Ok, here's my dilemma. I have two daughters who are turning 2 and 4 in December. I'm making their birthday party invitations this evening, actually. Ours are the only children on my side of the family and they only have one cousin on my husband's side (not to mention, all of our friends that are single or childless), so EVERYBODY wants to get them something and a LOT of somethings. I know it's fun to buy the perfect, cute, funny, noisy, latest thing they're into (can we say 'Little Mermaid party'?). But with Christmas coming up, too, our house is over-run with things that go unappreciated and unplayed with. THey get so much that they can't really take it all in.
How do I tell my family and friends not to get them stuff so that WE can get them something that they will be excited about? That's the fun of being a parent, right? The smiles and squeals on Christmas morning? Why should we have to buy something HUGE to get a reaction from our own children? I know that our kids' aunts and uncles and grandparents and my aunts and uncles and their 'adopted' aunts and uncles all get a kick out of getting them something, but isn't it a waste to let them buy stuff just to take it to goodwill after a while? What ever happenned to getting a candy cane with a new doll or a toy car and it being taken care of because it meant something to them?
We always buy for everybody else, too, and spend way too much money on stuff that no one really needs anyway. Does anyone out there do anything like buying gifts from the Samaritan's Purse catalog (like goats or chickens or food for a month for $30 for third world countries) and spend that money in honor of a family member instead of giving yet another Fry Daddy or slippers? If so, how does your family do that? And how can I suggest that to mine?
Ahhh, I feel better just venting, but I'd love feedback, too! Thanks!
L.
One thing you can do that I have done with my son (as his birthday is in January), Have a mid year party instead of it actually being near the birthday and that way they get to celebrate 2 different times a year. (For kids this breaks up a long year too) My son is now 16 and it has helped with several years. My daughter is 4 and we will be doing that for her as well as she also has a birthday close to christmas.
I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to have 2 birthdays and then Christmas!
I know someone already wrote about giving money for a college fund, that is a great idea. I was going to suggest also that maybe you could ask for gift cards so that the kids could go in February or the summer and pick something out here and again when there is no holiday around. Also maybe consumable gifts like craft things that the kids use up.
A "date" with ther person instead of a gift where they go out to dinner and a movie or to one of those painting pottery places. Something where your daughter(s) could get some special alone time with the adult--this can create way more memories for both the adult involved and the child than a gift that is all to quickly forgotten. Hope this is helpful and good luck!
I'm in a similar boat - my oldest daughter just turned 2 yrs old on Nov. 12th and my younger daughter just turned 1 yr old Nov. 5th (our third daughter was stillborn in June of this year). I explained to people that were buying gifts for the children what they needed most (the oldest needed jammies and the younger needed pants) and what kinds of toys I wanted for them. I explained to people invited to the party that most of their toys would be bought for Christmas, but gave some ideas for toys for their birthdays that I wanted them to have (like shape sorters for the 1 yr old). Also, to help weed out their toys, I started something I plan to do every year - and as they get older they can help. At the party, they have party favors to pass out as guests leave (the bubbles, dollar store toys, etc), but they weed out their toy box (at these ages, I do that), getting rid of toys they are bored with or don't use that are still in excellent condition. I place these in a garbage bag and let the children at the party (or their parents) reach in and pull out a toy to take with them. Whatever is left in the bag after each child has taken something, I don't donate to goodwill or anything like that. I look for the smaller programs that don't advertise. Places that rely on word of mouth for donations to families who have been through rough times and don't have anything to give their children, or look for a way to donate the other good-condition toys to families who have been burned out of their homes and lost all the kids' toys, Katrina victims, etc. I'm sure those toys would be more appreciated by those children than by people shopping at the local salvation army store.
I myself am a December baby and so is my 10 month old daughter- so I'm facing the same dilema- except I just thought back to my past birthdays.
Any baby born after Thanksgiving and before New Years will always manage to get the "here's you birthday/Christmas present" which REALLY is a drag or you only get winter toys/clothes. And getting double (if you are lucky) is a bummer too.
So I have decided that every year to throw my daughter a very small birthday party and then at the halfway point in June I will throw an 'un-birthday' so to speak with more extended family and friends. As she gets older I will just let her pick when she wants her party- at Christmas or in the summer. That way she has a choice. Then let everyone know that this coming year there will be a birthday party in June- so send out save the date cards for June in Nov/Dec rather than invites. It may be early but it will let people know that you want them to celebrate with you, but just not during the holidays.
I was always overwhelmed (age 8 was the worst) when we did a huge birthday party for me, plus all the Christmas shopping, plus all the family get togethers, and all the work visits with my mom, school holiday concerts ect. That I was exhausted and was sick before New Years. Plus alot of people couldn't show to parties in December because of family or vacation obligations.
Just a thought!
We had everyone at my sons party purchase a book and we donated them to his preschool class.
Yes, I looked like the Scrooge, but we are in the same position as you!!
Unfortunately they are going to do what they want to do but I would suggest asking them for non-thing gifts such as gymnastics lessons. They can buy a leotard and pay for a month. That way the child gets to open something AND they can continue to enjoy it later AND stuff isn't taking over your house. Good Luck.
L.,
I hope that I don't sound mean but this is what I did. My son is also the only child and only grandchild on my side of the family, so needless to say my brothers, sister, parents and aunts and uncles all did the same thing, that is until I stopped it. My son turned 4 in June and really wanted a new pool, so when everyone called I asked them to give money so he could get ehat he wanted and I was able to get him a bigger pool than expected. For Christmas now that it has come around I have asked my grandparents that they not buy anything and get a Savings bond for him for college and they agreed that was a wonderful idea. I have asked my siblings if they could all go in for something for him, one big resent and that was it. My parents on the other hand said that they would respect my wishes and buy V-tech games or Leap Frog books I gave them options. It has worked out so far and I am able to get him what he wants. We also go threw the toys once a month and "get rid" of broken or unwanted toys. We donate the ones that are still playable with to our church or to a preschool. My son loves doing this because he is "giving back" and doing a good deed. Hope this is helpful
A.
Oh, how I can relate! My husbands parents were the worst - not only did they have to get them toys, they had to get the BIGGEST toys they could find! Huge cars, enormous stuffed animals - anything and everything BIG! And, of course, once it was opened, it was never played with.
I never asked them not to buy or to donate to a charity instead. I know that I don't want to give to a charity instead of gifting one of my neices.
What I did was consider what my kids really played with and enjoyed the most - books, disney movies and game cartridges to their Leap Pad and Leap Frog's and told anyone who asked that these would make the best gifts and explained most toys are not played with. These were items that didn't take up much room, is easily stored and items the children still enjoy using.
Wow i can't believe how many people are in this mess. i have a december baby and a january baby plus to otehr kids soooo my house is a toy store. I can't help much with how to convince your family to back off a little onthe buying but i can offer a suggestion for how to help your children appreciate what they have, simply rotate the toys that they have access to. keep out their favorite things be it barbie or dolls or whatever and every few months swap out what is inthe toy box for the stuff you had hidding int he closet. not only do the kids not end up overwhelmed by all the stuff but it's like getting new toys every month. good luck.
Hi L.,, I would suggest a gift certificate to a store so your children could pick out what they want, clothing stores would be great, I have had 5 children,, ALso as far as you spending money on everyone else for stuff they don;t need, how about a gift certificate for groceries or a movie for home I design family gift baskets at xmas time and throught the year for all occasions,, from family to weddings,, they are really neat and expensive. In the baskets are things families can use.. my email is ____@____.com if I can be of further help.. Have a great weekend. L.
I can't wait to hear what others say. We have 3 kids no more room and I am taling a break from cleaning the play room which we could not walk through. Please tell me more about the Samaritan Purse catalog. My sister in-law insist we exchange gifts at christmas. The problem is there are a lot of people and not a lot of money. so everyone ends up with junk from the dollar store. I think everyone in the family would love doing the Samaritan purse idea. and except my 4 year old all the other (15 grandkids) are over the need for something to unwrap.
Thanks for the tip,
J.
Ok, here's what I've done...and Ms. Manners says it's in poor taste but I too only have so much room...In the invitation I put my requests such as..."since we have already have more toys then shelve space, any small donation to her college fund would be greatly appreciated" Some how I work in the phase "but please know that your attendence is all that is required." Or make suggestions like blocks or dress-up hats, barbie cloths. And I always include the current clothing size ans shoe size. My girlfriend who's daughter is born in early January asks only for cloths for her daughter's birthday. She says she's usually set until late summer with only having to get a few odds and ends.
If you wanted them to give to charities in their name let them know. If you decide to take a few of those toys to the toys for tots program or a mall donation tree program that sounds cool in my book...because I've had touchy relatives...know some people might be offend that you gave their gift away but what can you do.
well to tell family not to buy toys is fruitless lol but maybe put some of the toys up and let them play with the other ones then when they get bored put them up and bring out the other ones and switch back and forth
Well my friends and my girls grandparnets always buy my girls something little and then get them savings bonds. It has worked out great for us.
We have done our christmas a little differnt know too. Instead of trying to do a gift exchange with my extended family each family puts in the amount they would have spent on a gift exchange (example a family of 4 would have spent $20.00 a person so $80.00)and we donate all the money to toys for tots or we "adopt" a family who would have not been able to have a christmas. We still all get togather and have a big dinner.
Hope this might help! A.
I just sent an e-mail to my mother in law a few days ago with a wishlist that she requested, and I specifically put in there-no toys, please! =) We have the same problem- the only grandchild on both sides of the family, so everyone wants to get her stuff. So, this is what I did- I suggested kids CD's, educational DVD's, Precious Moments figurines (the number train so one could be added every year), and books. I figure you can't have too many books, and kids CD's, and they don't take up much room. If you need clothes for your girls you could ask for those specific items. I do that a lot, too, so I don't have to spend a bundle on clothes. The grandmas are ecstatic because they can go shopping, and I'm happy because I don't have to spend the money! Other ideas- what about everyone donating to a big item for your daughters? Something you would like them to have, but maybe wouldn't be able to afford otherwise, like a swingset, or a bike, or a trampoline. At least then they would have something really great, it would get used, and it wouldn't clutter up your house. If none of these ideas fly with your family, you may want to try rotating the toys. Keep a manageable amount out, and put the rest in a box for a month, and then rotate them. The kids will think it's Christmas all over again, everything will get played with, and you can still whittle things down when there gets to be too many toys again.
My sister-in-law has a big family, so they always draw names and set a limit of how much to spend. I've done the Toys For Tots- instead of exchanging a gift with a friend, my friend and I went together to the store to buy toys to give to Toys For Tots. We had a great time, didn't have to spend a ton, and we felt good about helping kids in need. Plus, we didn't have another knick-knack to dust! You could definitely do the same thing with any other charity you like. Ask for a gift to be given to Operation Christmas Child (you could even get together as a family to put the shoeboxes together- if you don't know what it is just ask me), or Samaritan's Purse, or Compassion International, or whatever other charity you like. I think you could just spread the word- just ask that instead of gifts, you'd like the money to go to "x". This is easy to ask for your gift to be substituted, but not as easy for your kids. Just say you've been really blessed and don't need anything, so you'd rather have whatever they were going to give to you to go to someone who really needs it. And you could say that if anyone else wants to do that, that you'd be happy to.
Many blessings to you!
Hi L.,
What I started doing, especially with my Grandma, is to ask that money be put into a college fund for the kids. (The Ohio 529 plan is really good) I even sent her some deposit slips so she can do it herself. I have been asking that Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and so on, help send my kids to college. Your kids are so young that they won't realize that they didn't get a gift from "Uncle Joe". Also, as they get older, try a subscription to a magazine. Zoo Babies or something to that effect. Just a thought. Hope this helps.
L.,
What about having everyone bring a gift to go to a charity of some sort? For instance, have everyone bring a new teddy bear and have your children take them to a local Children's hospital sometime after the party? You could also donate toys to the Ronald McDonald house, or anywhere else toys are needed and appreciated. This way everyone feels they are giving a present and your children give one too. Just a thought. Good luck!
Hello,
Our family always gave to Habitat for Humanity in lieu of giving Chirstmans gifts once the 6 of us kids were adults. We just asked each member of the family to donate the amount you would have spent on a present to the charity, and then we submitted the donation together as a family.
Of course, people will still buy your little ones toys- but since your oldest is 4 maybe you can have her donate one or two older toys for every new toy she gets to a charity that collects toys for needy children. We are doing that with my son this year (he is 3). I'm not sure he will totally "get it" but its never to early to attempt to teach your child charity. And this way the choice is theirs what they give away- and they still get some new toys to enjoy. Plus your realatives will still get to enjoy purchasing gifts for them.
www.heifer.org
www.hopechildrenshome.org
i have a friend and her family gives some gifts but they also each pick a place to donate too, as a gift.
another idea would be to pick out toys for a battered womans shelter to give as a present to other kids that do not have anything.
don't know if that will help! good luck!
