Hitting/slapping

get these 3 books and read them to him a lot.. "Hands Are Not For Hitting" "Mouths Are Not For Biting" and "I Can Share" i bought them at Target i think..all in one pack..i read them to my son almost every day for a little while and he also watched a show called "Yo Gabba Gabba" and they tell the kids not to hit and that they should share..i've heard my son repeat what they say..he stopped hitting..and when he would slip up i'd say.."hey hands are not for hitting!" and he'd stop. Try it!

S., Good advice in many of these posts. As you focus on consistency, positive reinforcement, & patience, please also remember that you are teaching your son "not to hit". This includes pillows. This includes Mom & Dad not hitting him in anyway to show him how much hitting can hurt someone. Hold his hand often and tell him how great it feels to hold his hand; when he picks up his toys, thank him and tell him that hands are for helping...he will learn quickly. Share what works at home, with his care providers so that your son can be successful in that environment as well. Peace, B.

Hi S.:
Your sons behavior is normal for his age.Your son isn't even two years old.I'd guess,that the average age group at his preschool is between three and four years old. It would appear,that the assistants have set their expectations to high for his age. I would think that one of the main objectives of the preschool,is teaching children how to mingle, play,and get along with others. He has just recently been introduced to all these other children. The caregivers in charge,should know,that your son is inexperienced,and new to this type of environment.They shouldn't expect so much out of him this soon and either should you. If they are doing their job,they will teach him how to interact.When you have him at home,sit with him and give him examples of sharing,and being kind to others.Whats important for you to know, is that he doesn't slap and hit,out of meanness,but because he's lost as to how to interact with others. If he gets excited,he may slap out of pure joy. If he gets frustrated,and doesn't know what to do with that feeling he may hit.Teach him small words,so he can better communicate his feelings.Tell him you understand how he feels,but he needs to tell you,so you can help him. I wish you and your darlin boy the best.J. M

S.,

According to my therapist, 'hitting' in any form is normal when kids are not sure how to express themselves. It's not okay by any means, but at this point you need to work with his teachers to come up with a solution.

For my son, it was the start of visitation that made him so frustrated he hit me and his Dad only. I read a bunch about it and decided getting down at his eye level, while holding his hands and explaining hitting was not the best way to show me what he needed. That's when we started talking about emotions. Are you mad/sad/happy etc and explaining that when you're mad you need to say 'Mommy I'm mad' and we can figure out why and how to fix it. Unfortunately, hitting a pillow doesn't show him how to channel then emotion, just to displace it.

I asked his teachers at his then daycare, how they handled and we talked about meshing our ways into one way that made sense for my son. It took a few weeks but, he got it.

I think the most important thing is to talk to your child. Make him aware of the language he can use as he gets better at verbalizing his wants/needs, rather than hitting or acting out.

Today I am very proud of how my kiddo and I handle things. He knows whinning, hitting and acting up will not get him what he wants. Just be consistent and always be positive and use a tone that show's you mean business.

Good Luck!

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Adding this after reading Barbara's Response:

One other thing I did was show him what 'gentle hands' look like. I would take his hand and gently touch something or someone, and he'd have to show me how to do it. He loved that!!

S., I have years of experience as a family wellness coach and, well, I will tell you what I know.

Hitting is NOT normal. Hitting is NOT something all children do. Hitting is NOT a phase. Hitting may be a sign of frustration or a way of getting attention. Hitting is UNACCEPTABLE.

So what do you do?

1. Each time he hits, you stop whatever it is that you are doing and you get his attention. Get down to his level and say, "we do not hit in this family. Are you part of this family?" (wait for an answer) then say "good, remember we don't hit in this family". DO THIS EVERY TIME. Acknowledging the bad behavior may just be what we wants. Catch him being good. You will have to repeat this over and over again, but it will stick.

2. Be consistent. If you "let it go" once, he will be affirmed that he can "get away with it" again. The more consistent you are the sooner it will stick.

3. Get your family on board. Anyone who says "boys will be boys" will undo all that you have done.

S., this consistency works for all challenges. When we tell our children what we want...
stay close to mom when crossing the street
hold my hand in the parking lot
eat your veggies
play nice with your sister/friend
sleep well
make good choices
respect your toys, etc
you will get exactly that...

Try this little experiment with your kids. Say to them
DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT. Now ask, what did they just do? Right they thought of a pink elephant.

Now try this: THINK OF A BLUE DOG. What did they do? Right. They did exactly what you said… BOTH TIMES.

Focus on what you want and you will get it.

B.
Family Wellness Coach

Some kids use hitting and slapping as a way to show their dominance in a group setting. Like with any setting of people, there is alwyas some sort of pecking order. Your son may feel that this is way to show that he is "the boss" of a group. My son has been a the same daycare for the past 18 months and he started doing this about 3 months ago. There are quite a few kids that are the same age there. My son is very outgoing and strong willed yet I wouldn't say that he is the dominant one in the group. Keep telling him that it is not ok and if he continues a punishment should be immediately administered (at daycare and anywhere I am with my son he gets an initial, that is not accecptable behavior, nice boys do not hit and you ARE a nice boy - and if he does it again an immediate time out, no matter where we are). Consistancy is key, I have found, with correcting any unwanted behavior. I would ask your daycare provider what they do to stop this behavior during the day (making it a general statement about all the children at the daycare facility). Also, in my opinion, since our boys (my son is 23 months) are at the age where they test any and all limits, we must be loving, consistant & tireless when it comes to discipline. I always remember to love my child no matter what happens and that I must be the best parent I can be even when I am down to my last straw. Good luck.

he could be experiencing difficulty in communicating with the other children. You may want to purchase books on indigo & crystal children, prodigy & advanced children.

Also, behavioral problems can sometimes be caused by allergies. Log onto NAET.com for allergy eliminations.

Be well.

N.

Hello, The only thing I have found to work is to remove the child from the play area as soon as he/she hits another child or adult. After a few minutes, he/she could go back and "try" again. Always tell the child why they are being removed from the area. However, make it simple, (You need to come over here because you hit Billy. We will try again in a few minutes.) If it happens again, repeat this. After a few times, it should work.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.