Holidays - Ortonville,MI

N.,
I am on the other side of your situation -- I am the mother/grandmother/mother-in-law. We have 3 sons, 1 daughter. All are married; have kids (11 of them ages 8 and under!) AND all but one son work together.
Yes, we LOVE every moment with them all -- and we LOVE every moment with just the two of us.

We've all discovered that love, respect, honesty, and appreciation really are the key to great relationships. Nothing in life here on earth is perfectly balanced it seems, but these are essential to keep the pendulum at least swinging around the center
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There is so much to be THANKFUL for in having family around. There are a lot of things that we can provide in our season of life: free babysitting, cabin on a lake to play at, acreage to hunt on, experience and wisdom to get counsel from, tools and equipment to borrow and claim :)... and we need their young perspective and good input. Oh, I could go on and on how much everyone adds to each others lives. THANKFULNESS is huge and is an attitude that is so healthy! Without it we skew our perspective.
How hard it is for those without family around (I know because I raised kids alone far away from relatives).

We talk a lot about "how are we doing?" as this in-law and grandparent business was all new to us. So we've reminded our kids that we need their help to learn to do it right.

Realize that it is a big switch to go from TOTAL involvement in your children's lives to being just and "extended" portion. There is a learning process so give some grace and be honest about your time and needs. But know that HONESTY is easy to handle from those who are grateful.

Our kids are so respectful and appreciative that it is easy to receive correction from them if we get out of bounds. And they need to be understanding when we need to say "no, Dad and I are not available to babysit."

Express appreciation. Don't get offended and don't jump to conclusions. Talk openly with kindness. Believe the best. Forgive the mistakes. Enjoy the blessings. And reap the benefits of having a family that needs a 16X20 frame for their family picture!

Right now, if its more than you can handle, or more than you enjoy, just tell the family "no". You can join the big gang of family now and then but for other times just have your own holiday celebrations. Some people thrive on big huge crowds of family and friends for holidays and enjoy having all the noise, excitement and crowd around. You arent one of them. Dont feel as if you have to take part in all that confusion and noise if you dont want to. Start your own small family traditions and enjoy them guilt free. Just do what you want, and now and then go along with family parties and let them know how much you love them all, but its just not your thing to be involved with the giant group gatherings.
And your post wasnt long at all. Dont feel guilty over that either! (o:

All of my siblings and parents live locally. It is pretty rare that we all get together (during holidays or other times of year) b/c someone usually has plans. I love getting together with my family around the holidays and I'm usually a little bummed the years we spend Christmas with my husband's family. With that said, I have no problem bowing out of a family event b/c my immediate family is too busy or just needs a break from the hustle and bustle. Since you see your husband's family a lot, I think it is fine to miss a few events. Just make sure that you pick a few holiday traditions that you want to observe with your husband's family and do them every year. Then pick another tradition that is just for you, your husband and your kids. Good luck!

It's not so much the numbers in your family. It's more that you need some space - being able to have your own home world as well as being a part of the group.

Having your own family traditions is a great thing. Your children need them! You husband needs to say to his parents, "We love you so much, and so do our children. But we need to have some nuclear-family time, too. We need our children to grow up with *some* traditions that are just for them. This Christmas we want to ..... at our house in the morning, and then we'd like to come over to see you." Adjust this to whatever you've planned.

He doesn't have to lay any blame on them - I don't sense any blame in what you've written - unless he wants to say, "This is so important to N. and me that we actually should have started our own family traditions sooner, and we're a little sorry we haven't. But we can't start any earlier now. This is the year."

Expect some response! Worst case scenario: they'll all never speak to you again. Best case scenario: they'll be a little shocked, although maybe they thought this might happen some time, and they'll miss you, but they'll be all right (and eventually happy, since they're surely people of sense).

This did not happen to me; when I was a child our relatives were scattered all over the country (I never did even meet some of them). But it's not necessary to *experience* such togetherness as you all have and not see that there needs to be a sort of ebb and flow to it.

We don't have any family living around us and it has been really nice to not deal with a lot of " Issues " . But my kids I am sure miss out on all the BIG gatherings and someday we should make the effort to travel and do a 2week / 3 day per house christmas celebration.
It unfortunatly is all about attitude and how you want to remember your holidays. You guys certainly desirve to have a intimate moment of your holiday with your family and your family only. I believe that is needed and sometimes you have to set boundries. If you never set boundries until now, it may be hard for those to accept, but it will have to happen someday, so may as well announce now and start some new traditions. Christmas can last as long as you want it too last.......it does not have to be pushed into the 24 / 25 of the month. A lot of my friends spend a lot of time doing Christmas with one family on the 23 and another on the 26 and leaving the " REAL " day for just the them and their kids. Maybe it is time for you to sit down and make some new traditions.

When one of my relatives was fed up, she and one of her kids got the flu and avoided Christmas. Of course, we all knew she was faking since she ran around town shopping, eating out, visiting others. My tip would be if you are all drained/sick, stay at home.

No advice, but a question of my own...

What is Christmas Bulb hunting? It sounds like fun!! PM me if you're willing to spend a little time educating me. =D