I totally understand what you are going through, I also have a 13 year old son, soon to be 14! that went through some rough points. It got to the point were he got transfer to an alternate school to finish his 8th grade, for too many write-ups to the principals office. We have done just about everything possible, I had him enrolled in an IOP(intensive outpatient program) at Linden Oaks at Edward,(www.edward.org)they help us a lot! We also search his room for any clues that would help(putting everything back just the way it was,we had to choose our battles, fight over dads tools that he claim never took after we found them,or keep on looking for clues, you can't give yourself away) so we came upon his myspace password, we searched him out, and to our surprise it all started to make sense. We took all privileges away, but he has earned most of them back with the exception of the computer, he needs to be supervise, kids are very snicky, so I always set the alarm on, take the phones with me including his cell, at night time also they the computer keyboard and mousse. In our case I have always been more lenient and my live-in boyfriend of 7 yrs.has more of the black or white character, so it has been a struggled to set rules and to have them followed, but consistency and keeping our word seems to be working well for us now. Good luck!