HELP My Pre-teen Son Is Driving Me Crazy Already!!!

Wow sounds familiar. My son is going through the same thing. So much attitude lately in our house as well. I wonder if it could be growing pains.

We recently put him into Karate Classes and that has helped some. I wish I had some great advice - just be consistent with any punishment that you put in place. Let him know first hand that his behavior isn't acceptible.

We have actually taken away "fun" outings do to behavior. That seems to wake him up at that moment. Regardless of growing pains though you have to set rules in place because if you don't you will regret it down the road.

Hope that helps..
C.
www.AHomeCareer.com

Hi T. - I have a son who just turned 13, a 6yo, and a 2.5yo, and I'm right with you. My son has picked up a crappy attitude, isn't keeping up with his homework (although his teachers tell us he's understanding it all), doesn't care about his grades, makes an argument out of everything. He's driving me nuts!! We talked to a counselor who said that it's the hormones, puberty, awareness of peers, etc. As another poster said, I've had to develop a huge sense of humor about it, learn to pick my battles, and just know that he'll settle down again. A friend sent me this joke and I laughed because it's so true!

A mother goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my son."

"How old is he?" the psychiatrist asked.

"He's 13," answered the mom.

"Well," said the doctor. "He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."

"How can you say all that without even meeting him?" asked the mother.

The psychiatrist answers: "Didn't you just say he was 13?"

Welcome to the club! I know it isn't funny at all, but I have learned I have to keep my sense of humor. I have a 12 year old son as well. One thing that has really helped me is talking to the other parents of boys in his school. I realize (again and again) that they are all "doing it" - whatever attitude or expression of frustration "it" may be. I have found that the more consistant we are and the less "room to slide" we give, the better his attitude is. Seriously limiting electronic entertainment (tv, games, etc) has also proven to be beneficial for most of us. (not fun when you start limiting, but...)
It has really helped that we are all on the same page with valuing respect. I think it does help when they see their friends are getting in trouble for the same disrespectful attitudes. One book that I have found that really helps is "The Key to Your Child's Heart" by Gary Smalley -

Good Luck - and don't forget to hug him.. even when you are ready to climb the walls out of frustration!

My advice is to make up a chart. On one side you will put his bad behaviors(lying, disrespectful comments, etc.) and on the other side you will put his privileges(going out with friends, ipod, cell phone, computer time, etc.) Post it where he can see it like in the kitchen. Anytime he starts running his mouth, or does whatever bad behavior that is unacceptable, simply walk over to the chart and cross off one of his privileges. When you do this, don't have a discussion or argument about what just happened. Just make sure he sees you cross it off. He will lose that privilege for one full weekend. It won't take him long to figure out how to behave if he wants to enjoy his young life. I have heard this several times on Dr. Laura with regards to pre-teens and teenagers, and tried it with my own son who is only 6, but it works for him. One example is, we recently bought a Star Wars Lego video game that we allow him to play a couple times a week for 30 minutes. Last week he mouthed off to me(I'm sure just testing his limits)so I crossed off playing the video game. Now, he's only 6, so he lost it for one day. He hasn't mouthed off to me since. With all the stuff kids have these days, just grounding him from fun outings may not be enough to wake him up. One more thought, because you mentioned his grades failing, I would also suggest that you find out with any means you have if he is doing drugs. They start really young now. If it means ordering an at home drug test online, that's what I would do. Then, on the spur of the moment, make him take the test. We can't be blind as parents, even if we know our kids would never do drugs. All it takes is one friend to ask him to try it, and he could be hooked. Good Luck!

My dad says that when I turned 12 the butt-head tape in my head came on without warning, and when I turned 17 it turned off. Still, I would have daddy spend lots of extra time with him, afterall he is the only one who can teach him to be a man.

Something is wrong. Did it start when the baby was born? He might need some extra love and assurance that he is loved. a sister is not a threat but a baby brother might. Check out who his friends are. Take him out by him self and make sure he knows he is loved. It might be good if your husband would pay him some extra special attention. Your son is crying for help.
One thing I tell my kids... "I fell in love with you the day you were born and never got over it." They love it even as old as they are. YOu might also talk to him about the wonderful feelings you had when he was born. How no one can replace your love for him. He will always be special because of who he is and he is your first born.
Good luck,
C. B

I am sooooo glad I'm not alone! My 11 year old son's mouth makes me want to break out my grandmother's recipe for backtalk- soap and a sponge on the tongue! I've restrained so far, and have to remind myself I don't want to sound like him so I pick my battles otherwise it turns into 2 kids arguing (me against him.) I hope love, patience and boundaries are enough. Plus I've turned my "Love and Logic" cd's into dust listening to them over and over and over and over........

11 1/2 - 12 yr old girls do this too. Can't wait for the process of puberty to be over, but then the kids are closer to being adults and 3 million tons of other issues to deal with.

I guess what I am saying is: "I am happy that what my 13 year old girl is suffering from, is going to be over soon." Just have to look forward to the monthly PMS that she will have when the puberty is over.(LOL)