D.B.
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Charlotte
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Hi -
My 14-month-old son, Ethan, is a very happy, interactive, playful baby - he plays right up until bedtime, and lately (past month?) I've had to take him out of his playroom (or away from his daddy!) just to put him in his playpen (which I usually do to help him "transition" to the actual bed; he falls asleep in the pen a lot). I am letting him stay up later, but I can tell when he's tired, and I don't want him to get overtired - and I think he does.
When put in his pen or bed lately, even when it's past his bedtime and he hasn't napped much and/or is just tired, he will scream - not cry like something's wrong, but scream, etc. It seems like it's related to what I read about babies not liking to "miss anything" - he misses the interaction of being around people, which is why I always put him in his playpen to start with at bedtime, because it's in the living room, but in an area where it's off out of the way and we can dim the lights. he can still hear and see us, though.
He just fights sleep like crazy, and what really soothes him is a bottle - he does drink it some, but mostly, he wants to sleep ON it!! I've discovered he LOVES the round (cylinder-shaped) throw pillow we have on our bed, and I think I will get him his own b/c he loves to sleep with something like that under his tummy or groin. But he has no real attachment to pacifiers anymore, and no real attachment to a particular stuffed animal, etc. He's been given the chance, but he's just not become really attached to any one thing - EXCEPT US!! Is there anything I can do? Usually, it's ok; we go back, soothe him a second, let him know we're there, but not staying; and then let him cry it out for a bit, and then he falls asleep and usually sleeps great through the night. Am I doing the right thing?
Thanks for all your advice. We think Ethan is just now finally getting to the point of separation anxiety. He wants to picked up a lot, etc., and this translates to his sleep. He VERY MUCH has a bedtime routine, and going to the playpen for 'quiet playtime' before bed is part of it. I ended up giving him my favorite cylinder throw pillow,and that's worked wonders (smells like me, it's the one he likes, etc. I'll get another!).
I've also the past few nights when I've laid him in bed - if he's not already passed out - I stay a second, make sure to give him a hug if he pulls himself up in the crib, kiss his cheek, and then turn on his "sleeper light." Seems to help, and mostly it's just that he hates to be away from us.
As far as the 2 naps a day, he definitely gets them when w/ me, but I work Tues-Fri, so those days he's with my husband's aunt and I can't say he always naps 2x/day with her - she runs around a lot. But she definitely tries to give him those times . Sometimes, he just fights naps too. He's on cows milk, he eats like a champ, and he's teething his molars, so those things don't help, I'm sure. but, we are figuring it out. He's just growing up, too.
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Yes, you are doing the right thing! Try sleeping in a t-shirt and then giving it to him as a lovey. It has your smell on it and it may help soothe him. Another thing - I know it sounds gross, but don't change his sheets unless they are really dirty. The smell of sleepytime can really help. One thing that always works as part of the sleep puzzle - keeping the schedule and nightime routine consistent. Toddlers LOVE consistency and knowing what comes next. It gives them a sense of control. You may get tired of reading the same book over and over, but he may love it. Hang in there!
At my daycare when a baby fights sleep we give them a blanket and lay them on their belly and pat their back until they go to sleep. Sometimes a calm movement like swinging can help. The best thing to do is not to let them think your making them go to sleep because it only makes it worse. Not sure that any of this will help but it's what I've learned.
OK, first of all he needs his naps. At least two. He is overly tired and is over stimulated by bedtime without naps. Secondly, if you know you fed him, he's dry, comfortable, not sick (is he on a formula still? He may need to switch...)..if you have had him checked out by a doctor, then you do this: About an hour before bedtime, start a routine...dim lights, quiet activities like a quiet movie or music and then at bedtime, read him one to two books if he is old enough to like that...OR just turn on the sound machine (they are wonderful if you don't have one...), tuck him in, sing a lullabye, say goodnight and turn out the light, shut the door and don't go back for at least 30 minutes.
If you do have to go back after 30 minutes, check his diaper and don't talk, just lay him back down (first of all, don't transition from one place to the other, kids thrive on routine...put him where he is ultimately going to sleep to begin with...), anyway, don't talk, make soothing sounds as you lay him back down and keep the light off, walk out again and shut the door.
He needs for YOU to be strong, if you know he's not sick or hurt. He needs for YOU to teach him to soothe himself by leaving him to do it. It may get you in your gut, but that's what you have to suck up and just do.
I'm a mom, a grandmother and a professional babysitter/nanny full time so trust me, I know it.
