I have a 2 year old daughter who is really attached to me. This wouldn't really bother me, except she has taken to screaming and crying when my husband tries to come near her while I'm around. I've tried telling her that it hurts his feelings and that he loves her too, but she's too young to really understand this. Any ideas on how I can get over this behavior?
Thank you everyone for your ideas. My husband actually gets to spend at least one day a week home with her by himself while I go to work and the other days that I work, my mother-in-law watches her. She gets along great with him on the days that he spends with her, but the other days are a challenge. I'm sure it's just a faze, but it's been going on for a few months now and is taking its toll on everyone. I've been trying to leave the room a little bit more while she's occupied with him so that she gets more used to him being around her while I'm home, but it's hard. I really like spending as much time with her as I can, so it's definitely going to take some getting used to. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone in this struggle though. Thanks!
I'd love to know if you get any answers for this b/c we have the same problem with my two year old. She's great with daddy if I'm not there but if I am she tells my husband to "leave me alone I want mommy."
Thanks,
T.
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Hi there! My daughter did the same thing except she started a lot earlier than 2 . My oldest son would do the same thing. I figured I needed to leave her them . I would go to the store and leave them at home and let my husband be with them. He would be the one to do for them . It wasn't easy to do this as there was a lot screaming on their part and frustration on Dad's part. But each time I did this it got easier on them all. I went to work and Dad took care of them during the day and had me at night. They are very close with Dad now as well as me. We both have had a share in our childrens lives.
Though my daughter still wants Mom when she is sick. she is now almost 15.
Hope this helps.
L.
My 18 month old dayghter was exactly like that. It was frustrating for me and my husband. I was worn out and he was feeling "unloved". What changed? I went out of town for a couple of days and my husband had our 4 year old and 18 month old all by himself. This was Great! I came back and she was over it. She would come to me and to him. It also showed my husband a little of what I do everyday. It was VERY hard leaving both children and I dreaded it up until I left. It was a great way for me have a little me time and the kids really bonded with my husband.
My 8 yo did this when he was little. She really isn't too young to understand that she is hurting her daddies feelings. Although she does understand actions (crying) more than words. Just keep telling her that he loves her and that he needs her love too. She will grow out of this. I know that it is extremelly hard for your husband not to het frustrated and stop trying. He may think I'll just wait and when she's ready she'll come to me. We'll that's right, but wrong. She will get to were she tells you to leave because she wants to be with daddy. Until then just keep talking to her, both of you. What ever you do don't push her. Let her know that it's okay for you not to agree with her choices but that you still love her. They learn that way to early in life.
Best of luck and keep reassuring your husband how much you love him. I am sure that he is feeling a little depressed and neglected about this. You may need to give him a little extra TLC too. After all, our husbands are just big babies themselves. :)
Hi J.,
My daughter is also two and can act the same way with either me or my husband. There is no telling which parent she will latch on to on any particular day. If she really objects to going with one of us unless it is urgent we don't force the issue. Most of the time if we wait or my husband sits quitely near her after a while she will go sit in his lap on her own. When she cries and screams don't just tell her she is hurting his feelings he needs to look sad. Have him make an exagerated frowning face and then ask her to give him a hug to help him feel better. My daughter can't resist being asked to help. Seeing that she can do something that causes a change in another person makes her just light up with a glowing smile. All children want to please their parents.
Make sure your husband has time alone with your daughter even if he is just siting in the room with her while she plays. It is important that she associates fun and happy things with him such as reading books or playing with blocks. He needs to have an equal share in the fun stuff as well as the not so fun business of being a parent. They need to develope a relationship all their own. My daughter relates to me in a different way than she does to her father. They tease and rough house more together. She loves to walk around our yard with him and point out frogs.
I'm sure it is just a phase, but you need to let your daughter know that daddy is part of the family and she can't just block him out. It not only hurts him it also hurts you. Without the other parent to take over every once in a while you will become the only one who can get her to cooperate. I don't know about you, but I need a break sometimes.
Good Luck,
J. N.
My daughter was the same way! I used to do everything for her (feedings, bath, dressing etc..) when we noticed the same behavior. We told her the same things you are telling your little girl and then we became very persistant that dad jump in and help. When my daughter would resist, we would explain that she does not dictate who does what and that we both like to spend time with her and help her. It took some work but we no longer have the problem. In fact, she has discovered that she likes dad to do some things better than mom! Good luck!
C.
Well I would do something about it NOW, it will be better than letting it go later. It will be hard, but here is what you are going to have to do. Leave her with your husband, maybe just start for 30 minutes at a time, and run an errand, go to the store, take a walk, etc. Then just gradually increase the time, they will start having fun together and hopefully this will change things. Just remember that whether she screams or not you have to go. She may throw a fit the whole time that you are gone the first time or if she is stubborn the first several times, but it will start to get better.
I had this problem when my son was 6 months ( now 8 ), and the doc basically said for my husband to take him out and do the things that he ( my son ) likes to do; like outside, or whatever, and adventually, he warmed up to my husband, and saw that he was not out there to hurt him.
I have had the same issue in the past, and occasionally it surfaces when we least expect it. I have a four year old daughter and a two year old son. My husband is in the military, so he goes out of town for weeks at a time sometimes. He was deployed overseas to Kuwait/Iraq when my daughter was three months old and didn't return full time until she was 16 months old. She clung to me for almost two years, probably because of the infrequent interaction with my husband at the critical bonding stage. My son has been with him from birth, and still, upon hitting 18 months and up has been a momma's baby. He and his sister are with me all day, I'm a stay at home mom. The only real advice I have for you is, they will outgrow it if you are consistent in explaining to them that they have two parents who love them, and even when one of you has to go away for a little while, you will always come back. I would also suggest you taking short trips to the store, or doctors, or other places that you leave your daughter with your husband. Or, make him take some "daddy and daughter" time with her to do something special with her, that they would both enjoy, i.e. the park, or lunch out somewhere. She needs to bond with him in a way she hasn't bonded with you. We are generally the primary caregivers and nurturers and she knows that innately. Just trust yourself and continue to be kind, but firm about her spending time with Daddy. Good luck.
I am a stay at home mom from bixby with 4 kids. I was wondering if you work or if you stay at home with her. Most of my friends who are having this same problem with their 2 yr olds stay home and so they are starting to leave them for a few hours with other people and that is starting to help a little. Mothers day out is a great way to start.
How I got my daughter over that fear is that I left her at a nursery for a couple of hours and went and did some errands that i needed to do without her I also left her with my parents and my husband for an hour or to and with my parents i left her with them over night It will take time but she will eventually get over it
My daughter is the same way. She is 2 1/2. My husband works mid-shift and runs a side business during his "off" hours. I work days so our daughter is in day-care from 8-5 and by the time we get home, my husband is at work. So he only gets to see her on the weekends. It has gotten to where she won't let him push her in a shopping cart, won't let him hold her hand crossing a parking lot. Won't let him do anything for her if I'm there. I've started making sure that he spends quality time with her at home, and have sent him on a few errands with her so she knows that he can do the same things she can. It is a real struggle for him, I know. We try not to force the issue, if she says she wants me then I tend to her but I always try to get him to do it first. Sometimes she will let him and sometimes she will throw a fit. I don't really have much advice, but know that you aren't the only one dealing with these issues. I have heard that it is normal for a child to pick a "favorite" parent, and as they get older it will not be quite as apparent. :)
Good luck!!
H.
The best thing to do is just wait it out...It's probably just a phase she's going through. My son did this with me and my husband at different times when he was 2.
My advice would be get him involved in all home activites. Like cooking, have him help along with your daughter and you or even crafts. My daughter is only a yr but favors her mom, and it upsets my husband to, so he makes time for her in the evening and gets on the floor and plays with her while I leave the room, sometimes she will cry but she usually gets over it. Along as she doesn't see me. So try that and let me know how it works.
Sounds harsh...but leave. Make sure you are not the one having seperation anxiety or enjoying the attachment. It does no favors for her. Plan things to do away from her. She might throw a fit but she will get over it. Just tell her good-by and leave. If you let her throw the fits she will continue the behavior.
Good luck
