How Can I Get My 8-Year Old Boy to Do Chores

Doing chores has to be tought from early age.... also why is he with the computer? He is only 8!!!!
More chores - less computer. No bribes. Participating in family affairs should be expected and not rewarded in any way except a "thank you for a job done well".
Hope that helps.

It's easy.
No fun (tv, computers, games, friends, phone, etc) until the work (homework, chores, etc) is done.
If he fights it, he's only getting in his own way, and the fastest way out is to get what is required finished.
Confiscate batteries and install plug locks if you need to.
http://www.familysafemedia.com/powerstop_power_plug_lock....

he is only 8, when he is at school unplug the computer or if it is a laptop move it end of story. He shouldn't be spending most his day in front of the computer and you are in charge of that. He can get into bad habits when he is older not now, it is really up to you at this age to control that for him since computer games can be very addictive.

for every chore he does give him 20 minutes on the computer. Or just say all chores must be compete prior to using the computer, no question, no negotiation, no nothing.

Don't let him on the computer.
Don't let him have it, if it is in his room.
Don't let him decide, when to be on the computer.
YOU decide that.
Tell him, it is your computer, not his... you paid for it, you make the rules.
He is a kid... you are the parent.

You write down, on paper... a manageable list of 'chores' he can do.
THEN you post the list up somewhere he and you will see it.
You tell him... that is his DAILY "to-do" list.
It is not something that he gets rewards for... BECAUSE it is family responsibility.
He is a part of the family.
So he has to help.
It is not gratuitous nor will it get him treats.
It just is.
Chores.
He has to do them.

AND... he SHOULD get getting time outside... to do physically active things too. Is he?

A kid, does not spend all day in front of a computer or TV... unless they are allowed to.

all the best,
Susan

Okay, this absolutely drives me nuts. What do you mean you can't get your kid to do any chores? They don't do anything else until they do. They don't watch TV, play on computer, play with friends, NOTHING until chores are done!!! Besides time on the computer should be limited anyway.

Take the computer away. And his computer time should be limited to what ever you set it. Once the timer goes off, he's done. For my kids, it's 20 minutes unless they are using the computer for homework. If they don't set the timer, they lose their computer time for that day.

In order for him to be able to do his chores, he a) has to know what you want him to do and b) he needs to know how to do them. You can set up a chore chart for him or a list of what he needs to do daily. But make sure you show him what you want him to do.

Remember, he is 8, not 18. He still has to be taught how to do things. Vague directions will not work. Be specific.

take away the entertainment part of the computer access.

Take the computer away. If it's in his room, out it goes. Computer should be in a central location if it isn't already - easier for monitoring and control. Make a chore chart, listing what needs to be done, and when you expect him to do it. Completing the chore chart earns back computer time (10 minutes for each task or whatever).

A good book to read is "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" - it's all about communicating with your kids and getting some to comply with your requests while also making them part of the problem-solving process. I highly recommend checking it out.

I'm not trying to be harsh but you are the parent so be the parent. Discontinue all computer use until after his chores are done and then set limits on his screen time (what YOU feel is reasonable not what he dictates).

Whether you chose to tie chores to an allowance is up to you but children need to do chores as members of the family and to be a good steward of their home. I also think by doing chores kids will appreciate your efforts more and not take for granted what they have.

I hope this helps!

I think you want to be careful about using punishment for chores. They're hard to do as it is, and if you make it more of a chore then it'll be that much harder to get him to follow through with it. Seems like it would just be a constant fight with him for years if you follow that path.

I would seriously limit his computer time and use the computer as a reward for good behavior. It should be a privilegde not a right. I would first cut out computer time for a few weeks then introduce chores as a way to get back his computer time or other things he enjoys to do.

I'm sure there are some good books out there although I don't know of any yet. (my son is only 15mo) so hopefully some great moms out there will reference some good books for you!

you have it backwards. He needs to EARN his computer time. It is not a given.

I think that everyone is losing sight of the fact that computer skills are GREAT to have. People with careers in computer fields can earn a LOT of money. My opinion is to have moderation. Everything in moderation.

If someone wrote in about an 8 year old obsessed with dinosaurs or with energy conservation, the tone of responses would be different. Computers in themselves aren't bad. Teaching responsible skills on time management is key. We all have recreation - we just don't do it the entire day.

Think "team" in terms of chores. Do you want your son to learn a lesson that families contribute to the responsibilities of a house, or do you want him to do tasks at any price - even if he learns to HATE them for the rest of his life? Barbilee's onto something and I sent her a flower for it. :o)

Hello, Make him earn the computer time. It is a privilege, not a necessity. Stick with it. If he doesn't earn his computer time, don't let him have it. I would also limit the time he spends on it.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.

Wow, you've sure had a lot of "tough love" answers here, and hopefully some of them work. I agree in limiting the computer time, but may I suggest a different way to look at the situation?

Children can behave out of fear of punishment, the promise of a bribe, or admiration and a feeling of personal accountability to you. Wouldn't your life be a whole lot simpler if he simply did what he was told because he loves you and wants your praise?

I first suggest spending some "bonding time" with your son away from his computer. Not with you and him and the other kids or your husband or helping him do his chores or bringing him along on your errands. This time should not involve shopping, watching a movie, or food. A 2 person video game would work, so does indoor rock climbing, building models, anything he would enjoy and not get frustrated with that you don't have to "teach" or "criticize" him in.

This will take some time to develop, I suggest spending15 minutes a day, 6 days a week and then 30 minutes to an hour once a week just bonding. Ask him questions, love on him - stick to topics and activities you both can enjoy without getting mad or frustrated. This is about you two enjoying each other.

During this transition time - let him know that you expect him to take on his responsibilities as a young man in this household and being a part of the family means doing chores. Don't let him whine or fight you, if he throws a fit - walk away from the conversation without losing your cool or threatening something you can't back up. Do let him know that you as a parent are in control of his computer time and you do have the right to remove the power cord and he may earn the right to have it back when you see him doing his chores consistently for 3 days without complaint. Keep a chart that he can check off.

Take the computer away. Tie time spent doing chores to time allowed on the computer. You're in charge not him.

I do one for the other.....When your chores are done you may use the computer, your choice. When your chores are done, you may watch tv. when your chores are done, you may play outside with your friends....you get the picture. Mine are 4 & 5 & get it. Don't like it, but get it. Oh, also my kids school has days like ice crteam day or tattoo day & if she wants $ for those things, chores have to be done. Hope this helps....

I'm sorry, but why does your son spend most of his day in front of the computer? Do you not have authority over him? Give him a time limit and then turn the thing off. At that age, we allow only 30 minutes a day. Yes, I'm serious. There are so many other ways he could and should be spending his day. What on earth is he doing on the computer? Video games? Is this the future you want for your son? Give him work to do, and follow through to see that he does it. You're the mommy. You need to let him know that. Who is in charge there? Are you married? If he has a father in the picture, he could probably help a lot in this situation. If not, then it really is much harder. But, you need consistency and discipline if you want to teach them to him. You can do it!

Unplug the computer and take the keyboard and mouse away.
When you do ask him to do chores, do them with him - except for maybe taking out the trash... I think he can manage that. You can't expect an 8 year old to know what you want done. You need to work together... Make it fun.
We also volunteered with our kids for church clean up and things like that. You can't teach stewardship unless you do it, too.
LBC

Okay, you have clearly gotten some passionate advice here from momma's that have the right idea. Something that I would like to add- my boy is too little to worry about this just yet, but a friend of mine with a 7 and 4 year old has a set amount of 'screen time'. After home responsibilities are complete (chores, homework, etc) they get 45 minutes of screen time, either television, computer or video game. It's up to them which it is, but once that 45 minutes is up, then it's up. No questions. This does not include some movies on the weekends, but those are treats. I do agree that you need to be the adult, and if you need to take the computer away, then do it. If it needs to get boxed up for a week, then you will need to deal with keeping that kid active. You clearly care, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this question. Will it be uncomfortable for both of you? Probably. But so was labor. And so was sleepless nights with a baby. (you get my point).. But you do it because you LOVE him. So be a parent, "grow a pair" as my sister would say, and call the shots. And best of luck. We all support you.

I agree, take the computer away.
Set up a chore system. Do you only have one?

On the weekdays what do you want him to do?
Mine scoop cat litter, feed the dogs, set the table and clean dishes depending on whose day it is to do what I have three at home.

Be in the room and help him. Even my 12 year old has trouble with really yucky pans and my 9 yo is still drying while I wash. He just doens't get things that clean yet.
If you want him to clean his room make it reasonable. "Clean your room" is too big, it's too much. Break it up. Tell him to pick up all the clothes, then all the Lego's, little Army men, crafts, etc.
Or
Have him do it in sections. Do everything on the bed, in this corner or that.

If you want him to dust in the living room , Show him how you want him to do it.
Then when it is his day to do it hide quarters and dimes under things so when he dusts he gets a reward immediately.
Do the same in the bathroom. Show him.
Tie his computer time into whether or not his chores are finished. Same with friend time.

Mine is 9. On Saturday mornings his chores can include
Cat litter, sweep cat room
vacuum, dust living areas, wash windows,
pick up all piles of stuff.
bathrooms, sinks, toilets, and sweep floors
dishes: load the dishwasher and dry, counters, set the table, If he only has a couple cups and bowls to wash he can handle those, plus the knives that don't go into the dishwasher. I usually wash the greasy pots and pans, he dries
He has different chores for different days.
Since I have three while he does kitchen duties another does cat duties and another does the dogs. They rotate every day.

Spare the rod spoil the child.

Updated

Spare the rod spoil the child.

Well first things first, my child would most definitely not be allowed any computer time till he did his chores. I have had to limit the time my son was allowed to be on the computer for years now. He is not allowed more than an hour and usually only a 1/2 hour and he is 11 years old. Same with t.v. and video games. My son only was given the choice of do the work, that was age appropriate of course, or stand in the corner or face the wall. That's all he could do. They get really sick of standing really quick and then the job gets done. I also found that working with them helps them to do a better job and have more confidence in that the job isn't that overwhelming.

Lillian,

Teach them and demand him that there are times for studying, time for playing, and time for helping with chores because he is part of your family, and he should help. Change the password to log in and take away the computer until he learns the lesson and he is being consistent with it. You have to be consistent as well and be firm.

How about taking a weekend trip out of town ..no computer..your son needs to break the habit..he's addicted...we went away to Joshua Tree for a few days and it even broke my habit...he needs other interests..and doing chores really isn't very interesting..can u get him involved in some sports or some other type of class? perhaps get him interested in magic tricks..i just signed my son up for yoga..he's only 4..but shows interest in it..and he also loves the computer..i try to keep him busy and sway him from it..or i choose computer programs that are educational.

good luck

D.

http://accountablekids.com/

My friend uses "30 minutes of screen time" as a unit of currency. You can remove the computer's power cord to enforce it.

Good luck.

He might be too old, but I went to flylady.net and used the house fairy cleaning videos and my 8 year old fell for it. She comes to check randomly and only leaves a prize if it is clean. and it shows how to clean.

Make a chart. You write each chore on the right with the days of the week across the top. When he completes his chores for each day, he can earn time on the computer or he can earn a reward at the end of the week. Let him pick the reward for better buy in. If he doesn't do his chores... you don't have to argue with him about it... just point to the chart! :) Good luck!

you said some LITTLE punishment....unplug the darn computer yourself in the midst of what he's doing, or (depending on the age of the computer) you can set him up his own account go into the "administrater" account and give him specific times that he can be on there, the computer will automatically kick him out REGARDLESS what he's doing when his time is up, and will not let him back on until the next time you specify....set up the other user accounts with a password protection that only you and dad know...computer problem solved, or just password protect all the user accounts so he can't get on without your password end of story

and i have to disagree with some of the posting on his age level vs chores, i'm sorry but it's all consistancy, my 7 almost 8 year old does the laundry, sweeps, vacumes, etc, all my kids (teens and 8) mow the lawn, weed eat, find a fun way for EVERYONE to do the chores as a family, make it fun,

maybe set up a schedule so he'll know what's expected of him that day like dishes in the evening...even helping prepare the meals, etc

In our family we have “responsibilities” we don’t have chores. As a family it is our “responsibility” to ensure our home is clean and safe. That means EVERYONE does everything. We prepare meals together, we do dishes together, we clean house together. DAILY we do a 10 minute tidy– we put on 3 - 4 really fun fast songs, we set the time and we each pick a space to “clean” – cupboards, walls, floors, sweeping, dusting, clean out the fridge – whatever – then we just do it – but only for 10 mins. It is fun, fast and every day we get 40 mins of house work in (I have a family of 4). No more struggling to keep the house clean.

On the first of the month the 13 year old receives $200 and the 10 year old gets $100.
25% goes to rent, yes, they both pay rent
25% is kept in cash for necessities – toothpaste, deodorant, clothing, stuff they “need” – I pay for their food (unless they are going out with a group of friends – that comes from them)
10% goes to pay me for their sponsored sister (through World Vision)
10% goes toward education – books, school trips etc.
10% for Long Term Savings – for example my older daughter was saving for a trip with her Teen Group – she saved $800!
10% for Financial Freedom – every month they give me 10% of their income to invest.
10% Play – they can spend it on whatever they want – I can say NOTHING about it.

This teaches them responsibility for their actions and their own money. My 10 year old came home from “hanging at the mall” with her friend and her mom with a bag of new socks. I gave her a funny look and she said, “mom, they were in the clearance bin, they were only $5. 2 months ago when I bought this same pack it was $9! I am going to put them in my closet for school”

There is a wonderful eBook at http://www.heyyougetreal.com/NewFWords.html that explains it all.

B.
Family Success Coach

Turn off the computer and demand he do his chores. If he doesn't there needs to be consequences and you need to follow through with them...be the parent...

-M

Take away his computer, t.v. and other electronic stuff. I just took a parenting class and they said the most effective incentive was "screen" time. Your son can "earn" screen time by doing what he is asked to do e.g. 15 minutes for each chore or other good/helpful behavior, or however much time you want to make it. Chores are a part of a being a family and are not optional. Everyone needs to pitch in just like you do.

My husband says, "Smash the computer with a hammer! In plain site of your son...better yet make him do it!"

My advice: Unplug the computer and put it in a closet until your son can comply to your requests. Just make sure everyone knows you will be comm-out for awhile. Sometimes a BIG reaction/consequence is what is needed with a "computer/tech. junkie"...people did survive without technology once upon a time.

Dear L.,
I have just recently come across this challenge myself with my 7 and soon to be 13 yr old. There is nothing they love more than playing video games on the Wii, their Nintendo DSi, or playing online games on the computer. That doesn't mean they can't earn these priveledges.
I decided to cut the video games priveledges out drastically, about 80%. When they ask, can I play the computer? or can I do video games, I say to them, those are priveleges that can be earned. What do you think you can do to earn them? They procede to tell me.....anyway,
You have probably resolved this by now. It looks like you have received a huge response from your question.
I tell my boys that they can't play computer until their chores are completed. I also explain that aside from their chores, they can earn extra money.
I hope this helps. Just remember, you are the parent, and if they know that you're the boss and in control, they really don't have a choice but to listen and do what is expected of them. It will be hard at first as he will test you...but in the end it is worth it. He will complain less and goals will get accomplished quickly.
blessings ~ L.

turn off the computer.

he can earn comp time. 1/2 hr of helping 1/2 hr of screen time. we do reading. if he reads for an hr he can play a video game for an hr.

Put your foot down! He's 8! take his computer away and MAKE him do his chores! don't sweet talk him and don't do little punishments take away everything he likes to do. if you keep giving in he'll never do chores!

It's hard to punish my son too but what works best is to take away the thing he likes most - which is reading books at night. So find what your son likes best and take it away if he doesn't help out. It sounds like the computer is his thing. You have to unplug it and not let him use it. Limit his time on it everyday and take away his time if he doesn't help.

My son is 8. He gets $4 allowance per week for setting the table, putting clothes in the hamper, taking out the garbage, helping to move the cans into the street and putting the cans back after pick up. And he just started clearing his plate and sometimes he'll wash his own dishes. If he doesn't do the chores, he doesn't get allowance.

Hope this helps.