hello all , my 3 yrs and 7 mnths old son is currently enrolled in a daycare he started in summer and he started the learning section in aug. So theteache are concernd about him being the only student not accomplishing anything such as abcs, 123s, reconizing his name, colors, and shapes. i'm also concernd. The thing is at home he knows his shapes and reconizing his name i have quized him multiple times and each time he gets them right. i just dont get why he wont tell the teacher then on top of that he is very shy he talks a lot at home and not at the daycare and he has been there for 6 mnths, but he's even shy with family if he hasnt seen them for awhile. how worried should i be with him being the only kid without any accomplishments and what could i do to make him a little less shy.
Hi,
Teacher of 12 years, and a family full of this type of individual. Ask the teacher, to connect with child. If the teacher is not connecting with him he will not perform. If the teacher is not responsive...then, this not the place for him:)
I think everything is ok.
I think you said it all: he's shy, he hasn't been there in 6 mos., he KNOWS them at home so being shy he is not going to disclose the anwers (he can't....he feels scared due to shyness). It's daycare not preschool (an important milestore and pre-cursor to kindergarten that is for different ages in different states) or kindergarten.
I say don't freak out, tell the teacher he knows ALL of these things at home, he's shy & just feels threatened due to no one's fault and will get where he needs to be when he needs to be there (right before kindergarten).
Continue working on all of these things when you are home w/him.
Try socializing him w/kids his own age at any time possible: at the park, family cousins, neighbor kids etc.
All in due time!
My mom never socialized us, only some cousins lived nearby we saw once in awhile, we never went to preschool and we turned out to be brilliant!!!! ha ha.
Hang in there.
Work "with" him when you can & have confidence you are doing right by your child. He will get there! :)
Has reached all of his major milestones such as walking, talking, crawling, potty training (although boys can be slower)?? If so, then I would try not to worry and if not, then raise your concerns with his Ped. I have a shy son too, and he takes awhile to come out of his shell. Your son will come around as his confidence develops. Don't get caught up in the comparison game...it will just cause you grief.
The description of your son sounds like my son when he was in preschool. He was not able to speak to his teachers or classmates or to family members that he did not see often. At 4 years of age, he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism. It may be a good idea to consult with a psychologist who specializes in anxiety because with cognitive behavioral therapy (and some times medication), children can successfully work their way through the anxiety of speaking to others. The sooner you work on it, the better off your son will be. Best of luck and let me know if you would like names of psychologists in the Northbrook/Skokie area.
Please consider whether his overall behavior points to selective mustism, and if so, seek help sooner rather than later. You can read up on it at http://www.selectivemutism.org/
It is true that he just may be an overall quieter or shy person. However, I and many others took that approach for years with my daughter, waiting for her to grow out of it. She never did. She was eventually diagnosed with selective mustism and is doing much better with help. The earlier you start, the quicker your son will be comfortable if this is the case for him.
Good luck to you all.
Read up on Selective Mutism. www.selectivemutism.org It's an anxiety disorder where kids that are put on the spot can't speak. They can talk fine at home but not in public, school, or even with family that's not immediate family. I know all about it because my 4 year old daughter has it.
On a side note - my daughter is in 4K and they said only 1/2 the kids know their alphabet. I would not worry about his intelligence. I would look into selective mutism.
I wouldn't be worried at all. I laugh when these daycares think they are actually a school. It's ok if he doesnt perform as a three year old by the time he is in Kindergarten, he will be a pro. These daycare teachers are not certified teachers either. One idiot teacher said that my son was always behind and doesn't color inside the lines. I responded that coloring inside the lines isn't going to hurt him when he goes to college...who cares? Today this same boy is a straight A student. He was fine.
When my DD was 2, her daycare did an assesment on the kids. Her's said that she didn't know her colors, shapes, that she couldn't hop on one foot, etc. At home, she could do ALL of it! She was just shy and didn't like to be put on the spot. I took her out of the daycare and put her in private school at 3 years old and she soared! Her class was small (only 4 students) and she felt much more comfortable. This is a huge reason that I started teaching preschool from my home. I only have 5 kids and they are all reaching and grabbing stars! :)
I have one that is behind on counting (far behind the others), but she excells in her alphabet...
I would not worry to much if he is ok at home, maybe he is a shy kid.
Do you think he enjoys the daycare? He will become less shy in time, taking classes going to the library exposing him to new experiences & people will help.
videotape him doing those things at home so the teachers can see that he does do them
for the ABCs have him watch Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD over and over for a few weeks and he'll know them perfectly
At that age it's hit or miss with what they demonstrate for people that they aren't sure of or what they demonstrate in a group situation. Have they tried one on one to get his answers? Are they asking in the right way - saying "point to the red one" instead of "what color is this" for instance? Not all preschool teachers are trained as such, honestly some have NO training at all in that age/level.
How does he do around strangers? around groups? Is he over tired on school days?
Take all that into account and know that you do know your son best.
At that age nearly all my kids were shy. I'm a SAHM and I didn't send my kids to daycare. We did it all at home. All of them have grown out of their shyness. I would just continue what you're doing.
It's not unusual for a shy child to be selective about whom he talks to... and also whom he shows off his accomplishments to.
It never hurts to check with your doctor; if there's no medical problem, there's one less thing for you to worry about. But three-year-olds often display this behavior. Shyness is sometimes a temporary thing - just a little uncertainty around strangers (including family) - and other times it's a built-in personality trait. A naturally shy child needs to be taught in a different way how to interact with people, where a more outgoing personality sometimes needs to be reined in a little!
There are little children who do well at home and with a small group of peers, but who simply shut down in a large group. If you're mostly used to kids that jump at the chance to be with a lot of other children, this behavior can be baffling.
Talk to the teachers some more, and let them know what he does at home. If they say they understand and show that they can deal well with his personality, give them a chance to do it. If they insist that he's not learning and not bright, you might want to look for another school or daycare arrangement.
I just had the exact same discussion with my 3 year old son's daycare teacher. She told me he didn't know his name and I almost laughed out loud! He also knows all his shapes, colors, numbers, animals, etc. We also just had his 3 year old checkup with the pediatrician and she was not concerned. Like you mentioned, my son is also shy around family who he hasn't seem for several weeks. Even if friends come to our house, he will hang back while their kids play (with his toys!) for awhile. Eventually, he'll play but always a bit cautiously. Our pediatrician's advice was to try and take him new places, do more activities with kids around while we are also there so he learns it's not so scary to interact with new people. I know several people mentioned the possibility of selective mutism, and of course that's something you may want to research or discuss with your doctor. Just wanted to let you know that my son is the same way and a co-worker also has the same experience with her 2.5 yr old son, so maybe that helps ease your mind. Some kids just aren't extroverts. I didn't worry about the daycare's evaluation because I know he can do those things that are age-appropriate. I told his teacher where her responses were different than our experience at home and she's going to try asking him questions one-on-one to try and draw him out a bit more.
