Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? My 16 month old son is becoming so clingy to me. He goes to daycare during the week and drop-off is SO hard. I have tried letting him walk in to daycare by himself but he freezes as soon as he realizes where we are going and will cling to my legs until I pick him up. He has also started reaching out and crying for me when he is hanging out with dad and I enter the room. I love that he wants to be with me, but don't want him to get upset when I leave or be so reliant on me. Has anyone gone through this? How did you help the situation?
I used to be #1 with my little Zoe (19 months) but now she's starting to think Dad is the coolest person on this planet and I've taken to the back seat.......which is weird, but ok.
He may still be going through the seperation anxiety, but that will come to an end soon. When it does end you may feel like "hey what about me???"
Good Luck, this time will pass all too quickly...
My daughter is 16 months too, and she started going through a shy and clingy phase for a few weeks--- but it has tapered off. Maybe it is part of this age. She is normally very social and has no stranger anxiety. I imagine it is just a phase--- as your son grows more cognitively aware of his surroundings and relationships, he may be processing the "separation" at daycare more. Or understanding his response "controls" your actions. When my daughter gets "clingy" I try to walk and hold her hand into the room and work very hard to not pick her up (although I want to hold her when she starts getting freaked out). I show her the pictures in the daycare room and initiate some play with a little friend and quickly leave the room when I see she is engaged. She never seems to cry once I'm gone-- it's just the emotions while I'm in the room--- which leads me to believe her reactions are more of an exertion of control over her environment than actually missing me!
My son does this (17 mo) and I don't really try to stop it... it's typically comes and goes in phases and sometimes it doesn't matter who it is... he just wants who ever is not holding him. yesterday my oldest daughter and i passed him back and forth about 5 times before i finally said ok, that's enough, lets have dinner now. it was close to his dinner time so he was likely pretty hungry. Then later as the rest of us were eating dinner, he was absolutely unbearable and clingy... since i am tired of having to shovel down my dinner, and getting up a dozen times to pick up stuff he drops on the floor from his highchair, give the baby her pacifier, try another food that he may like to snack on while we eat, and then end up feeling sick because i practically inhaled my dinner on the run (though i never left the kitchen) I decided he could play in his crib for 15 minutes while I ate. He zonked before i finished my meal. clearly he was tired. so all those things can play a role in their clingy-ness... bottom line, they look to us for comfort, and mom's provide this with ease... after 9 months inside us, and most mom's do the majority of the care giving... it's only natural that he's going to look to you as his ultimate source of comfort.
How to stop it... i think it will pass on it's own.
HI S. - I am a stay at home mom - and I do not think that matters in this issue. I think it is the age - I have 16 m/o twins - they are both going through it - and I just give a hug and put them back down - I do not encourage it, but I also do not discipline the behavior - no clue if what I am doing is right - but I think letting them know I love them with a hug and I WILL be right back, they will be fine when this passes. Best of luck - I sympathize with your anxiety!
Totally normal! :) It's called separation anxiety, and usually hits right around this age.
If you ask the folks at daycare, they'll probably tell you he fusses for a short while after you leave, and then goes & plays, or watches the other kids, etc.
Here's something you can do at home. Start off by playing peek a boo. First in the same room, then get up & go to a doorway so you can hide around the corner. (If he starts to follow you, go faster!) Keep showing him that even though you are "gone" you always come back.
If you have someone around who can keep an eye on him for a minute or two, you can also go out one door, and wait a minute, then come in a different door. (This can include going outside.)
Again, it shows him that you DO come back. He's learning about object permanence (I think I spelled it right.) Meaning objects can reappear, from various places, even when you thought they were gone. And it includes people.
Playing some of this type of game hiding toys & helping to find them, etc, should all help.
But mostly, just time will help. He'll figure it out pretty soon.
Just wait! The terrible 2's & 3's are coming! And you get to (sometimes) go thru it again! (Luckily, for a shorter amount of time.)
Good luck!
I'm a working Mom, too -- my 17 month old daughter tells me who she wants to stay with and who she doesn't... I have a babysitter now at home that my daughter LOVES to stay with and she blows me a kiss as I leave for work each morning. Are you sure this particluar day care is good? Probably yes, but just checking...
Hi S. I'm a grandma now and my grand daughter started daycare at the same age. I took her inside I watched her for awhile, and let her get to know the other kids then I eased my way out without her knowledge. I made sure the director was comfortable with her and I left and she started to expect to go to daycare.
I know this may not be a popular response, but could you consider taking a leave of absence for a while? Your little guy needs your attention these days. In the big scheme of life, we only have a small window of time to be with and build relationships with our kids. If it's not possible for you, dismiss the idea without another thought. But if you could swing it, it may be a good solution for your family. Blessings as you raise your little one. (PS- my kids are all older now- 11,14,16, and although I am thorougly enjoying them these days, I remember how hard it was to leave them as toddlers, and wish I had re-ordered my life so as to have been with them more. Anybody can change a diaper, but nobody will love your little one as you do.)
It is a developmentally appropriate stage he is going through. If he wants and needs to cling, let him. He needs to know that you are there for him. It will pass - you don't see kids clinging to their moms as they go to college. However, for his longterm success, letting him cling will build trust. He will seperate when he is ready. There are lots of good books on this eg. Ages and Stages, Smart Love, Touchpoints. They all point out that it is normal and appropriate for a child in the middle of his second year to cling and to notice when you are not there. There are a few things you can do along with hugging him and being there for him: don't slip away. Tell him you will be back - dont drag out the farewells either. Good luck and enjoy your little sweetie.
