How Do I Deal with My Teen Brother Coming to Live with Me?

I would call in the authorities on your parents. Family is important but both of your parents have a responsibility to care for him. The state has money and resources to care for children in your brother's situation. He is 17 and this is a very hard age. Not quite a boy but definitely not a man. Should you decide to take him in, your boyfriend and your brother are going to have run ins because of the dynamics of things. It may not happen but I anticipate it will. Since your father is abusive, your brother may have learned the same coping techniques or the lack there of.

I would definitely get the state involved because then the parents can legally sever the responsibility of your brother, there would be a stipend to care for your brother and you could still provide a safe place for him to land as he tries to soar to adulthood.

Just some food for thought. I hope this helps.

You will be an acting parent of sorts. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and figure out reasonable rules for your little brother. I would include that he work and pay a portion of the rent since you will have to get a bigger place. I would be a little tough. If he does not fulfill his obligations then out he goes....... but of course don't have expectations of perfection. There will be problems. So keep your rules reasonable.

Before your little brother moves in make it clear that this will not be a free for all and that you do have rules. I would even have him sign a contract.......then stick to your rules.

What a nice opportunity for you and your boyfriend to do the right thing for your younger brother. This decsion could possibly change your brothers life for the better.
In the whole scheme of things one year is not to bad. Could he get a one person airbed for the family room. Could he do his homework in the kitchen.
This probably would ever bond your relationship with your younger brother. Its a big responiblity but it doesnt seem like there is much of a choice.
After he graduates from high school hopefully he will be accepted to a college close by so you can remain close. By then he will be living in a dorm.

It sounds as if his/your father has tried to turn this kid around and he keeps rebelling. So he wants to come live with a sibling, thinking they wont make him do anything. This kid needs tough love. DO NOT let him come live with you. If he thinks he is an adult, let him try. My2 youngest KNEW they were adults at 17 and left home to go live with friends. One bounced around from friend to friend and job to job until he got hungry and ran out of places to stay. He called and asked to come home and I said NO!! I told him about Job Corps and he went, got his GED and learned CPR, CNA and medical office assistant. He is now living at home, paying $50 a week, doing chores without being asked, very polite and pleasant and a JOY!!! The other one is still 'out there' mooching off friends and not working. Hopefully he too will learn.
Google Job Corps, there is one in every state, and urge little bro to go there. They get room and board free, plus an allowance and learn a trade. Then they are helped to get jobs in that trade. It is a great place for kids at risk.

What do you think will happen if neither one of you takes him in? Is your father really abusive? the best thing for your brother would be if he and his father could have a healthy relationship, is that possible? My son had lots of problems, starting with just partying with his friends, lead to stealing from us whenever he got the chance and then trouble with the police, DUI, driving without license... He is better now but still paying for his mistakes. I think his trouble stems from feeling rejected by his bio father my 1st husband. If you think this is the best thing for him, don't wait for trouble, tell him he has to participate in family counseling with you to live there. That will help you get off to a good start, set up some ground rules, and help him deal with the problems he's had with his father. I'd make him pay a SMALL amount for room and board, it sounds harsh for a 17 yr old but he will be expensive to feed, not to mention moving to bigger place, and the less money he has to spend on beer or..... Any chance you can convince your parents it is their responsibility to support him and that the money can go directly to you to pay for bigger apartment?
good luck , he is lucky to have someone on his side!

I don't have much advice to offer, just wanted to applaud you on your willingness to consider taking him in. He sounds like a relatively good kid....just needs some good rules and boundaries. You should pat yourself on the back for being a good sister. I would do the same for my younger brother if he needed me. Good luck!
Lynsey

Well I would want to know a few things to be able to answer this honestly. Is your lil bro resposible? Would he be able to get some type of a job and is he moving in with anything at all?

RULES, EXPECTATIONS & BOUNDARIES must be established before he moves in. If he is rebellious & cannot handle the rules & expectations then tell him not to waste your time. I would be hesitant about getting a bigger apartment because anything can happen & if he has to leave, for some reason, you will be stuck with a bigger payment that may be to much for you & your BF to handle.

I was 21 & a single mom when my 14 year old sister came to live with me & I didn't get any financial help either. Good for you for looking out for him.

you're an amazing person for being willing to help your brother this way. Its a lot to take on and not everyone would jump at the chance.

since you say he's interested in getting a job - make that a condition of living with you... he has to contribute, even if its a little bit, by getting maybe just a weekend job so that it won't interfere with his schoolwork, but it would still keep him out of trouble.
Just make sure you set rules - he's not a child, but he is living in your home.

Instead of moving to a more expensive place, could you invest in a big comfy futon for the living room that he could fold up during the day? or one of those really nice air mattresses? and maybe just a nice cedar chest for him to keep his clothes, etc in? the only downside of all that is then you'd lose your livingroom after he goes to bed. I'm not sure how much entertaining you do at your house and it might interfere with that, but if its only for a year, maybe its something you could sacrifice. It would be sad to leave an apartment that fits you well to a more expensive place for only for a year until he goes to college.

I'm not sure if its just because you don't want to create any more ripples in the family, but your brother is still a minor and your parents still have to support him! you could definitely file for some support from them. Or maybe look into seeing what government assistance he/you might qualify for - i'm not usually an advocate of government assistance but you have a legitimate need and you really are going above and beyond!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

I would think that you could get some kind of assistance, and parents are not afforded the right to "Wash their hands of their child" I would look into child support from one or both parents...has your brother been in trouble? Is he a difficult child? As the mother of 3 children I just cannot imagine abandoning one of my children and asking one of the siblings to take over.

Both his parents, regardless of whether they have decided to "wash their hands" of him, are still legally responsible for him, unless I am grossly mistaken. They cannot simply decide they will not pay for his livelihood. Your brother still needs to be financially supported. In addition to a roof over his head, he also will need clothing, school supplies, food, etc. This is to say nothing of all of the things that inherently come with being a high school senior, including college application fees, yearbook, and prom. As for the poster who suggested a futon - teenage boys need privacy. A futon may work for a few weeks, but it does not sound like a good long-term solution.

Best of luck to you and your family.