Horrible Mother

You're not a horrible mother, or you wouldn't be asking for help. You are a mother in a horrible situation. Your daughter is reflecting her home life. That won't really change until her home life changes. Therapy is great, but if the situation stays the same, it can only do so much. If there is a woman's shelter that you can contact for help, planning, etc., please contact them. Google is your friend. They may know things that you don't regarding getting out of your situation, so please don't think you have to stay until you have looked into other options.

Get some therapy for yourself because you need the strength to get out of this relationship and the self knowledge and confidence not to get back into a similar situation. Reach out for help - that means you are strong enough to ask when you need it.

Someone has to straighten out your husband-start there-and if he won't cooperate and be a hero and a man-then make the next move. Have you tried to talk to him? Is he violent?-because you can get him removed from the home if this is the case. Insurance often covers mental health treatment. Check this out-many valuable resources-for free!:

https://www.google.com/webhp?source=search_app#q=catholic...

you are not a horrible mother!! you need to never say or think this again-everyday, work on the issues and make some progress-and never look back-keep moving forward-you can do this-and you must-millions of people are praying for you everyday and your children-don't ever give up-it can and will get better with your efforts-you will find people to help you.

This place is 20 minutes from your town. Give them a call. Let us know what happens.
http://www.180nj.org/

I agree with previous posters: start on yourself, first, with counseling. Get the kids some help, too, and if you husband is agreeable, go to counseling with him.

Being the best parent you can be isn't easy, especially when you do have your own parent with mental health issues. With counseling,though, you can get enough support to make the changes in yourself which will vastly improve your whole family situation. I'm not promising that your husband will change, only that if you are committed to wanting to break the cycle, it can be done.

Taking a parenting class, such as the Love and Logic series that are often offered, can also help you become more confident in how you discipline the kids and respond to their needs.

I encourage you to go forward, investing in yourself and your family. Please believe me-- it can be done. In my maternal family, I was the one to break the cycle. It is hard work, new bumps in the road pop up from time to time-- but it is truly worth it. You will figure out in time if your marriage can be improved or if you need to make other arrangements, baby steps, y'know?

I wish you well. :)

PS- my mother is not in my life or able to help, either-- hasn't been for the last 11 years or so, so I DO understand.

The problems you are having are a symptom of your environment, and you need to change that first and foremost, and your children will be helped that way. Find a church or community shelter of some sort with someone to point you in the direction of where to get help for yourself regarding your marriage. If you stay alone and trapped, things will only get worse. You can do it momma, reach out and find some help! I just googled "help to escape from abusive marriage" and all kinds of links and services come up, try to find something.
I'm a firm disciplinarian, but to be honest, it's not difficult to discipline in a loving happy home, because the discipline is such a stark contrast to the norm, you almost never need it. Kids want to do right and avoid discipline (which is why it's effective) in a home where they feel loved and secure. You do NOT want to increase discipline within an unhappy home. It's too much hardship for you kids. You don't want to spoil them either, but you know the issue right now is not them, it's your home. Fix it no matter what it takes!

You all would benefit from therapy. You need someone to talk with so that you develop to power to deal with what life has become for you right now. You do have options. You are scared and alone - get help so that you are not scared and alone anymore.

Yes insurance should cover it.

I suggest you call your insurance provider and ask them about counseling for the kids and yourself. As you and the kids go through this process you will find strength inside yourself and you will grow to a point where you can find that ability to leave or make changes.

You are in a sad place and need to have someone you can talk to that will not berate you or put you down. But that will build you up and help you learn new skills.

The kids will learn some new skills too. They most likely are feeling the effects of how dad treats mom and it's making them angry. If he is treating them like he treats you, in any way, they are mad about that too.

Your kids do deserve to have a home life where they feel safe. You have to get to a point mentally where you can do that for them. That may take some time. You may also find that you decide to stay with hubby but he has to grow and make changes too. Once he sees the changes in you and you standing up to him he may decide to make these needed changes too.

The best thing you can do for your children is to start taking care of yourself. Get some counseling for YOU first, and then go from there.
And please look into the links/services available that others have suggested below, for your sake, AND YOUR KIDS.

Ironically you feel helpless but in this situation you have the highest authority. You have the absolute power to remove yourself from these heartaches or removing the heartache from you. Time to crab the kids while he’s at work or in the middle of the night and get out! Doesn’t matter how severe his behavior is, humans don’t deserve maltreatment in any form. Dig down deep, find your self-worth and get out. Save your kiddos from growing up to be morphed monsters in his form. You have all of the power in the universe to correct these issues. It will not be easy but it requires your action on the highest of levels. Step up, you are stronger than you think. GET OUT

I was in an abusive relationship, and I got out. There are women's shelters that will take you and your children in and help you find housing and everything. Nothing changes if nothing changes. therapy will only help if you remove your children out of the situation. A three year old will never fully understand why he/she feels the way they feel. good luck.