How Can We Get Our Son to Sleep on His Own? Is It Too Late?

It's never too late to start good habits. My fifth child is 16 months old. Gradually ease him into the habits you want him / you to have. He'll get it.

Mine did that too. The only thing that worked for us was the Cry It Out Method. It's heart breaking! But it does work and really doesn't take that long.

T.

Here's what Kellymom, a breastfeeding resouce website, has to say about nursing to sleep and comfort nursing:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html

Oh, and someone mentioned something about tooth decay. There have been numerous studies on breastfeeding and tooth decay, because nighttime bottles of baby formula *were* leading to decay. All the research has shown that nursing your baby, even at night, does NOT contribute to tooth decay. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

First off, you absolutely are not harming your baby in any way by nursing him to sleep - it isn't a bad habit.
I also didn't mind nursing my toddler to sleep until I got pregnant again, and I was a bit tender. I started filling him up with milk sweetened with a little honey before bedtime and he didn't need to nurse as much, and when he did, I just said "GENTLY! Gently." He gradually cut down and half way through the pregnancy, he had pretty much stopped.

I can't believe some Bozo had the nerve to tell you it's time to stop nursing him when you JUST SAID you weren't in any hurry. Don't let anyone guilt you you into changing things if they are working for your family.

And from what you've said about yourself, I don't think you'd care much for Ferberizing your baby, either. He's one of those baby "sleep trainers". The bit about "supposed to put babies down awake" is conventional wisdom with no more scientific merit then any other old wive's tale. So don't worry, you have NOT created a bad habit - many babies prefer to nurse to sleep throught the second year and beyond, and it is developmentally appropriate. You don't have to teach your baby to fall asleep independentally, he will reach this on his own when he is physically, developmentally, and emotionally read to do so. One of these nights you will notice that he stops nursing on his own (unlatches) while he still awake, and rolls away and falls asleep on his own. That's the first step and you should recognize that as him learning to fall asleep on his own, even if you do absolutely nothing to encourage it.

(Obviously you *can* speed this up, if you desire to do it for *your* convenience; but don't do it on his account, because it's not hurting him, and he enjoys it.)

Falling asleep alone is a natural developmental progression, like learning to talk or walk - it is something that they *will* learn, whether or not you "teach it. You can obviously try to speed it up if you desire, or you can sit back and enjoy this time and let the baby learn it in his own time.

Can you get your mother or mother in law to come into town? I was nursing my son back to sleep once or twice a night until his pediatrician got on to me for allowing this to continue even though my son was 12 months old. But I loved it! So, my mother in law who was in town said she would get up with him and soothe him back to sleep. Whenever I had tried, he would cry for over an hour with me getting back up every 10 minutes to try to soothe him so I would give in so we could all sleep! After 3 nights of her help, my son is now going to sleep on his own and sleeping soundly through the night. His pediatrician also said to nurse him somewhere else other than his room a little earlier than bedtime, then brush his teeth and then do a nighttime routine. That has worked well for us. The tooth decay scenario was really what goaded me into giving up the nighttime feeding. Good luck!

Hello. I too used to nurse my baby to sleep. But when he finally weaned(at @16 months old) and I wanted him out of my bed, I started putting him to sleep in his own bed. The way that I did this was to sit with him and read him a story every night. He would not allow me to leave his site before he drifted off, at first. I would put a chair in his room right next to his bed and sit there with him until he fell asleep. I did this for a couple of nights before I finally started to casually(little by little) push the chair farther torward the door. I would wait for him to fall asleep before I left the room. After about 1 1/2 weeks I would be out of the room completely when he drifted off. Now he's a healthy 6 year old sleeping completely by himself after a story and lots of kisses each night. I hope this works for you. Good luck!

I too was ready for my 9 mo old to sleep through the night. I read "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. Skeptical at first, because when I had heard of the "Ferber Method" I thought that meant let them cry it out. It's doesn't. It gives you a time line so that the crying doesn't just continue on and on until neither of you can stand it. Plus, he gives you insight into the sleep cycles our body goes through and helps it all make since. I checked the book out at the local public library. My youngest is 16 months now and sleeping through the night after only a couple of weeks of following Ferber's advice. It's worth looking into!

Ditto what Traci H. said...

First of all, I disagree with one of the responders: it is not necessarily time to stop nursing your son. You can continue to nurse as long as both of you still enjoy it. However, it is perhaps time to change in the order of your bedtime routine and try to keep him awake during nursing and put him down asleep. Try not to let him fall asleep nursing or gently wake him up after nursing and read another story or change his clothes and then put him down.

It's never too late. I would suggest starting a new bedtime ritual- like a bedtime story, a warm cup of milk, singing a quiet song, or playing an ocean cd. You might have to endure a few rough evenings, but after a few nights he'll get the idea and go to sleep without nursing.

He'll do it when he is ready. All babies are different. Believe me I know, as all 5 of mine have been different when it came to most everything. Follow your instincts, do what is best for you and your family. There is no "supposed to" when it comes to parenting. If done naturally a baby usually is able to fall asleep on his own before completely weaning. It is one of the signs that they are going to wean. Sounds like he is right on his own schedule and that is great.

I wish you all the best in your parenting journey.

ITA with Susanna, et al. My daughter is 15 months and still nurses to sleep. She's perfectly well adjusted and 'normal' for her age. If you're in no hurry to wean him, don't worry about it. He'll get there on his own.

Just FYI, most kids naturally wean between 4-5. This (back in the good ole days) helped with spacing children as nursing tends to suppress fertility. The way the Duggars wean at 6 months to get pregnant again is NOT God's plan for us. (She knows women have limitations on how much they can handle ;))

Please don't let these moms tell you when it's time to wean YOUR child. You're the mom- trust your instincts. And there's no need to "put your baby down awake" just because some book or other moms are telling you so. Nursing your little one to sleep is perfectly normal. Do not try to push your child into being independent- that often backfires and makes them more needy. I would suggest reading the Baby Book by Dr.Sears and possibly joining a La Leche Leauge meeting in your area. They are free and very supportive of breastfeeding moms. Send me a message if you want any info from the LLL in Coweta/Fayette counties.

I followed Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" ideas to help my oldest daughter gently learn to fall asleep without nursing, but our second (because I was more patient, and didn' have another "baby" to take care of too) daughter nursed to sleep until she was 2. And I don't regret a minute of it! I still have beautiful memories of her drifting off to sleep, and now (she's 5) when it takes her longer to fall asleep (I still snuggle with them) I miss the days when it took 5 minutes for her to drift off while nursing. Both girls are wonderful sleepers, and are perfectly healthy, so I don't believe the ideas that I somehow didn't "teach" them to fall asleep. They both just were given lots of love before they nodded off, and I am very content knowing that we've parented them that way. If you haven't yet seen in, www.askdrsears.com is a great resource for all things parenting related!

it's not too late, but it will not be fun or easy - though you owe it to yourself and mostly to your son to teach him how to fall asleep on his own. you should talk to your pediatrician about it. there are so many methods to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own.

the first thing you need to do is get him not to fall asleep while he is nursing. much easier said than done, i know, but i'm sure you know by now that he never should have been allowed to do that - he will eat a full meal and ultimately sleep better if he is allowed to stay awake while nursing. you'll have to pick your method - i tickled my daughters feet, nursed in a lit room, patted her bottom, and spoke loudly.

that will be your first challenge. then you will be able to "put him down" while he is awake. and it will be so hard! he WILL cry. and after 14 months of not hearing him cry at night, it will break your heart (I know - I've been there!). but whatever method you choose (we just did a 15-minute plan, going in to her every 15 minutes, but not picking her up), you'll just need to keep reminding yourself that you are teaching him one of the most valuable skills he can have in life.

my daughter fought sleep so badly during the day that i ultimately had to give up her naps at 18 months to get her to sleep through the night. we fought the "sleep-on-her-own" battle a little earlier than you are right now, but i have lived the story you are telling. feel free to contact me if you want to hear more about it.

A.,
My daughter is 15 mos. and is still nursing. Sometimes she falls asleep nursing and sometimes she doesn't. She uses a pacifier to help herself fall asleep. I would have preferred that she suck a thumb or her fingers, but she never went in that direction, so we gave her a pacifier. Occasionally, we have to put the pacifier back in at night, but for the most part she either finds it herself or goes back to sleep on her own. The pacifier may be a good transition tool to help when he is ready to stop nursing.

I did the same thing with my son, it's hard not to! My suggestion is to shorten the nursing sessions SLOWLY, leaving him more awake each few times, until he learns to go to sleep on his own. We made going to bed as POSITIVE as possible, no crying, and at 3 my son has been sleeping in his own bed for 6 months and we just put him to bed, say good night and he's out. Just laying with him helps, cuddle close once you've stopped nursing and he's still awake-if you do this very slowly (barely awake, a little less barely awake, kinda barely, kinda awake.. etc..you get the idea..), over a matter of weeks or a month, you will find he can put himself to sleep. This is a great method for night weaning as well (I chose not to do that until closer to 2 personally) This is advice I read from mamasource, best advice ever!!

they say when he cries for you if you put him down awake, then comfort him with a lil rub and some reassurance without picking him up every 5 minutes, then 7, then ten, etc till he goes down. Eventually he will learn thats its bedtime, I was told it takes 3 days at that age to forget he nursed to sleep at all. just like a bottle, 3 days. If you wait longer it will get alot harder. Thats what me pedo said and I had my son off in 2 days.

Darling it is time to stop nursing that baby!!

Hi A.,

My 11 year old fell asleep nursing every time too. My husband and I were just talking last night about how great it is that our 3 month old goes to sleep on his own...WITH NO CRYING OR FUSSING! It is a fluke I am sure. I take no credit other than having the will power not to pick him up when he is laying there cooing himself to sleep! ;-)

However, the painful way I got the first to go to sleep on his own was having him do it during the day first. It isn't dark, and he knows where he is etc. Anyway, I did home day care and had three one-year olds in my care. I had to rock one at a time and my son was always the last. I would have him wait in his crib (yes, he would cry). Eventually he would fall asleep before I even got to him. TA-DA!!! He began to self-soothe at night and eventually he would go to sleep on his own.

As for weaning, you got several good suggestions already, but what I did was: Bath, nurse, cup of milk and story. Then the next night the same thing with less nursing, then so on and so on till I worked the nursing out of the routine. He did great, but I read his cues before I started and knew he was ready. I also didn't nurse at all during the day once he was taking a cup. Only morning and night.

Good Luck!!!