How Do I Show Support for Someone in Such a Tragic Situation??

I'm so sorry to hear about that. How awful. I know how she is feeling. I lost my mom a little over 2 years ago very suddenly. I got so tired of hearing the samethings but I understood because people don't know what to say. What really helped me is having someone just there. That's all you can do be there for her. Just listen, that in itself is very comforting. If you want to do something more to help with the every day tasks, maybe provide meals for her family. She will not feel up to cooking so that would be a huge help. If ya'll are close outside of work, you could do other things for her, like keep the kids for her for a bit while she gets things arranged or just for some alone time for herself. (((Hugs)))

I agree with the helping with childcare recommendation. Ask working parents at your company which centers/providers they use. Get detailed information from coworkers about why they like their childcare providers and put this in a useful document, so you can give her meaningful information that will help her narrow her options when she has to decide. She's going to need childcare soon and no doubt, it's the last thing she has time to consider.

Also offer to babysit in the evening or on weekends when they might need time to deal with her mom's estate issues. Be sincere in the offer and provide your cell phone # etc. so it's easy for her to take you up on your offer.

Very specific offers of help are more meaningful than "let me know if you need anything" ones.

I lost my mother very suddenly and unexpectedly this past August. People just continuing to care is what has been the most help to me. The initial days you are overwhelmed with phone calls and visits and condolences. Then the funeral comes and goes and the rest of the world goes back to life as you know it and you don't. For me, this was when the real grieving began. This was when I needed people to be around, to check up on me, to be there.

I agree with what CAWriterMom said about specific things and not just saying "let me know if you need anything". Because right now, she probably won't have the energy to make that ask, or even know what she needs. The childcare suggestion is awesome. Preparing meals is a good idea, but be sure it is something they like (especially with little ones) and something they can freeze for later. We had so much food go to waste. Holding off and doing meals once she returns to work is an even better idea.

Practical stuff is great too, especially with little ones things like snacks, juice, milk, diapers, etc. are really important but probably really inconvenient right now for her to have to run out to get.

One of the nicest things my co-worker's did for me when I returned to work following my mom's death was to take me to lunch my first day back and just listen and let me cry. It was very overwhelming emotionally to go back to work, and having that escape was really nice.

Don't try to make it better, because you can't and she won't expect you too. I hate when people say things like "she is in a better place", "time heals all things", "she is still with you", etc. For me, I don't want people to make it ok that she is gone, because it's not ok. What I need is for people to let it be not ok, which isn't easy, but probably what she needs right now.

OMG tragic is the word, I cant even begin to imagine the guilt she must feel...wow. I think you should back off for a bit, Im sure she wont be at work this week, take some dinner over or offer to take her kids for an evening so they can get things done. just be there for her and her family, do what you can as far as being there to lend a hand.

Meals might help her but make sure to ask what she needs. Maybe even smaller healthy snack boxes. She's going to need to feed her children and keep her energy up and maybe a snack won't be as overwhelming as a whole meal to her and kids need snacks. If you know her well enough you could offer to do laundry and housecleaning. If you have co workers that can pool your resources maybe a gift of a specific time periods worth of services. Also just letting her know you are there.

Just let her know, that if she needs anything she can call you.

Things like this take time to process.
Just don't rush her or 'pressure' her about your wanting to help.
She has to process everything...

Grieving is hard.
If she gets depressed, (per your observations of her), then I would suggest counseling....

There are also Community "grief support groups." My Mom attended one when my Dad died.
It really helps.

Grieving is very personal.
And takes time.
There are many facets to it.... and per her children.
They may need Counseling too. Definitely.

Let her know, you are there to help, if she needs it. Even with babysitting..... or meals. Or just to talk....

Not sure if they have these things in your area....but when I lost my mom, very suddenly on Thanksgiving day 3 years ago, one of the best things I got was a cert to a home grocery deliver service I had used in the past. I also had a friend place an order for me...she and other pals had pooled a small amount together and placed an order with basics..bread, milk, eggs, and a few other things that would tide us over. It was a real help. I was in such a fog, and Mom and I were so very close, I was her "baby"....and still had to do my home daycare business (after a week off)..and have a family of my own as well, was in college (finishing a semester), etc.

I have been a part of doing this for friends who have just had babies too. Sending those staple items...along with diapers and wipes...things for any older kids (crackers, etc). It usually is well recieved. Locally it was called "Simon Delivers" and is now Coborns Delivers.

Best of luck in supporting your co-worker....

Food of course, for a week or more for her family and guests who will be there. Set up a rotation with friends and coworkers -- coordinating with other friends, church, etc.

Also take paper goods -- toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, cups, bowls, and disposable utensils so she doesn't have to think about doing dishes.

Some blank "thank you" cards and maybe some stamps so she doesn't have to think about getting them.

Depending on how close you are, clean her house or do laundry.

And do some of these again in several weeks when some of the numbness has worn off.