Holding Back - School Qs

I have heard of people doing this but typcially it is when they start Kindergarten or possibly repeating it....not when moving from Jr. High to High School. I think that it shouldn't be a "boy" thing but rather a "kid" thing. I say that because any kid who is not ready (either academically or socially/emotionally) not only struggles but can also be a huge distraction for other kids. I don't think it should be done just based on their age but reather the WHOLE package.

On a side note, think of the 18 year old high schooler who wants to rebel and drop out of school (and no longer needs his parents permission). You don't want to be that parent either. So I say, don't hold them back unless it really necessary.

A sort of divisive topic so I will try to just share our actual experience. Our youngest started kindergarten this year. He turned 5 in August and so we knew he'd be one of the very youngest in class. But soooo many of the kids were held back. Some turned 7 this fall and so are almost 2 years older than our DS. How fair is that to our DS? They are a head taller than him. And despite the holding back, several of them still are not ready. We spent the first two months dealing with a 7 yr old bully (the teacher was at her wits end and seemed thrilled that a parents was asking for this kid to get help since the parents didn't want to hear it from her), I kinda wish these "Super Kindergartners" were in their own class leaving the 5-6 yr old in their own classroom.

I guess what I am saying is age and holding back seem to have nothing to do with things. Some kids are ready and some are not and holding back is not a magic cure for "non-readiness".

For the record, despite his handicap of youth, small stature, and a Y chromosome, my son has tested out of kindergarten reading already and has told us, "I helped L learn how to be my friend instead of hitting me." He was more than ready and we have known it since birth -- Go with your instinct (and listen to the pre-K assessment professionals. If they say a child is ready to advance, they probably are.)

My son will turn five in October and will start Kindergarten in September. There is no way I'm holding him back so he can be more "mature." At the rate things are going now, kids will be starting Kindergarten at eight years old!!! (Okay, maybe not that late, but you get my point...) If you don't give your child the opportunity to learn academically or socially at five years old, then how are you really going to know whether or not they can handle it? Many studies have shown that "red shirting" boys for kindergarten (holding them back until they're six) has many negative effects later on. How many times can you teach a five year old boy shapes, colors and letters? But that's what happens in their third year of preschool. So by the time they start school they can be quite bored by it, setting the stage for the future. Children's brains are sponges and they learn quickly so why not give them the opportunity? And as far as maturity, that also needs to be learned by GOING to school. If a teacher has a bunch of six and seven year olds in her kindergarten class, then a five year old may stand out, but that five year old has every right to be there and learn and statistically catches up quickly. Naturally, it should be the parents choice and ONLY the parents choice as they know their child best. It's pretty impossible to assess how a child will do by a thirty minute evaluation in school. Go with your instincts and I know you and your kids will be just fine!!!

I would never want my child to be below grade level. I would never want my child to be socially immature within the grade level. It is equally frustrating to have children who are above grade level having to 'wait' for children who are not ready to learn. With this in mind, I do believe that there is a correct placement for every child to experience meaningful learning in school.

As a society, if we want schools to be a successful place for children to have positive experiences, we must look beyond the 'age' of the child and look instead at their abilities to succeed with the benchmarks that are set for each grade.

Radical concept: I wish that we would do away with grade levels that have to do with the age of a child and instead 'test' children into a group of children who are functioning at the same skill level. The groups could be flexible as children surge ahead or struggle with new concepts. Many schools are doing this on a small scale with positive results. As a teacher myself, I know from experience, it is much easier to teach a group of students with simliar skills than having to differientate the curriculum for a the wide array of students that are currently place in one classroom.

Parents who are 'holding' their children back are trying to create the right environment for their child within the perimeter of our current system. Good for them for attempting.

I held my Oct baby daughter back and put her in kinder as an older 5 year old. She has done fine.
Had I started her earlier she may be still ok or she may have had to repeat a grade at 3rd or 4th. Wouldn't that be more devastating to a child's self esteem? And to repeat 8th or 9th?? I can't imagine doing that to a child.

As a rule, boys mature more slowly than girls. This tends to lead to problems in school if they are started to soon. They have trouble settling down, focusing on their learning, etc. This is not to say they're ADD/ADHD, stupid or slow; it just suggests that their learning needs are different. By starting a child in school later (say 5.5 or 6 years old), the idea is that the child will have matured enough to do well in school.

At least, that's the theory for starting boys later in kindergarten.

Holding a child back at 8th or 9th grade usually suggests that the student is not academically ready for the rigors of high school. He (or she) has not mastered the necessary English, Math, Science and even the social skills necessary for success. If a student fails 1 or more classes in the 9th grade, they reduce their chances of graduating on time and increase their chances of dropping out of high school...which we all know leads to all sorts of social ills, both for the individual and for society as a whole.

Having said all that, I can also tell you (both as a mom and a jr. high/high school teacher of 19 years) that all children are different. Whatever this mom chooses to do with her son should be on what's best for HIM not the school, the teachers or society. Not all of us grow up and mature at the same rate.

Hope this helps...

This issue is such a mixed bag, and I see both sides of it having late two late spring babies (now 16 & 13).

The other moms had good thoughts - the only thing I wanted to add is that there are also issues/benefits pertaining to athletic eligibility. I.e., here in Florida you get 4 years of high school sports eligibility (there are age restrictions too but you can go to 19 and some odd months and still play).

Had I known I was going to homeschool my high-schooler (he was in traditional school through and including 9th grade) I might have "delayed" high school one year (though he still could have done high school level work). His homeschool team plays some teams where the boys look older and bigger and I wonder if they are on the late end of the grade or varsity level.

This is not an issue for everyone but it's also something to think about.

My son is 4 and will be 5 in July. I am very much on the fence about whether or not to send him. I believe he will be academically ready but not socially. My concern is, if I send him, he might do fine in kindergarten, struggle a little in 1st and 2nd grade but his 3rd grade teacher will tell me he needs to be held back. That would be much harder for him to deal with than simply starting kindergarten when he's 6.

If he struggles with reading or math, I think I can help him catch up at home. But if he's struggling socially, he might always feel like he's playing catch-up. I just don't want to set him up to feel like he's always playing catch-up.

I don't have any boys but I have some friends who do & have held them back (August birthdays so they would have been some of the youngest in the class). They just went to pre-school an extra year and started kindergarten having just turned 6. It has worked well for them. Both boys are now in gifted education programs. If you know you are going to hold back, I would think it would be easier on the boys to just wait & start them at 6 so it won't be noticeable to other kids and they won't get teased for repeating a year. Good Luck!

Usually you would hold a child back before entering Kindergarten so that you don't have to hold the child back later, when they are older. Kindergarten is a tough age. With Sept 1st as a cut off (you must be 5 at that point) there is a big difference in age. When Kindergarten starts you will have children that will be 5 for almost a year (Oct., Nov., Dec., b-days of the prior year) and children that have just turned 5 in August. That year is a big deal, at that age, for most kids. Some parents opt, when their kids have a late birthday (turning 5 right before school starts) to wait to start their kids until the following year. Kindergarten now, is very different then when we were kids. No more playing and coloring....they get right down to work and are reading by the first half of the year. In our district, Kindergarten is a full day. You just need to know, as your child's mom, if he/she is capable of handling Kindergarten. Most kids, even if they struggle in Kindergarten, catch up with their peers by 2nd or 3rd grade. If your child has attended a good preschool (actually learned things an not just playtime) they should have no problem starting Kindergarten on time.
As far as the mom holding her son back because of sports...I don't know that, that is a good solution, since sports is usually based on age and not so much what grade they are in.

If you are looking for information about holding a child out of school before kindergarten, read the book, "Why Gender Matters."

My son is one of the youngest in his class (made the cutoff by less than a month). Socially, I was initially worried since I had no experience with 5 year old boys until I had one myself. At first, he had some transitional issues in kindergarten as lots of kids do, but he quickly caught on and his teacher always told us he was right on track emotionally with the other boys in the class. In 1st grade, his teacher told us he was right on track emotionally as a normal first grader. Same thing now in second grade. However, he is heads and tails ABOVE the other kids when it comes to his smarts. He is the top reader in his class. He is excellent in mathematics and science and all the rest of it.

I am thankful every day that I didn't hold him back.

Now, I would never hold back an 8th grader unless there were other issues such as developmental or real, diagnosed behavioral issues. It can be damaging to a kid to think that they are somehow not good enough to go on like everyone they know...and an 8th grader would be very cognizant of what's going on. They psyche of a 13 or 14-year old is fragile enough!

My son made the cut off by one day. So...he was the youngest in his class. Although he did pass the second grade when he was in catholic school...the public school thought it would be better for my son if he repeated the 2nd grade. He was definately less mature than the rest of his classmates. When everyone was turning 8, my son was just turning 7 in the second grade. I wanted my son to be the type of person that everyone looked up to and not someone who was just following the crowd. Today, he is a leader in his 4th grade class and his self esteem is greater. My nephew is about 5 days older than my son and my brother did the same thing for him as well.

My first thought about this post was" At that age??????" He is not just immature, something is wrong here. If he were just immature he would have not made it this far. I think maybe a learning disability or some issue is maybe just starting to show and the school may not be dealing with it correctly.

How humiliating for him to be held back now, when his classmates will be totally aware of the flunking, how sad for him.

Tell them to get him a tutor or take him to a psychologist for an educational evaluation. I had one done in college because I hated math and had flunked beginning algebra 3 times, at 3 different colleges. BTW,my ACT scores were all very high, except math which was a 7...need I say more?

I had a learning glitch in math, not an actual disability but a real glitch so I got un-timed tests, open book tests, etc...but it still didn't help. I finally got an educational therapist who sat with me for 3 hours a week and we worked on algebra. She discovered if we put everything into colored groups I finally understood what to do. Addition numbers and symbols were green, negative numbers and signs in red, etc...each step was seperated by differnt colored lines and it finally started making sense.

For instance 3 - 5 = -2:
the 3 would be green, the minus and 5 would be red, the equal sign black and the answer some fun color like purple.

I finally made a B in beginning algebra. So I know with the right person working with you and the right situation that things can be turned around. He can't just be immature at this age, I think it is something else going on.

In the 8th or 9th grade it is most likely that this boy is not completing his course work and maturity may factor in to that.
I think the reason so many kids are held back from kindergarten is because the curriculum is now what we knew as first grade. Some kids just are not ready to sit at desks and do reading math and science assignments. On top of that the economy has led to fewer teachers/bigger class sizes in many places so there is less time/tolerance to deal with the ones who aren't ready to sit still. Schools have to consider the good of the classroom as a whole. So as you might imagine the solutions to this problem are often not good for the individual child.