Holiday Hopping STRESS ALREADY!!

My mom is single too and I have three kids. Every year my mom spends the night at my house on Christmas Eve. We wrap any last minute presents, have some holiday cocktails (after kids are in bed), and relax with some adult time before the next morning. This has always worked out for us. That way she was there to help with Christmas dinner too!! I love doing things this way because it gives us a chance to spend some time together.

I feel the same way. Kids are only little once and I feel strongly that there's something very special about waking up Christmas morning at home. I also have parents that are divorced so we have a bunch of travel plans we have to make too. As far as your mom, don't let her hold you hostage about holiday togetherness. Really at this point your mom is alone because she chooses to be alone. But she also has to realize that when it's time to pass the torch, and if you choose that you want christmas morning at home, then she needs to find a way to accept that. If she's close by, why not invite her over for morning brunch. that way you have initial morning family time, but she gets to join in. Remember you can not make everyone happy at the same time. Once you have a family of your own that becomes the nucleus, and in some ways you have to plan for it first then work out from there. Just like ripples on a pond. We do our xmas morning thing and relax for a bit in the morning then we travel during the afternoon to arrive somewhere for evening if we need to and if the weather is good. And would you really be not seeing your mother, just delaying your scheduled arrival. If she continues to try and make you feel bad, you'll just have to be strong enough to say hey, knock it off if you want us to come at all, this is something we would like and deal with it. She may be mad at first but she'll get over it. She probably uses her "ways" because she's been allowed to use them. I had to do something similar, with my mom complaining about my brother skimming $$$ from her, but then she turns around and essentially gives him more. Moral: Don't complain to everyone about it, if you're going to do just that. I don't know how long your folks have been divorce, but if she doesn't like being single, especially on the holidays, hasn't she had that long to change that situation. If she'd rather not change it and hold everyone hostage, then it's probably a more emotional issue that she hasn't dealt with. Happy Holidays can be so ironic. It makes it harder the more spread out we are geographically. When we choose to be spread out we choose to sacrifice the "all on one day" theory.

I would suggest that you talk with all relatives ahead of time. Before Thanksgiving and set up a schedule. Let them know that Christmas Day is for "Your" family and that they can have the day before or after if they want you to go to their house. Or they can come to yours and enjoy the day more or less stress free. Hey no great big meal to cook. You will already be at home and most likely doing it anyway. And the mess of holiday guests will not be at their house. Anyone that plans to come for the feast; have a menu planned and assign each family to bring something if they can. Or they could possibly help you clean up the kitchen. But just being with family on the holidays is the best reward and present anyone can give another. If your mom is still presistant, ask her to remember back to when her children were very small and all that it took in getting them to another house for the day, and everything that you have to bring along for anything babies might do or need. Explain that it is just easier and you want that day for happiness, memories, stressfree. If she still doesn't get it...she will over time and she will come around and see things your way as long as you don't give in and later resent her for her not allowing your new family to have that day for yourselves. Hey, you are allowed to be selfish with your new baby and all his firsts.

I know your frustration. Even after our first was born, we tried to do the juggling act. Trying to make everybody happy, ended making nobody happy. We finally sent some ground rules. My family was ok with it, but my husbands family was not so accepting of the new Rules. Even though we live in the same town as all of them, we alternate holidays. Even years we spend Thanksgiving day with his family and Christmas with mine. Odd years we switch. We go to church on Christmas Eve (our church has a 5:30 service)and spend Christmas morning as a family at home with Santa time and a big breakfast. We don't go anywhere until after 2:00ish, to give the children (we now have three) plenty of time to spend with thier new toys.
You (you, your husband, and your new baby) are a family. You need to start your own traditions and make your own memories. Set your Rules, and stand firm, you'll look back and cherish the special time you spent making your own traditions.
God bless you and give you peaceful joy this holiday season.
J. <><

First thing to realize RIGHT now, you will never make everyone happy! Just make your mind up now on what you want YOUR family tradition to be. Like staying home on Christmas morning, which is a great idea. Right now your son is little, but in a few years he will want to stay home and play with his new presents and not be made to get dressed and go visiting. Maybe you can do Christmas afternoon with one, Christmas eve with another.

Right now is the time to lay it out for family what you would like to do. Trust me, if you try to make everyone happy it will be harder in the long run! I've been there, done that one!

I can tell you what i did to keep my busy running around this year to none was tell everyone i don't want to go anywhere and if someone wants to come to my place they can. Well my hubby's aunt is coming all the way out here to be with us and this really helped b/c now we don't have to say oh we are going to this place or that place. We can just say we are staying home and the aunt is comeing and we are not going anywhere, but we are miltary and we travel alot and long distance just to be with family and we are sick of driving b/c that is all we do and no one ever comes to see us so this is why i said this to them all. It seems hard to say but then they relize that you are sick of driving and they don't drive for you.

I do understand M.. We told everyone in our families even before my oldest was born, that we would be at our house on Christmas. I just feel that children need to be at their house for Christmas. Especially for Christmas morning, we felt that the children should wake up in their own beds to go and see what santa brought, etc. It has worked for us. Everyone has respected our wishes, which has been great. It isn't even a question anymore. But we are happy with this plan. When our children are older and don't do Santa anymore, then we will see about traveling to our family on Christmas. Good Luck! Don't get knocked down with guilt, you have to do what is best for you and your family now.

I totally relate! The best advise that my husband and I were given before the baby was born (and from my mother-in-law's boyfriend of all people) was to remember that this is YOUR child and you can do what you want. When anyone in our families complains about us not stopping by their house on Christmas or Thanksgiving I remind them that if we went by eveybody's houses, our daughter would only remember being in the car all day, and that is not how I want her to experience the holidays! Hope this was helpful!

Tell her that since this is baby's first holiday that everyone is wanting to be part of it so it is not fair to pick favorites. But she is more than happy to come over to your house for the holidays. Or you can spend the morning at your mothers on Thanksgiving and someplace else in the evening. But with it being the Babies first holiday, that is a good reason of why you have to share!

I totally hear you. I have divorced parents also and holidays are awful. We have two children. Two years ago, I decided that seeing my famiy and my husband's family on Christmas was too much, so we spend Thanksgiving with his family, and Christmas with ours. We go to his family's house on Christmas Eve. It works out a lot better. On Christmas, it's still a little hectic, but not as bad. Now, we wake up and open presents at our house, then go to my mom's until around 3, then my dad's. He lives an hour away. After that, we come home and the kids go to bed. It really isn't so bad. Before, we were having to go to my mom's, then drive an hour to his parent's, then an hour to my dad's and an hour home. It was way too much.

tell her that yall are starting a new tradition to celebrate the new baby & yall'd love her to join you in this joy at yall's house

i know exactly what you are going through. we have my mom's side, and my dad's side, and my in-laws! it's crazy. maybe you could try going to a couple of places on Christams eve. that's what we do. it makes things a little easier. but what it really comes down to is doing what you think is best for you and your family. just explain to your mom that this your babies 1st christmas and you wan to be stay at home. if she wants to see you all, then let her come to you. don't let her dictate and ruin such a special occasion just because she is lonely.

My dad had trouble with this too. It took him a long time to realize that because my husband and I had our own children, we'd want to be at our own home for Christmas morning festivities - starting our own traditions, etc. It was not until I my mom and I adamently stated that when my brother and I were living at home, we were always at home on Christmas morning that it finally clicked in his thick skull. Prior to that, he was still thinking of my brother and I as little kids (I think). We had to work out a plan. Now we are always at home on Christmas morning and we rotate Christmas Eve afternoon/evening and Christmas afternoon/evening between my parents and my husband's parents. Both sets of parents are still married, so that makes it one less step in the confusion - but bottom line - start your own traditions - don't let your family make you feel guilt about it because everyone wants that for their kids (including them). It's selfish of them to demand otherwise and not right to feel guilt for something that is so precious.