Trashy Teenage Books Everyone Is Reading

What is the author/title of these books so we can steer clear!!
Sad, we don't need any more negative influences in the world then we already have to deal with!
Thanks for sharing~
M.

What is the name of the book? My niece (she's 14) started reading some books and her attitude changed as well.

You had a great opportunity in the beginning when she actually showed it to you and probably thought they weren't good - to actually take the books back - but now -- you need to be the parent - and that is not always popular, so get ready to have a few "uncomfortable" moments as a parent of a teen. You cannot be the parent and a best friend -- but as you parent she does need to know that you love her - and because of that love you want her to turn into a smart, compassionate, honorable women. Because in a few short years she will be all grown up and these short years of "teendom" are her preparation years. You care for her too much to have others, (who by the way don't care about her or young girls like herself, all they care about is making a buck at their expense) take advantage of her. Take her back to the library - turn those books in and complain to the librarian - and check out some great literature - I feel in love with Nancy Drew - the Anne of Green Gables series, rent or buy the great Jane Austen series - I love the books as well -- By introducing her early to better reads, she may in time give up on the trash -- this is your daughter - you are the teacher - the educator in the home. Next thing is to get her involved in service - to neighbors, community -- the animal shelter is always looking for volunteers, summer can be productive! Remember - to always tell her you love her but you are number 1 her parent, and you have the greater invested interest in her life's choices. Parenting is definitely not a popularity contest - it is tough, if you get them angry at you from time to time -- then you can pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you are doing your job. You may want to take her out for a girl's time - get a manicure and pedicure - and have lunch out and ask her what are her dreams for her future -- what does she want to be --- discuss the steps she will need to take to reach that goal -- keep her goal orientated. But also relax -- and be educated yourself - so that you can't be manipulated -- keep up with what she is doing - who her friends are - and good luck - parenting a teen is not for the weak hearted!!! and keep your sense of humor - and if you are open and discuss things with her - and allow her some freedom of choices - then you can also keep an honest - respectful- loving relationship. Get some advise on some good parenting books for teens -- they helped me as I was raising teens -

How about if you read it too (when she's done and limit reading anymore until you guys have this talk) and then have a serious heart to heart with her about what happened in the story, why the girl did what she did, why the parents did what they did, etc and use it as a learning experience. In the end ask her if reading that kind of book made her feel good about being an outstanding young woman who has values and integrity. Let her make the choice not to read the rest of the series with your guidance.

Good luck!

I read tons of "trashy" stuff as a teen that my mother never knew about...however the stuff she did know about was banned from her house.

She canceled my subscription to Seventeen magazine over an article on birth control and banned Sassy magazine (all the rage when I was in high school) from her house. At the time I couldn't see why she was so upset over what I was reading...but now as an adult it makes sense she didn't want those views in my mind.

My mother told me it was her prerogative to read what I wanted to read first and then decide if it was good for me or not...

Maybe though you could read the books she checked out and then talk about them together. Why are the parents in the books so easily manipulated? Why do they allow their daughter in the book to "play" them? How do you think this is going to effect the daughter's life after high school/college/marriage?

What about a book report (sense you home school) on one of those books?

Maybe even talk about how the girl in the book is being so manipulative and then look up together what God has to say about women being manipulative in the Bible. Use this as a learning experience for both of you.

I don't know if I have helped any...but as my kids are 3 and 1 year old...my time too is coming!

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Nip it, NOW. I understand what you mean, because I read Judy Blume and Nancy Drew books as a teen. I know that it's a new day, but you might still share these as options. Maybe you can both read the books and discuss them. Start your own book club wth her. In fact, make it a condition of letting her read those books, that you, too, will read the books and then you will get together and discuss them. Use these books to drive home the values that you are trying to teach her, and use this as an opportunity to find out where she's headed.

Whatever she reads, you should tell her in a way that is loud and clear that you will not raise her to be a nasty, vindictive, self-serving/-centered human being. Period. It's very unattractive and dangerous to her growth, whether she understands this now or not. More importantly, you're gonna have to SHOW her that it's unacceptable by not allowing her to manipulate you, even if it means that you sometimes have to go to the other extreme just to make your point.

And after you've thrown all of that at her, pray that most of it sticks and she can sort through it well enough to be a healthy and productive adult.

Take good care!

PS. In my experience, girls who love themselves during the zany (often insecure) times tend to be less nasty to other girls/people. Help to feed her self-esteem, without puffing her up with air. Good luck with that.

L.:

It can really be difficult when they enter the teen years. I remember when I was in the 6th grade and innocently checked out the book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret?" by the, at the time, controversial author Judy Blume. I read one chapter and brought it to my mom to ask if I should be reading it. She saw the author and almost had a heart attack and said no and we returned it. But she also said something to me I've never forgotten;
"It means the world to me that you can come to me with anything and know we can talk about it. I thank God every day that you understand that."

I remember being curious about it, and honestly don't know what even made me think to show her. I think they mentioned their period and I thought that was scandalous! ha ha Anyway, when I was in the 8th grade I did read it and thought it was silly and would have been fine to read in the 6th grade in my opinion- and some parts funny as I still remember the chant of Margaret and her friends and can recite it still!- and my Mom and I talked about it. However, that book is very tame compared to what is out there today.

What I would recommend is talking to her about them and explain why you don't like them. Are any of the girls in that book really doing what God calls us to do in honoring our parents or honoring Him? If not, then why read them? (and no,I'm not saying that kids should only read the Bible or Jeannet Oaks books!) After all, she is the one that told you that they didn't get any better so I think she knows there not a good thing to stick in her brain, but wanting to be like your friends is very powerful at that age. There are better reading options out there and ya'll may need to dig to find them.

Finally, as one mom suggested, she might sneak them and read them anyway. So? She might sneak cigarettes too but you're not going to get them for her. If you as the parent have determined that it's not right then you don't condone sin. You love her, you explain your reasoning to her, you tell her you trust her to honor you, you and your husband pray like crazy over it as more issues like this are bound to come up, and then you let it go.

Hang in there- you only have 5 more teens to go!!!

If you forbid these books, she will want to read them more, and she will do it without your guidance or knowledge. The sad fact is that there are plenty of parents that do not take the active role in what their child reads as you do. This sounds like reality in a lot of homes that I know of, where the children control the parents. The fact that your daughter said, "Mom, they don't get any better as you read on." tells me that she knows better and can handle this book in the right context.
I would suggest that you take an even more active role in this. I would read these books with her. For several reasons.
1.) You will know what to expect. If she doesn’t pick it up from these books, she will pick these traits up from her "friends" who are still reading it.
2.) There are girls that act like this and she needs tools to know how to cope with these mean girls.
3.) Reading is reading and is always a good practice.
4.) The best defense against anything is proper education.
I would suggest maybe getting together with some of the other mothers and seeing if they would be interested in helping with a book club with these girls. Each mom could take turns hosting and guiding the discussion in a safe and responsible manor. These girls are likely to come across this behavior in other girls their age. They could use some tools to help them combat these girls and know that they have the support of their friends and the mothers of their friends.
I don't think that any book should be banned, but should be used to educate. The children will be educated; the difference comes in WHERE the education comes from. If not you then most likely other children her age. The sad fact is that 13 year old is much older than it used to be. Make sure that the education is coming from you. Your DD has just handed you a manual on what children are thinking about these days. Take advantage of it. You may not like what you see, but pretending like it is not there will not stop it from happening.
If other parents aren't willing, then you could host it. If that isn't an option, then you could require a book report when she is finished of some mean things that happened and how a responsible and loving family should react. Have her come up with some tools of her own to cope with such behavior.
Sorry, so long. Do you mind sharing the name of these books?

I was shocked not only by the first response post, yet the lack of education the post showed the respondant must have!

I wasn't aware of such books, yet I don't have a teenager. I do often mention to my friends and husband that "that's why they call it PG", meaning we are suppose to see the movie before we allow our children to watch sort of thing. Is there some sort of web sight that helps out parents in this aspect when it comes too books?

Did you watch Transformers? There is one part that I just laughted off until I realized that there are LOTS of smaller children who love the movie and that might be the first time they ever hear a certain word or concept.

I've substitute taught at many different schools. I hate to say it, but the pre-teen/teenagers are the easiest for me to sub for YET JR HIGH is a seriously strange place where most are trying to figure out who they are. I can only support you in sticking with homeschooling from this aspect, but as this post stated the effects of prepressure still exist and are real. I'm sure you'd still like to encourage reading, just make a short list of books she can choose from and go from there. I've also heard (mind you, my child is 4 going on 5 and I am most often the most important person in her world) that parenting isn't a popularity contest. I do not believe restricting her from certain books is going to be the end all of your relationship. Does she have two parental figures? Not to push anything off on a father, but I promise you if my husband were to read the first chapter he'd band the book for sure.

L.,
What a great opportunity to tell your daughter how you want her to act as a young teen on the edge of womanhood. Teens are always challenging everything. My approach with my own daughters was to say “Yes, there are people out there who do this sort of thing BUT we do not behave like this.” Every negative thing is an opportunity for you to project your confidence in her that she is and will continue to be the type of person you are proud of. Then I would give reasons why this is not the right way to act or behavior no matter how “cool or current” that thing seems to be. You really are in control here. Try to remain objective and not too emotionally vested in the contents of this book, and others like it, or it could become a tool to be used to agitate you. This could actually be a red flag from her that she wants MORE of your time by making a book selection like this. Adults get a lot further with kids when we remain calm, in charge and matter of fact. My Dad used to say, “I don’t care what the other kids are doing – you are MY daughter and I love you. If all your friends jumped of the bridge would you jump with them?” It is hard to do with teens, but try to remain detached from the things that trigger your panic buttons OR she will win. Tell her why you don’t agree with the book. And tell her that she is too smart to act like the girls in the story. “I know you are too smart to be this kind of person. The girls in this story are shallow and have no real character. Our family is honest open and respectful of each other - you do not need to resort to tricks and manipulation to get your way.” Appeal to her to choose the intelligent path. Project positive things that you love about her. Kids will know if you are coming from a place of fear. They can and they will test their limits based on what upsets you to gain advantage over any situation. Your daughter is just exploring her world and testing her boundaries. You need tell her this is not her kind of book. Tell her you love her and she is an amazing person with a wonderful future. Redirect her into something more appropriate. Good luck and God bless. Remember everything is possible when there is LOVE.
PS: I need the titles of these books – I have a 12 year old granddaughter. LOL
About me: I have four grown daughters, and three grandchildren. All my girls went to college. Three of the four own their own businesses. I too am a business woman.

If I was her mom, there's NO WAY I'd let her read that garbage!
Teens have enough ammunition on their parents without being handed the bullets they need to fire.
My advice is, if you don't want her walkin all over you and treating you like garbage, to take those books away and not let her read them. She needs to know that you disapprove and it's not becoming of a lady. She needs to learn respect and the fact she wants to read these books just to fit "in", means more to her than her relationship with her mother. Because obviously if her friends have recommended, they've done what's in it and succeeded.
Good luck! It's books like these that should be banned. The kids, nowadays, are bad enough on their own without this extra "help".

So here's the thing, even if you deny her these books now, her friends will just lend them to her or she will check them out of the school library and read them when/where she can that you are not able to observe.

The only advice I can give you here, is to talk to your teen regularly and let her know that just because she reads about certain behaviors or sees them in other kids her age, does not mean that you find them acceptable. Let her know oyu are open to hearing her thoughts and feelings on things but that you expect her to treat you with respect just as she would want you to treat her.

Let her know and even discuss with you what your rules are, perhaps there are areas where you can bend so that she feels like you are really listening and taking her feelings into consideration. And let her know that you expect her to follow these in order to be treated with the respect she deserves.

Let her know that just because other kids do these things doesn't mean they are earning any respect from anyone and she has been raised to have a better self image than that.

Good Luck... ;-)

I don't have a teenager, but as a teenager I would go out of my way to read any book my mother forbid me. I guess you could call it the bookworm's revenge. With hindsight I wasted a lot of time reading trash instead of reading the classics she strongly encouraged me to read.

My suggestion is to read the books along with your teen and discuss. "Wow, that was very unrealistic. In real life..." or "How would it make you feel if one of your friends did that to you?". "I felt really disappointed when that 'Heather' character did x, because..."

Every time my mom would discuss something about a movie she disapproved of in those terms it made it very hard for me to get wrapped up in the movie. Even to this day!

Based on your daughter's comment that "they don't get any better as you read on," leads me to believe that her moral compass is working. Now it is time for you to sit down with her and help her to realize that she knows there isn't any value in these books and that they can be damaging to her.

It sounds like you are religious to a degree and you can use the gospel to help your daughter understand that honoring her Mother and Father is an important commandment for example, that was given to us for a reason. Also explain to her your role in her life is to guide her. Tell her that she can make her own choice regarding reading these books and that in the long run, does she want some silly books and silly girls to influence her life, or does she want you and God to? If you try to demand that she not read them, she will sneak at school and do it, so I advise letting her make the decision. Give her some good reading alternatives, books that you enjoyed that have better values. I found Nancy Drew books fascinating, easy to read and wholesome.

Now is a great time to talk about peer pressure. Talk about people who started out with everything and then ended up with nothing because of peer pressure, or bad decision making. Use examples like Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan so she can identify with them, but then talk about their stints in rehab and jail. It is also important for you to get more involved with "all her friends." Who are these girls? You said that you home-schooled, and it surprises me that home-schooled girls would be so lacking in values (typically home-schooled children have very strong family and moral values). Try to encourage friendships with church girls or other home-schooled children in your area. Whatever you do, stay involved, help her learn HOW to make right choices and give her a lot of love. It will go a long way! Good luck and God Bless.

Guess what? Your house, you make the rules!! I had 2 teenage
daughters that I home schooled for awhile but they knew the rules and we never wavered from them. I don't think you can be too strict or protective these days. It's a very sick world out there where kids are involved. Parents want to have
kids these days but don't want to spend time with them. Kids want too much, have too much & have no respect for themselves
much less others. I'm so sick of hearing parents say that kids need to express themselves! Parents have no idea what their children are out there doing. When something does happen, all you hear is "my child would never do that". You
have done a good job it seems. Stick to your guns. You have
the right to go through her room & things anytime you want to.
Keep her away from the bad examples she has been hanging with.
You might even let their parents know what they are telling your daughter so they can be looking out too. You have God on
your side so you are way ahead of alot of people. Keep praying & never second guess yourself when it comes to doing
the right thing - no matter how tough you have to be. My kids
are now 23 & 26 & we are so proud of how they turned out. They have thanked us for not letting them do or get away with
things they knew were wrong. Praise the Lord - we survived!!

Take care,

C.

hi L.

i guess if i were you just tell her that the content in the books is not something that you approve of and that she will no longer be able to read those books..she is old enough to understand that you are the mom and that you dont approve of what she is reading and that there are other teen books with better content for her to read...Good Luck in your journey through teen hood

You are her mother. Not her best friend, not her pawn. Your job is not to make sure she likes you, but to make sure that she's a good person and can survive and succeed on her own, without you. That said, take the books back to the library, with or without her, and reprimand her for treating you that way. Teenagers are rough and just like with toddlers, you've got to get control now or give up all hope for the next few years being tolerable.

L.,
As a teacher of middle school students for almost 20 years, I am going to let you in on a little secret (well, maybe not a secret...)-kids want their parents to set boundaries, rules, etc. AND to enforce them! Will they fight it? You bet? Why, you ask? Because they can and will. It sounds silly that they are doing the opposite of what they want, but they are confused by everything they see....from tv...to magazine articles....to their friends....to church....etc. Today is a world in which it seems that a child should be grown up if they are in their teens....Unfortunately, their mental state to evaluate a lot of things doesn't mature until MUCH later!!!!

Communication is so very important! Never try to communicate in the heat of the moment, but give a five, ten, etc. minute cool off and say that you'll talk to her then in the (pick a designated spot away from noise -if possible). Talk about it. Don't always try to SOLVE her problems, but present scenarios to get her to solve them. It will teach her a lot about making decisions and life scenarios. This will take some time, but always tell her that she can tell you ANYTHING, even if you won't like it.

My 5 year old daughter always starts her talks with, "Mommy, I need to tell you something." This means that I need to listen. We started this when she was three, and I always tell her "thanks for telling me, and yes, I may not be happy about it but we'll work through it."

Best wishes! Don't forget, the family that prays together, stays together!

Throw them out - but shred it first. Let your daughter know why in a calm and loving manner and include your concern about your relationship, not just her character. Gently let her know that you will throw away any book or cd or dvd that you don't allow and she will be responsible for it if it isn't hers. So, she shouldn't have it in your house. Be gentle and firm but loving. You're the mom. It's your house. You're responsible for teaching her values and responsible for what you allow in your house. God will hold you (and especially your husband) accountable for what you allow under that roof. Don't worry about being her friend. This is what one of my friends did with his teenagers. He even had to break a few cds (that were their friends'). Needless to say, they didn't borrow any cds like that again. It was a known household rule. One that my husband and I adopted.

Sorry I don't have any advice, but will you please share the titles of the books? I look forward to reading what experienced mom's of teens will share with you. Best wishes - K.

Hey L., We have 3 little ones and home school as well. I know what you are going through on a smaller scale. I was a full time nanny for ten years to six. I am sure you have learned that it is OK and healthy for your kids to hear you say no. We are our children's first line of defense. My heart goes out to you during this struggle but you would be totally in the right to let your daughter know that this type of material is not healthy for her or your relationship. You don't have to feel like you need to be her friend on this. You are protecting her on so many levels and in the long run she will thank you if you do that for her. I believe our kids will push us until they hit those boundry lines. They continue to push even when they know where they are because those lines are a saftey net. Keep them strong! You are doing an amazing job teaching your children these moral standards, what an incredible gift.

Hi L., Are you homeschooling your 13 year old? It sounds as if she is in public school. Be sure to use the "trashy" books as a vehicle to discuss your values and expectations with your child. Then, introduce her to more valuable books such as Anne of Green Gables and The Witch of Blackbird Pond. Your child is coming into a confusing world where people have many different values. That is why I am so firm about being sure your child knows what your values and expectations are. I have made mistakes in this area -apparently- and am having trouble with my 25 year old who is now back living with us. She has learned poor values from "friends"- the kind that fade away when you are in trouble- and now I have to go over values all over again with her. Let me know how things progress. J. K. :)

Have you seen the Robin Jones Gunn books? I LOVED the Chritsty Miller series when I was a young teen and now I see that she wrote many books after that. I also read Jannette Oake and Michael Phillips and Judith Pella and many others. Go through the young adult and adult sections and look for the "inspirational" label.

But definitely get her the Robin Jones Gunn books. They have a strong message of purity, faithfulness to God, wisdom, AND are 'teen flicks.'

As for what others say about letting her read what she wants, my parents taught me 'garbage in garbage out' but I still peeked into things I shouldn't have. There is NOTHING WRONG with protecting our children. Just because she is a teen doesn't mean she is mature or wise enough to handle some of the things in those books.

Wish you the best,
S., hmeschooled through graduation and went to Bible college, homeschooling mom to four girls SO FAR, ages 1-5, married 6 years!!

You should give us the names of the books, so the parents can check them out and read them. That way the parents will be on the same playing ground and be a step ahead of the teenages. Do not tell the kids you are reading them. I went for a semiinar at Texas A & M University for parents and that is just what they said to do, because the kids will conspire against parents. Also, keep in close touch with the others kids parents your is hanging out with. If there is a sleep over talke to the parent everytime. Do not relie on the kids telling. I did this have raised 3 wonderful grown children becaue I kept close touch on what was going on. The other thing I did was put up note book paper on the bulletin board and they have to write down where they were going and whom with, write there parents phone numbers. I told my kids they would not known when I would call and check up on them. If you are busy with another child when they are telling you something you may forgot where they were going, so this was a good thing.
Good Luck, we need more parents like you.

It's your job to be a mother not a friend. You have to stand your ground and teach her the priciples that you believe are right. If you are friends or are in contact with her friends' moms maybe you can approach the subject. Maybe the girls she is friends with are not a good influence or maybe their moms are not as involved as you are. My daughter and I have a great relationship. I try not to over react to things she tells me but she knows my rules and that if she breaks those rules there will be consequences. Let her know that going along with the group is not always what is right and she needs to make the right decisions. I trust my daughter's judgement for the most part but I know other parents are less hands on and do not know what their girls are doing. Today it may be books. What is next? drugs? sex?

First of all, I applaud you for being such an involved parent. You will send your children into the world with JOY in your heart b/c you will know that you've done everything you can to guide and encourage them.

It sounds like you've got a good handle on the situation. I just have one more suggestion. How about allowing her to read things that are "iffy" but not too offensive to your values and then have her write a book report about the morals/ values presented in the book and how that resonates with teachings from the Gospels? That way she'll be introduced to some of the nastiness which happens (in public schools) and in the real world and have the tools to understand and grapple with hard choices.

I wish you and your family the best. GOOD JOB!

I wish you had given the title of some of those books and the author's name. I have a grandchild that will be 13 in Aug. and would like to tell her parents about them.
How to counteract them? Do you see that your child has Biblical training? There ar many Scriptures that teach honor to parents and kindness to others. Also, always treat her with respect and hope she will do the same to you. A saying I heard recently is very good: "For words to go deep down into the ears they must be whispered not yelled."

Get her the novel Twilight by Stephenie Meyer...this is the first book in a series that teenage girls have gone wild over...the movie comes out in December.

Hi L., what kind of books are those - titles/authors? My stepdaughter reads a lot of teen books and I want to be aware of what's out there. Thanks. Patty