Hi moms--I just need help dealing with this situation at my son's school. He is almost 11 yrs-5th grader and attends a private Catholic school. There is a girl in his classroom that likes all the boys in the class more than they want her to. SHe bothers my son, for example telling him he can't talk to other girls, (even about schoolwork) and if he does, then she starts bothering those girls and threatening them. Another thing, for example, she sits right in front of him and has very long hair, so she puts her hair all over his papers and just pesters him in a flirty way and he hates it. My problem is that she has a hearing disability, so she gets a little extra sympathy from the teachers, which is understandable. But I have seen her at parties and stuff, and clearly she knows what she is doing. I feel like we pay too much for him to go to that school to be miserable about her. I told my son to tell her that I was going to the principal if it doesn't stop, but he says she will cry. THe principal knows there are issues with her and has told him to please tell her if the problems continue. My son is so soft hearted, he doesn't want to start any conflict. There is only one 5th grade class, so I can't switch his class. She does this to other boys in the class too. Should I contact her mom (whom I have never met) or just let my son handle the best he can? Any advise will be GREAT!!
If it were me I would set up a meeting with the principal and the girls Mom. That way there would be a mediator and hopefully no hard feelings.
Hope it works out,
J. G
It's called sexual harassment and it is NOT ALLOWED!
I think the situation should be documented before you speak with her mom. I think you should go to the principal and school counselor and MAKE THEM document complaints. Ya'll need to formulate a plan where you, the principal and counselor speak with the teacher, and get her on board. This Principal should be telling you that he is HANDLING it. Not "tell me if it happens again". NO... that isn't good enough. They should all be meeting with her parents.
I also think it is OK for you to tell your son to make it clear to her that he is NOT interested and that she should stop.
The teacher should speak with the entire class and say, and have a mini-sexual harassment discussion (on their level of course).
This child has more problems than hearing... I'm sorry to say!
And if it effects your son in a negative way, what will you do?
Hi C. - Wow, sounds like a predicament for sure. Being an elementary teacher prior to having my sons I think you should address it with his classroom teacher. I would ask his teacher to move his seat for starters, she can move the whole room around so as not to draw attention to your son. I would also address the class as a whole and talk about respecting each other. If that doesn't help the situation then I suppose you could speak to her mom or the principal. She may be a pest but maybe she doesn't know how else to behave with her peers. Remember that ALL mothers feel that their child can do no wrong or maybe they believe them with all of their heart...nothing wrong there, that's a mom's job. But her mom may turn the situation around and say that your son is bothering her. Who knows.
It is wonderful that your son is so sensitive to others, however, he does need to stand his ground, be firm and tell this girl to 'back off'. Adolescence is a tough time. I hope you get some good advice here and can help your son resolve this situation.
Good luck.
Hi C.,
It sounds like you have a sweet, caring son and that's great. Every student has the right to an education in an atmosphere free of violence, harassment, etc. I would speak to the Principal right away especially she is subjecting the whole class to her antics. I'm concerned about the girl in question. What is this child being exposed to that at her age she is already using behavior with sexual undertones in order to get what she wants?? She may very well need help and doesn't know how to ask for it.
why can't they just move the little girl so she's surrounded by other girls on all sides of her so she's not tempted to torture ANY of the boys in the class???
Well, I think the best thing to do is to tactfully bring it up to her mother. I wouldn't get into too many details, but put it to her like you're trying to do her a favor by avoiding bringing it up to the principal. The mother should be made aware of this behavior so she can deal with it before it becomes a real issue.
5th grade is still very young. Your son shouldn't have to deal with this on his own, & that girl needs some serious guidance from her parents. Obviously, if they're shelling out the money for her to go to Catholic school, they care about her education, too, and would probably appreciate knowing what their daughter is doing...despite feeling a little embarrassed about it.
As a teacher, it is very hard to see everything everyone does all the time. I always like for parents to come to me, call me, or e-mail me. I try to resolve the issue within my room. However, I document everything from the initial contact that you made with me to anything I see to how I attempt to correct the situation. If dealing with it in the classroom does not work, I will bring an administrator or counselor into the situation. When I do that, I have all my documentation to show them of everything that I have tried to correct the behavior and what the outcomes were. It is then their responsibility to step in and try to help solve the situation. I document everytime they call for the child to their office or I send them. Because, when a parent comes up they usually do not want to believe that their angel does any wrong. However, documentation is a HUGE help. Also, should any legal proceedings come of it, I have everything documented in case I am called on to testify. Also, in order for the principal/district to give her any kind of serious punishment such as suspension or alternative school, they must have documentation. Principals love a teacher who has their end documented and a good principal and counselor have documented everything they have done for an air tight case. I would not just let this lie. I would continue to deal with it through the school. Let them deal with the mother. That is your job. You have no idea what kind of crazy person she could be. Look at the way her child acts it makes me wonder if the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good Luck. Keep in mind also that this is a private school, you are paying good money for your child to get an education not be harrassed. If enough parents in the class threatened to withdraw their children, I bet the principal might consider doing something with Miss Prissy Pants in order to keep his enrollment open. Private schools need tuition to stay open. It seems to me that if the school closes due to lack of students, the principal will be unemployed.
What I want to know is WHERE THE H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS did she learn how to behave that way!!!!!!!!!!!! I would normally say go to the mom, but be prepared not to get anywhere, the mother may be the one teaching her daughter how to behave that way, whether directly or indirectly.
Hi C.,
Your son has a right to feel comfortable at school with out being pestered.
I would start by making a phone call to your son's teacher with out his knowledge to see if the situation improves.
Teachers do have alot on thier plate and he/she might not be aware of the situation.
I will be interested to hear the outcome!
Best of Luck!
C. Roeschen
The Trinity Group
Keller Williams
###-###-####
____@____.com
www.TheTrinityGroup.org
If my daughter was behaving that way I would 100% want to know. You need to tell her Mother so she can have a talk with her about appropriate behavior, personal space, etc.
Good luck!
Does the teacher not realize what is going on? I feel for the girl's disability but sounds like she is using it to do what she wants.
The teacher should seperate her when she does these things, especially the hair thing. I know teachers have a lot on their plates, but I expect my children to not be tormented while they are there.
I would really let the principal know that if something isn't done, I have the intentions of contacting the girl's mom. (which probably will cause lots of problems, especially if that parent think their child is a little angel-which by the way she acts, she probably rules the roost at home) Schools should handle this issue though and not parents confronting each other.
Good luck..
I have delt with this too. I have twins in 5th grade and it is sad how the little girls this age act. We believe in courting and my boys are turned off by this too. I would go to the teacher first. I don't know about private school, but in public school there is a chain of command, teacher, principal, superintendant, school board. You start with the teacher and if it does not get any better then you need to go to the principal. I have found that as long as you have a good attitude when talking to them, they are very willing to work with you. Maybe she can make sure your son does not have to sit next to her without hurting anyones feelings. I know that 5th graders want to take care of things on their own, but they are only 11! I think that it is wonderful that your son cares about her feelings. I would do whatever it takes to keep him innocent as long as you can and boys that age are starting to have hormones. Good luck.
C.,
i know if my daughter acted this way i would want to know from the source just how precocious my sweet little girl is!!!
What's wrong with just letting the girls mother know?. Maybe the mom has had this situation come up before, or maybe not.?
Isn't it the Parents job and not the schools job to curb and or stop this kind of behavior in school?...These are our kids not the schools kids.
stop the mom next time you see her and approach it just like you approached it here. Direct, classy, respectful, and honest.
good luck to your son....you know i have also watched these young preteens at work..Today's little girls are very agressive...not all, but some. And i have seen little boys taunted like this on the playground..
It needs to be addressed to the parents not the school.. the school can only do so much.
What if you ask the teacher to change his seat?
