents. Instead, create a tradition. First, everyone helps make a nice breakfast, and take the time to enjoy it. We have a coffee cake that is only made once a year, on Christmas morning, from a recipe from my MIL. And fresh-squeezed orange juice, coffee, and some fresh fruit. Then we gather in the living room. We read from the Bible, or from a devotional book. Then gifts are passed out one at a time, and we watch the person open their gift, and talk about who it's from. For example, if it's from Grandma, we talk about her favorite Christmas memories, and maybe even give her a phone call. Present opening proceeds calmly and thoughtfully.

We've done angel tree ever since they were little. We go pick a tag of a child about their age and then go shop for a gift for them to donate. The past few years we've been volunteers at a local animal shelter, so around Christmas we take donations there also (and at other times of the year too).

angel tree, there are a few local business who also stuff stocking for the needy children in the school. they collect items and ask donors if they want to help pack them and deliver. seeing the elation on a child's face when they get a stuffed stocking ( which is often the only gift they get) is the best thing ever. maybe you could organize something similar thru your church?

Every year, I take the kids to the store, give them a set amount of money and they can choose gifts for Toys for Tots or similar programs through their schools. It's crazy how much time they will put into thinking about which toys to buy. Now that they're older, we focus on buying things for older kids, who often get overlooked in gift drives. Toys R Us has Toys for Tots boxes right in their stores, so it couldn't be easier.

My kids pick up Operation Christmas Child boxes to fill and they pick tags off of our church's Angel Tree (needy local kids write their age, gender, and a few gift ideas down on a tag that is put on the tree, then my kids buy for those kids). I also take my kids out shopping individually to pick out gifts for each other, and they go to a local "Santa Shop" where kids can go in and buy for parents without the parents knowing what they buy.

My kids have a lot of fun shopping for others - so they get to experience the fun of giving.