How Do I Breathe Again After the Death of My Baby???

The closest I've been to your horrible experience is losing a baby at 5 months during pregnancy. It was earth shattering to lose her, after trying for 6 months to get pregnant, and feeling her move within me. I know it is even harder when you have so many memories, the feel and the smell of him, the sound of him, etc. I clung to the sure knowledge that our baby was in Heaven with our God who can take much better care of her than I could. She would now be 24! I have been living close to my Lord through all these years so that I can spend eternity with Him, but also with our beloved daughter, Hannah. You need to grieve - it is a long process, but necessary. You need to thank God for the time you had with him. You need to talk about him. You need to thank God for the children you still have in your care (I had 2 precious children left: a 3-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter). You need to put one foot in front of the other and take care of the children you have left in your care at home. It will take time for your family to get back to a semblance of sanity and order, but God will help you. You need to spend much time in prayer, asking for strength. It will not be easy, but you can do this with God's help. Please remember that you and your husband probably grieve in different ways, so please be understanding of this. Many couples divorce after something so tragic, because they don't realize this important fact. Just because your husband doesn't cry, or because he can get up and go to work, doesn't mean he isn't hurting just as much as you. We all grieve differently, so please be understanding of each other and loving towards each other. Don't forget your other children as you grieve for your little one. Hug them often and tell them continuously that you love them. Lean on others until you feel strong again. You will be and you will be able to help someone else someday. Let me know if there is any way I can help you! I am praying for you! ###-###-#### E. W

Please take some comfort in knowing that when God takes someone from earth it is only to surround himself with better company in heaven. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of your other children, they need you now and always. Peace.

A.,

I can't even imagine what you're going through. I have a friend who lost her unborn child at 7 months and she was devistated, of course. She went to a place called Alexandra's House for support. They deal with helping grieving families and can help you memorialize your son if you want. They are the nicest people - such good hearts. Their website is http://www.alexandrashouse.com. They take phone calls 24/7, so PLEASE call them for help getting through this. Don't be afraid - they're there to help and they love helping families like yours. They're located just north of the plaza. I hope you can find some peace and hapiness some day. I know it will take time, but keep praying to your son and to God. Keep that communication open and I think your son will soon comfort you from above because he'll want you to be happy again. Give lots of kisses to your family and this is another reminder that we need to cherish every day of life. Take care.

I do not have words of wisdom or experience in this, I do have 2 little boys that I adore deeply. I wanted you to know that I cried through your letter and that I am praying for you and your family. We thought we were going to loose my older son when he was 2 weeks old, and I prayed that God would give me peace knowing that He would take care of my son better than I ever could. We were blessed that my son survived, but I know that is not always the case. My heart is greiving for you and your family! Please write me if there is anything more that I can do for you!!

S.
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omg I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your darling son. You are NOT alone. My husband and I lost twins at 23 weeks. It's hard to imagine now, but it does get easier. The pain never completely goes away, but I becomes bearable. Hang in there, go ahead and cry, let your family feel it it with you and help you through it. Maybe a support group, since you're wanting to reach out? I'm out if town right now, but would be happy to talk with you if you think my experience would help. All my hugs to you and your grieving family. I know there is nothing harder to go through

I am so sorry to hear about your lose! I know this has to be incredibly hard for you. It is never easy to loose a child. My parents lost a baby not long after he was born. He was older then me so I wasn't around yet but he was always a very really part of our family. I still talk about him being one of my guardian angels. I think what helped my parents the most after their ordeal was their faith. I know that there is life after death and your little boy is in a much better place. You are blessed to have a little one that was so perfect that he didn't need to be here in this life for very long. He is still with you and will always be a part of you and your family. The pain will get easier to bare as time goes on and life starts to move forward again. My brother was born on Dec. 19th so my parents decided to put up the Christmas tree on his birthday every year to help them with their grief and to remember him. I would encourage you to find something similar that you can do to remember him. It is ok to grieve as you go through the healing process but do it together with your family and loved ones. I'm sure your 5 year old has a lot of questions right now too. Help her to know that he is not gone forever. There is hope and I know that you will see your precious baby again. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you.

A. - I really don't know how to respond, but I wanted to let you know that I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I can not even imagine the pain you have in your heart right now, but know that God has taken Osceola into His arms and he is safe. I wish you all the strength as you go through this process. God bless both you and your family.

A.,

My younger brother died as in infant. I was only 18 months old, so I don't remember him or the event. However, I do remember my mother grieving periodically over the years. She will still mention his name fondly in a "what if" discussion on a rare occasion. I know that my grandmother came to stay with us for months afterwards to support my mother and take care of me. I know that she couldn't get out of bed for days, maybe even weeks sometimes. I know that it was her faith in God that got her through, and still does to this day. I am 29, 30 next month, so my brother would be an adult potentially with a family of his own by now.

3 years later my parents found the strength to have another child, and it was another boy. So, I now have a brother 5 years younger than me. My mother had some fears during her pregnancy that the same thing would happen again, and she was administered to by the church elders.

Also, my kids pediatrician is a father of 5. They lost a baby to SIDS a few years ago. He hasn’t talked about it with us in great detail, but is very stern in his warnings to new parents about the sleeping arrangements for infants and the risks of SIDS. Maybe you will one day have a message to share and will be able to help other parents.

As the tears stream down my face, I pray that you find your strength to remember the joys and enjoy their memory without pain, but for the remarkable times that they were. Hug your older children tightly and know that you are a good mother. Let them know how much you love them too. I am praying for your family to find healing in this process.

I do not have any words of wisdom or help to offer. I just want to let you know I will pray for you and your baby. I only know one person who has experienced this. Somehow through support from her family and joining a SIDS support group, she went on to have two additional children. Know there are people out there who don't even know you who are thinking of you and praying for you.

I am SO SO sorry to hear that!I can NOT imagine what you are going through.They only advise I can offer is to praise GOD through your storm!When we have more than we can handle we have the benefit as GOD's children of handing it over to GOD to carry for us.Try to focus on the positive things.Like remembering him and thinking about that he is in a wonderful place and will never be sick,hurting,etc.And that you will one day have the opportunity to be with him again.Don't give up,keep pressing on...As hard as it has to be your other children need you and they need you to be thier rock through this.Keep him alive in your hearts!I will be praying for you and your family.

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. My 5 month old cousin just died from SIDS 2 months ago and his Mommy has a tough time too. I can't imagine the pain that you are feeling. I will pray for you. I hope that things get better for you.

A....You are in my thoughts and prayers. 13 years ago I too lost my 8 1/2 month old son to SIDS. I truely feel your pain. I can tell you from experiance that it never gets easier as they say however you do learn with time how to cope better. There are no right words or answers to your questions but I can tell you whatever you do don't give up you have another child counting on you and I'm sure you have family that loves you. PLEASE stay strong and know you are not alone we mothers of lost angels have a bond that cannot be broken...we have our own angels that are more loved and missed than words can say.You are truely in my prayers. Everything you feel is okay just don't let it take you down forever. Be sad,cry,be angry,pray,laugh,love, and most important let yourself feel the love that surrounds you. You will make it through. I won't lie it will be hard the hardest thing you will ever do. Just know God loves you and you are never alone. W

i am so sorry Darling A.. i have 15month old daughter. she is my 2nd child. i lost first one when i was 18teen. my husband and i were heartbroken. i will always remember my baby boy. i closed myself from everyone. he would be now 15teen. and it took me 15teen years to have another baby. but i didnt have any younger children at that time so i took my time to open up again to everyone. i didnt want to hear who is having a new baby or who's baby is turning 1yrs. who is having a babyshower. i was so upset that i didnt want to go my family or friends first born or first birthday.
Dearest Darling, you have every right to be upset, heart broken, sad and not want to take care of other children. you carried your son for 9months and then you spend 7months with him. so it will never be easy to forget about him since he is gone. but my dearest, remember this he is in good palce with god and he is taking care of him. you are in my prayers. may god help you to get through this hard time. may god give your other children good health.
if you need anything, anything at all. please do give me call, my name is F. ###-###-####
best wishes, love, and prayer frome me and my daughter Rabia

A.,
I was catching up on my e-mails when I saw your post. My heart goes out to you. I've never been through what you're going through and I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling.
I know it is hard to hear, but it will get easier with time. Keep those "pictures" in your mind and in your heart. Remember, to take time for yourself, but you do have two other beautiful children who need you. Don't forget to talk to your partner. He's feeling just as lost. Perhaps in time, a support group would be the answer for both of you. I will try and give you a call in the next couple of days or feel free to give me a call, or e-mail. Whatever is easiest. I've heard that talking helps. I am sorry that you haven't had any other responses and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to check my e-mails--Hang in there and I'll talk to you soon.
Barb
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I will be in Lawrence during the day Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Don't get very good reception there, but leave a message and I can get back with you.

My heart goes out to you sweet A.. I am lifting you and your family to my God in prayer and asking for comfort. I have left my number with your friend through your cell phone number. Please call if you need anything at all. I'm just another Mom who cares.

Now your pain is unthinkable.....you'll never forget, but you're young and have to move on, time cures....you have other children that needs you now and that should give you strenght. You will have more kids to treasure and even though you won't forget one, you'll live happy for your other members of the family that loves you and needs you. It takes time to want to live again but you will. A way that might help you to cope is to think that your baby will be reborn in your next child, don't think that he's gone, think like he can still hear you and communicate with you and love you and don't want to see you unhappy. Talk to him and tell him how much you love him and miss him. It's OK to feel that way.
I sincerelly wish that you find comfort soon, don't hide pain ever,scream if necessary, talk to your husband and let him know how you feel, he'll probably be your best support now. And of course your 5 years old and 18 month old children! Be there for them, they need you! Take the time to get everything out when you need it but also be there for them, even if crying, they may need to cry too, and it's OK. If you feel like you can't cope, seek for professional help.
You touched the heart and soul of all mommies today...Be blessed.

A.,
I cannot fathom what you are going through, but wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God grant you the strength, courage, and perserverance to wake up each day and go on. I can only imagine that it will someday get a little easier to go on, and I pray that you have the peace that passes understanding to keep moving.
Most Sincerely,
S.

God is the only answer.I have a friend who lost a baby girl I will try to have her contact you. If you're not a Christian still listen to the strenghth this family had with God. You will be able to see your lil guy someday in Heaven that is our Hope.God BlessU!!

I truly don't know what to say. I can't imagine ever getting out of bed again. Your pain must be great and I'm sure everything you are feeling is normal. I'll pray for you.

A.,

I don't think words can express my feelings for you right now. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I have not gone through the loss of a child, I can't bear to think about it, but I have a friend who lost her baby to leukemia. Not the same, I know, but still a loss. I know there are so many support groups out there that will help you grieve and go on with life. It will be difficult, but your older children will be a great strength for you. As well as many family and friends. Take very good care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Many, many hugs and you and your family is in my prayers.

Dear A.,
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the answers that you are looking for. My husband and I lost a little boy almost 2 years ago and I still hurt everyday. You will go on, and some days it will take all of your strength to do so. My little guy would be turning 2 soon and I still cry, and have really bad days. I think that is just a part of the healing process. I know it sucks. I wondered how I was going to take care of my family when I felt so bad, but it helped me in the long end. My husband and I were going through the same thing and we found strength in each other, which made helping our other 2 children get through it also. I don't think at the time I realized how much it affected all of us. I would like to say stay strong, but I know how hard that is to do. So I guess I would say let your family be there for you. Tell them how you feel. Be there for your other children because they are affected also and you will see how much they can help you. Things will get easier. I wish I could say when or how long it will take, but I don't honestly know. There is a group called the Compassionate Friends. They helped us and they have several locations as well as a help line. The web address is www.TCFKC.org and the help line number is ###-###-####. Take advantage of the available groups and this site. You are definitely not alone. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.