Help My Just 4 Yr Old Negative Attitude and Negative Attention Seeking.

I have to answer just because I see a really dedicated mom trying to do her best and I am sure you are worn out. Don't worry about taking parenting mistakes back. We have all made them and much worse than yours. You are in the midst of one of the hardest times of your life and you need to cut yourself some slack. When we are young, we think kids are a blank slate and everything we do forms their personality but rest assured they come already wired! Let the past go and focus on the day. He has this personality and your best shot is going to be to mold it consistantly. Two years of molding is just a drop in the bucket, I am afraid to say. Don't compare him to others and don't compare you as a parent to others. Keep your eyes on the end prize of growing a great adult, you have 14 more years to be his example and to be consistant. Remember to encourage the good behavior. He sounds like he has a good brain that recognizes when he "isn't the best" and doesn't have the emotional maturity to handle his knowledge. Try giving him something personal to excell in. An individual sport like Tae Kwon Do would give him a physical outlet and a chance to compete against himself. Talk to the instructor about making it a confidence builder not a competition. Talk to him about his strengths and reward the smallest show of self-control and tell his teacher to do the same, as it is her biggest job also to make this little boy a shine in his own eyes around others. Some may suggest a bit of ADD but I wouldn't address that till later. It is just a hard time in his life and you are just the hero he needs to help him through it!
May God Bless You as you pray for His strength and wisdom.
B.

First I agree with the first writer you are a wonderful mother. And I mean wonderful. My first bit of advice would be to have this long heart to heart with your spouse. Read your letter to him and express your feelings. You mentioned he likes to tease a lot and throughout your letter you mentioned that your son immulates that same behavior quite often. It seems that you have a really smart little man. Remember they repeat a lot of our behavior. How many times have you heard them repeat something that you said :) I know I have. I don't claim to have the answers but I believe that talk would help and with changes you may see more positives.

OK what I see here is a small boy who not only has had to learn to share someone he had all to himself for 2 years but then got shuffled off somewhere to get him out of the way. I know this is not the case just putting myself in his shoes. Do not know if he attend daycare before your daughter arrived but in his eyes you have a new kid now and he is in the way and that will also explain why he does not want to do something unless he is the best. He is trying to earn you back. I am not saying you neglect him in anyway but to him it will feel that way. I just went through this with my 4 year old when my 2 year old grand daughter came for an extended visit and he got mean and ugly and very selfish he even wanted to quit going to school. He was affraid I was replacing him with her. I think I read you run up there when he has bad behavior? I think I would check with the school and see if there is an alternative to you coming up maybe a time out spot or something if he sees you are not going to jump and run when he acts up then it may stop this, maybe they could call when he is doing good in the class and doing his work and you could go up and tell him you heard he was doing a great job and wanted to see for yourself just how great it was and on the days he acts out when you pick him up poin tout to him that you were looking forward to coming to the school to see his great work again what happened and give him the chance to tell the story of why he did not behave then discuss options with him but keep it at just 2 no more no less the more choices you give them the more confussed and frustrated they will become and the behavior follows with that. At home do not give options, he is a very smart boy and will understand with a one time explanination, if you mess up something someone else is doing you will go to your room for 15 minutes and sit on your bed no toys nothing and everytime you play I will add a minute to your time. The very next time he acts out send him straight to his room no chances, when his time is up go to him hold him and explain the rule again making sure he understood why you sent him there and always end a punishment with a hug and a kiss and I Love YOU. I use a time out chair so he can see and hear what he is missing. If he is acting out for attention and you take the attention away and only give it for the good he will start having more good moments then bad. Walk away if he throws a fit and tell him that you will be back when he is done. I also have taught mine that when he gets real frustrated and feels like destroying something he runs to me and we hug real tight and I have a song I sing to him till he calms down, the teacher at his school has learned this also and holds him till he gets past it. He needs to know it is alright to get angry and upset but needs to use words to express this and never contridict his words when he does express himself. Hope some of this helps but there is no one good answer you just have to find your way and stick to it. You are a good mom and have done nothing more then love your child and that is never a bad thing.

I had issues with negative attitude and negative attention when my oldest was 3-4 years old. I read, how to behave so your child will too. Sorry I don't remember the authur. It was a great read. All I had to learn to fall thru with consiquences. I would always warn but not fall thru with the punishment. Changed that and things will improve. Good luck, I know how hard it can be with a smart strong willed little boy.

M.,
You sound like an excellent Mom to me and I urge you to stop blaming yourself. I don't think this behavior has anything to do with what you have done as a Mom.

There sounds like there is more going on to me. Depression and anxiety disorders can occur from birth. There are hints of Asbergers Syndrome in your story too. Unless your son is already on a medication that could be causing this temperament I would have him evaluated by a child psychiatrist. I don't have a recommendation and you don't have to rush into meds, but if this is a disorder you could make a huge difference for your child. He could be happy!

I know "disorder" sounds scary, but in your heart it sounds like you know something is off. Why not check it out? Ask the Mama's for a good recommendation or call Scottish Rite Hospital and see what they say. The earlier you help your boy the sooner he can get on with a happy childhood. Aka......a happy ending.

My Best,
P.