Help/ My Daughter Won't Eat Unless It's What She Wants.

My son was this way and another mom mentioned having them take "thank-you bites." What we do is if I know I'm making something he doesn't like, I'll make something else (like frozen chicken nuggets) but if it's a situation where he just doesn't want to eat it, he has to eat 1 bite less than his age. It stops at 10-so he's 4 now and he has to eat 3 thank you bites, which is thanking me for the meal I've made. Only if he eats a "good" amount can he have dessert, but if he eats his thank you bites he's allowed to get down and have nothing else for the rest of the evening (or if it's lunch, until dinner). He was doing much better with only having to eat 3 thank you bites (we started it when he was 3, so then he only had to eat 2) and he started being willing to eat more as far as amount and variety. If I make something I know he doesn't like, about every 3rd or 4th time I make him try it, and he's actually started eating some of those as well. It's made mealtimes much more pleasant for us! He still takes forever to eat, and is still picky, but it's gotten a LOT better.

On occasion we have had food battles with my son. When he refuses to finish eating what is served (and we know it is something he likes), that is all he gets. If a reasonable amount of time has passed, and he still has not eaten it, we let him get up from the table with the clear understanding that he will have nothing else to eat until he finishes what he didn't eat. Usually I make him go back about a 1/2 hour later, and he always eats it fairly quickly like it's no big deal. He completely understands there will be nothing else to eat unless he finishes his meal. Good luck!

S., I believe every parent goes through this. I have an autistic 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son and a husband who are all picky eaters. With the children, we just offer food and if they eat, great. If they don't, they won't starve. They will eat when they get hungry. I've had to cut out afternoon snacking so they will eat their dinner. We eat dinner really late so they are hungry and if I let them snack, they won't eat what is served for dinner. Don't worry. Kids have this mechanism that when they are hungry, they will eat. They won't let themselves starve when they know there is food available. Like Kate said, just offer food and if they don't eat it then they go hungry. Plain and simple. Hope this lifts your spirits. God Bless.

Kids an be frustrating because they are stubborn! When I took over as step mom I tried to change their bad eating habits - it was a nightmare - tears at dinner every night. I made something and that was all they would get - whereas in their previous environment they were catered to and would have 'kid-friendly' meals like lunchables or macaroni and cheese. I would make great meals and they did not even want to try it - they were so close minded it drove me crazy. The way I dealt with it is I would not give them another option to eat something else, and I would not let them eat in between meals - they got maybe one snack a day and it was small so I knew they would be hungry. We sat around the table so they would see us eating it and feel like part of the family and see a good example set by me and my DH. They used to eat by themselves at their own table....eating together is a better way to show them what is expected of them. I also used dessert as incentive - they could get a dessert if they ate ALL their food...BUT if they did not want to eat all of it, they had a minimum amount of bites. I would say - you will be hungry later if you don't finish, so you have to take 4 bites and then you can be excused. It is mostly a power struggle - especially since you know she likes spaghetti! She is trying to force the issue and see what she can get away with and can see you're frustrated and is hoping you will eventually give in - my DSD was the same way - she REFUSED to eat dinner on Christmas Eve - even with incentive of a present after her 4 bites! So, she had to sit there till she ate it...and no presents till then. I was afraid she might win because the rest of my family was waiting for presents as well and dinner had long been over....she would not eat her bites, so I made her sit at the table...then I tried to help her eat her bites, but she refused, so I put her in the corner for 4 minutes, but she still refused - she went back to the corner - this happened probably 3 or 4 times - and she would kick and cry and throw a tantrum on the floor because she was not getting her way (she was 4 years old at this point). FINALLY, she ate the four bites because I would not give in - it was around 45 minutes later. She NEVER had another tantrum again - she realized I was not going to give in and I was the boss and she could not manipulate me - she ate her 4 bites and she got to open her present. She even came up to me later and thanked me for helping her eat her 4 bites. Since that one day she has been a GREAT eater and even enjoys cooking with me and is excited when I make the same meals she used to turn down. She has a great attitude about health and eating, etc. I had to endure a few months of crying and then that one tantrum, but it was worth it because we enjoy wonderful family meals now with no trouble. Good luck!

I haven't read any of the other responses, so I am sorry if I repaet. First, You are in charge, not your child. Second, children will rarely starve themselves, as long as she is going to the bathroom, there is little need to worry. Third, this is a stage that will be repeated over and over again. Pick your battles, she may be testing to see what you do; will you give in and make her something?, will you all be miserable while she stares at cold food? My daughter is a grazer, she snacks on mainly healthy food all day long, so I know she is eating, sometimes she is just too full. Remember, their stomachs are about the size of their fists. Is this a fight that you need to have, or just a power struggle between the two, again something repeated as they get older. I make one meal, eat it, don't eat it, but if you get hungry later you get cereal.

Hi

My son has been a selective eater since he was 15 months old , will not eat fruit , veggies , pasta BUT does love his carbs like bread , crackers , coated chicken , pancakes , fries (you get the picture. Anyway when he was almost 4 I was fed up with cooking seperate meals for him and him suffering from constipation so we took him to see a eating team at Children's in DC , anyway what the specialist told us to do was the following.

Don't make a fuss or try to force feed

Give them their food and if they don't eat it take it away and offer nothing else

If they ask to try something then let them and make a big fuss if they do it but say nothing if they don't

Is there anything that has changed recently? Like new preschool , house move , new baby. If so this could be a reason why she is acting up , also if she loves her snacks and they are things like fruit then still let her have them , just maybe cut down the quantity , I would def not let her have the cookies or goldfish or things like that , you will be surprised at how little food can fill them up , also juice can make them feel full. A child won't starve themselves , so you just need to be firm and she will give in eventually , if you get to the stage where she is losing noticeable weight then that is a whole different matter and you would need to see the Dr but given her age I'd say it's more of an attention thing , whether it's good or bad attention that she is getting.

Oh 1 other point we were told at the hospital was never let a meal time last longer than 20 mins , if after that time she is still not eating then take it away....she will learn!

Good luck

K.

She's testing you to see how how bad you want her to eat it and the worse you want it the least the chances are she will do it. What i suggest is offer her breakfast lunch and dinner. Give her a time limit to eat it. If she doesn't eat it throw it away. Tell her if you throw it away than she doesn't get anything else until the next meal. Stick to it. Don't make acceptation to the rules. Every time. What i do is give her until I'm not that way she feels the amount of time is fair and you do too. She has much less than you and should eat it in at least as much time as you. The snacks between meals are a reward for eating her meal which is good for her. But most children don't eat dinner. So don't be amazed if dinner isn't eating very well. Make sure dinner is a small meal because dinner is always the meal children don't eat. Don't back down and don't save food and say She might want it later she MIGHT pick on it and she might not but you don't want her to get the idea she can eat when she wants and how she wants. Good luck We had the same trouble with out daughter who is now 7 yrs old.

My friend had this same issue with her 3 year old and I remember her telling me how fed up she was getting. For a while, she made a rule...the kid could have what they were having or a PB&J sandwich (which the kid liked of course). That was it, those were the choices. Of course, for a couple weeks, the kid wanted only the PB&J. But after a while, the kid got bored and started slowly eating the other food too. And then, the crisis was over after a few weeks. I think her tolerence was that she was 3 and she would humor her, but if her kiddo was a year or two older, she wouldn't have tried that. Good luck!

I have a preteen daughter who has always been a selective eater and has low blood sugar. Which means that throughout her life we have struggled to learn about food balance because, she doesn't eat what she doesn't want to eat and then she has mood swings and gets emotional and we all suffer. By helping her learn how to keep her blood sugar level constant she is able to make better choices and eat as needed and then at meal time can be a pleasant and participating part of the family. What I am saying is, your daughter may actually benefit from 5 smaller meals or 3 medium meals and 2 small meals paced throughout the day. Just keeping portion sizes realistic. I sometimes offer too much or too many choices and my kids get overwhelmed and don't/can't choose anything. We used to make a game out of food choices: you need 3 grains and 4 proteins and 5 vegetables or fruits today, what can we choose to meet these requirements (I just made up those numbers check http://www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/index.html for tips and helpful ways to get kids involved in food choices). We even made copies of charts and each day we put stickers on what we did eat and toward the end of the day the selection of what was left to eat came from the remaining choices on the chart. Weight Watchers actually used to do something like this for grown ups who needed to learn or be reminded about eating a well rounded diet not just from one or two food groups. Reviewing with her all the different foods that qualify for each category of food groups is a fun exercise in remembering how to diversify as well as introducing new foods. We joke that our daughter likes food that is white (noodles, bread, bananas, chicken, cherrios, milk, pancakes, etc.) and red/orange (tomato sauce, mandarin oranges, squash, the healthy-ish organic spaghettios, etc.) We are not great on greens but we continue to challenge ourselves and I keep offering and she has learned to at least taste, with 3 bites after that she can choose to not eat it, and she usually chooses to not eat it. We do a lot of Taste Tests in our house. Which of these 7 brands of apples is our favorite. Which tomato sauce do we like. Once we had a foundation we built on it. Now my kids argue over who gets more Cascadian Farms frozen winter squash and my daughter enjoys spaghetti squash smothered in her favorite tomato sauce. She likes artichokes because they are fun to eat and fresh green beans with olive oil and salt to dip in (the way she liked to eat bread at an Italian restaurant). We are constantly redefining our rhythm and what works. Having a picky eater keeps me on my toes for being creative, healthy and in balance and not pulling my hair out. Good Luck!

Maybe I'm naive, but I've never seen an anorexic 3 yo. I say that to say I have not intention on being a short order cook and don't advise you to be one either. If she doesn't want to eat, fine. Don't eat. That will only last so long before she eats what you make. That's not to say that you should force her to eat something that she genuinely doesn't like. But, I wouldn't give her anything other than what everyone else is having. And, if there is one thing on the plate she doesn't like - fine don't eat it, but she eats the rest.

I have the same issue - she is 2 and boy is it hard to feed her. There are times where she eats her meal and I get excited and cook her the same meal few days later and she won't touch it. There are usually either sick (loses her apetite), teething, or just want to play. I found that if we play her favorite show on TV, then she will get distracted and we can spoon feed her. Sometimes I start with something she likes like yougart and spoon feed her as she is watching TV and then slip in the food. I tell you, it does not work all the time and is VERY frustrating but hang in there. Have you discused it with your pediatricion?