How Do I Move On?

hello there,
i dont know how much help i can really be in this matter...but i think how you approach your husband depends on your husband....i know my husband is more receptive to certain things when he is in a certain mood...is it possible that if you confronted him on your issues in the relationship that you could work out an amicable end to the marriage..are you even sure that is what you want??it sounds from your email that you are not sure if you are gay...it almost sounds like you think you may be gay because you are not interested in sex with your husband...on this, i can speak from experience...i was not interested in sex for a long time..i am talking years...i thought it was a hormone thing after my first child..i had very little desire..and none when it came to my husband...i realized that it was my husband and my lack of any positive feelings towards him that made me feel that way...is that a possiblility??? are you sure you want things to end? is counseling an option??i am not trying to talk you out of it..i just advice that you are sure you want it over before you tell him that is what you want...hopefully, if that is what you decide on he will work with you peacefully..and things will go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved...i dont know if i would bring up the idea that you may be gay unless you know for a fact that you are...i am not saying to hide who you are...but if he doesnt take well to the thought he may try to use that against you in the divorce...i would think everything through before you take a step...do what works best for you and the children...i wish you the best of luck... R.

H. WASN'T TALKING ABOUT LEAVING HER CHILDREN, SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT ENDING HER MARRIAGE WITH HER HUSBAND. I JUST DON'T WANT PEOPLE GETTING THE WRONG INPRESSION IN HER REQUEST FOR ADVICE I DIDN'T READ ANYTHING ABOUT WANTED TO LEAVE HER CHILDREN.

H.,

Have you tried marriage counseling? There are a lot of lives hanging in the balance of this decision to leave. You have to seek counseling, not about being gay, but about how you can go about preserving the relationship with your children. Your leaving is going to hit them pretty hard. So please take the time, for them, to figure out an exit strategy.

Hi H.,
You must be going through a really hard time right now. I honestly would just sit your husband down and tell him you think you're gay and are having difficulty being happy in a heterosexual relationship. You said that you think you're marriage isn't what it should be. My question is, did your marriage ever feel like it fulfilled you? Your husband must know something is up if you avoid sex at all costs. It may bring him some clarity. I wish you the best of luck.

H.,

Obviously you are going through a difficult time right now with many issues. It might be good for you to speak with a professional to help you sort out those issues. If you husband knows you are having problems hopefully he will be able to understand. You don't say if he has brought up the problems but I am sure he is thinking about them and may be just trying to give you some room to work it out.

Hopefully you will be able to talk with him about what is going on with you either before or after some counseling.

As far as you being gay, this is going to be something you will need to deal with yourself but also with your children on a different level at some point but that will come with time.

Maybe there are some members of this group who are also gay and could give you some advice or resources to learn more about dealing with the outside world when you let them know the true you.

It may be a rough spot now but you and all of your family will get through this. I wish you the best.