Help with "Zoe 101" and Other Parent.

Hello T.!
I found myself in a similar situation. My daughter's father and stepmother have forbidden her to watch Zoe 101 anymore. They claim that the show doesn't set a good example. My daughter is 12, so the need to chat about Jamie Lynn and her decisions, and more importantly, the consequences of her decisions, was a priority. In my case the conversation went well and hopefully as my daughter grows older, she will be equipped with good decision making skills to help her through trying and tempting times. In your case, at age 8, your son might not really understand the true problem with "Zoe" being pregnant, and I agree the bigger issue is the lack of distinction between T.V. and reality. I agree with the other parent who advised if the opportunity presented itself, explain to him that Zoe is not real and her character is not pregnant. Jamie Lynn is real and made an "adult" decision and now must face adult consequences, one of which is loosing her role as Zoe. ( because Zoe, the character, is a young person and pregnancy is not ideal......or something to the sort. ) Depending on the relationship you and your husband have with the child's mother, you may or may not mention it to her. In my case, I just talked to my daughter at length and if she watches it, I watch it with her. Good luck!

Make sure it is your husband that approaches the mother, then she won't feel like you are interfering. Approach it like this... "This situation provides us with a perfect opportunity to teach Noah that..." and you fill in the blank with whatever you want to teach him... Don't attack her, she'll get defensive. Noah is old enough that he can completely understand the difference between actors and the characters they play. He is old enough to understand sex and the great responsibility that comes with it. You can teach him about respecting women now, not doing anything until he is sure that he is ready, and making sure that the girl doesn't feel pressured. If you teach him now, that he should wait until marriage to have sex, you won't be dealing with him getting anyone pregnant in high school. It may sound old fashioned but it sure saves on a lot of heart ache in the long run. If you are concerned about age, don't be. 8 is NOT too young! 8 year olds know and understand far more than we give them credit for.

There are times we do not agree with what the other household has allowed/not allowed (example, movie ratings). In some cases, we decide how it will/won't apply for our own household and proceed as usual (we did not allow PG13 for an 8 yr old, even if they did). In some, we speak to the other parent and decide if that should apply to our household as well...or not (is there more than what the kid said?). I do agree with previewing or watching shows/movies with the child to ensure that you really do know what the show is about and/or how they are handling a specific matter. That way no one can say you aren't involved and informed.

If I were in your shoes, I'd discuss the fact that he doesn't know why he can't watch the show with your husband. Together, decide what to say to the child about the actress. Maybe she just didn't know how to talk about teen pregnancy with her 8 yr old. Decide if your household will allow the show or not and why. Your husband can talk to the mother to see if there are further concerns, but I honestly would not make this a problem. Sometimes households do not agree. If the child was smoking or doing something that was life-dangering, that would be a different issue.

I would tell Noah's mom that you would like to use this as learning opportunity for the kids about TV vs real life, and real life consequences. I have two boys ages 9 and 11 and we have used this to discuss not only the behavior of Jamie Lynn Spears, but the behavior of the young man that she is involved with, and the consequences of their choices. We have not put either down, but have talked about their life before pregnancy and after. We also talked about what our values are as parents vs. the Spear's, and what our expectations are for them as young men.

Hi T. :o) I think I have to agree with you. And in fact, the ratings for that show have more then doubled since the news broke. I myself like the show and my girls do too. They know she is pregnant in real life but they also know she portrays a character on TV, its not a reality show. I think Jamie Lynn is more mature then she is giving credit for because she had to grow up fast in the shadow of her sister. She will do what she feels is best but it is her choice to make. I was a teen Mom. I am now a successful, happily married Mom of four. I don't think being a teen Mom means you will never succeed. Everyone has to live with the choices they make in life and we think she will be just fine. But in respect to the show, this is the last season anyway and most of the episodes were filmed before she became pregnant. They were ending it anyway. Its a good show though. ;o)

I would bring it up casually again with Noah by saying something like, "Is your mother still not letting you watch Zoe 101?" When he answer, "no" then go on to say, "Did you know that Zoe is not her real name....?" Continue into an explanation about how she is just an actress and maybe even show him separate pictures with her from the show and then another with her real name. See if he'll iniate more questions about her being pregnant, he's at an age he may figure it out for himself with your guidance. I would then explain to him why his mother doesn't want him to watch the show. Let him know that she's not being mean, but just afraid he might learn some bad things.

T.,

If Noah understands that people on tv are just characters played by real people (not the other way around), I think you and/or your husband should explain to Noah that Jamie L. Spears (the girl who plays "Zoe") is the one who is pregnant and although "Zoe" is not pregant it sounds like his mommy doesn't want him to watch the show/support JLS. Of course if he presses (some do, some don't), you could explain in 8 year-old appropriate terms why that may be so and/or ask him to ask his mommy.

Also, if you feel there is no reason why he can not watch the show maybe one of you should discuss it with his mom. Obviously your relationship with her will determine if that is a wise decision but if you let her know you are trying to support her decision and want to understand the rationale it may go ok.

I have a now 16-year old son. When he was younger, his dad's girlfriend (now wife) was playing a cd. My son told her that "Mom said I can only listen to track 1,2, & 4". She didn't know why so she said ok. The cd continued past 2 and she quickly learned why! She immediately changed the cd.
Hope this helps!

Sounds like his mother is being kind of unreasonable but we are only hearing your take on the situation. You are probably on target here but my advice is from a mother's view. My daughter has a stepmom of three years. If I make a decision regarding my daughter, right wrong or indifferent, I will not appreciate her stepmom interfering with my decision. She can feel free to discuss it with me as we have no animosities between us but if the discussion does not change my mind on the subject, her place is not to override my decision as I am the custodial parent. Please be very careful how you handle this situation. It should probably be between your husband and the child's mother. If you and your husband feel the same way about the matter it will be best to let him handle it.

That's kind of a sticky one since you are his stepmother, although your concern is understandable. Perhaps you should bring it up to your husband and see how he feels about his son's mother's position on the show. If your husband disagrees then maybe he should be the one to discuss it with Noah. The last thing you want to do is to be seen as meddling and end up alienating his mother and therefore your stepson from you and your husband. You may not agree with his mother's point of view, however his mother has a right to monitor what TV he watches, especially at his age. She probably feels she is making the right decision. It doesn't seem like a big deal, however if you feel that strongly about it, talk to your husband. Good luck!