We couldnt have Thanksgiving on Thursday this year due to Jobs and Travel so we are having it tomorrow. One of my sisters had a trip to Australia planned for this day and several months ago asked if we would take her and her family to the airport that day. I know we decided to celebrate, and I said it was still ok and that one of us will take her to the airport. She is so very upset that we decided on this day for our FAMILY AND FRIENDS celebrations. She is mad and is having a small tizzy. She now refuses to come early to join in the festivity, and insists she is parking on the nearest side street and waiting for the driver (my husband) and wont come inside. I told her thats fine, but I plan on making a little plate for each of them (her, her husband, and daughter) and taking it to them in the car. Is this just inflammatory or considerate. I dont want to make her anger more before a big international trip. I am NOT about DRAMA as she is the queen of it. I want to keep it low key. What do you think?
Back story is that she had her plan for Australia since a year ago, as far as itinerary of departure that she secured 2 months ago. They were waiting on a confirmation on a tourist package. When she decided on the day of departure, she was still planning on NOT attending any of OUR family get togethers since her husband's mom was dying. She did die a few weeks ago and she was going to go to their sides Thanksgiving out of respect. As far as OUR plans, we didnt have any till End of Oct. We generally dont do anything together, and my husband is not from this country and doesnt celebrate this day. I do it out of tradition. At my sons birthday party, we discussed amoungst ourselves, (the sister in question was there) that I would have it this year and another sister was going to have Christmas. Since my house is bigger. OK. SHE agreed at that time it was slated for nov 24, then unexpected some things came up IE. work and trips for other family. OK So she was giving a notice and no reply. When I finally confronted her about coming or not, she was SO angry about us changing our celebration for HER day of departure. There were no plans or anything for a going away party, its not like its a BIG deal to us. All of us have done international trips before. She wasnt there for our send off. So why she is entitled to some hooray party for her going is beyond me. She then informed me that she would not attend or even come into the house, as not to bother us. Since we didnt bother to include her plans in our Thanksgiving celebration day and why didnt we pick Sunday or Friday. She also GET THIS, MAILED me canned Corn. Her note stated it was her contribution to a celebration she is not attending. OH MY GOD. She lives an hour from me, and she works 20 minutes from my home. I live closest to the airport and thats why she hit us up for rides. Anyway thats back story.
She is being a brat. Treat her like a child and ignore her little tantrum. If you have had this day picked out for months, then you are nice to still agree to take them to the airport. I wouldn't worry about the food...I would just wish her a nice trip....
I am sorry but I would not drive them if they are going to act like spoiled brats. Nor would I make them a plate of food. Attention is what she is looking for , I would not give it to them.
I would say "I am sorry that the timing doesn't work for you & that you can't make it to dinner. We will miss having you there. I hope you have a nice trip."
Personally, I would not beg or bend over backwards for a self involved brat like that. Take yourself out of the drama & negativity, walk away, and enjoy your holiday with your family. You will never make someone like that happy, she will always find something to complain about. It's not worth it.
My low key response,.... I'd tell her to grow up and come early and at least put in an apperance, or pay for a cab/limosine to take them to the airport. I really HATE it when people are so inconsiderate of each other.
Honesty, I would hand her the number of a limo company.
I never suggest ignoring tantrums, but in this case: ignore her. No food, no good tidings at the "side street", etc. You're sacrificing your husband and doing her a huge favor with the ride to the airport. The plans were made so long ago they should take a cab. The nicer you are the more entitled she'll feel and she'll interpret it as you admitting you're "wrong" if you try to make nice-nice. In other words, for someone like her, yes, it's inflammatory.
I am not understanding why she is so upset. You planned for this day to be a party, and she still gets a ride to the airport. It looks like a win-win for everyone? She is going to freakin Australia! She should enjoy the day regardless. I would'nt feed into it or give her any more time on this matter. Just enjoy your party.
Good for you for taking the high road. I like your plan, especially how you're respecting the decision she's made but not feeding into any of the drama around it.
Way to go.
WOW! After reading this, I'm kind of glad that that my sister had alienated herself from our entire family b/c if I would definitely have a few choice words for her and a place for her to shove the can of corn she mailed to you. I do have to say, that is something my sister would do, and it's completely childish & hurtful.
I'm sorry that she did this to you because it does sound like you were trying your hardest to do all that you could to accomodate her, but there are some people we just can't please no matter how hard we try. Sometimes it's just not worth the effort that they take it take because they don't feel we are worth the same in return and wouldn't extend us the same courtesy.
Lastly I think that if she has the gall to show her face after doing this for a ride to the airport, she really needs a reality check. Well I wish you the best of luck.
As I'm sure you can tell based on her attitude, she doesn't want a plate. Don't make her one. That would just feed into her tantrum. Plus, it isn't going to be easy to eat a plate of food in a moving car. Stick to the plan of having hubs driver her to the airport...no more, no less.
MartyMomma:
Avoid. There's nothing to be gained by attacking it. She made the plans. You stated she had NO intention of attending parties/festivities.
While it's sweet of you to want to make them a plate, I wouldn't. It's not like could eat it in the car and once they get to the airport open food like that might not get past security.
Your sister is being VERY inconsiderate and acting like a spoiled brat.
She might be upset that the festivities are the day that she is leaving and is worried about being late for the airport and since she might be stressing over the death of her MIL as well as a 22 hour plane ride she might not have the right words to state why she is upset. Therefore her tizzy.
You want to avoid drama and like things low-key? Okay - don't deal with it. Don't make her a plate and ensure that your husband is there in time to drive her and her family so they are not late.
Don't worry about the food. They can't take it into the airport. Just let her get over her issues and be done with it. Just like kids, if you feed the tantrum, it continues. Have a great TG feast and enjoy! :)
Keep to your plan. It's obvious that she feels slighted, but she could make lemonade out of lemons instead of bring so angry that she won't come early. Make the plates, take them to the car, be pleasant, and ignore her tantrum by smiling the entire time. Make it short and sweet and then go back in the house. Tell your husband to play Christmas music and sing along so he doesn't have to talk while he drives. She'll have to get over it.
Good luck!
Dawn
I wouldn't make a plate for them, it seems it would be cumbersome and hard to eat on the way to or at the airport and would probably just get wasted. I feel like I'm not totally clear on the backstory here, but maybe she's upset b/c they had their plans set and then you all decided to have Thanksgiving on the same day she's leaving and that hurt her feelings. It would probably hurt mine a little bit, I mean I get that everyone is busy, etc., but maybe she feels left out. Plus, it would be hard to be ready hours early on the day of international travel to stop by someplace else on your way to the airport. It's stressful and rushed.
In your case I'd probably go out and meet her at the curb, give her hugs and kisses and go back inside. Good luck!
Oh lord, let her sit and stew and enjoy your holiday gathering without her. In fact, literally send a driver - like a hired car - to meet her on her side street and take her to the airport.
Okay, so I got that out of my system. :) Honestly, don't pack her a plated lunch - just make a little goody bag of treats to send with them for the plane. And let the rest go. She knew about the holiday gathering, she is choosing to be a brat, you can't control her actions but you can control your reactions and not let it get to you.
Happy Holidays !
SHE chose this trip and the times--not you. She should be grateful for the ride, considering you're in the middle of a holiday celebration!
I wouldn't take them plates--they're on their way to the airport!
Let her have the drama & don't play--let her have her ball & take it home. She seems determined to do that anyway....
Good luck!
Avoid!
If she's a drama queen there is no right answer besides her making the max amount of drama she can. Ignore her and the over seas vaca will pry set her right by the time she gets back and if it doesn't oh well.. Let her relax longer. All drama queens want is you to feed them attention. So don't do it!
are you serious? sounds pretty ignorant,childish,an extremly selfish-let her sit in the car an starve-hubby an child can come in.i refuse to feed into ppls bad behavior such as this.family or not-let her sit an pout while you guys have fun n get full.give her the can of corn back for christmas..lol,lol....
OMG....I know your T-giving delayed dinner is done now but I would have told her to find her own transportation, call a friend or take a taxi. How rude!!!
