Help on Getting My 3 Yr Old to Bed

My guess is, you have a lot going on, especially with a full-time job and a couple of kids! I'm also willing to bet that you try different "methods" for a couple of days, decide they don't work, and give up. I'm also a busy gal with a full-time job, so I know how frustrated you must be. The key, IMO, is to be consistent. Pick a method and stick with it!!! FOREVER!!! I would stick with the keep taking her back to bed, no talking, put her in, close the door, walk away. I have confidence that if you will do it EVERY SINGLE TIME, it will work. It will probably take several days, b/c she is used to you giving up the method, and she's trying to break you down. Not b/c she's bad--she's a kid, and that's what they do! Be strong!! You can do this!!
Good luck!

You should try to set a bedtime routine. Here's one example.
Maybe start a 7:30pm by having Victoria take a bath. Then after bath time Mommy and Victoria both wash their faces together and brush their teeth. Then Mommy and Victoria both apply some lavender or jasmine (those are calming/soothing scents) scented lotion on their own legs and arms while in Victoria's room, sitting on her bed. And now that we are clean and feeling calm you tell Victoria how much you love her and how proud you are of her for whatever big or small accompishments she had today. Let her know its time for bed and that you look forward to doing this again tomorrow.

Does Victoria still take naps? Maybe her nap time needs to be cut to a shorter amount of time.

I think if you were to start a bedtime routine of any kind that would be a great help to both you and Victoria. Victoria needs wind-down time and a routine of set-actions that cue her mind to slow down and realize its time for bed.

a little about me:
I am a creative 28 year old, full-time working mom of 3 beautiful children (Dallas 11 (my girl),Ryan 8 and Andrew 4 (my boys) and happily married to my high-school sweetheart, Jason.

This is such a frustrating predicatment!! I feel for you! But I was thinking about it and I remember reading an article that had some info that might help. It was about early bedtimes and said that preschoolers perform best with a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30! I know, it's early, our daughter goes down at 8 also. BUT, the article talked about if your child is having a hard time calming down and going to sleep at the given bedtime, try pushing the bedtime earlier by thirty minutes or so, until you find your child's perfect time. I don't know if you've tried this. I know that ALWAYS if we get our daughter down an hour late, it's a battle for atleast an hour, puting her back sooo many times! She's just so tired, that she fights it for longer, we had just missed her window of opportunity! Plus, i think that your average person believes that children are just like adults, the more tired they are, the better they sleep. But really kids deal with sleepiness differently. I find that the more sleep my daughter gets, the more sleep she gets. If she misses a nap or has a short one, I know that bed time will be a battle and she will be up in the morning more early! If she is well rested, she's a pleasure to hang out with and get to sleep! In everything that I have read, research shows that you should do nothing extremely exciting for about an hour before your going to bed. And I am completely against shortening a child's nap to make them sleep better at night, I think it's a misconception. Hope it helps! Good luck!

sound like you have your hands full. My son is the same way. I finally had to put his bed in my room. He was scared and insecure sleeping by hisself. Now he does fine. I am a single mom and I understand kids in your room or bed can put a strain on your marriage. Where does the 11 month old sleep? Did this start happening after he was born? Sometimes kids regress when a sibbling is born. I do not know if this is much help but it sounds like you have tried everything.

A.:
First of all, be careful with Benedryl. If overused, it could damage her liver (only to be used medically). Second, forget the spanking. All spanking does is teach your child to hit.
Some of the mom's suggested talking to the daycare about how long she is napping during the day, great idea. Be consistent like you have been, have a bedtime routine and don't allow her to come into your room (not a good habit to start). Start a "new nighty night" plan with her and explain it to her. Two parts: 1) Make a sleepy time sticker chart. If she goes to bed without coming out of her room she gets a sticker on her chart, in the morning. After five stickers, she gets a prize.
2) Tell her that it is her choice, but if she makes the choice to get out of bed she will have to "pay you" with one of her toys. When she gets out of bed, ask her which toy she is going to pay you with (put it away for 24 hours), and try again.
Good luck!

A.

Hello- I would have to agree with most of the other advice, if my 5 year old is tired enough he goes right to sleep. Although I do have a suggestion. I have 3 children 16, 12 and 5 and they all had different sleep habits. I would suggest, along with making sure she's not getting too much sleep during the day, what has worked for me with my 5 year old is quietly singing him songs. After he gets pjs on, we say prayers, turn out the lights and then everyone else leaves the room and he and I have 8 or 9 songs that he likes for me to sing. ( Simple songs like "You are my sunshine" and "Somewhere over the rainbow") The rule is though, he has to lay quietly with his eyes closed or mommy can't sing songs. That usually gets him to settle down enough to fall asleep. This can take up to 30 minutes but eventually you can start to reduce the number of songs and actually start leaving the room when she's still awake because she will be relaxed enough to fall asleep on her own. Some nights I just say, "mommy is going to sing 4 songs tonight". He really looks forward to it and I do too. Don't worry, you don't have to be a great singer! Some may say that's too long of a process and they should go to bed on their own, but take it from someone who has "big" kids now, they do go to bed on their own eventually and time passes too quickly! They're only little for a short time and I enjoy spending that extra 20 or 30 minutes with him. Good luck with it!

I put gates up in the bedroom doorways, so the kids have to stay in their rooms. Then I get the house as dark and quiet as I can. I usually shut my door and read for a while. When my boys are asleep, then I go out and do any before-bed tidying. If there's a tv program I want to watch, I set the vcr (no Tivo here, heh) and watch it after they're asleep, or the next day.
Yes, my boys stay up and play quite often once they are in their rooms, but with the house dark and quiet, they fall asleep much faster. I can tell this works with my guys, because on the nights that dh is home, he refuses to do these things, and the kids are awake up to midnight, or even later sometimes!
Hang in there, be consistent, and good luck!

J.

If you and dh both work full and part time jobs, your children are probably in daycare so I would check with the daycare mom or center and find out if they are doing physical activities during the day and how much rest/nap time they are given. 3 is an age where children need alot of attention, physical activity,cuddling and bragging up. They are so curious and full of energy and proud of themselves whenever they accomplish even the smallest task. I suggest giving her the 2 hours she wants, but maybe begin earlier, say right after dinner...maybe sit beside the tub as she plays after bathing her (this is a good time to teach them their address and phone number), play a chase/wrestling or marching game or some kind of exercises/dancing before bed to wear her out, then quiet time reading a book(let her choose it, we have tons of boardbooks and pop-up books I picked up at garage sales) and with my grandson, I read the book to him and then let him "read" it to me. This is good for them in so many ways...it builds self confidence, language skills, great parent/child bonding and they learn counting, letters/sounds, colors, animals, and people/jobs and emotions/life lessons from the stories. It is so amazing what they retain if you make it exciting and fun! Little brother can be there too, let her read it to him if she likes, she will be so proud to help "teach" him about stories. Include hugs and kisses and alot of praise for the good job she is doing and you may see that she is happy and feels safe and content when bedtime arrives (and she may even be too tired to finish the book! lol. I could go on and on but what I'm getting at is spending this time with them at this age is so very important and it doesn't come around again and it will help to shape them as individuals. What they learn from you now and take with them will mean so much to them later in life. Good luck! =)

Hello,
I think that most of us have been there at one point or another. What has worked well with us when our daughter was about the same age was just consistency. It took almost 2 weeks of walking her back to her room and telling her it is time to sleep before she finally would stay in bed. My husband and I would give her an initial hug and kiss, but if she got up we would walk her back to her room without saying anything then tuck her back in, give her a small peck on the cheek and a reminder that it was her bedtime.
We also have the same nightime ritual. At 7:30 we put pj's on, then brushing teeth, from there we read a story, say prayers and then lights out, door closed and no getting up.
Just a note on the benadryl, it is never a good idea to give kids medicine unless they need it. We were prescribed benadryl with both of our kids for colds and it wired them up for at least 3 hours. Just a mental note that not all medications work the same on all kids.

Good luck, stick to what you say, and you should see some improvement if you are consistant for at least a week if not a little more. Kids have to test their boundries to see what they can get away with. Lovely for mom and dad.(Ha, Ha)
Michelle

Please be sure to mention this to the doctor at her 3 yr checkup. If you've already had the checkup, you might consider making an appointment just for this. Rule out any medical reasons before beating yourself up over it or crashing from sleep deprivation.

Not saying this is what it is, but my younger son was like that, too, only add in he would also wake up around 2 am, come into our bed and try to wake us up to play. I used to tell people that my first child slept through the night at 4 weeks, but my 2nd child made up for it - he didn't sleep through the night until 6 YEARS old. Turns out he has bi-polar disorder, but is stable with meds now and sleeps wonderfully.

i heard that the book THE NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION has lots of sugestions and works great

Your daughter may be taking to long of a nap during the day?? If she still naps I would cut it in half or have her stop taking naps all together. All kids are different and she may be ready to not have them anymore. You have to be consistant!!! Even if it is one night that you give in she will continue to pop up after you put her down because there is a Chance you will cave it. She obviously does not fear any punishment if you fight her for 2 hours or the punishment you are using needs to be reevaluated.

Basically, cut the naps down/out, form a routine that is the exact every night, place a proper punishment in place that IS ENFORCED EVERY TIME!

You are not alone many of us have gone through this. Hang tough, you're the parent, don't let her work you!!

Good Luck

Some of the things you mentioned above (consistency, spankings) worked for my son, but I have a couple of other suggestions.
1. Try the emotional approach - this is assuming your daughter is old enough to respond to her 'emotional side'. When it's bedtime do your normal routine with her (brush teeth, potty, books, etc.). Then tuck her into bed, and snuggle and talk to her for about 10 minutes - this part is important because often times kids feel like the day has been a whirl-wind and they haven't had enough quality time with you (this is my favorite part). When you are ready to leave her room, express to her you are very tired yourself (I always say 'look at my tired eyes - Mommy needs to sleep soon'), and that it would make you very happy if she would stay in bed to help Mommy out. If (when) she gets up after you leave, take her into her bed again, calmly saying a similar thing. This worked with my oldest son, and it kind of works with my 2 year old boy (who is a pistol).
2. Take away her favorite item for not staying in bed. Example: my oldest son has always been attached to his blanket. If the above tactic didn't one night, I would take his blanket away (after an initial warning). He got it back if he stayed in bed for say 10 minutes. If he got out of bed after giving the blanket back to him he lost it for the night. After the crying and fit I would calmly explain I promise he would get it back the next night, on the condition he stayed in bed that night. Just remember to be consistant, and never give in on your punishment. And, don't worry, she won't be emotionally scared without her favorite item. She will cope for the short time, and learn to listen and appreciate it more.

I think the trick is to find what works for your child, and you haven't found it yet. I figured it out with my oldest son after time, but I am going to work a little harder with my youngest son as he's a challenge!! Maybe the above will help, I hope so.

Good luck! L.

Seems you guys have tried almost everything.... but...
Have you tried being consistant..if you change your tactics after only a couple nights of it not working..
it isn't going to work..
keep in mind..i have the same problem with my daughter...not every night but she gives me the silliest excuses to get out of bed...
just be patient don't let her know she is getting to you and be consistant...
let me know k..
B. nicole marie

Hmm, it sounds like you've tried everything! Since you and your husband both have two jobs, I assume your daughter is in daycare full time. You might want to talk to the daycare provider and make sure she's not getting too much sleep during the day. That could keep her from being able to wind down in a timely manner at night. Good luck! --S.

Hi there. Maybe your 3 year old is not getting enough excersice; my 3 year old started staying up late as well till about 10- midnight at worse so i started making sure she was as active during the day as possible, as well as not letting her nap during the day any longer. Also i started watching the foods that she ate after 6 p.m. to make sure that she was not eating junk food or foods high in sugars. I also started making my dinner a bit later than normal so she would not want to snack for the rest of the night. Hope things get better for you soon.

T.

My now 4-1/2 yo was the same way: late bedtime and up every day at 6 am. What worked for me was realizing that the better her days were the better nights were. Also, if days the days were maddening, night terrors increased. It takes a lot for a child to close his eyes and "leave" Mom & Dad for twelve hours. Keep the emotional bond strong and she feels comfortable with bedtime and has even started sleeping until almost seven. :)

I, too, would agree with making sure naps are the right length. It's very easy to get caught up on your sleep with a long nap and get behind again at night.

:)