Hi Moms -
My husband and I just recently decided to move out of state (3 hour airplane ride away) with our 3 children, aged 7, 5, and almost 2. My daughter, 7, is completely against it. I have tried involving her with decisions like what color to paint her room. I have told her about the amazing new house with tons of kids on the same street (we currently don't have any). I have told her about how easily she makes friends and how her new school is brand new and beautiful and has a great program suited towards her. Regardless she would have to switch schools next year but she "doesn't care". The thing is, we made this decision for the kids, to hopefully provide them with tools for a better future. I know she is too young to appreciate that now, but it still hurts to see her so sad. I have cuddled with her, asked her to explain what is upsetting her so much about it, told her that I know it's scary and huge, tried to get her excited, acknowledged that I too am sad about leaving my friends and my mom, but it seems like no matter what I do or say she doesn't budge. Also, I am confident that once she gets there she will be fine and happy - otherwise we wouldn't be doing this - but I wish there was some way to have her at least a little bit curious or excited before we go. Any ideas?
Thanks moms, for your valuable input. I think that putting together a memory book of our home here is a great idea. Sarah - you made me laugh that she has a "crush". She actually goes to an all girls school here so it would have to be outside of that and hence we would know about it! Too funny though, I definitely hadn't thought about that. We are having a huge party here before we leave (we have the kids' birthday party all together so I didn't want to them to miss out on that, even though it falls smack in the throes of our moving plans) and we are getting to the new house very close to the time that school starts, so I don't see how we will be able to have a party when we get there, but we will try! As for attractions near the new house - we are moving to Florida but all the talk of Disney and Sea World and the water park that's in the complex hasn't budged her. Oh well, I'm not giving up! Thanks for your suggestions.
I have moved A LOT my entire life. Both before and after children. My suggestion to you, is to stay positive. Keep acting excited about moving and excited for her and all that the move will offer her. Don't stop once you get there. Acknowledge the downside when she brings it up, but keep it positive. Don't join in the pity party. Some days will be better than others (for both of you) but, she'll be fine. I promise.
Your daughter is mourning the loss of her current life. There is nothing wrong with that and I'm sure,like you say, she'll learn to accept it once she is there and settled. I think you can just acknowledge you understand and validate her feelings, but let her know it will get better!
Just let her feel what she feels, be there to listen when she wants to talk or needs some comfort. You can't make her feel excited about it. You said you just recently made the decision, so you may be expecting too much too soon. Relax, do what you have to do to get ready. Have a pen-pal party or something before you go so everyone can get together. Good luck with your move.
She is a 7 yr old and will be fine. I wouldn't put to much into her not wanting to go. All she knows is what she is living.
Find out what is in the neighborhood...take a trip out there now and explore if you can!
When it comes down to it, you are the parents doing what is best for your family and she will make new friends and love her new home once she is settled in.
Change is frightening because it's all unknown stuff but you are making a grown up decision and your children really don't have a say in the matter. You aren't going to be able to 'sell' the 7 yr old on the idea of the move being a good thing so just make your plans and move. She'll brood, be unhappy, complain, etc. but once you get there and she settles in she'll be fine.
Does she have good friends here? Maybe making them friendship bracelets or something that she can take along to the new house will help the transition. And maybe throwing a summer fun type of party for the kids in your new neighborhood so that you can meet them and their parents could help break the ice and get her to meet other kids at the new house.
Have you googled up great attractions near your new home? A friend of mine recently moved with her kids and on top of the promise of all new school clothes, and a pink bedroom she made a calendar for her daughter with activities that were local printed out on address label stickers.
Especially if there is local stuff.. like church bazzar with rides, fireworks over whatever, etc on set weekends (check the city/county calendar webpages) and also there is all year stuff like maybe hiking trails, local water park or theme park, or a great park/pool or mall..
Other enticing things could be looking for classes for something she likes alot - maybe gymnastics or dance in the area.
BTW - her hesitation may be over her friends, but at 7 she might have a little crush on someone and wont tell you : )
Change is tough. Big changes tougher. She might be feeling that being excited about the new things coming is somehow disloyal to the things she is leaving behind. Get her a camera, and an autograph or scrap book and help her put together a remembrance of the house, yard, school, friends, neighborhood etc she is leaving. We moved across state when my son was 7 yrs old. He loves our new house, but he misses our old house mostly because he has lot's of memories since we lived there since he was born. Her being in denial isn't going to make it stop. Moving is an adventure and an opportunity, but it may take awhile for her to see it that way.
