How Do I Get My 13-Month Old to Sleep in His Crib?

I know its hard for them to change when something is constant, What i did with my two boys was have the crib in the same room with us and he got use to sleeping in the crib then we moved it to his own room. Im in the process with my 6mo old now. Soon we are gonna move it to his own room. It worked well with my first baby. good luck.

You need to just stop going in there. Let him cry. It is tough to hear them cry, but it's the only way. He's learned that if he crys long enough, you'll give in. The first few nights will be tough, but it will pay off in the long run. Good luck.

Hi K.,
Unfortunately the only way to get through this, in my opinion, is to let him cry it out. I have found it takes my son anywhere from 1-3 nights of crying before a new norm is established. You have to take into consideration how long you have been letting him sleep with you. Changes like these can take up to two weeks. Wish I had easier advice to give. Good luck.

Hi, K.! I am a childbirth educator and mother of three. I think the question isn't how you get your baby to sleep in the crib, but instead, should you try?

If you look at our ancestry, we are a hunter-gatherer society. All of our very basic drives come from this past, and any aspect of our lives that we look at, from our societal love of sports to our relationships with our spouses are driven at a deep level by our biology.

Looking at this model, of course our babies want to be in our beds! Their very survival, in their primitive minds, depends on close and constant contact with their caregivers. Leaving a baby alone in a hunter-gatherer society would expose her or him to the elements or predators.

Many experts have touted the message that we need to teach our babies to sleep, as if we're going to realize on their tenth birthday that, uh-oh, we forgot to teach little Bobby how to go to sleep! It's a natural ability we all possess, and the best possible way to ensure a deep and restful sleep is to have the baby right beside you.

Also important to look at: what message are we sending when we let them cry it out? At this age, a baby's wants and needs are the same. They aren't manipulative. One of their needs is comfort, and why on earth would we withhold comfort, anyway? Teaching them to self-soothe? Through crying they are expressing a need, letting us know they are having trouble finding the comfort they have a need for. They will learn true confidence in the world only through our attention to their needs. There is a multi-billion dollar industry in pacifiers, soft blankies, teddy bears with heart beat sounds, crib toys, and monitors. Aren't we just trying to convince our babies to attach to objects instead of people? What if we just took the easy road and had them fully attached to us?

The reason it's hard to let the baby cry it out is that you're responding to your basic biology. Many experts tell us to ignore this, and in doing so, to ignore our very basic biological need to make sure our baby is comforted and happy. Did you know a baby's cry is the absolute perfect pitch for our ears to hear? There isn't a sound in the world that we hear better than a baby crying. Why would that be?

I know I felt like such a lazy mom with my first son, giving in to him and bringing him into my bed. It's where he so desperately wanted to be, and we loved having him there. We thought we were being bad parents by giving in. When I started looking around, like you are, I was shocked to realize that all I had been doing was listening to my heart. Letting the baby be in the bed isn't bad for him. He wants it, you want it, and it's really good for his confidence in the world, your relationship, and his sleep habits. Naptime will be easier if sleep isn't a battle. Getting him out of your bed when he's older will be much easier, too, as he is able to better understand reasoning and learns to self-soothe naturally, without it being forced on him before he's ready.

Our first son (who slept with us until he was 4)has put himself to bed since he was a toddler, never complained about naps, and relates bedtime to comfort instead of conflict. Our second son is also an amazing sleeper (he slept with us until he was 2 1/2) and rarely complains about bedtime. We have a 5-month old daughter who sleeps peacefully by my side every night. I have been getting lots of sleep since she was born, thanks to just being able to nurse her and go back to sleep myself.

We have to be more creative with sex, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing...

I would never have my children in bed with me if I drank excessively or used any type of drug or sleep aid. People worry about rolling over on the baby, but you've probably found that you're aware of the baby all night on some level. There are lots of products available for sleeping with your baby, too, that prevent sound sleepers from rolling over onto the baby. We've never had a problem with this--it's a very natural thing to do, when it comes right down to it.

Do some research, and especially look at www.mothering.com where you'll find lots of well-researched articles and support for sleeping with your baby. In parenting, the more natural the better! Why fight it? You and your baby are the real experts.

We co-sleep, and love it! When he is 2ish, and old enough for his own bed, he will transition to a toddler bed (big boy bed ;)) much easier. Right now, he doesn't fully understand. All he knows is he wants mom and dad! If that is the only time where he gets to be with dad, why not??? Also, if you let him CIO, he will only have more bad feelings about his crib, and he'll want to be there less. I read an awesome book that talks more about it. I would highly recommend getting it and reading it. It's called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly.

Trust your gut!!! If CIO feels wrong, DON"T DO IT!!!! God gives you those instincts for a reason, trust them!! You know what is right for your baby!

It sounds like you all get much better sleep when you are together. I've never understood why people will let their animals sleep with them but put their babies to bed in another room alone...

We really never did the family bed thing but we slept with our children. That way, once they fell asleep, we could go back to our bed if we wanted to. Sometimes, it's just so nice to snuggle with our little ones when they are less active and want us there. A little side note, our 9 year old son still wants us to lay down with him as he falls asleep. It's the time of day we get to hear about everything. When you ask him questions during the day about school, friends, etc. we get one word answers. At night, once the light goes out, his mouth opens and we learn about everything going on with him. We usually end up begging him to be quiet and go to sleep. But, it keeps us involved and we love that he still wants and needs us. We also have twin girls who are now 5. We've talked to him about the fact that he is the only one who doesn't share a room with someone he loves, does he wish he had a "partner" and he's given us the 9 year old opinion that he does like his own room!!

Think about why you sleep with your husband...you probably aren't having sex all the time but I'll bet you like to snuggle. So does your little one. Please enjoy him!! J.

It can be so frustrating to get good sleep! We have had our share of sleep struggle, I feel your pain! My question is: Why not co-sleep? My family has found this to be a wonderful bonding experience. We resisted the idea when our first son was an infant, but read Dr. Sears' The Baby Book, and realized it's acceptable and beneficial. However, co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone, and if it's really important to get him to sleep on his own, I highly recommend _The No Cry Sleep Solution_ by Elizabeth Pantley. I could never stand to hear my kids cry the times I tried the Cry It Out method. I think nature does that for a reason. :) Good luck, and hang in there. It will get better!

It is not against the law for a child not to sleep in his crib. If it is OK with your husband and you, go ahead and let him sleep in the bed. Maybe you could try getting a little bed to the side of yours to start the transition for the time when it is not OK for you and your husband. I say that anything that promotes family love and bonding is a good thing. R. is AZ

A couple of people have mentioned the Baby Whisperer book in this thread. That book was really helpful to me for napping and sleeping through the night. I think the author has a couple of books; the one I read was focused on "fixing" sleep problems after you have already made mistakes in the way you put your baby down to sleep - unlike many of the books out there that are more focused on establishing a sleep routine from the day the baby is born.

Our 13-month old wakes up at 3am 2-3 times a week. He is our first child so we too have experiemented. It pains my heart to hear him cry too but we have resolved to let him cry it out. It really has been the best thing. We used to pick him up, change his diaper and make him a bottle and bring him into our bed but he would chit chat by himself and keep us up.

After all I've read and heard, the best thing that actually does really work is a routine. In the evening. It's the same thing starting at 5pm. He eats, then we read, he has a bottle, a bath and then we brush his teeth and then craddle him in our arms on the way to his bedroom. On the way, we explain to him in our soft voice that it is time to go to sleep. We put him in his crib and say goodnight. I always lean in and give him a kiss, but after that, we don't look back. We close the door most of the way and he knows it's bedtime. He started out crying for 30 minutes and then it went down to 15 min. Now he cries for just a couple minutes and he's out for the night. We do this everytime he needs to sleep. He takes his morning nap around 1030am everyday no matter what. Same thing. Put him in his crib and walk out closing the door most of the way. He usually sleeps for 2 hours.

The nights he does wake up at 3am, we let him cry it out. But we do time him. We don't let him cry longer 30 minutes and we never let him cry it out if he has a cold or temp. When he's sick, we do things his way because we don't want him to think that we won't come for him when he's not well.

Anyway, our son was a BEAR ever since he was born. Even in his bassinet at the hospital he didn't sleep. He only slept well if he was in our arms. By 5 months we put him in his crib and he finally learned to sleep on his own, thru the night, miraculously!

So, get a routine and get some earplugs or get in the shower after you put baby in the crib. Letting him cry it out when he's not sick or in pain is not going to hurt him. Babies need to release energy anyway. =)

How long did he cry before you went in there. If my kids wake up in the middle of the night, I try to let them work it out before I go in there unless it sounds like something is wrong. Most of the time they can work it out. Once I show my face, they really let loose and the crying really picks up. Remember, your baby is not being harmed from crying, he isn;t able to say words so this is his way of showing his frustration that he wike up and is having a hard time falling abck to sleep. If you don;t fix it now, you will have a 5 year old sleeping in your bed! Good Luck

Hi K., have you read the Baby Whisperer? I have a much younger daughter, she's only 4 months, but that book has helped so much getting her to sleep in her crib. We made the same mistake of taking her into our bed at night (mostly for my convenience because I was so tired). But after I read her techniques it was almost as if she was falling asleep in there as soon as I put her down. I got the book at Borders - the paperback was only $8 or so. Hope this helps!

V.
Castle Rock

I had the same problem but mine was younger. He can fight it much easily now because I am sure he can stand and roll or crawl around so it is much harder.

Although it hurts to hear them cry you are doing the right thing. You need to just let him cry until he falls back asleep. When you keep walking in you are confusing him and he won't be able to fall asleep with the distraction you are making. You really are doing the right thing by letting him cry. Although it may be hard, in the long run it is so much better for him. You are helping him be comfortable sleeping by himself as well as establishing a sense of independence, among other things.

get the book "healthy sleep habits, happy baby". Also, this may seem hard, but if you want to do the cry out method, it takes about 3 nights of consistency, no picking him up and some hard crying and by the 4th night he should calm down. Also, try to sleep somewhere where you wont be so heartbroken hearing him cry, turn off the monitor and all. I even used earplugs to ease the pain. it may seem like torture, but he is not crying out of pain or anything, he just knows it gets him what he wants. by 18 months kiddos should be able to self soothe theselves to sleep, its a wonderful gift to give them that they can use into adulthood.

I just checked out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, MD from the Library and it seems like a great book so far. A friend told me she loves the book.

I would try the Baby Whisperer method. It really works, but is a little less heartwrenching than crying it out. She calls it the Pick up, Put down method. You are still training him, but you don't feel like you are abandoning him. You pick the baby up until he settles, and then put him back in his crib before he falls asleep. Of course, he will cry again, because that isn't what he wanted or is used to. So you pick him up again. You basically do the same thing (she really recommends not rocking, bouncing, etc., so that you don't just trade one middle of the night thing for another) until he gives up and goes to sleep. The first night is pretty awful still, but not as hard as what you already did, I think. And I promise they catch on fast. Our second night was dramatically better, and my son caught on by the 4th night and just started sleeping through the night.

Actually, our son was a little younger when we did it, so you may need to evaluate if picking him up is helpful or not. There are variations, like just patting and letting him know you are there, if picking him all the way up is too stimulating.

Good luck. This is one of the hardest things. I really recommend the Baby Whisperer books for the details. But you can go right now to www.babywhisperer.com and get a ton of help.

Sounds like you are doing the right things but it will probably take a week or so to make it happen. If you really want him to stay in his be then stay firm for about a week and it will happen. Maybe a fan or air filter in both your bedrooms would provide some background noise that will help everyone sleep as well--you won't hear his little fusses and wake up and he won't hear litte noises and wake up. You'll still hear the big important cries.
If your heart isn't one hundred percent into him staying in his own room then, some people say, put a matress by your bed, in your room and have him sleep there rather than with you. My other tip is this, I always found that if I was trying to get my kids calm and asleep if I was thinking "oh this isn't going to work, why don't they go to sleep, etc and feeling anxious, that they could sense that and it did not work. But if I made myself relax and said "oh this will pass and you can get yourself to sleep" and tried to act like I believed it (even if it seemed impossible) then they could sense my trust that they could manage this new skill and were able to do it. I am hoping that you will all be sleeping soundly through the night by valentines day!

We made that same mistake. My son would wake and I would bring him in on our bed and we would all sleep the rest of the night. (or he would just cry and cry the rest of the night - was never the type of kid to cry himself to sleep) When he started climbing out of his crib at 18 mos. we were excited becuase he would come into our bed - and my lazyness wouldn't have to get out of bed to get him. That dragged on WAY too long. Around 2 1/2 yrs. old I was so SICK of it. I did the "bring him back to bed" thing and it took about 5 nights. The first night it took 7 times of taking him back to bed...about 5 times the next night and 1 or 2 times each of the next few nights. He was much older than yours, and had a little more comprehension when I told him he cannot share our bed anymore. Good Luck!

K.
I am a mom of two boys now 2 and 4
We had the same problem, but now I look back at it and it is some of my best memories. There is nothing better than snuggling with your babies. It is not forever, I say enjoy it. Let it run its course naturally. It is such a short amount of time that they are little.

So sorry that you are dealing with this issue. After four kids I have to say that just going cold turkey is the best way. Yes, it is hard for a few nights. However, once your little guy knows that he needs to self calm himself to sleep and that you will still be there in the morning you will all be much happier. Kids are smart little people and when you come back to sooth him every few minutes he is now working you in a new way. It is so hard to hear your child cry, especially when you are exhausted, but you will all be much better for it if you can just be strong for a few days. My oldest was also very stuborn as a toddler. After 2 weeks of heartbreaking nights listening to him cry he became the best sleeper. He is now 6 and sleeps like a champ. The best book on the subject that I have found is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Good luck and be strong!!!

I had to do the whole 'cry it out thing'. There are so many different opinions and techniques as to how to do it. What I found was that any contact with me actually made my daughter cry harder and longer and drew the whole thing out MUCH longer than if I didn't go to her at all. I know it's very difficult but I would recommend NOT going to him. When he wakes up and cries do not go to him. He depends on you for his night time comfort & to get him back to sleep. The first night he may cry for over an hour, but it should lessen each night as he realizes that you aren't going to come in to his room. There were times that I ran in to my daughters room convinced that something was wrong. She must've hurt herself, she was choking/gaggin,etc from crying. But, it was all a big ploy to get Mommy to her room! I had to do the same at nap time. My daughter was much younger when I went through this so be prepared for your son to test you for several nights because this has been his pattern for so long.
You can do it & you will all be happier and better rested once the bumpy part is over!! Good luck! :-) BTW, the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is wonderful and helped me a ton.

I hate to say it and it is not fun to do but just don't go in there at all. He will cry for quite awhile until he crys himself to sleep. Hopefully in a few nights all will be calm. The younger they are when they learn 'this is the way it is' the faster they will accept and protest less. All three of my kids had to learn this way, when I would go in their rooms to make sure they had everything they 'need' (pacifier) it only ticked them off more (add a few extra binkys in the crib for them to find. The first night is by far the worst and by the time you feel that this is ok to do that you are doing the right thing the little guy will (hopefully) be sleeping soundly through the night and you will too:) Good luck, it is so hard but so is living on little sleep!

I have a 4 year old daughter that has always slept by her self, and a 18 month old son that does pretty much the same thing at 2 am. I start him out in his crib staying there the whole time rubbing his back he usually falls asleep within 5 mins. stays asleep until around 2 am and he starts to stir, I've noticed that if he has a wet diaper he wont sleep through the night but if he is dry he does most of the time. any way I think it is more my problem because once i hear him stirring I can't sleep until i have him in my arms. so i just say hang in there from another mom going through the same thing, and make sure it's not your feelings that baby is picking up on.

When my first son was 9 months old, he still wasn't sleeping through the night or in his crib. I was actually nursing him all night long and didn't know any different. I just figured I wasn't blessed with one of those babies that sleeps through the night from day one. When my doctor asked how long he slept at night and I told him, he suggested a wonderful book. I have seen this book recommended on this site before and it is called, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I know it's hard to let them "cry it out", but after 5 children, it has been the best method for me. It only takes a few nights of torture and they are able to soothe themselves back to sleep, which is a very important thing to teach him. I know some moms will disagree, but you need to decide which method works best for you and which one you are willing to do. Best of luck to you and no matter which method you go with, it will get better!! I have happy kids who sleep through the night!!

You were on the right track. I would encourage you hang in there. It may take a few really long nights, but it won't happen until you are able to let him cry it out. You might want to extend the time between going back in to 30-45 min. We had to do the same thing for sleeping and also when we took away the pacifier. The older he gets the harder it gets. Be stronger than your little man. I know he is your joy, but when you are all getting a full nights rest he will be even more of a joy. Best of luck.

K.,
Nip it in the bud now. I have a daughter that I had to sleep with or she slept with me until she was 10!! Its hard but will take a week or so to get him use to it. My daughter was the same way about naps, and if she did sleep during the day she was up all night. We cut out the afternoon naps and she was tired by bed time. With the second child routine was the best thing for us, in the evenings. Dinner, a little play time (but not to rambunctious) warm bath with calming baby bath wash and off to bed. I kept soft music turned down low in there. I hope this helps & good luck! Just remember "Patience"
J.

We had the same struggle with our daughter when she was 18 months old (coincided with her having surgery to put tubes in her ears because of ear infections). What helped was a bit of a sacrifice on our part for a couple of weeks but it was worth it. Instead of taking her into our bed, or even saying much to her, either my husband or I would go in her room, tell her "it's time to go back to sleep.", layed her back down and tucked her in. Then we'd lay down or sit down on the floor next to her bed, in the dark (only a night light on), and didn't say anything else to her. Soon she'd fall back to sleep. After a few days of this, we'd start off the same but instead of sitting next to her bed we'd sit next to her door. After a couple of days of that we'd just sit outside her door where she could see us still. Then one night I just went in put her back to bed and said "it's time to go back to sleep.", tucked her in, stood outside her door, with the door partly closed, for only a minute to hear if she was getting back up, but she didn't so I went back to bed. After that she didn't really wake up much, but the few times she did we only needed to stand at her door and say "time to go back to sleep." and she'd lay back down. Of course, if she had a really bad dream, we'd have to go in to check on her because sometimes she wouldn't be fully awake enough to realize the dream was over so we'd have to rouse her a bit, have her acknowledge we were there and she was awake, before she'd stop crying enough to lay back down to sleep.

Hope this helps. Also you may try cutting out his nap, or make it shorter, so he's more tired (but not overly tired) at night, then maybe he won't wake during the night.

M.

Try the sleep lady approach. It will still be tough on you for the first few nights, but has worked for everyone I know who had tried it. Basically you sit in the room with your little one comforting him with your voice or even intermittent patting or whatever you think helps, but you try to not take him out of the crib. After 3 days you move across the room, then 3 days later to the doorway, then outside the door. The goal is to let him know that you are there but that he needs to learn how to fall asleep. It also emphasizes routines and sleep cues. There is more to it than what I can write about here. Anyway, my daughter went from 3-4 night wakings, needing to nurse back to sleep (at 10 months) to 1 night waking within 2 days then pretty much sleeping through the night within a few weeks. We had also tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, Modified Ferber with 5 min intervals, 1 day of cry it out (horrible!!). The sleep lady has a website that you can google. By the way, for me, it was a lot easier to sit in the room with my little one crying than to leave her. At least I knew that she was OK, just frustrated b/c she couldn't fall asleep. Good luck

I did the Baby-wise thing. There's a book Toddler-wise, but I haven't read it. I think it's more for a 13 month old. I know there's one for 5-15 months. You might have to hunt for it. The books are by Gary Ezzo. I didn't look at your location. If you're in Denver, The Tattered Cover carries his books. If not, they'll mail it to you. Other moms on this site have recommended the No Cry Solution. I'm not familiar with it, but I sure am interested since so many recommend it here. Good luck. We had one that cried at every nap and bedtime for 5-15 minutes. It was so heart-breaking, but that seemed to be what he needed to wind down. We never did solve it. I feel your pain. GL I hope you get some sound sleep soon!

I succeeded in getting my 11 month old (at the time - she is now 13 months) to sleep completely through the night simply by using the technique of putting her to down at naps and bedtime awake. She needed to learn how to fall asleep on her own so that she could learn how to put herself back to sleep when she woke at night and that was the technique that helped her do just that. If you haven't tried this yet, I would highly recommend it. But you can't give in...you have to be firm and allow your son to learn to fall asleep and back to sleep again without the comfort of mommy/daddy and your bed. I never put my daughter in bed with us, so that was never an issue, but she definitely needed me to help her fall back asleep when she would wake from her slumber. The fact of the matter is that we all wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another, but we as adults know how to fall back asleep. Babies have to learn how and this truly is the best way to do it in my opinion. I could never bring myself to the cry it out method because I am like you - couldn't stand to hear her cry like that, nor did I feel it was right. I tried putting her to sleep awake first and then she naturally learned to soothe herself. After about a week of putting her to bed awake, we had to go the final stretch with her and let her work it out on her own when she woke in the middle of the night. We simply let her fuss for about 10 mins, then my husband (not me!) went in and gave her a reassuring pat on the back and then left her room. Within 5 minutes she was sleeping again. We did that for 1 or 2 more nights and we all have been sleeping blissfully ever since. She still wakes at night, but she puts herself right back to sleep. I would encourage you to try this, but you have to be firm and stick to your plan in order for it to be effective. If you give in, then you are sending the message to your child that eventually you will give in. I completely get your pain during those moments. They broke my heart too. That is why I made the decision to avoid the cry it out all together and try this first. We parents sometimes create these habits for them, so we have to help break them with much love and understanding. My daughter was ready for it because she made it quite easy for us, so good luck!

You HAVE to let him cry it out. Unless you want a family bed forever! Good Luck. I know it's hard. But you must. Read the Baby wise book.

Hi K.,
My youngest child has been the same way. In fact since birth (he's 2 1/2 now) he has just always wanted to be in my arms and near me or daddy. He just seems to need extra love and comfort. We let him sleep in bed with us because it was just easier to do so than to fight him every night. We would at least get sleep when he was with us instead of waking up 5 times a night. People kept telling me that I was making a mistake by letting him sleep with us. Sometimes I would listen to them and I would get very frustrated by the situation. However, when I really thought about it, I knew that having him with us was working for us. It surely doesn't matter what other people think. My son is happy, sweet and loving! He finds comfort from being close to us and he knows that he can trust us. I can't ask for more than that! Developmentally he is above where he should be for his age and I think it is due to the attachment that he has with his father & I. It has been a transition to get him in his own bed, but we've made it work by taking baby steps. First we had a small bed next to our bed. A few weeks later we moved the bed to the end of our bed. Then a few weeks later we moved the bed to his room. (My son was was older than 13 months old though). Just keep positive and do what you feel is right for you. Might I suggest looking at any books by Dr. William Sears or his website askdrsears.com. Good luck!
B.

I actually did my daughter at this exact age. In our situation she completly slept with us do to living situation and it was time for her to move....

I first tried I forget the name but it was a nurturing method where you stand by their bed and slowly move outside of the room till they sleep on their own and this so did not work. She would just sit and play while I sat there and I was beyond exhausted!

So her dad is like this method is not working we have to let her cry it out. I really did not want to and she has excellant lungs so figured she would cry all night. So we decided he and not I would be the one who checks on her throughout the night and we let her cry it out. Within 5 days she was fine and sleeping on her own.

I never did this method with her older brother and wish I would have tried we did a more nurturing approach and he still woke up more than her till about the age of 3. So just wanted to share what I did. It wasn't easy but it worked.

K. -

I don't have advice for you - I can just commiserate. Our baby girl is a little over two now and still wakes up in the middle of the night, and still fights naps. For about 18 months I was really down on myself, wondering what I did that made her sleep badly - what mistakes we made as parents, and how we might possibly be screwing up our little girl. Books I read basically made it sound like if she wasn't sleeping through the night in her own bed and taking scheduled two-hour naps every day, she'd be scarred for life. I've now learned to ignore those stupid advice books and to accept the fact that every baby is different. Some babies like to sleep, and like to be by themselves. Others don't. My approach now may be one of resignation, but it's worked. Now, when our daughter wakes up at 2 a.m., she sleeps with us, and we all fall back to sleep - and are pretty rested for it.

So I guess my only piece of advice is: if the 2 a.m. wake-up just results in your son crawling into your bed and everyone sleeping well after that, with your son maybe even getting some important cuddling time with his dad in, then that's just fine.

My son has co-slept with us since an infant. His pattern has been to go down and sleep for two or three hours while I have my personal time and intimate time with my husband. Then, like clockwork, he wakes up and wants to be taken to our bed. This pattern has worked for both my husband and I because we are a cuddly family. This is my first and only child, but not my husband's. He is very tolerant because his other children are grown and he knows how fast things change. He says this is a short window of time... I wanted a baby so badly... so now, enjoy it. Obviously the closeness is important to my now 2 year old child, so allow it. Just sharing the fact that there are many alternatives out there.