Help with Spirited Child

Hi, K.!

I hear you loud and clear:) I have three strong willed children. 10 year old boy, 4 boy, and our youngest is a girl who just turned three. I have not had a problem with bed time. THey are usually pretty exhausted by then, but so am I. I gave up naps for all my kids by age 2. They play hard and get plenty of fresh air so that when 9 o'clock rolls around they are out like lights. We of course still have to stick to the routines. If bath is needed we start that at quarter to 8. Then pj's, couch for a 1/2 hour Dragon tales show, or backyardagans. Then it's get in to bed, hugs, kisses. Done! They know that if they behave and go to bed good then they will get to watch a show before bed the next day. There have been plenty of times when they did not eat their dinner, did not go to sleep right away because they were up talking, or misbehaved too much where we have taken away their show privilages. Last night my 4 year old was eating really good until his older brother finished before him and went to go get ready for bed and got his book to read. Then the 4 year old stopped eating, or actually tried to shove the rest of his food in his mouth at once so he could be done, ended up almost choking until we made him spit some of it out, and then when he got impatient that he couldn't finish fast enough took off outside with his plate while we were out of the room and dumped the rest in the bushes! He went straight to bed after that. Of course he cried for a 1/2 hour, but he knew he was naughty. He told me this morning he was sorry and asked if he would get a show tonight. I told him we'd see how good he was today.
Three is harder though. They understand somethings, but it is still a learning time. They need to push their limits to see just how much they can get away with. Our daughter was running up and down the rows at Kohls when I was trying on shoes the other night. I had her sit with my oldest on a bench, but everytime I walked to find a different pair she would get up and run away. I sat her down and told her no very sturnly the first two times, spanked her once the third time, and then I pulled her back to the seat the fourth time and held her ear as I scolded her for not being a good listener. She went to her room when we got home for a timeout, and cried, but then sat down really good and ate everything on her plate at dinner time. She knew she had pushed her limit big time. I know I am venting probably more than helping, but you are not alone:) Just consistantly and sternly punish and work with her at this point. She is normal to act that way. I have read that it takes 21 days to change a habit. That is true no matter what your age or your habit is. So for the next twenty one days stay tough, put her back to bed, make sure she know you mean business, and be patient knowing that 21 days from now you will have made a big difference. OF course then there will be new things to work on then:) It's a never ending cycle being a parent. But well worth it. Best of luck with everything!

I have two of these High Spirited children. If I had read your message more carefully, I would have seen you have read Kurcinka's books. All I can say it, you'll have to always work to be one step ahead.

If you can be patient and constantly looking for ways to stimulate that imagination, you'll reap rewards when she's older.

****old post ..
Invest in all of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books. Start with "Raising your spirited Child." You'll find what you're looking for. Also, in the interim you can read her website for some immediate tips, resources, and more at:
http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SpiritedChild/tabid/59/Def...

Reflex integration and developmental movement therapy can help with issues you are describing. My colleague and I work with children with behavioral problems from early childhood through school age.

C. Burns, RSMT

I know this sounds really outside the box K., but having a spirited child myself, I found that most of her behavior problems stemmed from health issues that were challenging to resolve - many of them internal that I could not see. I treated her homeopathically and recommend this to you. If you can see giving something really different a shot, do the following:

Four drops of each Bach Flower Remedy (flower essence) two times a day until her temperament changes (and it could change instantly):

Elm
Walnut
Aspen
Rescue

If she spends a great deal of time crying as well, give:

Star of Bethlehem

Just put four drops of each remedy in one glass of any liquid - water, juice, etc. You will watch her temperament ease almost instantly. For strong-willed children, giving the remedies often (daily) or sporadically (when symptoms arise OR when challenges are coming like the start of a new day care or going to a party) can be quite useful. Giving bach flower remedies at bed time will ABSOLUTELY ensure a good nights sleep.

These remedies are available at whole foods stores and online almost everywhere.

Good luck K.. I can guarantee that this will help.