My dd is a pretty good gymnast (level 8) but is starting to get really anxious over meets. I do understand that this is a scary sport and the skills are getting harder at her level. I've actually encouraged her to think about a different sport like cheer but she wants to stay with gymnastics. She's pretty good, even won state on her floor routine a couple of years ago.
I'm just at my wits end with the constant crying and stressing out before meets and sometimes about practice when her coach pushes her too hard. I keep asking her what I can do to help...I've offered to talk to the coach about having less difficult skills in her routines, but she doesn't want me to get involved. Any ideas on how to handle this?
Tell her she can stay on her level and do the routines for fun. Yes, there is competition, but she should enjoy them more than consider them work.
My daughter was the same way with dance. I finally told her I wasn't paying so much for her to do something she hated. When I put it to her like that, she realized what she was making us think when she got so upset.
I can also tell you I know many more kids who are hurt from cheer than gymnastics....but both can be dangerous. My 12 year old has knee issues from the amount of tap she does (apparently, tap at her level is no different on her body than tackle football). I only say this for you to keep in mind that all sports have some drawback.
But I would tell her she either loves it and wants to work through the tough times, or she doesn't and she is ready to find something else to do. But tell her you WILL NOT pay for something she hates - even if you know she doesn't hate it.
She may say for you to stay out of it, but I’d wager that she’s scared of the coach now, and wouldn’t approach the coach herself to ask for changes to a routine. Nor should she, if she expects to stay at her high level. I think it’s time for some research followed by some digging with your DD:
Do you watch the practices and coaching sessions yourself? If not, I’d start doing so. I don’t know if you have seen the coach’s toughness first hand or if you only know what your DD says about the coaching. See what you think – is this coach one who yells? Belittles girls? Compares them to each other in ways that make some girls feel terrible? All those are red flags of coaches who think more about winning trophies than supporting the kids. This coach (and the gym where your DD practices) may be more competitive than SHE is herself – it takes a certain personality to be in competitive sports or anything else that’s competitive, and it is fine if a kid does not have that personality but wants to do an activity for fun. Maybe she's just scared of the advanced routines and needs to work through the tough times, but maybe instead she's reached a plateau with her sport that might mean she needs to move on.
At a time when she’s calm (and NOT before a meet or after a practice) talk with her. Does she still find the routines fun at all? Or is her mind-set now all about “Not letting down the team/the coach”? Does she dread going to practices and training whereas she used to look forward to them? Those would all be red flags showing that this activity is no longer fun for her – and what is the point if it’s not fun?
A lot of kids end up doing an activity for years and years “because it’s what I’ve always done” and because they begin to see themselves as defined by the activity. My DD (now a teen) has been dancing (not competitive dance, because she is not at all a competitive person) since she was very young, and “dancer” is a huge part of how she views herself. She has friends who have done soccer forever, or martial arts. But parents need to take care that we don’t let kids lock themselves into activities “because it’s what I’ve always done” – if the joy is gone, it’s time to let go. But kids can’t see that they will be OK without the activity they’ve done ever since they can remember – we need to be the ones to help them realize that, if necessary.
The coach likely wants to push your daughter, and maybe your DD needs it, and should stay in gymnastics. But be open to the idea too that your DD may be done with this activity and need another one that is non-competitive. If she loves the physical activity but loathes competing and it’s stressing her out, I would seriously consider whether she needs to find something else, or move to a program that is less intense.
No need to handle it -- let her cry and stress out if that's how she wants to prepare herself for a meet. Walk away if you don't want to hear it.
I used to be a gymnast, and it's always scary before a meet, no matter how long you've been doing it. Your daughter wants you to stay out of it -- it sounds like she's got this covered.
When my daughter was a gymnast she loved her workouts/practices but almost always got stressed out before and during meets. Most of the girls did. I hated it. Unlike almost every other sport, rather than earning points for doing well, points are taken away for every little mistake, so of course it's anxiety inducing :-(
Honestly I "dealt" with it by giving her space and walking away from her when she started stressing ME out. I reminded her that it was her choice to compete, not mine, and if it was getting to be too much she could always take a break (she actually did take a break for about six months and then went back for one more season before deciding to quit and move on to dance.)
Her choice, let her own it, and do your best not to take on her stress as well.
When my kids complain to me, we ask "What do you need to have happen in order to enjoy it again?".
If it's something you can change easily, then I'd go that approach.
But if it's your kid's anxiety, you have to deal with anxiety separately. Coping strategies.
My son is a perfectionist and also gets anxiety from time to time. I've often wondered why he goes for leadership roles or tries out for things when it upsets him. He wants to do those things, we just don't let his anxiety stand in the way. He goes to counseling.
That's what I would suggest. I didn't take long for my kids to figure out how to manage stress better. Good life skill. Good luck :)
Can she take classes and not compete?
As long as she wants to do gymnastics then the crying is normal, but she has to learn to work through it.
My daughter has figure skated and now plays hockey. I have seen tears in both of her sports. They are nervous tears before a competition or tryout. She is fine during the games.
Teach her to work through it, because there will be plenty of interviews and appearances in life to come and she has to know how to deal with her emotions. Remind her that everyone gets nervous. My daughters coach who is an X-NHL'r said if they are nervous there's something wrong because everyone gets nervous.
