How Can We Get Our Son to Tell the Truth.

You didn't mention your sons age. Is lying becoming a habit- like some kids say huh? all the time even if they hear you? My son had a lying habit- and that is what it was because he lied about stupid stuff that he wouldn't have gotten into trouble at all about. He was about 9. We are a christian family and so he had to look up verses about lying and copy them down. Eventually he memorized them. I also did the whole washing his mouth out with soap thing- then used hot sauce and other bitter things to remind him that a lying toungue will make life very uncomfortable for him. If I suspect him of lying I ask him if he is lying. He will usually tell me right off if he is. One time I could have swore that kid was lying but when I asked him and he said no, i accused him again and he got really upset about it and told me God knew he wasn't lying and there were tears in his eyes. I knew he was telling the truth so I apologized for not believing him in the first place- later his sisters backed up his story too. However it was hard for him to gain our trust after all the lying he had done.
I agree with Karen also that consistancy is necessary. Talk with him about what punishments he will recieve (like taking favorite things or activities away) for lying and how hard he will have to work to earn his things back which will help him learn how hard it is to earn trust back as well.
Pray for and with him. Let him hear you pray that God will help him to break this strong hold of lying. It is a hard one to break once you start.
You are also going to have to make sure you prove to him that he will get in less trouble for telling the truth then lying. For example- my son got a bad grade (we already knew about it) and he asked if he could have a friend over... we asked what grade he got. He told us the truth (that time) so we allowed the friend to come over but my son lost video games and tv for a week afterward. Once before he lied about a grade (after a friend was already over) so we sent the friend home, apologizing and explaining to the friend and parents why (which was embarrasing to my son) and he lost video games and tv for 2 weeks. He learned real quick that lying doesn't help.

It depends upon the age of your son. If he's still quite young he'll learn if you and dad ae very consistent in punishing him each time you catch him in a lie. Trust me, he'll get a way with lot of lying where you may not catch him. I have children ranging from ages 6 years - 24 years and they all went through, or are still going through the lying stages.

I dread the lying too, but all you can do while their under your guide is to teach them right from wrong, pray for them and love them despite. Eventually, they will stop, I know this for sure. Some children take much longer than others. Always reward the chidl who makes better decisions, than the onw who doesn't. If it's a very strong-willed child, it takes longer for them to get tired of being punished, but you must have that stick-to-ed-ness! Don't give in they must have consistent consequences for their lying and breaking rules. Be loving, but be strong as well. Hang tough!!!

I do think that lying is a phase that some kids go through but either way you have to control it so it does not get worse. Personally I would explain to him, sitting him down, looking him in the eye, that you have done the best you can to let him know that there are consequences to lying but that you as parents have not followed through with those consequences. Tell him as of now, you are going to follow through. Tell him that you are not raising a child to lie or to be dishonest and that you will not put up with it any longer. Tell him that starting now you want him to be completely honest with you about everything and in turn you will try your best to only discipline when it is a serious offense and that you will do your best to understand him. Explain to him that when you lie the punishment will be WAY more serious than if he tells the truth. Then, you MUST follow through! Whatever your means of punishment are, you must follow through. You didn't say his age so I am not sure how to help you there but If he lies about something and you know it is a lie, take away the car, take away toys, take away privledges, don't let him have a sleepover, whatever his greatest joy is...take it away! If you have to clean out his room where there is nothing but a bed and dresser, do so. You can do all this by being strict but yet showing respect and love for him. Be strong and follow through and he will learn. Good luck!

If you have the feeling that he's lying, instead of using warning or possibly suspicious tone that we all tend to use-"Are you sure you're not lying to me? You better be telling the truth!"-try a very non-threatening approach. Get close to him and just say "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but you just have a tendency to lie to us so much we don't know when you're telling the truth anymore. We want to show you that you won't get into trouble if you just tell us the truth, so just try doing that this one time so we can show you that if you hold up your end of the deal we will too." Its obvious that he has a high amount of anxiety about telling you the truth so you need to crack through that by being as calm and non-threatening as possible (my little sister had the exact same problem growing up and that's how we were finally able to break her of it).

You don't say how old your son is but if he's young he may not be "lying" just giving you the "right" answer. How are you asking the question? If you already know the answer, don't ask him if he did something. If he knows he's not supposed to and he doesn't want to disappoint you, he will "lie". Don't set him up to fail. If you know he did something, let him know you know and how you feel about it. Also, if you catch him in a lie then the punishment for he lying must be severe enough over the penalty for the unacceptable behavior that he won't want to lie. Don't harangue him over it, just make the punishment matter-of-fact and consistent. Good luck.

The consequences of lying must outweigh any rewards. The true issue is that he should not be engaging in behavior that needs to be covered up. But if he can get away with it, he will try. Define the boundaries as to appropriate/inappropriate behavior. Then discipline negative behavior & acknowledge positive behavior appropriately. You may also need to structure effective monitoring and routine systems which make it easier for him to do the right thing in the first place. For instance, if the rule is don't go outside when you are home alone, have a trusted neighbor check that he is not riding down the street (for example). Then he will know lying won't work. Or if the rule is no candy before dinner, schedule snack & meal times appropriately, so he is not tempted to break the rules & then lie about it later. And if despite your best parenting strategies, he continues to lie, enforce consequences consistently.

Vicki,
There seems to be a stage (at least my 2 older boys hit this phase about the same time - kindergarten I believe) of not telling the truth to avoid getting into trouble. Fortunately neither of my kids so far have a poker face so they telegraphed everytime they lied. We have always stressed that honesty is the best policy and that lying would get them into deeper trouble. We have doubled punishment / discipline measures for lies. We have had to let some infractions go without any discipline to prove to the kids that honesty is the best policy. However there have been times that the kids still get into trouble for telling us what they did. Some infractions cannot go without penalty. (Just like adults, if you are speeding and get caught, you can own up to and say you were speeding, but 9 times out of 10 you are still going to pay the penalty.) When the kids do lie to us and still get caught we make sure we differentiate between the discipline for lying and the discipline for the act.

We also talk to the boys about the 10 Commandments and how God wants them to be truthful in all that they do. If your kids are in any clubs or activities that talk about honesty as a pillar (ours are currently in Cub Scouts) that is a good avenue to use as well. I think that helps them to understand that it isn't just Mom and Dad rules, but that they are involved in other organizations that require honesty as well.

And lastly - pray for your son. I think it is tough out there today - and my 2d and 4th graders both feel pressure from their peers like I think I felt in Junior High!

Good luck -
T.

i got a daughter like that she lies to me all the time if u get a answer to your question please let me know i took my daughter to the dr but they saying it just because she turn into a teen