Helping Little One Cope with Disappointment

My daughter has a similar personality. I can remember, until recently, she would have a very difficult time if things did not go the way she expected them to. I have found that the older she gets she deals with situations much better. Either she has learned that things do not always go as she would expect and can therefore deal with it better, or I do not lead her with an expectation as much as in the past. Whatever it was, she is growing into a very precious and compassionate girl who deal with thing completely different now that she is 5 1/2. You could say that she doesn't get as "bent out of shape" over small things.

Dear Mom, God is the only one that can keep all of his word...and that is a constant in our lives....I hope and pray that you are taking your child to bible class to learn about God and his love. I teach little children...bible classes...since I was a teenager....and know that children have a lot of coping skills...maybe you can have her draw pictures everyday about what she did in class...afterward...talk to her...and ask her to tell you about her pictures.....do not lead the conversation...but keep track...of what she say... by writing on the back...of the picture or attaching a seperate paper.....I have a little book I use....and we have songs...that talk about keeping promises....one goes like this...Mother made a promise she really ment to keep...but I fell asleep.....Promises made by God are not like yours and mine....When God makes a promise he keeps it everytime.........(you get the point....)disappointment is a part of life....it is important for kids to learn flexibility.....maybe using...an example...rather simplistic......about two different kinds of sandwiches....both are good for you....sometimes....what we want.....is not in the refrigerator....and a substitute must be eaten...God Bless you and your family....my children are grown....youngest is 26 MGE

I have a grandaughter the same age and some of these responses are normal. They are learning that their world changes as they develop new skills. They have a strong need to be in control of their surroundings and refer to things as my daycare, my store, etc. This is to help them develop the ability to realize that some things can and cannot be controlled. With two younger children it must be hard to find enough one-on-one time. Take turns with your husband and set aside a certain amount of time that is just hers. They are learning about emotions at this age and are more able to communicate feelings of sadness, anxiety, new situations, new people, etc. All of these you cannot control, you can use books, situations at home and with friends and family to reassure her that change is alright. Veggie Tales are good. Berenstein Bear Books are very helpful in new situations and ways to understand.
Be consistent and explain what is changing whenever possible because she comprehends more than you realize.

I have been a mother for more than 18 years. I am also a social worker who specialized in children youth and families. What I think you're seeing is that your little ones sensitivity is a reaction to the fact that she is in day care. She's just not ready to be in a daycare situation.
I know how hard it is to work and have little ones. Having two children, one who was chronically ill as a child, I faced many of the challenges that you currently faced. What my husband and I did is this. We worked opposite schedules, so that one of us was at home w/ our children. We also hired a babysitter to help us if there were those hours that we might have some overlapping of work and if my husband traveled. Our children were cared for but always in our home.
Once my kids got old enough to go to school. I worked part time only. This allowed my children to be dropped off of school and picked up by either myself or husband. It may seem that there aren't any accomodating jobs but believe me they're out there. You have to look and be deligent about it.
Little ones need their mommies all of the time but if it's financially impossible look for other ways to accomodate her needs. Grandma's are good too! Schedules can always be changed. Little ones are only little for a short period of time. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry all of that is happening at her childcare center!

It sounds like your daughter is a very sweet girl! I nannied about fifty hours a week for about a year in California for a little girl who was very sensitive and schedule-oriented and when things were going to change, we'd start talking about it.

Some things that helped us with the crying and being upset was taking big breaths and using words about her feelings, like "I'm REALLY SAD right now." I'd make a very sad face and put my arms waaay out to the sides...I'm sure I looked absurd...but she was able to identify her feelings without having them take her over.

Maybe if she makes a picture for the teachers she misses and then you can give them to the daycare to "give to the teacher" so your sweet little bean feels like she's shown some love.

Best of luck!

She sounds so much like how my daughter was at that age... she has now been clinically diagnosed with OCD. I always thought OCD was counting or having to have everything straight... It is actually a lot of worrying and concern. Emily would also be very unsure. You could ask her if she went to the bathroom and she would say she wasn't sure...even if she just came from the bathroom. She has always attached to people easily and worry's about everything and everyone. She will sometimes say things that I just think "Where in the world did that come from?" Not that your daughter does have OCD, I just wish I would have known that there was something out there when she was younger to look for. Sometimes if you know the cause, it makes it easier to fix. Good Luck!!

My little girl just turned 2 today, and she can be a little over sensitive too. She will get sooo upset over something, and I believe the main reason is that she is not understanding what I am trying to tell her! Sometimes I am able to get her to talk about or think about something else. Maybe sing a favorite song to her to get her mind off what was upsetting her. It doesn't always work, but it's the only thing I've found that helps at all! Maybe some other moms will have more advice for both of us!

As a mother of three (now adult children), I too had a child who was so sensitive that it was a challenge to find ways to help her. Unlike your daughter, however, she would quietly withdraw and not voice her true feelings; so you are fortunate that she is expressing them fully to you. Better that than repressing them and not opening up. When we expressed concern about our child to her nursery school, we were finally able to get some advice from a very wise primary school teacher with years of experience. She encouraged us to get her involved in solo activities which would help make her more independent and emotionally strong (like piano lessons, art projects, cooking and anything that she could focus on on her own, without too much assistance.(Even a two and a half year old can participate in drumming, as an idea) Eventually, we found that she excelled in skiing, which can be an "all by oneself" sport. While your daughter is still very young, the advice may still be applicable, in that stronger independence and self esteem will provide her greater security in uneasy or uncomfortable situations, helping her to cope with disappointments. I, too, worked; and found that by focusing more on her without my other two children around, helped her become stronger. (Mine was a middle child, whereas yours appears to be the eldest?)One last idea: Provide her a roll of butcher paper (for floor drawing) and ask her to create something on her own: a town, an airport, a park...anything that she likes to do. She may become engrossed in the project, and project some of her emotional responses onto the places or things she is depicting in her drawings. I have reverted many times, with my grandchildren, to that long ago advice about solo activities building stronger self and self esteem (to compensate for other weaknesses or over-emotionalism.) Hope this helps in your thinking process.