Help! My Daughter Is in Grade 11, She Wants to Switch Schools After One Day.

Hi, got to love teenagers huh!!! Tell her that this is a life lesson. That you don't always get what you want and unfortunely things aren't as they always seem. Sometimes you have to do what you don't like, be it a job, or a task, or school. Tell her to give it an amount of time that you are comfortable with. If she still doesn't like it, then you will look into some place else.

Also, I would try to talk to her and the school. Something must have happened that she doesn't like the school after just one day. Unless she is prone to this type of behavior, (having an attitude about things) then I would believe something probably did happen. Is there a friend there you can talk to that goes to school with her?
Good luck and hang in there.

One day doesn't sound like a good enough reason to switch schools. Especially the first day of school that comes with a lot of anxiety for everyone! Besides, there are preppy kids at every school. I would make her wait it out awhile and then see if it's worth it to her to tell you what the real problem is. She probably has not thought it through either...about making new friends, being the "new" kid...etc.

I'd say make her stick it out till second semester and then if she still hates it that much (or before then if she can come up with a reasonable explanation as to why she wants to go somewhere else so badly) then you can talk about switching schools. Good luck. I gave my mom hell at that age. It gets better eventually.
J.

Several thoughts on this situation.

I do not feel that switching school is bailing your child out.

I do not think a person needs to experience a situation that is bad for a long time to recognize that it is bad.

If your child spend a fulls semester in a school before switching, they will then be forced to adjust to a new school as the new kid. Switching now will allow her to fit right in with all the kids.

16 is a young 11th grader. I have to assume your child is bright, able to navigate her life, and could use a little support if she feels a situation is bad. Do you NEED her to tell you what the problem is before you support her?

Those that claim that life is full of people we don't get along with and should just accept it should possibly think of things a bit different. If WE didn't accept those that were not easy to get along with, maybe they would be forced by peer pressure to CONFORM to being a better person that is more easy to get along.

What age do you THINK a child should have the right to determine their own fate? We are supposed to be raising self confident soon to be adults. A 16 year old, 11th grader, should have the right to make some choices on their own life.

If you were paying for the school (such as college) and your child said that they could not learn in this environment, would you continue to pay the college so you were not bailing her out and force her to learn to get along? Put a price tag on this situation and see if it is still worth it for you to continue to fight over it.

My children are in a digital academy and I love it. They are free to move through school at a pace that they set for themselves, and each of them are 2 full grade levels above their age. They are not embarrassed by other children to feel foolish for learning or forced to think of what their clothing cost is compared to their studies.

Last thought, teen suicide is VERY HIGH. While I don't think we need to give in to every demand a child wants, I do think that we need to support our children with decisions on they should be able to make for their lives. I do not think we should force them to ENDURE until they no longer feel they can endure and decide to END it instead.

Hope that you and your child are able to work this out, and that it makes the relationship you have together stronger.

You need to not just taking her word because her emotions are involved and she may be overreacting. You need to set up a meeting with the guidance department to get them involved. She may need to talk to someone (counselor) to work through whatever is stressing her. If we always bail our kids out then they never learn how to manage these situations. I'm not saying to leave out to dry but encourage her to talk to the adults at the school. Work with the school first. I would give it a semester. Unless there is some security or safety issue I would try to wait until the semester. And don;t let her do it alone. SHe needs to know you are there for her but again don't bail. Help equip her to handle what is going on. You don;t say if it is a private or public school. SOme private schools may have high standards and some kids can't handle the stress. Talk to the school.

Do you have any friends with daughters in another school? It would be good for her to hear that all schools have their "preppy","snobby" kids. Her changing schools would get her away from one batch into another. Remind her that she would have NO friends at this new school and would be starting from scratch. At 11th grade, that may be harder for her than dealing with the preppy kids. Remind her that when she gets in the real world as an adult she may get a great job where the preppy kids have now turned into preppy adults and perhaps are just as difficult to deal with. What will she do then hop from job to job? This is a valuable life lesson for her to stick it out and learn to cope and stick to her belief systems. WE have to cope and adjust all the time as adults and she almost is one. Just bring yourself and your experiences into it. Current ones that she can relate to...people who aren't nice at your job, church, social environmnet, yet you choose to stay there. Good Luck!!!

Hi, H.,

Although I was a bright student, and I loved learning, I HATED (and I cannot capitalize that enough!) school. Because of my name (which was the same as a nearby school for the retarded) and my voice (nasal because of my allergies to ragweed and such), I was humiliated, ridiculed, set up for practical jokes, etc. my entire HS life. Though you think one should be able to "get over it" after HS is over, it is not that easy. Those experiences stay with you for life, and it takes a long time to lose all of the emotional barriers you put up as a result of it. (For example, I can remember the exact moment that I finally told someone my last name without cringing, bracing myself for the mean laughter that always followed. I was 31 years old.)

So, IF it were my daughter, I would have a heart to heart with her, be very open to listening (not talk or interrupt while she's trying to express herself) and then see if there is anything she can try to solve any issues. If she doesn't feel she can, then I would absolutely start now to find another option for schooling. Another school, or homeschooling, if that's possible for you.

If she is anything like me, she will thank you the rest of her life for it.

Blessings,
J.

Hi H.,

I encourage you to stick to your guns on this one. Unless there is a safety issue or the school is not up to par with your high academic standards for your child you cannot allow her to change schools now drop out. I know that she is 16 but she is still a minor and you as her parent have full control. You have to let her know that switching schools simply because of the social climate is counterproductive and throughout her life she may not like a certain group but she can't let that stifle her future. I know it may be difficult but we have to teach our children to stick and not run.
I pray this helps.....

At least look at some alternatives for her. If she is wanting to switch schools, I am willing to bet that something did happen. If she is having trouble at school, she needs to know that she has your support at home... even if she ends up staying at the school she is at, she will know that you will do what you can to help her when she needs it. I had a LOT of trouble in high school - being harrassed and picked on (and occasionally threatened) for no real reason. We did not have "enough" money for me to fit in. I hated my high school years, moved away as fast as I could after school and somehow ended up back here. Now I am terrified to let my boys attend school in the same town because we don't have a lot of money, and I fear them being picked on too. Mom was not on my side when I wanted to switch schools, so I went to the counselors myself. I found out that I would have to attend an entire extra year if I switched. I thought it would be worth it, but my mom wouldn't go for it, so I had to suffer through it. I personally don't think I gained anything from going through that, so if she is persistent, work with her. Maybe after a while she will tell you what happened to spark this need to change schools. I don't know if you have ever seent he Lifetime movie "Odd Girl Out" but when I watched it, I cried non-stop until it was over, then cried some more. It brought back so many bad memories and I am so glad we did not have the internet back then!

Have you checked into homeschool programs like OHDELA or OVA let her know these are some options, but then she would also be away from her friends at school. Just so you know these ar both free programs. They are public school at home with accredited teachers. If you want some information you can look them up and there is no obligation to call and ask what ever questions you may have. Untill you decide what is best for her I would keep her in the school though.

You probably know your child best. It is, obviously hard to discern what is wrong. My gut feeling would be, to think something is bothering her. It could be trivial or not. This can be a very difficult time for a child. Many middle and high schoolers suffer from depression. I would urge you to talk with a counselor and make an appointment for her or both of you. She may feel helpless and talking with someone that can show her options would help her. Good luck, it is heart breaking when your children unhappy.

if she can switch it's worth letting her do it just so she can enjoy this time. some schools offer a distance learning program, where they aren't actually in the classroom every day, or if there is another school she can attend locally that's an easy enough thing to do. or there are a lot of good e-schools out there that can even help her get college credit early, just like in a real public school. there are choices and lots of them.

you can't always run away from a situation just because people are mean or you don't like it, but would you stay at a job where you were harrassed, or teased, or hated it, or would you look for another job where you were happy?

meet her halfway, look into the options, while she continues to stay in school where she is, see if things change, and if not discuss the options, pros and cons with her. and make the choice together.

good luck

i was like that when i was in high school only 4 years ago. someting did happen to me but i never told anyone i just wanted to change schools. so my parents went to the school and talked to my teachers. then came home and we sat down and talked. i have to give them a 5 page letter on why i wanted to change schools. well come to say i tried to write that paper but i could not come up with a good idea why to change so i gave up and finished school. i would not say to do this but i would say make sure you sit down and talk with her it may be something as small as a boy she likes to hating a teacher or anything.

YOU are the parent and in CHARGE, not her. On top of that, she needs to learn to give things a chance. Talk about things in a week, two weeks and go from there.

I would ALSO talk to her and let her know you're going to talk to the guidance counselor and let him/her know about her concerns. This way, this is NOT a one sided, her opinion only deal. You need some input from school staff as to what is tolerated, what is not, how issues are handled, etc.

In addition, this would be a PERFECT time to talk to her about how to handle difficult situations, etc. You cannot control what other people do or think, ONLY YOUR OWN ACTiONS AND THOUGHTS. THEREFORE, do what you need to do to maintain integrity, maturity, responsibility, etc. and whatever the other kids do is THEIR problem, NOT hers.

I had an experience my 11th grade year and begged my mom to let me switch schools. She would not let me and she should have. I was being harassed by the senior years, a year ahead fo me. It was totally traumatic and it ruined my high school memories. Maybe she does have a reason and she's not willing to share it. I think you should let her switch. If it makes her have a happier last two years of school, why not? That is what I would do with my children. First hand, I know how terrible it is to be harrassed/teased, whatever.

You might try and find out what is really going on and let her know you really are concerned. Maybe if you get the full picture, you may feel the way she does about the situation.

Good luck.

H. - It sounds like there is some information missing here. Such as did you move and this is her first year at this school? Is it the same school she was a sophomore? If it is the same school and she was happy last year then something has changed and you need to find out what's up. If is a new school talk to her find out what she doesn't like. High School is a very tough time for a lot of kids and they are miserable. I think you should have a good chat and actually listen to your daughter. If it is an issue that can be resolved great. If not or if try and do not if there is open enrollment I would let her try to get into one of the other schools. It is important that she knows you listen to her and her feelings matter and that you are willing to work with her to figure something out. Perhaps the digital school in Ohio would work better. But I know you are the parent but sometimes you can't say your staying because I said so. A parent can also be the parent and help work out the issues. She will appreciate it for the rest of her life.

Hi H., My 15 year old 10th grade daughter said the same thing when she came home from her first day of school. For her the situation was the she and her best friend for the past couple of years were on the outs, and her other best friend transferred to a private school. She said school was boring and wanted to transfer.

I told her that there are situations throughout life where you are in places you don't want to be, and that she'd have to work through it and give school a chance.

Well, we're into the 3rd week of school now. She has made up with her best friend. She still thinks school is boring, but hasn't said anything more about changing schools. She's adjusting just like we talked about.

Not that I'm an expert by any means, but my experience with my teenage daughter has been that she reacts from her emotions right away, then given time to think about things, settles down and decides things more rationally. My husband's and my job as parents is to help her understand that she can't trust her emotions alone, and to help her work through her emotions to determine the best course of action.

No answers for you, but maybe some 'misery loves company' sharing. I hope it works out for you both not matter what you end up deciding.