Son Seems to Prefer Dad over Mom

Boys have a internal drive to be like dad... Take advantage of it while you can...He still loves you. He is realizing that there is a difference..ie you and sis are one way. He and dad are another... girls arent rough and tumble like guys...

If it makes you feel any better, my son is also 4 1/2 and when daddy is around he always comes first. There are times that I do get very jealous because I feel my son looks right through me when his father is around. I try to remind myself that I actually am able to spend more time with my son than my husband due to work, therefore it only makes sense that when he's around, my son would want to be with him. The two of them have a wonderful relationship and I hope that it stays that way.

My son (almost 2) prefers Daddy too, and it's not been "just a stage" and I don't think it's about gender or role models. Honestly, I think it's personality and how they've bonded. What's worse is my husband has a clear preference for our son over our daughter (almost 9 months) and this truly breaks my heart. We both work so our time with the kids is equal, and I do take it personally that my husband is the preferred one. This morning I cried and cried because it just hurts my feelings when I make so much effort and get nothing in return - he says "I love you" to daddy but not to me. Etc. The one thing that has helped is I take my son out of the house and we do fun stuff (not shopping or chores) like go to the park or on a walk or hiking or the zoo or even just to have a bagel, just me and him. I tell him how much fun it is to spend time with him and play with him and see how happy he is. Positive reinforcement stuff. And when he does ask for Daddy instead of me, I don't force myself on him because it makes every situation worse (but he's in that 2 year old stage, and your son is older). If I force myself on him and get rejected, I find myself holding a grudge that I shouldn't be holding. If Dad is the "fun" one and you're the one doing all the work, then I would try to change that between you and your husband. And if it's just personality issues, it's probably best to acknowledge differences and work with things as they are. I have to constantly remind myself what MY stuff is versus what's a parenting issue, so I don't project onto the kids in unhealthy ways. Your son does love you, I know you know that but try to remind yourself of it when he's pushing you away.

Dear
don't take it personally. i trully believe it's a gender thing. i am home with my 4 year old girls all day every day. and they are super excited when daddy gets home but one of them will never let daddy do something. i always joke with my husband and say you'd be in trouble if something were to happen to me. it's so extreme to the point even if my husband hands her the gummy vitamin she will ask him to put in in a cup, brings the cup to me and says give it to me please. same thing with tucking her in bed. daddy will do everything and kiss good night. all well but then she turns to me and says could you tuck me in? and gets up and wants me to redo everything daddy did
we have tried everything to change that habit not that it bothers me but because i want her to understand daddy and mommy are the same. eventually we gave up. it just won't change for now.
here's another example. daddy will say to her i love you, she says to him i love you too, then turns to me and whispers but i love YOU more.
i feel bad about my husband. so i feel bad for you too. it will change i hope.
good luck

Hello,
Its the age. Boys want to immitate their dads and girls want to immitate their moms. He'll be back around to you. My husband works 40 hours a week...its a blessing my son (6 years-old) wants his daddy when daddy comes home. I still tuck him in at night and read books to him, but I think its really healthy and cool that my son and his dad are fabulous friends. Hang in there, when it counts he'll ask for you, his mommy!!!

Oh my goodness...of course your son loves you with all his heart - you're his mommy!!! But please be thankful your husband is present for and loving with your son! You are blessed beyond measure...try to keep that in the forefront of your mind...and no, don't push yourself on your son...enjoy your alone time, get things done around the house, start working on your Christmas cookies and maybe he'll want to join in and help - and maybe he won't, but that's okay...he's only 4 1/2, don't take it personally!

Best wishes to you...
J.

Does he see dad a lot. My kids go crazy when dad comes from work.. they see me all the time.. so they don't go crazy for me.. I'm home more.. so it's dad who is more fun. Mom is always the one saying pick up, don't do this... so it's natural my kids like to play with dad outside... don't get upset.. My daughter adores my husband..and my son adores me. They both love both of us.. but you can see how one will choose dad and the other will choose me..

C.,
Boys always tend to want to play rough with Daddy. Also you are with him all day long, so when Daddy comes home he is his buddy. Don't worry he will come around in time, just let him be for now. I have 4 boys and know exactly what you are going through. My 21 year old son and I are now inseparable, yes he still wants and needs his Dad, but calls me everyday from college just to talk or see if I need anything; his girlfriend does the same thing, which is so sweet.
Hugs,
T.

Our first son was all about mom. I am sure it only added to this that his father was in and out of his life (by his own choosing) until he was 6 when we finally settled down and married. So when we had our second son I was hurt that he was all about dad. From as soon as he could walk he preferred daddy to mommy. The only time he seemed to want me was to vomit some where on me!!! At first I did take it personal and was hurt by it. I just kept telling myself that I am a good mom and it's ok that he wants to be w/his father because (at that time) he was a good dad. It's okay not to be chosen number one - take that time to give yourself some down time!!!

My first question would be do you work or are you a stay at home mom or even work just part time. If you are around more, naturally when daddy gets home, he is going to want a new playmate. I work part time but am around my son a lot more than his father. So when his daddy is home and around, he tends to want to spend time with him or us (a lot of the time mommy and daddy have to be together). Bottom line, I dont think it has to do with the sex - boy or girl. I think it has to do with most likely you see him more. Make sure he has something special to do with each of you. My son LOVES to cook with me but he loves playing ball with daddy.

Hi C.,
No, I would not recommend trying to push yourself on your son. Sometimes you are not going to be the "preferred parent" and one of the things that we cannot control as parents are our kids' preferences.
My son is 9 now, and from the time he was a toddler, if he had a choice between dad and me, it would be dad. If I was alone with him, you'd have thought he was a momma's boy, but whenever Dh materialized, I ceased to exist. Sometimes it's good not to be the preferred parent - I was sure glad it wasn't my name being called in the middle of the night!
In today's era of parenting, with fathers sometimes just as equally involved in child care and day to day child rearing as mothers, children are going to see fathers as an equal parent and not as someone who is not quite as good as mom or only to turn to if mom is not around.
If you want more time with your son, then I'd suggest taking him on outings, just the two of you.
Good luck

It's a phase, and your son's about the age where my daughter was at the worst of it - although with her I was the parent that had to do everything. Just remember that it's probably hard on your husband too. I know i would have various emotions from guilt, feeling sorry that my husband would be getting his feelings hurt, to exasperation with my daughter because I really needed to be doing something else and why couldn't daddy do it???

What I tried to do, especially for things like the bedtime routine, would be to tell her that we were a team, all 3 of us, and we had to work together and support each other, and sometimes mommy will put you to bed, and sometimes daddy will, etc. Good luck! My daughter (now 5 1/2) is telling my husband she loves him more frequently, and running to show him things, and including him in more of her dreams and plans. I think I'll still be "top dog" for awhile, but things are definitely improving on their end.

My daughter is 3 1/2 and she prefers me over Daddy. But she does go back and forth. I remind her that we take turns...
She cries when I leave the room, but she's fine when she does the same routine for bed...just make sure your husband encourages your son to go play with you too, and he should step out of the room or go do some errands...maybe he doesn't want to play with you because you're always doing other things like housework...so just be sure to make time for him...
Kids get used to the same routine, same person and they get upset when their routine is disrupted. Don't feel bad, remember, you're the parent, AKA "BOSS!" :)

kids go thru stages, just be patient

You have alot of good reponses here.

I just wanted to confirm that all children go through stages. My son is 5 1/2 and for the past 2 year my husband was an over the roud truck driver, he was gone for 3 weeks and home for 3 days and gone again. My kids really clung to him and have done so until recently, my husband was always the one to be out working long hours and I would be home on a very routine time, now my husband is home more hours than me and now my kids want me. I have 2 boys and they always cling to Daddy for the "Manly" or " boy" time.

Don't worry Mom you will always be the "greatest Mom" is the world and one day they will show it when you least expect it. My oldest son (5 1/2) never crys for me and on halloween he did telling me " I am going to miss you" He also told one of his friends "My Mom can do ANYTHING." I started to tear, because I have felt left out of the "Club" for quite sometime.

I would just be patient. My two year old daughter has recently decided that Dad is just the coolest thing since chocolate chips. (That's pretty cool!)During the week, it's all about Mama...until Daddy gets home. On the weekends? Oh, she could care less if I'm here. Honestly, it's a nice break!! I would assume that your son loves you just as much as he ever did, but he's finding a "male role model" in his Daddy, which is just how it should be. Try not to treat him any differently, and if you're feeling really down, find activities that the three of you can do together.

Kids go through phases where they prefer one parent to the other, and I've also heard that they tend to want dad to play with because dads are more fun, will rough house with them, etc. but when they get hurt or need something they want mom. Don't push yourself on your little boy when he's trying to play with dad, it could just be setting yourself up for more disappointment. You could focus on your daughter for now and do fun things with her, and if your son sees how much fun you're having then he might want to join in. The dynamics can easily shift because they are little after all, and let's face it - what little kid can do without their mom?

Dear C.,

Don't take it personally, lets face it dad is his most important role model in his life. He is learning things from dad right now that interest him. Maybe ask dad if he can suggest including you into something fun they are doing together so your son can see that you can play the same games. Trust me he will come to mommy when necessary. Children come to each parent for different things at different times. Right now dad is just the focus of his world and I am sure no one can compete with that so don't try to. I would not push myself on him and I am sure he will come around. Take advantage of the break, be selfish and pamper yourself with some well deserved alone time. Good luck!!

This one made me giggle..... To my older son Cooper, Momma was his whole world, but from about nine months old or so, as soon as my husband walked through the door, home from work, our son would reach out (from my arms)to his Daddy (who was trying to put his things down and get his coat off as quickly as possible....) and Cooper would laugh and cry at the same time!!! As if to say; "Take me, take me, take me, Daddy!!! I'm so happy to see you!!! Hold me!!!" My husband and I would laugh our heads off b/c it became a daily event and it was just so funny! The baby was laughing and crying at the same time! So.... I was all it until Dad came home and then I was old hat. Oh well. Cooper is 18 now, but we still remember those wonderful moments. When we had Connor, Cooper really became "Daddy's boy" and Connor was pretty much mine. Connor only wanted me, so it worked out fine. As a matter of fact, Connor did not become "Daddy's boy" until he was about four years old! I was wondering when it was going to happen and I did feel just a little left out once it did. My sons are 16 and 18 now and mostly we are a united foursome, but every once in a while I do feel left out. I do make sure I have time to myself to read, quilt or scrapbook and I also walk with my girlfriends as well, so it's all good. Sometimes boys just need their dad, sometimes they need Mom. It all evens out I believe. Good luck.
D.

I think that's pretty normal. My kids are grown now, but I had that situation with our son and actually thought he didn't love me. Once he's grown, I came to realize something a friend told me years ago--boys come to their mothers for conversation (especially for advice) and go to their dads for fun. My only concern is--don't let your husband make you into the 'bad guy' with regard to discipline while he is your son's buddy. That also happened in our house, and that really is a whole different issue.