How Do I Stop Breastfeeding Without Feeling Guilty

Sorry I don't have any advice as I was not able to continue for that long, but I just wanted to say that is awesome that you breastfed for that long. You rock as a mom and you should not feel guilty!

One year old is far too early to completely wean. Babies/toddlers need the comfort they get from sucking, and closeness with a parent whether bottle or breastfeeding.

He should still be offered milk/water in a sippy or cup at appropriate times, but weaning should not be rushed.

If he cries in the night, hand him a cup full of water.
Do not give in.
This is a control issue. He cries, you give him what he wants. If you don't give him what he wants right away, he screams until he gets it...
Get over the mother guilt. You've got a long time to feel guilty about other stuff.
Just hand him a sippy cup of water and walk out. It might take a few nights, but he'll adjust and so will you.

Dear T., I remember this time and I have to say that it is a process. You have a loving wonderful heart and when you give to your son, you are doing so with love (don't make this into a control issue - it is a heart issue!!) Transitions take time and each human being deals with these changes in his/her own way (my daughter had a hard time with the transition and my son didn't) The point is to make it as loving and smooth as possible and to know that this will take time - give yourself and your baby time. Eventually, he will not want to nurse and then, he will grow up! Hang in there. I think you are doing everything perfectly. Love, J. (Pregnancy Yoga Teacher)

The key is, I think, to keep the bonding aspect while stopping only the feeding part. The first thing to do is to make sure he'd not hungry or thirsty when he goes to bed. I personally think this is how the 'bedtime snack' got 'invented'! :) Give him a small little snack and a cup of milk before bed. Then, whatever you usually do when you feed him at night, keep doing (like rocking or sitting in a certain chair). This is not only when I added in the bedtime snack in our routine, but also story time. Instead of feeding, he sat on my lap and looked at a book or two. Then I would lay him down and sing a couple of songs and that was that. For a few nights he did cry, but not for long. Once the tummy is full, it's about the routine and the mommy time, so just start a new one and make sure you still spend the time. This way, too, I found I didn't feel guilty even if he did cry some, because I knew he wasn't hungry and that I had given him the same time and attention I would have if I were feeding him. Just be secure in your decision and you'll both be okay!
Best of luck!

I couldn't stand to hear my son wail, it seems very cold-hearted the way the previous post reads. However, the only advice I can give is to let him wean. That is what I did with my 17month old son. He's so much more interested in running around and playing now, there is no time to lay still to nurse. Perhaps a website like the La Leche League or KellyMom could help more? Good Luck.

Weaning a one year old can be done gradually without tears by not offering the breast and not refusing. This is harder than it sounds because not offering at nap and nightime might make it harder to put him to bed. Nursing toddlers is an easy way to soothe the ups and downs of growing - falling down, learning how to talk, and other steps toward independence. Moms who don't nurse need to find other ways to soothe and comfort their toddlers. Many moms find that babies wake during the night around their one year birthday - maybe so many exciting developments occur during the day that they need to reconnect at night.

Good luck.

T.,

I stopped breastfeeding my son on his first birthday. Exactly on the day. For the 2 months before that I was only nursing him at night and on weekends. But I also supplemented with a bottle during some of his feedings.

Don't feel guilty, just hug and snuggle him during his bottle feedings a little more. I also started him on his sippy cup the two weeks before I stopped nursing.

It will all go OK. I promise. just give him extra hugs and kissing.

T.,
At this age, it really isn't a control issue with your son. He naturally wants to nurse b/c that is what he's always done and it is comforting. I gradually weaned my daughter, and from talking to other Mom's, every case is different and you have to go with what works for you and your child. When my daughter was 1, she was nursing 4x/day. I dropped the mid-morning nursing and gave her a snack instead, and we had no problems with that. No crying. Then I was nursing in the morning, before nap and before bed. I decided to drop the morning one next b/c I figured we would just go downstairs and eat breakfast and skip the nursing. There were about 3-4 days of a few tears as we were leaving her room and going downstairs without nursing, but once her breakfast was ready, she stopped crying. Within a few days she was into our new routine and was fine with it. I think the crying was from her being hungry not necessarily needing to nurse, if that makes sense. After a few months of still nursing 2x/day, I decided to try giving up the night nursing. She wasn't really into it, she would rather read books with my husband than nurse. I was all set to drop the night one when she decided to drop the nursing before nap. I dropped that one, we read books instead. Then, a few days later, once my supply adjusted, we dropped the night one. She did not cry at all when I dropped the last two. So, my advice is to go at a pace that is comfortable for you and your son. Find something else that he is interested in, instead of nursing. My daughter was more interested in reading books than nursing. And, remember it is a process, you may have set backs, just go with whatever works for you and your son. I don't think there is one "right" way to wean. I agree with the advice of not adding in a bottle. Since you got rid of that, don't go back, otherwise you'll just have to work on getting rid of the bottle again.

I did try to "substitute" a sippy cup for my daughter as I was weaning her and she wasn't interested in that. Books were the key with her.

Best of luck, and remember, all kids wean differently, just like they all do everything differently. What works for one kid, doesn't necessarily work for another.

If he night nurses a lot, then he might not be ready to wean. And it's not about your 11 month old controlling you, it's about you responding to his needs, which he's becoming more able to express. You can eat sushi and anything else while breastfeeding so long as your child doesn't have severe food allergies. That being said, I have yet to wean either of mine as we are doing full term or child led weaning. When their bodies no longer have a need they'll wean on their own. Besides eating what you like, are there any reasons you want to wean? 12 months is only the minimum per the AAP. Other organizations recommend a minimum of 24 months because of the immunity and the special fats that help in brain development. You've done an amazing job breastfeeding your son this long. I would suggest talking to someone from LLL about what's going on so you can come up with a plan both you and your son can live with. They have a toll free hotline or you can call your local leader. Good luck to you.

I'm not clear if you are talking about the middle of the night or before bed. If it is just before bed & when he wakes, I say to continue to let him nurse for a bit longer. He will definitely lose interest on his own at some point, but in the meantime, cherish this opportunity to bond with your son--all too soon, he'll be grown up & cringe if you even try to hug him! :) If he's still waking in the night, that is a different story-he does not NEED to eat in the middle of the night, so that is a habit. My 2nd son was up in the night to eat until he was 11 mos old (mainly because I was working full time & he was missing a feeding during the day). My husband & I went away overnight & since the milk source was gone, he didn't wake up & slept through the night every night after that.

I would start giving him milk in a sippy cup at meals. He will eventually get the hang of it.

Best of luck to you & enjoy your sweet little man.

The time to wean is when EITHER you or your child is no longer interested in breastfeeding, for whatever reason, at any age. Be careful not to project your feelings onto your baby. Keep in mind, children are not just little adults. They think and view things differently. Sometimes, we as parents, make a big deal about things, thinking that we're somehow going to emotionally scar our children for life if we make a decision that makes them cry. The truth is that children are resilient; they will move on to the next developmental stage, whatever it may be, as long as they have the love, support and encouragement from those who love them most! If YOU are ready to stop breastfeeding, then now is the time.

You can eat sushi while bfing. I went absolutely nuts b/c I couldn't have it while pregnant, but you can have it when bfing. I eat sushi usually once a week and am nursing my one month old. I actually had someone bring me some salmon rolls when I was in the hospital right after I had her.

Well first off, unless its your choice to, you dont have to stop. Altho I am not an advocate of it, lots of moms BF later than age 1. But if you would like to stop, then just do it and dont feel guilty. Your son isnt crying cuz you are being a mean mom, just because you are trying to change things around is all. He will be fine. It might take him a few days to adjust, but the more comfortable w/ it you are the more comfy he will be. Just offer him his cup in exchange and snuggle him like you would normally do when bf'ing. And the cup is a good thing, no need really to do the bottle thing if he is already 1yr. old. Good job. And good luck. Sometimes things are much harder on us as mommies than they are on our kids.

First of all, I want to encourage you and tell you how awesome you've done so far! I am a certified breast-feeding consultant, I used to work for Healthy Families and helped mommies all the time with this. You have given your little guy more nutrition than most babies get, so in that aspect you rock! It's great that he's drinking from a sippy cup now, where he should be. There's absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Maybe look at the big picture, and don't be so hard on yourself. Having breastfed myself, I can relate. It's a precious bond no-one understands (or atleast maybe that's what you think) I've known moms who nursed for years... Everybody's different. My opinion, it's up to you. However, DO NOT feel guilty. It's a cycle of life, and it's ok to stop now. Talk to your pediatrician about your son's health, and if there's no medical reason to continue, then it's ok to stop. One of my clients just started telling her child, "mommy's milk is all gone". She put a foul-tasting cream on her nipples to wein her baby - (perfectly safe prescrpition from her doc) No matter what, you've given your son the best start possible. Congratulations! I hope this helped!

T.,

I agree with the other mothers that your child is too young to wean, but I am curious why it is that you think you should stop breastfeeding. Some mothers have a hard time or are unsuccessful at nursing, but it sounds like you and your baby are having a fine time. I am still nursing my almost 16 month old, with no plans to wean. Plus, you are able to work at home and it sounds like you two have an okay schedule.

Nursing is not only beneficial to the infant, but also to the mother. When it comes to breast cancer, studies have found that mothers who nursed for a longer amount of time have reduced risks of breast cancer.

Honestly, I don't know how to tell you to wean your child. My older son stopped on his own at about 15 months, he was a busy guy. And I am hoping that my daughter will stop when it is the right time for her.

I would tell you to stick it out a little longer, and take cues from your son. You might find that he begins to wean himself.

Good Luck!
katie

I'm surprised the other moms said not to rush it (weaning) as that's what I would have said, but I know some moms have their reasons. I BF for over a year but when we were ready to quit, I had to have a "BIG BOY PARTY" for him. It helped him because we talked it up for weeks, and it helped me anticipate and get ready. He whined for a couple nights then I reminded him of his party and his special toy he got. We substitued a gentle together time of "talk about my day" instead, where he was snuggled in his bed with rubbing his back, etc.
If there's a reason to quit, fine, but if not - BM will keep so many germs away for that much longer. My little guy didn't get an ear infection until I stopped.
Good luck.

Hi T.,

Weaning babies can be heart wrenching. I used the same technique as you, I took away one feeding at a time. I started with the feedings that were the "least important" to my child so maybe you should keep night time feeding and wean the early morning feeding. I am weaning my daughter right now too and it is not easy because I feel badly too. Distraction is a big key and never saying no. Instead I would say things like -nursing time is later or have a special drink that she really likes ready for the nursing time that I am cutting out. Also, when I ended the more important (bedtime and wake up for my daughter) nursings, I would start by taking 1 week and gradually shortening the nursing time before I cut out the entire nursing. In the morning I would have something ready for her to eat that she liked and try to make it a lot of fun. When she asked to nurse, I would not say no-I would just say -Hey, lets see what yummy is waiting for us in the kitchen and make a game of getting to the kitchen as quick as possible to get our special breakfast/drink. Also-if you have time, I found that when I worked out 2 times a week, my milk supply started to dry up and then her interest started to wane bc she wasn't getting much milk. I guess my body couldn't repair itself after a work out AND support milk production at the same time. My son was almost 3 and my daughter was 3 when I stopped nursing.

I hope some of this helps-Best of luck to you!
K.

After reading all the posts that you got, I have to say that I obviously agree that extended BF'ing is best but I also think that every mom needs to make their own decision based on knowledge-not guilt. You love your child and he will know that. You can wean in a loving way-it does not have to be shocking or traumatic.

not every child is ready to wean at 1yr. It is not letting your baby control you to listen to his needs. Give him what he needs. you won't regret it but you might regret rushing him through weaning when he is not ready.

Why are you trying to wean him so young, when it sounds like neither of you is ready for it? Although the American Medical Association says to breastfeed for the first year, internationally the recommended standard is two years. I am a big believer in extended breastfeeding. I think the mothers who are determined to wean early have convinced themselves that that is what they want to do and they brace themselves against their baby's protests. If you do not have the heart to do that, as I did not, consider nursing longer. Otherwise I think you just have to be prepared for some serious complaining from your baby. But like all things with babies, he will get over it before you know it.

Must you wean your baby now? Breastmilk is the best food for the first year of life. It is also good for a longer time. If you have already cut back to morning and bedtime, that is a big step. Why not continue this until your milk dries up or until your baby looses interest. You will be giving him the best added nutrtion possible. Not only that but you are feeding him emotionally. Breastfeeding is a special way to love. Your child wants this sweet closeness with you. AF

Wow! As a mother whose son is turning 1 in a week and a half, all these other responses made me feel *more* guilty about planning to wean my own baby :)

I nursed my daughter for 16 months. It is unlikely I will nurse as long with my son. It does help with weaning if you have a reason to stop nursing (tired of being bit, want to free up time, etc). My person reason this go around is that my husband and I want to get away for a few nights, and I need my baby to be less dependent on me for relaxing and sleeping!

A good friend of mine, who is pro-nursing, home-birthing, etc, mentioned an article she read called "I am a mammal" (sorry I don't have a copy of it), and it mentions that although all mammals nurse their young, every other species of mammals wean at the parent's direction (not "child-directed weaning"). Dogs push away puppies, etc. It's natural to wean, just like it is natural to nurse.

I love nursing. It is one of my favorite parts of having a baby! Feel great that you've made it this far. Know that your baby will love you just as much. Replace the nursings with some other special time, and enjoy the next stage of your baby's life :)

Hope this helps.

I am in the same position. My son will also be 1 on the 26th. My main concern was to be done with bottles and pumping at work, so we've been cutting the day time bottles/nursings first. My goal is to have him down to early AM and bedtime by the week of his birthday. As I've been cutting his daytime feedings, he's started to do some of the additional work for me (eg only nursing on one side at bedtime). I understand being ready to be done, and a lot of the other responses are not that sympathetic to that. Personally, I can't handle the idea of having a conversation with my son about breastfeeding :). All of that to say, my approach with everything as a first time mom has been to do what feels natural. If it doesn't feel natural to let him cry at night, give it a couple of more weeks. I've also heard (though I haven't tried it yet) that you can slowly reduce the length of the final feedings- shorten it by one minute every night until they're not nursing at all. Also, you could try to get rid of the morning one first; he might be less attached to it. Hope my rambling helps!

T.,
Do you HAVE to wean now?? Its not a control thing with your baby really. Sounds like you have been listening to other people to much?? If you CAN I would wait another year and see if he dont wean himself. I nursed my 2 girls and still nurse the one and she is about to turn 2 in May. It is only at bedtime. She will even sometimes still wake in the night for milk but I am working on not allowing that anymore. If your baby is only nursing those 2 times ..that sounds perfect. The early morning and before bed has always been the favorite time for my 2 to nurse also. :) I just wouldnt rush it if you dont have to. There isnt any rule that says 1 yr and thats it. My 3 yr old would still nurse if I let her. I think that has to do with her sister doing it and she wants to be a part of that still. THEY WILL GROW OUT OF IT. As you probably have heard...people have nursed theyre babies until 5 yrs. So...Another thought is...it is a place of comfort and a place where they feel safe especially after any stressful times. We dont even always recognize if they have had a stressful day or incident but they will let us know by wanting to nurse sometimes. they still NEED that reassurance at age even age 2 I believe. :) Sorry to go on.
K.

Do not feel guilty for wanting change! We all feel guilty about various parts of parenting. You have done this longer that most women can, you should feel very good about that. My suggestion would be to have someone else take care of him whenever he would normally want to nurse. For example have someone else put him in bed. I changed these routines with my daughter and gave her another comfort item (a teddy bear) to celebrate her getting older. You can make a huge deal over his first Birthday celebrating he is becoming a big boy and has this new special thing instead of nursing to help him through the weaning. Another thing that I learned from nursing, he can sense your desire to stop nursing. This will also aid in stopping. Good luck and God bless.

if you don't go it to him or send your partner in to comfort him, then he will get out of the habit of nursing at night. that's how i got my son to quit his 3 am feeding. but he nursed at bedtime and in the morning until he was 15 months old then he quit himself. he was drinking milk from a bottle from 1 years old on, so he was used to that, but those last 2 feedings lasted for another 3 months. if you feel guilty about quitting, then you shouldn't quit. is this one going to be your last kid? i'm already feeling nostalgic about nursing my current baby and he's only 8 months old and we're not stopping anytime soon, obviously, but i know it's going to be hard for me since he will be my last kid.

I just read the response to all your responses! I stopped my 2 at 13 and 14 months...but not cold turkey! It would hurt you, too! If he is struggling still, try 2 weeks at a time (getting rid of one feeding) and that way he'll have more time to adjust. Also, wanted to tell you that both of mine had lots of teeth by the time they stopped, and one actually bit me through the skin. IF this happens to you, you can put neosporin on it in between feedings, and maybe even right before (he might not like the taste...might help there...but it won't hurt him). If you do this right away, healing time will be shorter. If not, it will keep reopening everytime you nurse and it is very painful! BUT, once I used the neosporin it was healed in a day or 2! (This was w/my 5 year old, so I'm not 100% sure of how long)! Good luck, and don't feel guilty or even alone in feeling guilty. Sometimes they do look at you like "Mommy, why aren't YOU feeding me?" Hold him close when he has his milk, if he'll let you. My husband had to do the first few milk feedings, too because my 2 boys wouldn't take "real" milk from me at first...and we also used sippy's...my boys never really had bottles at all...minus a 14 hour trip to IL when my oldest was 3 months!