How Do I Help? - Mars,PA

Do a role play with him. Make a scenario that you know he's already been through such as kids making fun of the costume color. Tell him that you will be him and for him to say something to you to upset you like "I think the color of your costume looks stupid", then you answer with the response that you want to example to him. Pick some more things like losing at a game or some of the other things you've mentioned and that way you "show" him some ways to get through his little stressful episodes. Usually when kids get mad or say something we find concerning it's because they just don't have the skill to do or act any other way. Just teach him by example. Telling them what to do usually isnt enough, their little brains are able to wrap around certain concepts, showing is much better.

My grandson occasionally has bouts of similar behavior/responses. I talk to him about how he feels, taking pains not to try to talk him out of it. I let him know I care about how sad or angry he feels, give him a little time to stew in it. When he seems to feel validated enough, I ask what ideas he has about making the situation better, or what he might do that he'd enjoy more than being mad/upset. He can usually come up with positive ideas and act on them, thus solving much of his own problem.

Find out how to do this delicate emotional coaching in the fine little book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Simply the best, most practical parenting book I've ever read, and I've read them all. Well, quite a bunch of 'em, anyway.

I think you need to acknowledge his feelings. Like, "Honey I know that doesnt feel good to have someone says your costume is_____. What do you think of your costume?" And then go from there. If he likes it then teach him to be ok with what he likes even if others dont. I think he just needs his feelings acknowledged and help him sort through them and get past them. Lots of mean people in this world and you can help him work through the feelings. Goooo Mommyyy ...Good luck

I think your boy sounds normal and your expectations of ignoring teasing are unrealistic for his age. Instead of telling him to ignore teasing, maybe tell him what behavior to do instead, like just laugh when they tease him and ask them what they want for Christmas or what's their favorite toy when they start teasing. At this age, I dont' know any kids that ignore people teasing them.

As far as a no tolerance for bullying school - I personally disagree with those types of schools. The ones we have in our area are charter schools where no one is allowed to talk to each other during lunch, in the hallways, at recess, or in the classroom except about school related material. So there is no bullying and the kids have a false feeling of safety, but then let's say they are anywhere else in the world and get teased - they cry and have no clue how to handle it.

Your 5 year old is normal. At this age, they think in black and white. So things are good - bad; wonderful-awful; best - meanest; etc.

Role playing is good. Talking about things ahead of time is good. Or talking about things after they happen and the heat of the moment is gone.

Also, you can teach him intensity of reaction by numbers. A low level problem is a 1, a major one is a 5. Then you can practice sorting out things by the numbers, maybe starting with people on TV or other family interactions. Eventually you can cue him by saying that this is a level 2 and your reaction is a level 5.

Focusing on teaching him how to understand his emotions better will get you farther in the long run. As far as other kids teasing him, many are in exactly his development spot. And those that aren't won't notice it now anyway. If he were 12 and doing it, yes, but not at 5.

You need to talk to the school about this. I would not stand for it. It is THEIR job to make sure kids don't tease eachother. Don't be afraid of making a big deal about it-because it IS a big deal. Your son is only 5...you need to advocate for him on this.