How Did You Know?

I didn't want to be older than 30 when I had my last child. For myself, I didn't want to be in my 50s with children still in high school. That's how I decided.

You are very wise and strong to have not only thought this through from your's and your husband's point of view, but also tried surrogacies to help others and to still the pregnancy desire. I am on the opposite end: I never wanted kids, ended up wanting them after a miscarriage in the 3rd month and now have 2 delightful girls, ages 10 and 13. I would suggest to try to look ahead to when the kids are teenagers, what it will cost not only to feed them (I hear boys turn into zombie eating machines and girls turn moody) but to really have time to communicate with them, and eventually send them all to college. I work part time and am home when the kids get off the bus. My life is non-stop busy, between work demands, school demands (one had dyslexia and ADD), scheduling check-ups for doctors and dentists, recent bouts of stomach bugs, my mom broke her hip, hubbie's mom is having medical issues, paperwork for bills, shopping for food and now Christmas, etc.etc. Whenever one of the kids says "I am bored" I tell them I wish I could be bored! I am not saying this is your reason, but sometimes wanting more babies is a way to avoid starting the next phase of your own life, whatever that is. I would count my blessings if I were you, and make a plan what you would like to do with your life when the kids are teens and older, or else you may end up having really bad empty next depression. But what works for me does not work for you, so I hope you can discuss this with your husband and find the solution that makes you happy. Cheers.

How long till you will have any chance at some grandkids?

I had two and spent so much time doing for them that having another just never popped into my head. I think I had one more urge when I was in my early 30's and the boys were tweens, but my good girlfriends put me back on track :)
I feel sorry for you that you still want more babies and can't have them because Dad has enough. But, I'm sure its much worse for the moms that are sterile and cant have any at all.
If you really feel you need another baby just keep talking to hubby about it and maybe he will change his mind. But if he thinks 4 is enough for him, you probably should count your blessings and be done. Maybe he's ready/craving for that attention that has been poured out on the kids and your surrogacys over the years?

Maybe see a Counselor.... for coming to terms with things or at least closure for your feelings.
There are needs, compulsions, desires, impulses... and not all are the same.
Maybe, even if you had 7 children, you still would not feel it is complete.?
When is it enough???

But yes, don't force your Husband.
So, it might be good, for yourself, to see a Counselor so you can figure out how to feel fulfilled, even if you don't keep having more and more children/babies.

I felt complete when I had our 1 child 16 yrs ago.

Hubby got the V when she was 2 and I stayed on BC because we knew our family was complete.

I had a good pregnancy I just never had to urge to do it again.

It really sounds like you are never going to feel done. You are taking the right approach to this. Focus on the children you have and your husband. If you need to be around more children, you could work or volunteer at a daycare or mother's day out program. If you feel you just want to keep being pregnant or giving birth, then you might consider counseling. As you already know, having the baby is a blip on the radar of what you need to give the child you create. It's really good that you are thinking this through.

I don't know exactly where you're coming from but a few thoughts came to my head that might help you fill the void. I have several friends who are foster parents and receive infants up to about 5 years old. Some are only there for a short time but others have stayed a while. The hard part with that is having to let go when the child is given back to their parents or adopted etc. Another thought was to do part-time or volunteer work at a daycare or mother's day out program. Just a thought. Good Luck!

How did I know?
Well, I always wanted 3, and then after the second, I was working full time and found myself without enough time to get the kids to dr appts, without out the time off to stay home w/ them when they were sick, and without enough time just to spend with them! Not to mention bills for daycare/preschool...
I have been so overwhelmed, I decided two was really plenty.
But, as you know, it's more than that. I really DO feel a sense of completeness that I didn't know I'd feel after our son came along.
If I were a SAHM, I might feel differently.

Good luck!

Have you thought about being a foster parent? That might be an option for you and your family. I can't say I knew but I did feel at peace after the second child. I had a girl and a boy and they were healthy. I didn't want to push the envelop too much on that!

Speaking from personal experience I think the wanting more children comes from the fact that you cannot have more.

My pregnancies were very difficult. Due to complications I nearly died with the second baby and delivered 2 1/2 months early. The doctor told me if I got pregnant again she was 100% certain at least one of us would die, if not both. My husband & I truly believed we did not want more children, so the choice to tie my tubes was easy.

As the years have gone by I have had the urge to have more children. There were times that I cried because I could not have more. I told my husband how I longed for more children, and thought about adopting. He listened and comforted me when I needed him to. Then one day he told me he thought maybe I wanted another child so desperately because I could not have more. Most women have the option of having children if they want to. Many women choose not to, but when the choice is taken away it changes how you look at it. What he said made sense to me. We knew that we did not want more children even before the doctor told me that medically I should not. But when the decision was no longer mine (or ours) there were times that I was heartbroken because I could not ever have another baby. I've mostly come to terms with it now. I admit there are times that I still wish I could have more, but the feeling isn't as strong or as consuming as it used to be.

I know this is long, but I hope in some way it helps.

i'm kinda right there with you :( i have three small children(1, 4, & 7), my husband had a vasectomy and i had a tubal ligation and ablation about a year ago. in the past 2 weeks, i have begun having "baby fever", my youngest is almost 2, and that's about the time i've always gotten the itch. for us, it's obviously a physicial impossibility(though the ablation was not a complete success and my uterine lining is nearly back to normal now). and i really don't know that i want to go through another pregnancy - i had 3 miscarriages, though i suspect that there were a few more that happened so early on i never got a positive test.... i have nightmare pregnancies as well, hyperemesis and migraines to the point of weighing 90lbs and being fed through a PICC line in CCU when 5 months pregnant. idk, sorry for rambling, i don't have any advice, but i kinda know how you feel! and like you, money isn't really an issue here either, we could easily comfortably support several more kids.